Natalie

 

I never speak a word to him as we deplane. It doesn’t go by unnoticed that we left Santa Barbara early. He kept telling me over and over while we were at the office earlier this week that it was going to be me and him until Friday night. That we were going to take the time out to be with one another. How is a girl not supposed to get things twisted when the person she’s intimate with says things like that?

Yes, I knew from the beginning he wasn’t going to go any further than sex. But, when he kept spouting that shit, it started confusing me, making me believe that maybe he was ready for things to go further. It turns out, I’m the biggest fool imaginable. 

Exiting the plane, I try not to react to the hand he puts on my lower back to steady me as we make our way down the stairs. As we get to the bottom, I release a pent up breath I didn’t realize I’m holding.

With a thud, I see Chuck let my suitcase drop down onto the tarmac. Giving him a fake smile, his eyes soften toward me with something akin to sadness before he lightly pats me on my shoulder in a loving gesture.

It’s hard not to see that by some chance he knows what’s going on, because when Keith holds his hand out to shake it, Chuck rebuffs him and walks off muttering something about jackasses under his breath. It brings a tiny genuine smile to my face to think that Chuck is on my side because Keith’s being a dick.

Quickly taking my phone out of my purse, I power it on to see a voicemail awaiting me. Placing it to my ear, I feel relief when I hear it’s the cab company I called earlier this evening before we left the hotel. I’d rather do anything else than ride with him to my apartment right now—walk, hitchhike—it doesn’t matter.

I need space, he needs space, and I need to get my head back on right before I have to be into work in the morning.

“This way,” his low gravelly voice inserts, trying to shuffle me toward his car and one surly Dalton. More than likely, it’s due to him having to be at the airport at close to three am.

Shaking my head, I dig my heels in and look up at him as his eyebrow furrows in confusion. “No, I’ll find my own way home tonight.” Swallowing the ball of emotion clogging my throat, I choke out. “Thank you for everything.”

It’s like my words cut him to the quick. His eyes instantly soften, and something akin to regret and pain flash through his chocolatey orbs.

I try to keep the tears at bay; to resist letting them fall quietly down my face in front of the man that hurt me so deeply. From the way his eyes gaze into mine, I know he sees the pain I’m in right now. Any fool would be able to. But, there’s nothing he nor I can do about it now. What’s done is done, and the only thing we can do is look to the future.

To some it may sound as if I’m saying goodbye forever, and maybe I should be. But, even though things didn’t work out between him and me, I still need this job. It may hurt more than death to see his smiling face every day, but I refuse to allow our failed attempt of intimacy to cost me a job, that’s just unethical.

“Natalie,” he pleads.

Sighing, I tilt my face up toward his once more. I fight my rebelling mind that’s trying to coax me to press myself into his heat—to search for solace in his arms.

“The name is Ms. Bennett, Sir.” I state near a whisper, fearing my calm is about to break at any moment. “It will do us both well to remember the correct salutation of each other.”

Stepping away from him, I grab my luggage and begin rolling away from him and this entire twisted little situation we both got ourselves into. It’s time for me, no matter how hard it’s going to be, to put myself to rights.

I need to keep my head in the game and out of his pants. Because, for the past month that’s where I’ve been. Trying to impress him with how fast I catch on to the job. Trying to show him how well our bodies meld together. It was futile on my part to do those things, because I ended up right where I thought I would anyway.

Being just another notch on his bedpost.

It doesn’t matter if Keith never treated me as such until last night. But, he did exactly what I feared all along he would. He just won’t accept that things were growing between us.

I, for one, didn’t think anything ever could because of the disaster Jake left behind. So, clearly, I was also taken off guard when it all came to a head in the bathroom. But, his complete rebuff of it all hurt. As if he repels anything that has the term ‘relationship’ attached to it.

I don’t know the logistics of his and Jennifer’s relationship, but I know she has something to do with this. That she had something to do with breaking this wonderful, handsome man.

“Natalie!”

Squeezing my eyes shut, his voice threatens to break me as I press forward, my legs carrying me faster out of the terminal and onto the unloading and loading zone.

My eyes flutter open once more and they land on my saving grace in the form of a card being held above the roof of a cab with my name on it.

