Things settled into a comfortable sort of routine for Paul and Kelly. Jeffrey idolized James as much as ever, and the time the boys spent together gave their parents plenty of time to get to know each other again. It was a process, but it was one that Paul was content with. Though he didn’t expect Kelly to be so forgiving, he certainly wasn’t complaining with the way she cozied up to his side when they took their sons to the park, or on some other ventures of sorts. Things couldn’t be better, as far as the blue-eyed man was concerned.
Which is why, when James burst through the door in something of a tizzy, Paul could only wonder what was wrong. The boys had been out playing, as was the norm for them. Paul hadn’t quite gotten ready to face the day as of that moment, so he had sent James ahead to tell the neighbors that he would be over as soon as he got dressed. However, James’ face was flushed, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes as he slammed the front door shut behind him. Paul rushed over to him, crouching in front of his son and reaching out to touch his shoulder.
“Are you alright, little man?” He inquired gently, brushing the tears away from his son’s eyes. James wasn’t one to get upset easily, at least, not upset to the point of tears. He managed to remain more stoic than his father on most days, at least as far as negative emotions went. When James was upset, however, it was like a hurricane striking the shore with gale force winds. His body shook with barely repressed anger, and he reached up to wipe his eyes in frustration.
“Jeffrey is upset with me,” James said bluntly, slipping past his father to sink into the couch. Paul raised a brow, following his son with his eyes. It certainly didn’t sound like the younger boy to be upset with his older brother figure, but Paul knew things were rarely as cut and dry as they may have seemed. Breathing a sigh, Paul strode towards the couch, dropping into a crouch in front of his young son. He had hoped James might have settled down a bit once he got away from the situation, whatever the situation may have been. However, James only seemed even more upset than when he’d stepped through the door.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Paul inquired, gently. James met his father’s gaze, bottom lip trembling. He seemed to weigh his options, shaking his head and averting his eyes. Paul tilted his head curiously, reaching out to ruffle the young boy’s hair. James shifted away from his father, obviously trying very hard to rein in his emotions. It seemed to be working, if just barely. “Why don’t you wanna talk to me?” Paul pressed a bit, careful to make sure his son didn’t break altogether. James chuckled hollowly, wiping his eyes again. The boy seemed all the more frustrated by his own tears, and the fact that no matter what he did, they didn’t seem to slow.
“I don’t think Jeffrey would want me to tell you guys about it,” James muttered, wringing his hands together. “He might be mad at me, but he’s still my friend. I don’t… I don’t want to rat him out,” he continued, moving to shift off of the couch. Paul rose to his full height, crossing his arms over his chest as he dutifully considered his son. James moved to shift past his father, but Paul clapped a hand down on his shoulder to stop him.
“What did you guys get in a fight over?” Paul demanded, his tone leaving little room for argument. James sought to exploit what little room there was, however.
“It’s none of your business, Dad. It’s just… stuff. Just stuff,” the boy asserted, his voice hitching in spite of himself. The blue-eyed man fought to ignore the pang in his heart, resisting the desire to simply let his son slip away.
“If this is something I need to approach Kelly about,” Paul began, only for James to erupt into fresh tears. The boy buried his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking from the force of his sobs. The father’s eyes widened dramatically, and he scooped the boy up into his arms in spite of any protests. “Son, please. Just talk to me,” he implored.
“Miss Carpenter isn’t going to want to see you, either. I really screwed up, Dad. I was… I was just asking Jeffrey if he knew anything about his dad, and he got really upset. I tried to make him feel better, but he was just so… angry! He didn’t even seem to be angry at me, just… the fact that he didn’t know his dad, you know?” James paused, gasping in a deep breath.
“Why would that make his mother not want to see me?” Paul muttered, though he had a bit of a sinking suspicion regarding the whole situation. James hesitated, burying his face in his father’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Dad. Miss Carpenter seemed to think that you had put me up to it. You know, asking about Jeff’s dad. I tried to tell her it wasn’t anything like that, but she told me to leave. Before I left, I heard her tell Jeff to stay away from both of us. He tried to argue with her, but I left before I was able to hear the end of it,” James explained, weakly. Paul inhaled a quaking breath, his worst suspicions confirmed in that moment. It seemed Kelly was less confident in their relationship than she seemed. Then again, he couldn’t entirely blame her. He had been the one to drive the wedge so deeply between them.
