Natalie
As I leave work early, I let myself hone in on the sights and sounds surrounding me while all my troubles just drift away. In this environment, I’m merely another pedestrian trying to get where she’s going, before she has to be there. I’m not special to anyone. No one takes a second look in my direction. I can finally breathe, and blend in with the crowd around me. That’s what I’ve always loved about New York City. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you do, out here, on the street, you’re just another nobody.
Cracking a brief smile, I get lost in the multitude of blaring horns, cursing people, and birds chirping in the air. It all has me breathing just a tad easier, as if I’m centering myself before this next leg of my day. It’s enthralling to know what could be missed if you don’t allow yourself a few seconds of reprieve to soak it all in. To feel the sun shine on your face, warming you beneath your clothing. To feel the wind whip your hair across your cheek as if it’s a lover placing chaste kisses along your cheek and jawline. To see the buildings lit up at night as people continue to work their life away. It’s amazing, and I can’t believe, after all this time, that I can finally enjoy it without worry of where I’ll be tomorrow.
Ever since I tried sneaking into the office this morning, I’ve been tip-toeing around as if I’m walking on egg shells. Nothing between Keith and myself are the same since we got back late last night. I can feel the distance separating us, and it causes a pang to hit my chest. It feels like my heart is squeezing inside my chest, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I made the ultimate mistake that I warned myself about. I fell in love with a man that can’t possibly love me in return. And, I don’t know why. He refuses to open up to me, tell me the things I desperately want to hear. Placate my heart with even an iota of feeling. I hate it. I hate feeling so insignificant as he makes me feel, but I can’t help it. I still love the bastard. Because for the first time in my life, I didn’t expect anything, but in turn, received everything. He gave me a reason to let go and flourish under his watchful eye. It’s humbling, but at the same time, so very damning.
That’s why I’m afraid of what Keith will say when he spies the messages I sent him, or if he just decides to talk about what happened in Santa Barbara. To be honest, neither of those options are too appealing at the moment. Since all the messages were erased from my phone, I have no clue what all I did send him. But, if Angela’s actions this morning were any consolation, it was horrible.
I just want to disappear; get away from it all. I don’t want to have to worry about anything other than myself and my needs. Instead, I’m stuck here, doing everything that Keith tells me to do, all while he acts nonchalant over what transpired. It’s as if nothing has happened between us. Like the connection that was there, isn’t there anymore. To say that hurt is cutting it short. It freaking kills me to see nothing broke through his shield, but in one simple touch—one simple taste—he’s completely shattered mine. It’s unfair, and pisses me off worse than anything. I just wish I was stronger when it came to him. That I can push the thought of what could have been from my mind.
Now, he expects me to go dress shopping for the damn Gala tomorrow night. It wouldn’t bother me as much if him and I were together. I’d be exhilarated that he wanted me on his arm. However, that’s not the case I find myself in now. No, he just tossed his card on my desk, told me to pick out everything I need, and to meet him at the Gala tomorrow night. There was no emotion in his eyes. No secret, ‘I love you’ being construed to me through his body language. Hell, his eyes barely met mine before he walked out of my office and went back to work. In some ways, it makes me feel like I’m nothing more than a common whore he can pay off. And I don’t like that feeling at all.
Leaning my head back, I close my eyes and release a cleansing breath while focusing on all the sounds around me. I need to level myself out before I attend to my ‘duties’ as he so lovely put it, because if not, then I’m afraid I’ll turn into a blubbering pile of nothingness on the dressing room floor. And I know I’m not that person. I’m unbelievable stronger than that. I’m steadfast, with my sights set on one thing and one thing only—my future. I’m just tired of the men that surround me treating me as if I’m this piece of meat that doesn’t have a heart and emotions.
Slowly opening my eyes, I bring my head back to rights and lazily glance across the street. Unease instance rises to the surface from seemingly nowhere. I stay silent, and as still as a statue. A man with medium length chestnut brown hair tied into a ponytail at the crown of his head, the sides neatly shaved, wearing what I can only peg as an expensive jet black suit with a red tie, is staring straight at me from across the street.