Perfect timing, because I need to get away from Keith. Just being in his presence is like a knife to my soul. I’m as strong as the next woman, but when you dangle something in front of me that I can’t have, then I’m just like any one of them—I break. I only have so much resistance before it’s gone—along with my sanity.

Smiling briefly, I step toward him and gesture to have my luggage be put into the trunk. As he does, I break for one minute as I take the back door in my hands and turn to look over my shoulder. A tear slips down my cheek as I see Keith trying to push past all the people around him in order to get to me. Since he’s a lot bigger than me, he can’t get through as easily. But, I can see the determination lighting his gaze, and it hurts my insides.

His eyes are trained on mine, and he’s got a crazy look in his. It’s as if he’s fallen off the edge of calm and plunged into the depths of insanity. And with him fighting to get through the crowd, it’s as if he’s figuratively trying to claw his way back up to the surface.

My breath catches on a sob as I slip into the car, my driver being right behind me. Keith breaks free from the crowd and comes out the doors with his suit ruffled and a button missing at the base of his neck just as I shut my door to the cab.

“Natalie,” his voice comes out tight, as if he’s begging me not to run from him.

It’s a hypocritical move. First, he doesn’t want me to fall. Now, he wants me to stay. It’s as if his eyes and unsaid words are begging me to fall back into his arms.

It’s something I can’t do. The Band-Aid has already been ripped off my heart and the blindfold taken from in front of my eyes. I know if I go to him, my blinders will be reapplied, and this entire situation will be swept under the rug. My head and my heart can’t take that.

“I’m sorry,” I mouth, tapping the driver’s seat, and sitting back as he pulls away from the curb.

***

I’m lost in my thoughts as we pull up to my apartment complex. I’m thinking of Keith and how it’s going to be from now on at the office. Will he conduct business as if nothing is wrong? Will there be a big elephant in the room when it pertains to our intimacy? Or, will he go back to the callous man that I met when I showed up for the interview?

As much as I hate it, I’d prefer that kind of indifference as opposed to seeing a look of longing on his face.

At first, it doesn’t register to me that someone is in front of my apartment building, and looks a lot like someone I don’t want to see, until I get out of the car and retrieve my luggage. I’m exhausted and want nothing more than to escape this pitiful excuse of a life I’m living with some sleep. But, when I see her, sitting there wringing her purse straps in her hands with unease, I know I’m not going to be finding sleep anytime soon.

“What are you doing here?” I half-heartedly growl, but it’s clear the exhaustion of this entire day is getting to me.

Angela stands up, fidgeting back and forth. “I, uh … I came to see if we can talk.”

I know I should turn her away; that I should turn her around and kick her ass back to where ever it came from. But, I can’t find the energy in me to do such a thing. I’m tired of acting tough in this situation, and dare I say it, but I can do with at least talking with someone that’s a semblance—or an old semblance—of a friend.

“I will give you five minutes.” I deadpan, rolling my luggage after me.

She gives me a small smile. “Can I help you with that?”

“No,” I shake my head fiercely. I gave her five minutes, that doesn’t mean anything’s going to come out of this.

“Nat … please, you look completely exhausted,” she whispers, stepping closer.

I stare up at her, seeing the worry twist her features as she racks her gaze over me before meeting my eyes once more. I don’t know what comes over me. Some type of insanity or delusion, but with the look she’s giving me, it causes me to breakdown for the first time in so long. Tears begin rolling down my face, their hot paths making themselves known as they drip off my chin. I let all the emotions I’ve been trying to withhold rise to the surface.

It’s as if our fight is long forgotten as she comes and throws her arms around me, being the friend she was supposed to be back then. And I don’t have anything left in me to turn her away as I release all my pain on her shoulder. She slowly rubs my back, cooing in my ear about everything going to be all right. It nags at me because I’m still pissed at her, but it feels so good to have someone carry me in my darkest time. With Jake, I didn’t have that because him and her were the cause of my tears. But, with Keith, I let myself go on the last person I thought I ever would.

“He doesn’t want me,” I mewl, the tears falling harder down my face as my heart continues to break inside my chest.