Keith

 

Something—or someone—shook Natalie up enough to have her a rambling mess in front of Mystik. I don’t know what, but it’s clear that something she saw, or rather, could have seen, is getting to her. The reason I know this is because, she’s letting me hold her as Thane, her, and I, continue down the street. I never expected to find her out here, or to have her in my arms again, that I didn’t even alert Dalton I was going to accompany her shopping. It’s something I would never do in the past, but it’s something I find myself doing now. And it just scares the shit out of me that Natalie could be caught in the crossfire of my past.

“Did you get a good look of the guy?” I ask, trying to stop the paranoia from wreaking havoc on me.

Nodding, she tries to calm her breathing. “I did. He’s nothing like I’ve ever seen before.” She quakes so hard that I have to hug her tighter against my side to get the trembling to subside. “His eyes… they were just… God, Keith, they were as so dark and empty. It’s like there was no life inside of him—no humanity. Those are eyes that play in everyone’s worst nightmare. It’s like my version of the boogeyman.”

Thane chuckles just a bit, but tries to cover it up with a cough. “Honey, the only boogeyman you should be afraid of standing right next to you.”

Shaking her head adamantly, her tear-filled eyes meet his and what little heart I have left, threatens to crack in my chest. I don’t want to see Natalie upset. I only want to see her with a bright smile on her face, enjoying the world around her. “No, Thane. This man is something different. Even you come up short where he is concerned.”

“How did you know I was talking about me? It could be the man you’re currently holding onto for dear life?” he asks, running his fingers through his hair—it’s a nervous tick of his.

“Thane,” she starts, but I can hear the emotion clogging her voice. “I know death when I see it, and that man.” She shudders in my arms. “He’s the print definition of death. When I look at you or Keith, all I see is light—a goodness that radiates through your pores.”

Why do her words strike a chord in me? Natalie is a selfless person, and thinks those she surrounds herself with are just as selfless. If only that were true. If only she knew, the worst kind of man out there is actually encasing her in his arms at this very moment. Would she repel my touch? Hell, there’s no asking that question. I know for a fact she would, and I hate to think of the look that would mar her lovely angelic features if she ever found out I’m not who I say I am. That I’m an imposter, faking it through life.

“Oh, little dove, you have a lot to be taught, I’m afraid,” he cryptically, meeting her eyes before walking toward an idling car that pulled up to the curb. Once he gives us a brief wave, he gets in and closes the door and the car pulls away.

“What’s that all about?” she asks, turning toward me.

I dimly smile at her; briefly breaking eye contact to look in Thane’s direction. “He has demons just like we all do, and when he wants to let those demons out, he will release them. Until then, we get this.” I gesture toward the place where Thane’s car just disembarked from.

I want to know more than anything what’s going on with Thane. He’s been off since this morning in the gym, and even more so in my office before lunch. I thought by taking him to lunch that he would release everything he’s keeping hidden on the inside, but that didn’t work. If anything, he’s even more adamant than I am about keeping himself a secret.

It confuses the hell out of me how Thane can be so detached emotionally, and I’ve never seen it before now. I’ve been friends with him for quite a while and you would think I’d pick up on that tidbit of information. Until today, I didn’t know he had a despondent bone in his body. He’s always been so full of life, joking around and getting carried away with himself. But, today, I caught a brief glimpse of the person he’s hiding away—his true identity.

Pushing thoughts of earlier away, I round on Natalie. “How about we retire inside?”

I want to get her off this sidewalk and into the building as fast as possible. I know she’s leaving to go dress shopping and get herself primped and pampered for tomorrow, but I can’t let her out of my sight. I have a feeling something is in the works—something bad. I don’t want her to be away from me. I know I don’t have a say so of where she spends her time, or who she spends her time with, but I can’t allow her to roam through the streets unprotected. I just can’t handle it if anything happened to her because of me.

“I really don’t want to,” she sighs, and I feel her start to pull away from me emotionally. I know why she’s doing this, but now’s not the time to bring all of that up. Not until I find out who she saw on the other side of the street.

“I understand you have things to do, but I think we should head inside,” I urge her toward the doors.

“No, Mr. Shaw,” she exclaims, grinding her teeth.

