She stared.

God, she just stared at me. Her jaw dropped, it dropped and then closed again. And dropped. She started saying something, a lot of things but never finished the first syllable. It went on like that. She stared, I stared back. I didn’t know what the hell else to say after that.

I understand. I, her best friend, just offered to have sex with her. To put my cock inside her, the girl I grew up with, the only girl who has seen me cry, my person…I just offered. It could mess us up, if we went through with it. But I feel like we’re stronger than that, maybe we’d need time apart—to forget. I don’t know. I was thinking ahead; she still hasn’t said anything.

“Lori?” I practically whispered.

She shook her head. Still in shock, maybe. I hoped she wasn’t thinking like I was—or thinking I had feelings for her, even though I did. It could be what was scaring her. She turned her head to the side and swallowed audibly. I had only seen her like this once before, speechless. When her father got in an accident. I gave the girl an anxiety attack. I’m an asshole. I should have eased into it; I should have…

“Do you mean that?” I exhaled a sigh of relief when she finally answered me.

“Yeah. Yeah I do.”

She looked at me like she thought I was crazy.

“I mean; you can’t really be surprised. You know what you do to me, felt what you do…it would be just sex, like you want. Then we can go back to awkward conversations and our usual selves.” I tried my best not to sound like I was begging.

Please let me be inside you. Please let me taste you. Please let me rock your world. Please love me back. Something like that.

“You really think so?”

“I think we’ve been friends long enough that we will. Look,” I shifted so I wasn’t facing her anymore. Her breasts were distracting, “I care about you too much to let you do this with a stranger, I know you, it would do you more harm than good. I’m your best friend, I’m happy when you’re happy, and you would be safe. I want the best for you, and if you really want to lose your virginity so bad that you told your fifty thousand subscribers about it, then I want to make it easier for you.”

“You like to pretend you aren’t a good guy but you are.” She whispered. I think she was still processing. I shrugged a bit.

“Yeah, well. Plus I’ve had sex with a virgin before, and I’m glad I knew before I did. She didn’t even get clingy or anything, but it was important for her to feel safe. It’s more important than you think. And…I can do that for you. If you want.” She exhaled quickly.

“I…” I turned to her, catching her eyes again.

“I don’t want you to answer me now. I want you to think about it. Let me know when you’re ready. Okay?” She nodded slowly. I smiled softly and kissed her forehead, for the first time since I’ve known her, she flinched. It stabbed me right in the heart. Only then did I wonder what I had done.

“Goodnight.”

I shut her door and left her alone.

Tomorrow came and I hadn’t even seen Lori. It had only been a week, so I didn’t know her morning routine. Her bedroom door was left open and she wasn’t there, so I thought she was avoiding me. I was up before eleven and went straight to the coffee maker. I poured a cup, doused it with cream and leaned against the counter. When I looked out onto my balcony I almost did a spit take.

There she was, bent over like that day in our room. I watched her for a few seconds as she went from leg to leg, but instead of standing up, she went further down until she was in a split, bent over her leg. She used to dance back in high school but I didn’t think she was that flexible. She moved and stretched out to the front, her ass came off the floor just a bit. I stood there, mouth open in shock, coffee in my hand, cock growing harder and harder by the second. Except it was worse this time, after my proposition last night it was all I could think about. I wanted her to say yes, of course I did. Not just because I wanted her as more than a friend but because I wanted her to do this safely. She seemed to have made up her mind completely, and I didn’t want her giving it up to some stranger who wouldn’t treat her right. She deserves to feel good. I can make her feel good.

I had to stop watching her or I would explode; I turned around to finish my coffee and didn't look over there again until I heard the door slide open.

“Morning.” I said to her casually. She smiled her usual bright smile.

“Morning…are you cooking?” She gestured to the bowls I brought out.

“Yeah. Eggs, bacon, and pancakes.” I noticed she was avoiding my eyes, other than that our conversation seemed completely normal. I decided I wouldn’t ask her about last night, not until she brought it up. If I could control myself.

“Ooo, that sounds good.” She dropped her rolled up mat on the stool and entered the kitchen.

My back was to her as I whisked up the eggs. I thought I should put a shirt on, but that would be me acting different than normal and I didn’t want to do that. I baked the bacon first and then started on the pancake mix. I always make it from scratch, mom’s recipe.

“Were you doing yoga?” I asked her casually.

“Yeah. I thought I would try and fit it in.” She sat on the stool facing me. She wore the same kind of tight leggings as before and only a sports bra, I guess she wasn’t acting different either.

“So, you’re trying to be a yogi?” I joked. She shook her head with a laugh.