“Don’t worry, kiddo. I’ll go talk to Miss Carpenter, and we’ll work things out. I know it stinks that you have to suffer for what I’ve done in the past, but…,” Paul was cut short as James pushed away from him.
“I’m not suffering, Dad! It’s Jeff! I want him to be okay. I know we’re not really brothers, but it… it feels like we are. We even joke about being brothers from another mother. He adores you, and I really like Miss Carpenter, but I just don’t think it’s fair that Jeff is the odd one out in all of this,” the boy said, desperately. Paul gently sat him on the floor, drawing away to look him in the eye.
“I’m going to talk to her. You stay inside and play some video games or something. I’m sure it’s something that can be easily talked through,” Paul murmured, although his gut instinct told him it wouldn’t be nearly as easy as he would like. In spite of his obvious doubt, James nodded his head and retreated upstairs. He paused midway up, turning to look at his father as Paul shuffled towards the door.
“Don’t get him in any more trouble, alright Dad?” He called out. Paul smiled rather sadly, shaking his head to himself.
“I’ll do what I can, little buddy,” he called back, pushing through the front door and out into the deceptively beautiful day. As he began the venture to the neighboring yard, he could see Jeffrey out front, bouncing a ball up and down in his hands. Sadness seemed to radiate from his entire tiny being, and it was all Paul could do not to rush forward and try to comfort the boy. Before he could do as much, however, Kelly stepped out the front door. She was dressed in a nice little sundress, though her eyes carried a weariness that dampered what could have been a cheerful expression. She approached Jeffrey, speaking quietly to him and resting a hand on his shoulder.
“Mom, he didn’t… Mr. Stalone didn’t,” Jeffrey sputtered, tears streaming down his cheeks. It seemed he was even more upset than James had been, which was a feat in and of itself.
“Don’t defend him, Jeffrey. Now, go inside and watch the television for a bit,” she paused, raising her eyes towards Paul. He belatedly realized that she had already noticed his presence, in spite of how sneaky he may have thought he had been. “I’m going to speak to Mr. Stalone, and we’re going to need some privacy,” she said. The young boy glanced towards Paul, a pleading look in his eye. Paul waved a hand, trying to give the boy some assurance that things would work out for the best. However, he still had doubts of his own that he couldn’t shake, an uncomfortable weight settling in his chest as Kelly ushered her son inside.
“Kelly, you have to know, this is all just a big misunderstanding,” Paul said carefully, approaching her from behind. She turned narrowed eyes upon him, the betrayal in her eyes shining in a wounded glimmer. She appeared tired, more exhausted than he had seen her in some time. He could relate to her weariness to an extent, especially considering their sons had been compromised in this entire situation. “I would never ask James…,” he tried to continue, but she held up a hand to silence him.
“I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, Paul. When you approached me after the incident at the restaurant, I thought you were sincerely sorry. I thought you could change. I really did. I had hoped you would be the man I remembered and loved,” she murmured, a single tear rolling down her cheek. As much as Paul longed to reach out and brush it away, he kept his hands stilled at his sides. It was obvious that the woman had much more to say, and he was intent upon letting her get it all off of her chest before he tried to resolve things. However, he couldn’t let her carry on with the belief that he was the same man that had disappeared all those years ago.
“Kelly, sweetheart, you know I’ve changed. If I was the man I was when I abandoned you all those years ago, would I be here apologizing?” He implored, reaching out to her in spite of his gut instinct to refrain. She didn’t immediately draw away, allowing him to touch her cheek. She seemed to revel in the touch for a moment, allowing her eyes to flutter shut as she took in the sensation of his touch. For a moment, Paul thought he may have won her over. When her eyes opened again, however, there was steely resolve reflected in them. She drew away from him, crossing her arms over her chest.
“I’m not sure what you expect from me, Paul. When you were just putting my feelings on the line, I could live with that. I’ve been hurt before, I’ve forgiven you before. If it had just been my own emotions in question, I would forgive you a thousand times over. But you have to understand something too. This is my son who’s been dragged into all of this. Your son has been dragged into it as well, and it’s… it’s not right. I know you’re unable to trust me, with this idea that I was with someone else the moment you left, but…,” she trailed off, averting her gaze.
“I can learn to live with the fact that you loved someone else. I’m trying my damndest, Kelly! I love you, and can’t bear the idea of anyone else having touched you, but I’m trying to make this work. You have to believe me,” Paul gritted out. “Why on Earth would I deepen our wounds by sending my son to do my dirty work. You can’t think I’m such a bad father that I would drag him into my own shortcomings,” he continued, crossing his arms defensively.