“Why?”

I know why, but I need her to say it out loud. I need her to voice the way she feels about me, instead of covering it up like it meant nothing to her. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to start conquering the shit that keeps hitting against the wall I have erected around my heart. I’ll be able to come to terms with what I’m feeling and learn to trust again. I know it’s a long shot, but Natalie is worth it. Ever since we started seeing each other intimately tells me that much. I just need to bring myself to fully trust and let her in.

“Tell me why you won’t let me in?” her plea causes my heart to squeeze painfully. I hate hearing her sound so broken, knowing I’m the root cause of her discomfort.

I stand there silent as she wraps her arms over her chest. Natalie knows that someone hurt me, but she doesn’t know to what extent. She doesn’t know that Jennifer tore my heart out of my chest and trampled all over it. I know sooner rather than later I’m going to have to come clean about why I cannot commit to women, but today doesn’t have to be the day. In my sick mind, I still think I can push it off more, even though, it’s clear to see we’re both miserable being a part.

Swallowing hard, I break eye contact with her. To Natalie, giving this information is as easy as breathing. Yes, she had that happen to her with that bullshit of an ex-boyfriend. But, I highly doubt she’s had anything more extreme happen to her—that she’s had her life threatened.

I try to regulate my breathing, feeling the walls of my lungs constrict painfully with each breath I take. I can hear the flow of my blood thudding in my ears as it feels like the weight of the entire world is resting on my shoulders. How easy it would be to give in to her; to tell her why I cannot let her in. Maybe she would take it in stride? But, then again, maybe she wouldn’t. My life as Keith Shaw, up until now, has been so cut and dry that I never had to prepare myself for any surprises. But ever since Natalie walked into my life, I’ve had to fight to keep my world from spinning out of control.

Instead, I make an even bigger ass of myself. “That is none of your concern.”

Making a grab for her elbow, I barely restrain my anger when she jerks away from me again. “If it’s none of my concern, then my welfare is none of yours. So, if you will excuse me, I have to go get all buffed and polished for a damn Gala I don’t even want to attend.”

I start to go after her, but I make it two steps before someone’s hand lands on my shoulder, staying me. Glancing in the direction of the person whose hand is about to be detached from his body, I see Dalton standing there with a grim look on his face. He doesn’t have to say what he’s thinking, because it’s pretty clear. I need to leave Natalie alone if I’m not going to let her in. I need to get over that I lost the right to urge her in my direction when I wouldn’t go the extra step with her in our relationship.

Sighing, I stare after her with so much longing it hurts. “I know, Dalton. I know.”

“Do you?” he asks.

Taking a deep inhalation, I shut my eyes tightly. I do know what he means, but I’m not going to say I’m happy about it. I want to have the right to guide Natalie in the direction I’m wanting her in. All I have to do is take that extra step. I know this. And to be honest, right now I’m so confused as to what I should do. I know in my heart I should block her from getting any closer, but on the other, I want to grab her up in my arms and never let her go.

“I am not going to dignify that with a response.” I grind out, not in the mood to put up with his back sass. “Wait here while I go grab my things. I believe I want to retire early today,” I say, peering back at him to see a brief nod.

“And, Sir.” Dalton says, stepping away from the curb.

“Yes?”

“Here is the phone you left in the seat of the car this morning.”

It feels like a weight falls off me when I make a grab for it. Nothing has ever looked better in my entire life than Dalton holding my cell phone. Well, it’s not the best thin maybe, because I can think of a few other things that would blow my mind even more. But, it’s a close second because now I don’t have to worry about anyone getting their hands on our messages. 

Taking one last look at her departing figure, I turn to go inside. I knew today was going to be harsh after coming back from Santa Barbara. Simply because of the altercation that went down between Natalie and I. Hell, I’m even more so surprised she came to work this morning. She had every right to call in with an illness, or just to call in and tell me to fuck off for the day. Any woman weaker than her would have done the same thing. Because a woman that’s been romantically involved with their boss would be the last person they would want to see if it didn’t pan out right between them.