“I am a yogi already.” She joked with a serious face. I laughed and went back to cooking.

I finished up breakfast and we sat to eat together. It was silent most of the time.

“We should celebrate your first successful week at work.” I suggested.

“It’s no big deal.” She shrugged and popped a strawberry in her mouth.

“Come on, it is. It’s a new big step in your life.” She met my gaze for the first time that morning. It seemed like, all at once, everything from last night hit us. Her eyes softened and her cheeks flushed a little more; she was already pretty flushed from her workout.

“If you insist.” I smiled.

“Cool. There’s a great club around here. We can go tonight.” She nodded.

“Okay. I uh, wanted to find the library here.” I stared at her. She gave me a funny look.

“Oh. I have no idea where it is. We can google it.” She nodded.

“Okay. Finished?” She took my plate. I watched her as she washed the dishes, her back was to me.

My eyes dragged up her body, from her small calves, wide hips, thin waist and taught back. Her curves were sinuous, begging you to follow the lines all the way up and down until you were dizzy. I wanted her to say yes, I wanted her to trust me with that sacred part of her for the same reason she put in her blog. I didn’t want to cash in on it though, and I didn’t see it as some big prize…but I did want her. I mean, I’m in love with her. If I knew how to date her I would, but the only way I know how to show her how much she means to me is by taking her as mine, in every way I know how.

“Did you search it up?”

“What?” I pulled out of my thoughts. “Oh, no.” I searched it up quickly.

“It’s like five miles from here. But you should really just use the university library.” She dried some stuff out and then looked back at me.

“I can?” I nodded.

“Just use my ID if you want to check something out, but they don’t stop you from going in or anything. Plus, it’s better than the city library.” She shrugged.

“Okay. Sure. I have to shower.” I nodded. She walked off, hips swaying and leaving me in a trance.

I waited for her to shower, and heard her door shut before I showered. I put on some jeans and a black long-sleeved t-shirt. I was about to meet her in the living room before my mom rang me.

“Hey ma, what’s up?”

“I just wanted to see how you were.” I heard the smile in her voice.

“I’m alright ma, what about you?” I smiled. Sometimes, when I’m not acting tough, I miss my mom. I miss her hugs.

“I’m fine. Work is good, but your dad is away on business.”

“Oh, that’s why you called?” I joked with her. She laughed slightly.

“Hush, boy. How is Lori? You haven’t run her out of the apartment, have you?” She scolded.

“No ma, I haven’t.” I thought of last night again and my neck tensed.

“Okay, sure. Is something wrong?”

“No.” I lied. She didn’t buy it.

“Well, you sound stressed out. Classes just started and you’re smart, I know it isn’t that.” I sighed heavily.

“I uh, it was just something with Lori. It’s nothing big.” She gasped.

“You told her!” I groaned.

“No, I didn’t I,” I was pretty open with my mom so I wasn’t all too hesitant to tell her, “I sort of offered to have sex with her.” I could see her gaping expression in my head.

“Uh, how does that work?” I chuckled nervously.

“Um. I don’t know. She just has been really worked up about…you know,” my mom knew, she was pretty much like her second mom, “she even blogged about it. I’m sure you’ve heard of a virgin’s manifesto.” She hummed.

“Oh yeah, when they decide to give it up or something. I’ve heard of it from some of my younger employees. Did she do that?”

“Yeah. She blogged about it, and kept it from me. I usually read all her blogs you know, but I found it and asked her about it. She was going to pick some random guy she wouldn’t have to see again, that’s why I offered. I don’t think she should do that, it wouldn’t be good for her.” I explained.

“I see. So, you’re trying to be a good friend not a horny man in love?”

“Ma!” She laughed at my embarrassment.

“I’m joking. Well what did she say then?”

“I told her to tell me her decision today, so I don’t know.”

“Do you think she’ll say yes?” I exhaled all at once.

“I don’t know. Honestly. I can’t lie and say I don’t hope she does. Really, I just don’t want her doing it with some random guy, more than anything.”

“I know. It shows how much you care about her.”

“Yeah, I do care about her. I don’t want her to get hurt, and I especially don’t want to be the one who hurts her.”

“You won’t. Not if you’re honest.”

“Thanks, ma.” I smiled a bit. Already feeling better. If I ever want to talk about something to someone, I do it with Lori. But I can’t for this. My mom is my only other confidant. I don’t keep many friends around; I don’t really need to. I’m cool with all the guys on the team but I can’t talk to them about shit like this.

“No problem sweetie. You talk to me if you need to, okay?”

“I will. I gotta go.”

