The last two weeks have been the hardest of my life. Not only have I been forced to cut myself off from everyone in my life while my father works out how to make my life not go down the toilet, I’ve also had to live in the most uncomfortable atmosphere of my whole entire life. My father can’t look me in the eyes and my mother doesn’t seem to know who I am anymore. I can tell that she barely recognizes me… and to be honest, I don’t recognize myself. Yes, I’ve always been a fun loving guy who wants to play around, but I haven’t always put it before everything else. Now, I don’t know how I’ve let things get so damn bad.

I think spending time with Lucie, and realizing who I could have been has only made me see that more. We could’ve really been something, but now we’ll never get to know. I messed it up, I made sure that we couldn’t become anything before we even hooked up. It’s almost as if I knew. At this rate, I won’t ever be allowed out of this damn house again. I’m not grounded exactly, I’m too old for that, but I can’t go out either.

“Kade!” Dad barks, breaking the silence in a shocking moment. It’s been like a ghost house for far too long, three strangers passing through this damn mansion without exchanging a word. “My office now.”

I guess my fate has been decided at long last. I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing. On the one hand, it’s better than being in this horrible limbo where the atmosphere is terrible, but on the other, what comes next might be even worse. There isn’t any way of truly knowing what way it’s going to go.

I slink out of my room with my shoulders hunched over and my head hanging low. I used to stand proud, I used to be happy with myself and my life, I thought I was the king of the world and that I had everything waiting for me. In reality, I have less than all those people I mocked in college. They still get to be there.

“Mom?” She’s perched on the edge of Dad’s desk, refusing to look me in the eye. For some reason, this alone makes me fear the next step more than anything else. “What’s going on here?”

In the flickering of the candle that’s been lit for some reason, she looks stressed. Her body language is even more hunched over than mine. I’ve stressed her out even more than I have done myself. Just one more thing to feel terrible about. The list keeps growing and growing endlessly.

“This isn’t really to do with your mother, Son. This is between me and you. She’s just here to… well, you’ll see.” He indicates for me to take a seat which I don’t. My limbs wouldn’t move even if I wanted them to, they are utterly encased in ice. “Okay, so as you know I have been doing some thinking about your future. Now that you’ve messed things up at college, I know for a fact that no self respecting school will take you on, and as far as I’m concerned I don’t want you going to one of those places where partying is a way of life. If education comes second then you will bunk off. You have done more than enough of that.”

“I won’t screw up again,” I try my hardest to promise him. “I’ve learnt my lesson, I won’t make the…”

Dad holds up his hands to stop me from talking, which of course I immediately do, he just has this way of controlling the world around him. I suppose it must kill him that I’ve gone off the rails somewhat.

“I’m very sorry, Kade, but your apologies don’t mean anything anymore. I cannot trust a single word that comes out of your mouth.” His snapping makes me flinch, that feels a bit harsh even with the situation that we found ourselves in. It’s almost as if he hates me which upsets me a lot. “So, college is out of the question, as is taking over the family company. At least, for the time being it is. I don’t want our legacy to leave the family, I still want it to be a part of our name forever. Our ancestors didn’t work so hard for nothing. So, to prove to me that you can do this I have arranged for you to spend the next five years working in each department. You will travel to our designers in India, our manufacturers in China, our other stores across Europe and Japan, plus you will spend some time in other states. You will work hard and learn to ropes from the bottom up. I think that once you have an understanding of how every aspect of the business works, you will understand the importance of it and you’ll be able to run it in a coherent way.”

I search deep inside me to work out how I feel about that. I guess I always assumed that my life would have some travel in it at some point, but I didn’t think it would be like that. But maybe it would be a good thing, at least it would give me a chance to prove myself in a very real way. I always could be worse…

When I think about all the things that could have happened, I can’t be disappointed. He’s been more than fair to me considering the selfish way in which I’ve behaved for far too long.

“Okay,” I rasp as I nod. “Yes. I’ll do it, Dad, and I won’t let you down. I promise.”