It’s not that I’m tooting my own horn, or thinking that I’m the greatest thing with three legs, because that’s not the case. It’s the fact that, even I, knew we were getting in way too deep. But, I couldn’t help myself. Natalie is like a drug addiction. It’s terribly hard to break the habit when all you want to do is get nose deep—or cock deep—in her.

Making my way through the lobby, I avert my eyes from the onlookers. Instead, I fix my eyes in front of my and pin them on the button that will bring my saving grace—the elevator. I just can’t bring myself to give them any of my attention. I don’t want to see the looks in their eyes. Knowing them, they’re probably wondering about the altercation out on the street with Natalie. So, I know their eyes will be filled with intrigue, curiosity; something they have no right to possess. They will be wondering about things that is none of their business. Nothing about my past, present, and future is anyone’s business except mine.

Reaching the elevator, I press the button and wait. I’m lost in my thoughts when I feel a familiar presence come at me from behind. I feel the prickly sense of warning ghost across my skin, but I make no move to turn toward the person in question. I know they’re here for me. I can’t explain how I know, I just do. It’s a feeling like no other. It slither’s it’s way all over my body, causing me to ready myself for anything.

When the door’s ding open, I take the opportunity to glance up at the person as he boards the lift with me, not allowing anyone else to catch a ride as he flicks his hand up in warning. From the back, a sense of familiarity hits me full force, but I can’t gauge where I’ve seen him before. You’d think I would remember the distressed jeans, shitkickers donning his feet, and the leather jacket draped over his shoulders, but I don’t. None of it clicks.

At least, not until we step off the elevator and he makes his way to my office with a sense of superiority. Why the fuck is this asshole in my office?

I growl low in my throat, shouldering my way by him. “What the fuck are you doing here?” I unlock my door, and go in without inviting him.

“You know the very reason why I’m here, Keith.” He taunts.

“No, I don’t believe I do.” I ask, taking a seat behind my desk. “The name’s Keith Shaw, and what might your last name be, Jake?”

Looking up at him, I see Jake—Natalie’s ex-boyfriend—take a seat like he owns the place. As we continue to look at each other, a silence extends between us. I know he’s trying to psych me out, because I know people just like him. Bad blood. People that think their shit don’t stink. He reminds me so much of myself when I was his age.

It’s then I start picking up tidbits here and there. His hair, his eyes, the way he holds himself. His eyes are a lighter shade than mine. His hair, the same coarseness but a lighter shade as well. His build is the same as mine, and the air of confidence that surrounds him is much like my own.

“Oh, I see he wants a last name.” Jake taunts with a menacing laugh. “And what kind of person would I be if I deter this exciting reunion any longer?

What is he talking about? Yes, he’s familiar, but I don’t think I know him. Or at least, not in a conventional sense anyway. I watch silently as he gets up to walk around my office. His strut almost the same as my own—strong, confident. There’s just something I can’t put my finger on.

It takes everything in me to sit in still in my seat as I watch his continued perusal over my personal things. I want nothing more than to put him into his place, make him see that he isn’t the superior one in this situation. It also doesn’t go unnoticed that Natalie saw someone that froze her blood, and now Jake’s standing in my office now, acting as if he’s won something extravagant.

“Who the hell are you?” I seethe, barely keeping my cool.

Jake turns to look over his shoulder, giving me a smirk that hits another part in my painful memories. It’s too much and rips the air from my lungs. My eyes widen as I watch him turn and walk back toward the desk with a tiny slip of paper dangling from his fingers. His hostel presence is no accident. He’s been put here as a pawn. I know it.

As he comes to the desk, he lets the slip of paper go. I watch silently, with wide eyes, as it falls to my desk and opens gracefully.

 

I found you…

 

That’s when it hits me, and my paranoia jacks up to a whole new level.

My eyes snap back up to a grinning Jake, his eyes so much darker now that his satisfaction is mounting at my unease. I know it can’t be real, but him standing in front of me is proof that my earlier assumption is incorrect. I know this goddamned asshole better than I know myself. I helped raise him.

He is no stranger.

I’ve known this little shit my entire life.

I’ve changed his motherfucking diapers before.

Giving me a sinister look, Jake grins, displaying a full, white toothed predatorial smile. “The name’s Jake McKayne, and I do believe you’re my older brother… Luca.”