Chanel
Several hours after Rai had gone to bed, I sat in the middle of my own bed with nothing but the sound of music in the background. Not that music was what I even needed to be listening to because every song that played made me think of Dario. When Elliot Yamin’s, Baby I’ll Wait for You, started to play, that was when my tears finally flowed. My heart was breaking. But as distraught as I was, I couldn’t bring myself to stop the song. I could only wish that he would wait for me, but I knew that would be impossible. In fact, if he didn’t walk away hating me at the end, it would be a huge surprise.
Dario had called several times throughout the day and night, but I was too afraid to answer. I just couldn’t. Not yet. Thankfully, he hadn’t called Rai to see why I wasn’t responding because I also wasn’t ready to have the conversation with Rai, had he started his own inquiry. And that would’ve happened if he had been asked to see why I wasn’t answering. Rai is going to hate my guts, was all that I could think. That much I already knew. Our family situation was going to be life-changing, but not in a good way. He’d have questions that I couldn’t give him the answers to and that was going to be the worst part of everything.
When my phone illuminated in the thick of my thoughts, and I saw Dario’s name on the display, my heart skipped several beats. But this time it was a text message. I was even afraid to look at that for fear that he’d say something like, “I guess we’re over before we started and you don’t have to worry about me calling again.” I slowly picked the phone up holding onto it for a few minutes while I got the courage to read what was there:
“Since Spring Break is next week, I was thinking that I’d take you and the fellas down to San Diego. I think they’d love that. Let me know. Missed you today. You need me,I’m a phone call away—always.”
I read the message several times. Several times. I wanted to dial him back and tell him that not only did I want to go, but to come to me immediately so that he could make love to me and make everything better. The best life that I never thought I could have was literally being snatched from under me before I could even really and truly get a taste of it. I wanted to run. I wanted to grab Rai and run far away. A life with Tyler was not one that I wanted. At a point, yes, but once that was over it was over and now, here I was being forced to return to a place that I was thankful to have escaped. Fuck my life.
My tears fell right onto my cell phone, onto the text message I kept swiping to keep alive. I couldn’t believe that this time tomorrow, Dario and I would be a thing of the past.
God, how I want to dial his number.
God, how I want this whole thing to have been a nightmare.
All of the peace of my spa day was down the drain.
Several more hours later, when I talked myself into lying down and getting some sleep, my thoughts went to the darkest of places. I wanted Tyler dead. I thought I hated him when he disrespected our relationship, but now I was feeling what real hate was like and this was it. I had never in my life wished death on anyone, but him . . . Tyler . . . I wanted him in a casket. Death for Tyler would be too good, though. But in a perfect world, he could die a long, slow, and painful death—at my hands. I hated him that much.
In the morning when my alarm sounded, I leaned over, eyes closed, and pressed the button to stop the blaring. I wasn’t ready to face the day at all. I was tired as hell. I was sure that my eyes were beat red from all the crying. I already knew that I’d be dropping Rai off and coming back to lie down for a nap. I was physically and mentally exhausted. But just as quickly as I mapped out my non-productive day, I dismissed it as an option. There was too much that needed to be done today and sleeping wouldn’t fix anything; as much as I wanted it to, it sure as hell wouldn’t make Tyler go away. If I wanted peace, then I needed to do what that fucker, Tyler, told me to do. I had to. I had too much to lose if I didn’t cooperate. Way too much . . . and I just couldn’t give up everything I had worked so hard for.
Over and over Snapped and the different ways those women killed, came to mind and I would have to shake my head to send the thoughts scurrying away from me. They were too inviting.
“Ma!” I heard Rai yell from the other room. “You’re up, right?!”
Boy, please! I said in my head as I was adjusting my focus through the bright sun shining in my window. It was bright as hell, when the way I was feeling was much more suited for thunderstorm-type weather.
“Ma!” he yelled his voice getting closer.
“Rai, I heard you the first time!”
“Well, why didn’t you answer me?” he asked, walking into my room and over to my bed. “You feel okay?”
“Yeah, baby, I’m fine. I’m about to get up now and take you to school.”
“It’s okay. Uhhh, Tyler called this morning and asked if he could take me in his new car.”
What the fuck?! What in the entire fuck?! I couldn’t yell it out loud, and I couldn’t react the way I wanted to—by throwing some shit against a wall—but I didn’t appreciate one bit, this muthafucka insinuating himself before I had the chance to make any moves.
Rai frowned a little bit when he made the announcement, so I knew there was more. “I didn’t want him to, but he sounded kinda excited so—”
“It’s okay,” I assured my son. “That’s fine.”
“You’re picking me up though, right?”
“Of course, baby. Give me some love,” I told him as he bent down to hug me.
When the doorbell rang, Rai shot me a look before heading out. I grabbed my robe and followed him to the front of the house. My attitude was all the way in place when I opened the door to find Tyler standing there with a stupid-ass grin on his face. I couldn’t even pull off giving him a smile because he didn’t evoke a trace of happiness from me.
“Good morning, Chanel,” he greeted.
“See you later, Ma,” Rai said, giving me a hug.
“Okay, baby,” I said, stepping to the side to allow him out the door.
But just when I made that small maneuver, my whole mouth fell to the floor when I spotted Dario’s Chevy pulling up curbside.
Fuck, fuck, fuuuck my life.