“I have people watching you carefully in every single place over the next five years,” he warns in a serious, grave tone of voice. “There won’t be any time for you to screw about. You do understand that, don’t you? Any sign that you don’t want to grow up and I shall revise my plan completely. Much as I want to keep the business in the family, I also don’t want you to come along and run it into the ground. That isn’t fair on anyone.”

I deserved that, just like I deserve all of this. I really have been a fuck up and now I need to do some growing. Much as I could look upon this as a negative thing, I refuse to. The maturing starts right here.

“Son,” Mom finally joins in the conversation, proving why she’s here. I guess to defend Dad if I start kicking off. “We just want you to be capable when the time comes, and this is for the best…”

“No, I get it. I agree with you.” I force a smile onto my face, not that I think it’s a very believable one. “I do need to be able to work hard so I don’t screw this up. I’ll do it and I won’t let you down.”

“Good.” Dad commands the conversation again. “Because I want you to get packed up ready to go. The car will be here in half an hour to take you to London. That’s where you’re going to begin, to work in the store to see how it runs. The manager, William, will meet you from the airport and show you around.” He rests his hand on my shoulder and gives me an intense look. “It’s time to prove that you have some bollocks, and that you can take whatever life throws at you. Please, Son, make me proud.”

I nod, with a surge of determination that I’ll do just that. Of course, thinking of London only causes memories of Lucie to resurface. That’s one of the places that she said she wants to visit. Maybe, by some miracle I will see her there Our lives will cross paths again and I’ll be able to make things right…

But probably not, since she isn’t done with college yet and I probably won’t be in London for long. Not if I’m going to be travelling all over to see how things are run. It’s a nice thought, but not possible. And even if it was, she undoubtedly hates my guts for the way that I treated her. I slept with her, then blew her off, then left. She must know that I’m home now and she hasn’t made any effort to contact me at all. If she saw me in London, she would probably run the other way and I would ruin her dream trip.

Another thing I need to do over the next five years is stop thinking about Lucie. Luckily, it didn’t have the time to become anything other than old friends who hooked up once. Yes, I was considering making her something more permanent in my life, but fate stepped in the way and stopped that from happening. That’s a sign that my initial instincts were right. I’m far too young to even think about settling down.

I make my way back to my bedroom and I gather up the things I think I’m going to need the most. I’ll have to leave most things here since I’ll be moving about so much. Not so much back packing but I won’t be in five star hotels either. I’ll be a working man, living the working class life. Sort of. It’ll be a minimalistic five years which might be good for me as well. I’ve spent too long living the rich man dream.

By the time that I’m packed up and all ready to go, I actually feel positive about my adventure. If I focus on all the wonderful parts to it and ignore all the parts that are a bit shit, then it’ll be fine. I’m sure that I shall leave a boy, but I’ll come back a man. Then, I’ll be the best person I can be to make our family company even better. Maybe I can even grow it and turn it into something even bigger. It’s possible, isn’t it?

“Bye, Mom,” I say while giving her a hug. I don’t blame her, she’s dominated by Dad anyway and I know that she only wants what’s best for me. “I love you, and I’ll call you when I get to London.”

Dad pats me on the shoulders and smiles at me, looking a lot less like he hates me than he did before. “Son, I’ll send you a budget to life off each week, like a wage for the work. It won’t be as much as you’re used to, so you’ll have to adjust to living on a budget. That’s something which I hope will also be a good lesson.”

“It will.” I can do that, I can spend less. If I’m not drinking and partying then it’ll be easy. “It’ll be fine.”

With that, I leave my parents behind, I say goodbye to the comforts of my mansion, and I step into the unknown. This is me giving up the person that I’ve become and I can’t wait to leave that version of me behind. I don’t know who I’ll be when I come back, but I hope it’s much better. I hope I’m more mature.

I chuck my bag in the car and take my seat. As it whizzes down the road, the only house that I cannot look at is Lucie’s because she’s the one major regret that I’m leaving behind. Maybe fate will come back between us in five years time and we will get another chance, but it seems like we’ve already had two. I’ve heard of second chance love but never third chance. That one might already be sealed and done with. It’s a massive shame, and something that I’ll always have to live with, but I suppose I must hope that life has a plan for me.