Gripping my purse strap tighter on my shoulder, I cock my head to the side to make sure I’m seeing right, and that he’s looking at me and not the building, because shit like that can get awkward if misconstrued. But the more I stand here, staring, the more I come to terms that this unknown man is, in fact, gazing at me like he’s been deprived of water in the middle of the Sahara Desert.
Something about him feels so familiar, though. It’s as if I’ve known him my whole life. But, at the same time I can’t place his face. It’s as if I’ve seen him before, and just never catalogued him to memory. But, I do know this, that man exudes nothing but trouble. You can clearly see it in his stature that nothing he’s about to do is going to be pleasant, and with that thought alone, shivers rake through my entire body.
After a moment, he mirrors my action, his malevolent smirk growing wider. I don’t know who this guy is, but he gives me the absolute creeps. His black, soulless eyes have nothing on Keith’s, because this man, his are even more bleak in comparison. It’s like they’re void of any emotion whatsoever. He doesn’t even have a flicker of humanity that, even the most corrupt, seem to have.
I stand silently, gawking, as I continue to grow more unsettled with the interaction between the both of us. It’s not that he’s touching me, because he’s clearly standing across the street and I’m out of arm’s reach. It’s the mere fact, I can feel his eyes trail across every bit of my body. Just that feeling alone has nausea swirling in my stomach and my legs threatening to give out right here on the sidewalk. It’s disturbing to feel like he’s undressing me with his eyes, while his body speaks a completely different language.
It expresses nothing but darkness, torture…pain.
His eyes flick to the left for a series of seconds, giving me the reprieve I need to right myself. Except no matter how hard I try, the uneasiness will not leave me. It’s like it’s made a place inside of mine, wrapping around my insides as if they’re it’s prisoner for life. His actions are cold, callous, and remind me very much of the way Keith was the first day I met him. It’s unnerving to say the least, and I wish this encounter is something I made up inside my foggy mind, but knowing, without a doubt, that it’s not. That he’s really here, and he’s getting joy out of scaring the living shit out of me.
I watch as his maniacal smile continues to grow. I don’t know why he’s looking anywhere but at me, because I’ve been the object of his attention for the past several minutes. And I continue to stay lost until I feel a hand land on my shoulder. My guard rises to a high alert, and I screech in surprise, but dare not look away, as I step away from the person currently holding me. My eyes wide with fright, the mystery many brings his eyes back to mine, then winks. I shudder from the action, then force myself to break eye contact with the sinister man who seems to be appraising me. Glancing up, I try, but don’t succeed, as swallowing the lump that’s collected in my throat.
“M-Mr. Shaw,” I stutter.
“Natalie, what’s wrong?” he asks, looking worried. “You are as pale as a ghost.” He stands next to Thane, who seems to be examining the streets around us.
With shaky hands, I readjust my purse strap, taking in deep calming breaths. “I know this is going to sound crazy,” I reply, still shaking. “But, do you know that man across the street?”
I watch as Keith jerks his head up, glaring across the street. When his head starts moving back and forth, and he even leans forward, thinking he’s missed something. Confusion riddles me so much I break eye contact to look across the street once more. I’m stunned silent to see the man that was exuding nothing but pure malice, is nowhere to be seen. It’s like he’s disappeared into thin air. If my nerves weren’t shaken like they are right now, I would think it was all a figment of my imagination. However, the way my stomach is churning with restlessness, I know it’s no such thing. There was a man regarding me like I’m a prize to be won. His devilish intent made perfectly clear by the soulless glimmer that shined in his eyes.
“I don’t see anyone, Natalie,” he replies, bringing his eyes back to me.
“B-But, I just saw him.” I blurt out, pointing just across the street to where he was earlier. “He was just there! I know I’m not seeing shit. I know I’m not crazy! He looked at me like…” I gulp. “like he wanted to—” I’m so hysterical by this point that I can’t even finish my own sentence. Something about that man did not sit well with me. And I know, deep down in my heart, that he’s here because of me.
But… why?