Chanel

 

 

“Hey, what’s up, Rai,” Tyler greeted when we walked inside on our return from my mother’s house. True to his word, he was still there when we got back.

“Hey,” Rai replied, but continuing on through to another part of the house.

“I told you I’d be here when y’all got back. I want to show you that I’m serious about all of this. That I take it seriously. You know?”

I didn’t respond to Tyler as he spoke because my mind was in a million places. I was back at my mother’s with that whole argument and then her last comment. I was with Dario earlier in the day, making beautiful love like it was the natural thing to do. I was in my feelings, knowing that my son had taken such a hit with our new arrangement. I had been so afraid to face my past that I was willing to shake up the world that I valued the most. I was seeing for the first time that I couldn’t allow fear to dictate how I moved, and make my own way. However bleak the end looked, I had to be brave enough to see for myself how things would turn out. So, I had made a major decision to say, Fuck fear in that moment.

“Ma, I’m going outside for a bit.”

“Alright baby,” I said as I watched Rai leave out the front door. And it was a good thing that he was going to be outside the house because I had more than a few choice words for Tyler that I didn’t need for him to hear.

“Come into the kitchen with me real quick, Tyler.”

When we made it into the kitchen, Tyler walked over to the island and leaned against it with his hands in his pockets. “What’s going on?” he asked.

I grabbed my bottle of sweet red wine from the refrigerator, went to the cabinet to get a glass and poured until the glass was filled. I was going to need it. I didn’t bother offering him anything because with any luck, after I said what I had to say, he would be on his way out my damn life once and for all.

After I took my seat, it prompted Tyler to do the same. “So, this is a wine kinda conversation, I see. What’s goin’ on? We ‘bout to do this for real-for real, or what?”

I took the first big gulp of my wine, and allowed it to simmer. “No, Tyler, we’re not.”

The look on his face was priceless and worthy of another sip of my wine. I smiled inwardly as I began feeling lighter by the minute. My spirit was lifting and it was the most invigorating feeling in the world.

“What do you mean, ‘no, we’re not’?”

“Just what I said, Tyler. I’m not doing this. It’s already taken too much of a toll and it should’ve never gained as much traction as it has.”

“Well, it did and it’s because you know what’s at stake.” He leaned forward on the table with the cockiest look I’d ever seen in his eyes. “I’m pretty sure you—”

“The only thing at stake here is my sanity, Tyler. The only thing at stake is me losing the love of my son because of this mess that I’ve gotten us into.”

“Oh, you’re gonna lose him alright. Especially if you don’t get off this bullshit you’re riding right now.” Tyler stood from the table and came to sit in the chair that was right next to me. He got as close in my face as he could to where I could feel the heat from his breathe when he spoke. “Kill the fuckin’ noise, Chanel. You already know that—”

“What makes you so desperate, Tyler?” I spat back, unaffected. It was past the liquor. I certainly didn’t need liquid courage to go to war with his ass. I was ready. “You made a habit out of sticking your dick in any bitch with nipples, when you did have me. What do you want with little ole me? Is it because you just can’t take the fact that a woman doesn’t want you? Is that it, Tyler? Is that what drove your desire and desperation? Is that it?”

“Women wanting me ain’t never been a problem, baby girl. And desperate is something I ain’t never been, sweetheart.” He began a light chuckle before leaning back into his seat. “You can ask your sister about that.”

A smile spread wide across my face. Honestly, he wasn’t telling me anything I hadn’t already suspected. Tyler was a big part of the reason that girl hated me. She always had a thing for him. The fact that she knew him before I did . . . yet, I was the one he chose to be with . . . burned her all the way up. So, no, not a single part of his comment shocked me. Nor did I give a fuck.

“I hope you’re not expecting a reaction from me, Tyler. I. Don’t. Care. You can fuck all of Rochelle’s insides out and make fifteen babies with her and I still wouldn’t give even half a shit. The only thing that I care about right now is that you leave and go on about your life and let me get to what I need to get to for mine. I got conversations to have and fences to mend and I can’t do that with you around.” I took the last sip of my glass of red wine and then stood up and stuck my hand out. “Give me my key and get out of my house, Tyler.”

The smug look that he once had on his dumb-ass face dissipated. I guess it was finally dawning on him that I meant business. He stared at me for a few moments as though I’d spoken in a language that he didn’t understand.

“So, you’re really doing this?” he asked.

“I’m really doing this.” I held out my hand. “My key, please.”

“You’re risking a whole lot. You sure you wanna do that?”

“I’m sure. Give me my key. I’m not gonna ask again.”

He took the key out and sat it on my table and then smiled. “Here, let me be a gentleman and help you out a little bit. Rai!” he called as loudly as he could.

“What are you doing?!” I asked, snapping into a panic, grabbing onto the back of his shirt as he made his way out of the kitchen. I was in fight mode. I clawed at him desperately, even knowing that he was much stronger.

“Rai!” he called out again.

“Don’t do that, Tyler! It’s not for you to do!”

“Oh no?! I told you how it was gonna be and since you want to change the game up then we—”

“What’s going on, Mama!” Rai yelled, bursting into the house. “Get your hands off my mother!” he hollered lunging toward Tyler.

“No, baby! It’s okay!” I yelled, jumping in front of Tyler to intercept any action on my son’s part. “Just go, Tyler!” I nudged. “Just go!”

“Not before I help you out,” he replied calmly.

“Don’t do this, Tyler, please! Don’t do—”

“Don’t do what, Chanel? Tell Rai that—”

Before I knew it, I had charged forward and began raining blows against Tyler’s face, his body and anything else that I could make a connection with. In my efforts to silence him, I blacked out, trying to tear him apart.

In the midst of the chaos, I could feel Rai pulling on me from behind, and Tyler’s hands were up in front of him guarding his face, but he was laughing the whole time.

“You muthafucka!” I screamed, enraged.

“Ma, stop! Just let him leave! We don’t want him here anyway!” Rai expressed.

I snapped out of whatever state of rage I was in and stood still, my heart beating out of my chest, aching furiously and unforgiving. Tyler swiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Apparently, I’d managed to cut him during my attack. I stared at him with pleading eyes filled with hate, and when he looked at me, I knew that the end had arrived. He was about to do it. God no. Please, God no. I’m begging.

I shook my head, tears pouring from me, while he looked on unaffected. “Just go,” I mouthed. “Just go,” I whispered, knowing that he wouldn’t, and that my silent prayer would go unanswered.  

“She’s not your mother, Rai. Chanel is not your mother. You’re welcome,” he said nonchalantly after dropping that three-thousand pound bomb on my whole life. He opened the front door to leave then delivered his finale. “Now that that part is out, I’ll leave so she can tell you where she got you from.”