“I want to believe you. You have to consider the facts I’m being faced with, though. You’ve been nothing but upset about Jeffrey’s father. You don’t even know who his father is, you’re just angry at the concept that I didn’t agonize and wait for you. But the truth is that I did agonize, Paul. I spent every waking moment missing you,” Kelly said, assertively. Paul flinched at the ferocity of her tone, but stood his ground, unwilling to break away from the conversation so easily.
“You know I would never hurt Jeffrey on purpose. He can’t help what happened between us, and he’s certainly not to blame for his father’s actions. I think of the kid as one of my own, Kelly. The thought of him being upset is nearly as heartbreaking as seeing James burst through the door in tears. I may have let my emotions get the better of me, but surely you can’t think so little of me. I care deeply about our sons,” Paul said weakly, reaching up to brush a tear away from his eye.
Kelly seemed to grow exceedingly uncomfortable with the direction the conversation had taken, though Paul couldn’t quite discern why. Her body language was obvious, and it was clear that she was trying to ignore her fight or flight instincts. He stepped towards her, trying to make himself as intimidating as possible. However, she jerked away from him, her eyes growing wide as she seemed to get trapped in her own mind.
“I could have forgiven you. I could have. But I’m not willing to put my son on the line for you. You think you know what’s best for me, hell, you even think you know what’s best for my son. But you have no idea what we’ve been through, you can’t begin to fathom what it’s been like raising him alone. I’m all he has, and he may never come to know his father. I had my hopes, but those have begun to fade,” Kelly said, her voice heavy with emotion.
It was all Paul could do to keep from drawing her into his arms and never letting go. It was all he could do to accept that she simply didn’t seem to want him anymore. As much as he wanted to clarify that it was all a big misunderstanding, it seemed that the woman had already made up her mind. Bitterness crept up inside him, and he balled his hands into fists at his side. He wasn’t prepared to give her up again; not after so long of aching and longing for her. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye.
“Kelly… please. Just give me a chance. I’m being completely honest when I say I could care less regarding who Jeff’s real father is. Like I said, I’ve come to think of him as my own son. Why would you tear us… all of us apart, over this misunderstanding? Can you not fathom that I’ve actually changed? Can’t you give me a chance?” Paul pleaded, all but dropping down to his knees in front of the woman. Her expression shifted from fear to anger, and she took a step away from him before turning away.
“I’ve given you plenty of chances. It’s not my fault you squandered them away,” she said, coolly.
“Our sons aren’t at fault either! Why should they have to suffer because of our missteps? Why should James lose his best friend, his little brother? Why should Jeffrey have to give up on ever seeing his idol again. I don’t understand why you’re making such a big deal of this!” Paul shouted, throwing his hands up angrily. Kelly stiffened, and he thought he might have pressed her just enough to have her at least look him in the eye again.
“Go home, Paul. I need to take care of my son, and I suggest you do the same,” she said quietly, her voice breaking though she refused to look at him. Paul was helpless to do anything but watch as she strode away, slipping out of reach for what seemed the rest of their lives. He knew that it was unlikely that she could afford to move over this blowout, and it pained him to think that he would have her so close, yet so far from him. More than anything, it hurt so deeply to know that his mistrust had blown up in his face. It hadn’t just harmed him, it had hurt everyone he had come to care for. Faced with that mistrust, turned upon himself?
He couldn’t hold Kelly’s feelings against her. He had made his doubts very clear, regarding her feelings for him. Now that the tables had been turned, he couldn’t deny that it was a pain unlike any other. Exhaling a resigned breath, he turned towards his house and walked what seemed the longest trek of his life. Though it was only a few feet, he had no idea what he would say to his son. He had no means of explaining how everything had gone so wrong, over a simple misunderstanding. Paul wanted to think he could explain it away as a ‘grown up’ issue, something James couldn’t understand at the young and innocent point he was at in his life. However, it was just a bandage on an open, weeping wound.
Explaining away the situation wouldn’t bring back the friendship he had formed with the boy next door. Saying that they couldn’t understand the situation, when he himself felt as lost as ever, would do little but obscure the truth of the matter. Paul had messed up, for the last time it seemed.
As he stepped through the front door of his home, the sounds of his son’s video game stopping abruptly, he wondered how he could have ruined what could have been such a perfect relationship. However, all he could figure was that his chances had been ruined, long ago.