Chanel

 

 

May 15, 2002

 

When I heard the knock at my front door, my attitude kicked into high gear because everybody who knew me knew that I didn’t fuck around on school nights, that I took my studies serious as hell. They also knew that I was not for people just popping up unannounced. So, when I heard the repeated knocking, I just knew that when I opened the door somebody was going to get the wrath of my full mouthpiece.

I stormed over to the door of my apartment and stood on my tiptoes to look through the peephole. I stared for a few long seconds and actually had to pause to make sure that I wasn’t seeing things. As the realization was setting in, I saw her raise her hand again, preparing to bless the door with another loud knock, but I snatched it open before she could do that.

“W-what are you doing here?” I asked.

But my sister, who I hadn’t seen during my whole time away at school, and who I rarely even talked to outside of that, hurriedly pushed her way past me and strolled into my living room like it was nothing. After I closed the door behind her and locked us inside, I headed over to where she had apparently taken it upon herself to get comfortable.

“Answer my damn question, Rochelle.”

“You hella rude, Chanel. I would think that your ass would at least greet me. You still haven’t said, hello.”

“I’ll greet you after you tell me what the hell—”

In the middle of my sentence, Rochelle stood from her seat and unzipped her oversized puff coat.

“This is what I’m doing here,” she calmly stated.

“What the fuck, Rochelle? You’re pregnant?!”

“Looks like, right?”

“Don’t get smart, Rochelle. For real. Don’t do that.”

“Look, my bad. I’m sorry,” she said, reclaiming her seat. And this time I needed a seat right along with her because I was in shock.

“So, what’s up?  I’m hella confused.”

“I need your help.”

“With what, Rochelle?”

“I need somewhere to stay.”

“And you came here? What do you think I can do? Where’s your baby’s daddy?!”

“He’s not around.”

“What you mean he’s not around? You look like you’re about to fuckin’ pop! When are you due?”

She looked down at her lap and raised her head with tears in her eyes. “I’m due on your birthday.”

“So, in two months! You’re having a baby in two months?! Have you told your dad or any of them?”

“No. I haven’t seen any of them. Been staying with a friend.”

“What! What are you gonna do? Yo’ ass is only eighteen! Eighteen!”

“I don’t need you reminding me how old I am, Chanel,” she cried. “For the record, eighteen is technically grown, and to answer your question, I don’t have a choice but to have this damn baby! I’m too far along. I already tried to get an abortion. You think I wanted to come here? This was my last fuckin’ resort!”

When Rochelle broke down, I couldn’t bring myself to console her. That just wasn’t who we were to each other so it was very hard for me to do. All I could do was shake my head while she bawled for the next fifteen minutes. I was shocked. I was living in student housing that I got lucky enough to get into on a lottery, and I had no idea what she wanted me to do. But the funny thing was that, even though I didn’t know how to help her, I damn sure didn’t want a niece or nephew of mine to be on the streets.

We grew up in a weird situation with me living with my father’s family and Rochelle going from house to house trying to be grown with the wrong crowd. So, it wasn’t like there was a lot of family for her to turn to.

“Look, Chelle. I don’t even know what to say. You shoulda called to let me know that you were coming so I coulda prepared better. I just got housing.”

“I did call you, but you haven’t been answering your phone.”

She was right. I was dealing with a ton of homework and writing way too many papers and knew that she was only calling with drama so I wasn’t really paying attention to her calls. Now she was on my doorstep and I was scared as hell of what was about to happen. I knew I didn’t wanna fuck up school, but I also knew that I had to be there for her. Me and her weren’t like sisters should be, but I couldn’t turn my back on her or the baby.

“I just need to stay here for a little while until I can have this baby.” She grew quiet for a few minutes before she announced, “I’m gonna give it up for adoption after I have it. I can’t take care of a baby, Chanel. I just gotta do what I gotta do.”

“What you mean? You need to find Mama and at least ask her. Don’t be giving up your baby to strangers! You trippin’! Why the hell you lay down with somebody and let them run up in you raw if you were gonna be doing this?! Why would you let a baby that came from you be raised by strangers?! That’s family!”

“Since when the hell did family matter to you?!”

“I let you in my damn apartment, Rochelle! So it means something, right?! I didn’t have to let you up in here! I don’t give a fuck how many buses you had to catch to get here! I didn’t have to let you in my shit!”

Rochelle rose from the couch slowly, trying to maintain her balance. She looked down at me when she steadied herself and we just glared at each other for a few paused seconds until she finally spoke.

“Are you gonna help me or not, Chanel?”