Chanel

 

 

The closer we got inside the manor—if that’s what it was. It was certainly huge enough for the title!—the tighter my grip became on Dario’s hand. Had I been paying enough attention, I’m sure I would’ve discovered that my blood circulation was fighting for survival. I would’ve thought that with having him to hold onto, I would’ve been in a place where the comfort was enough to keep me calm. But I was wrong. On the other side, I barely felt Veronika holding onto me as we chartered into the unknown. It was an unknown that would soon be a major part of life for everyone present.

My world was about to change drastically, and so was my baby’s. He’d been through so much in such a short period of time that I was just hoping that it wasn’t too much for him to handle.

My maternal instincts had me wanting to run to Rai’s side and latch onto him so tightly that we were sharing in the same air supply. I wanted to pull him in close and shield him as I always had . . . or was it me that I wanted to shield? I didn’t know. But realizing that this moment was external to what had always been just the two of us, was a pain that I hadn’t prepared myself for. Could you even be prepared for something like this?

Watching Rai and Freddie give each other what I guessed was their version of a ‘bro hug’, made my heart warm. Rai didn’t have any sisters or brothers, and though he had a multitude of friends, he now had family outside of my small side of the family, to call his own. I sighed inwardly.

When I stepped inside of the extremely large foyer with the sky-high ceilings and tasteful decorations, I took in the scenery of the elegant home, but I couldn’t fully appreciate it—yet. All eyes were on Veronika when she released my hand and walked over to an attractive, beautifully designed, aquamarine glass cabinet and pointed to a few frames for Christoph to retrieve for her.

“Rai . . .” Veronika called out, softly.

For some reason hearing her call out to my baby so personal, and so intimate, made my heart do a light jolt. The thumping of my heart’s beat was so fierce and so loud that I swore it could be heard by everyone in the room.

“Yes, ma’am?” Rai responded to her.

“Can you come here, sweetheart?”

“But Ma!” Freddie called out. “I want to give Rai his birthday—!”

While Rai made his way over to Veronika, I shot a quick glance over at Antonina, who was already dabbing at the corner of her eyes. Giuseppe made sure that he had a comforting arm around her in the same way that his son had one around me. Christoph stood not too far from his wife after having sat the frames on the table that she stood next to.

“Freddie,” Dario quickly interjected, but not quickly enough for Rai who turned around to face us on his way to Veronika.

Smiling big, he asked, “Is this some sort of surprise for my birthday?”

“You could say that, sweetheart,” Veronika answered. “Come on,” she urged. “I want to show you something,” she said pointing at the three framed pictures that portrayed Lucas at various stages of life. I had finally gathered a bit of courage and stepped forward to join them. I needed to be with my son.

When Rai felt my hands around his shoulders, he turned around to look at me briefly before asking, “What’s wrong?”

“My dear boy,” Veronika said, choking back tears. “My dear, beautiful, Rai. You have no way of knowing just how much joy you have brought to my life . . . to my heart.”

“Ma, what’s wrong?” Freddie asked, suddenly appearing at his mother’s side.

“She’s fine, son,” Christoph reassured him, pulling his back to him, allowing Veronika to continue.

“You’re in his image a lot,” Veronika continued. “His eyes. Oh my God. You have his eyes. You have my eyes.”

“Huh?” Rai asked, confusion present in his voice.

“These pictures are of my son, Lucas, who I lost some years ago.”

“I know about Lucas. Dario told me they were close like brothers. I’m really sorry.”

Veronika’s strength broke in half as tears began to form. I saw the struggle in her as she tried to keep her emotions at bay. “Yes . . . they were close,” she said, looking over at Dario.

I wanted to console her, but I knew that it was something that she needed to do. I stepped around to the front of Rai and grabbed Veronika’s hand into mine.

“Baby . . .” I began, rubbing the side of his face. “Lucas . . . Lucas . . . is your father. Veronika is your grandmother. Christoph is your grandfather. This is your family,” I revealed, breaking the news that also broke my heart into a thousand pieces. It wasn’t that I didn’t want it for my son; indeed, I did. It was that Veronika’s hurt transferred onto me in that moment—all of it.

My baby had just made it back to me where Veronika’s baby never would. It destroyed me. I had rushing visions of Rai hooked up to machinery. I saw his blood on the ground from that day. I saw Dario holding his cousin in his arms, devastated. I saw Veronika receiving the news that her baby was gone forever. I saw it all. It broke me down and my tears rushed uncontrollably. The struggle to remain on my feet was severe.

“I don’t understand, Mom,” Rai relayed, looking from me then to his grandmother, who softly cupped his chin between both palms.

With tears falling from her eyes and down around her cheeks, Veronika spoke. “You, honey . . . are my gift from your father. You are my gift,” she cried. “You are my gift . . .”