Chanel

 

 

Tyler followed my eyes to the curb and then looked back at me. The look on his face made me want to slap the dog shit out of him. I saw it for what it was. It was coaxing. The look on Rai’s face after he hugged Dario, I couldn’t quite read, but I was sure he’d talk to me later. Dario’s look I knew well. I’d seen it the first night we met when he got in Tyler’s face. I had also seen it when they panned in on him as he sat in his corner of the ring during his last fight when he glared across at his opponent. I knew that if Rai hadn’t been present, Tyler would be laid up in somebody’s hospital with suggestions from the doctor to notify next of kin.

It was library-quiet as I sat on my living room sofa adjacent to Dario. I found it increasingly difficult to even look over at him. But each time I did, I knew what was there: confusion and a lot of anger. There wasn’t a smile in sight, not even inside of his beautiful eyes. There was always a smile there whenever he looked at me and it was dim as hell today.

“Are you gonna start, or should I?” Dario asked me after many moments of awkward silence. “And if you’re gonna start let it be fast and to the point. No beating around fucking bushes.”

I lowered my head, trying my best to fight back the tears, that in a short time, had become a constant in my life. I had never cried so much. Dario, no doubt, thought I was stalling, but the truth was that the words were just hard as hell to say.

“Dario . . .”

“Are you back with that sack of shit, Chanel? Is that why you didn’t return any of my calls yesterday or last night?”

My voice was trapped in the depths of my soul, bound by more hurt than I could handle. I had made several efforts to force the words, but they wouldn’t come.

“Chanel!” Dario yelled, his voice blaring loudly. He had lost patience; I couldn’t blame him.

“Yes,” escaped my lips before I could stop it.

“Yes, to what?! That you’re back with him?”

“Yes.”

“You’re joking, right? Look at me, Chanel! Now!” he commanded. He had stood from his seat by that time.

“Dario. I just . . . I-I-I guess . . . I was—”

“Say the shit! I want you to say that shit out of your damn mouth! What was all of this? All these months? Was I just something to bide your time? So, then the night that he was at your club, I really did interrupt some shit?!”

“I know you have a lot of questions, Dario. I—”

“Well, fucking answer them then. I don’t need the acknowledgement, I need the fucking truth! Give me that!”

“I thought I was okay with your mother and what she had to say, but I wasn’t.”

The lie left my mouth before I could even think about it or stop it.

“My mother?” He leaned against the wall nearest to him and dry-washed his face with his hands then shook his head.

I made the mistake of making eye contact and when I saw the look staring back at me, my eyes filled with tears. I had fucked up—royally.

“We fixed all of that shit, Chanel. At least I thought we did. This is some bullshit.”

“How could we ever really be happy if your mother always has an opinion about my place in your life? How? How could she forge any relationship with Rai or any kids that we might have later on down the line if we were to become serious? It just—”

“If we became serious?! According to you, we were serious! According to how I was proceeding with this thing, we were serious! I came here today to check on you because you weren’t answering calls or text messages yesterday. I woke up with a sense of urgency and feeling fucked up because I wasn’t doing more than calling and texting. I was thinking that I should’ve been here in person to check on you guys to make sure that you were safe! And this is what the fuck it was for?! Were you even going to have the decency to tell me this bullshit in person, Chanel?!”

“I’m sorry, Dar—”

“Fuck sorry, Chanel. Fuck sorry!” Dario lifted from his position on the wall and looked around the room and then back over at me. “Enjoy your life. Say goodbye to Rai for me.”

Everything in my entire soul wanted to run after Dario and tell him the whole truth, but I just couldn’t. I ran to the window to watch him leave, and it had to be one of the hardest things I ever had to do. He never looked back in my direction as he hopped in his car and speed off down my street. My heart hurt so badly. I was devastated. I didn’t know what to do, so I did the only thing I could do—sank to the floor and curled up in a fetal position where I could bawl my soul out.