“Okay, bye sweetie.” I tapped my phone and hung up.

I exhaled heavily and ran a hand through my hair. I rubbed my face, suddenly feeling very tired. I went in the living room to find Lori on the couch.

“Ready?” She stood up. Her jeans hugged all the lines of her legs perfectly, as did her tight sweater with a high V-neck, showing only a little bit of cleavage. I swallowed.

“Yeah.”

On the way to the library, she was quiet. I decided I should tease her a bit, bring her out of the shell she tugged herself in. She does that anytime she has to make any sort of decision so I didn’t take it personally.

She walked through the aisles of books and I followed. Didn’t have anything else to do, and before you say it, I do it all the time.

“What are you looking for?” I asked her. She scrunched up her face as she grazed the spines of books. We were in the fiction section, usually she just grabs something and runs with it.

“Um, anything besides romance.” I moved closer to her so that I was inches away.

My chest was close to her shoulder and I looked down at her head.

“That’s different.”

She shrugged.

“It’s been giving me unrealistic expectations.” She turned her head to read the spines sideways.

“Hmm, nothing wrong with that.” I smirked.

She turned up to look at me. Her eyes met mine before she moved down to my lips. I licked them for good measure and then she looked away. She turned and started on the other shelf.

“What kind of stuff do you read at work?” I asked casually.

“Um, this is the first manuscript I’ve been given. But my editor works mostly with science fiction.”

“You haven’t read stuff like that since junior high.” She nodded.

“I need to broaden my horizons.”

“And other things?” She froze, the look she gave me made me double over in laughter. She turned to face the opposite wall, I moved behind her. I inched closer to her so that my waist was against her back, her body tensed but then relaxed. We don’t really get close like this. I was trying to make her see what she could have, see that she should be comfortable with the person she has sex with for the first time.

“I’m not rushing you, but you haven’t given me an answer.” I leaned down to whisper in her ear, I saw the goosebumps rise on her cheeks, “I want to make you feel good, Cheesecake.”

I heard her shallow breaths, saw her cheeks darken. I was getting her hot and bothered. Well, I can’t say whoops because I do mean it.

“Dillon…” she turned to face me. I trapped her between the shelf and my front with my hands by her head. She swallowed, dragging her eyes up my body slowly until her eyes met mine. Her big blue eyes seemed to grow larger, wide with wonder. I did that. I smirked a little.

“I’m just putting it out there.” I rubbed my crotch closer to her. I didn’t want to do too much and scare her off, but I wanted her to see that there could be sexual tension between us. And that it was important for her to have a good time.

“It’s way out there.” She nodded to my budding erection.

“Just go with your gut and answer. It doesn’t have to be complicated.”

“I know it doesn’t. But how would we even go about it?”

I shrugged.

“We can pick a day…or I can just come up behind you and take you.” I joked. But her breath hitched and she blinked twice. No…

“Unless…you want me to do that? Surprise you?” I couldn’t help but smile ear-to-ear. She swallowed and bit her lip nervously. She is so damn cute.

“I…it’s something that I’ve thought about. But it can’t be the first time.” I nodded. I could do that. I could do a whole lot of things she wants.

“Okay. What other fantasies do you have?” She giggled.

“I’m not talking about this with you.”

“You’re about to have sex with me Cheesecake, this is elementary.” I jumped the gun but she didn’t deny it…

“I think about lots of stuff. But I don’t want to say it in a library.” She looked around. We were blocked off by two shelves so I don’t know what she was worried about.

“It’s only the beginning of the semester, no one is in here. Spill.”

“I’ve only ever thought of role playing and…and being tied up.” My eyes widened in shock but then softened a bit.

“I did that once.”

“You got tied up?” She shrieked.

“Yeah, but I also tied her up. She’s on the dance team here.” She thought back, because I had told her about it. Why does she forget these things?

“Oh.” I sighed. I gently tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and cupped her cheek softly.

“I’m gonna need an answer by dinner time. You know you can’t make a decision without a deadline.” I teased her.

“Okay…but,” she shook her head. I moved my hands and stepped back so she could move, but she didn’t. I grinned internally.

“But what?” I craned for her gaze. She met my eyes and gave me a stern look.

“I can’t lose you, you’re my best friend. It can’t…change things.” That scared me a little, only because I didn’t know what she meant.

“Like what? Fall in love with each other or something?” My voice was tremulous. I had already fallen in love with her.

“I just want you to always be my best friend.”

“Of course.”

I knew it wasn’t much. But she didn’t dismiss the thought entirely. It gave me hope. And it had me counting down the hours until dinner time.