“What the hell is the matter with you two?”
“Because it’s always fucking true.”
Stephen had dragged Perry and me into my office, the only space that appeared to be unoccupied. My head felt like it was the ball in a foosball table. And where the hell was Chase?
“I told you you should’ve picked up a voodoo doll when you were in New Orleans,” Perry said.
“God, it made me sick.” Like getting forced to swallow down a vat of cotton candy and then having your mouth taped shut so you couldn’t throw it up. “She was all like, ‘Hello, Mrs. Hudson. Nice to see you again, Mrs. Hudson. What a beautiful home you have, Mrs. Hudson.’ Speaking all nice and innocent like that.”
“Bitch.”
“And what the hell’s with the ‘Misses’ crap? I’m not fucking married.”
“Whore.”
“Will someone please tell me what the fuck is going on here? And stop pacing, Jillian. You’re making me dizzy.”
“How would you feel, Stephen, if your son just came home with some four-dollar fuck?”
“Perry, isn’t that a little….” Wait, what was I doing defending her? “I can’t believe you even recognized her.” Me, on the other hand… I couldn’t forget her if I had an ice pick shoved in my brain.
“I’m good with faces, especially ones I want to rip off.”
Stephen threw up his hands. “Okay, I give up. I don’t know what is going on or why you seem to hate this woman so much, but you both need to stop acting like idiots. Jillian, you’re hosting this party. You need to get out there. And Perry, at least try to keep that mouth in check when we’re around mixed company. Okay?”
“You seem to love this mouth when we’re—”
He held up his hand. “I’m out of here. I suggest both of you act like adults and come join the fucking party. For Daniel’s sake, at least.”
“Stephen, wait,” I said. “Can you find Chase and ask him to come in here? As far as I know, he’s still with Michelle.” I really needed to talk to him.
He sighed, then stomped out of the room. “Well, he’s acting like a big ole baby,” Perry said.
“Do you think Stephen has a point? Are we overreacting?”
“I don’t think so, Jills. This is some crazy shit.”
“Right? I just don’t get it. She wasn’t the least bit surprised to see me. She knew I was Daniel’s mom. She knew, Perry. I don’t get how they can possibly know each other. And how the hell can they be friends?”
“I don’t know, but I think we’d better find out. And you should probably let me do all the talking. I can be more subtle.”
I was too far gone to even laugh, just continued to pace around the room, so freaking confused.
Chase pushed the door open and I rushed over. “Holy shit, am I happy to see you.” I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him farther into the room before closing the door again.
“Yeah, sorry about that. Your neighbor’s a little out there.”
“Ha! Told you.” Perry bounced up from my clawed-up chair. “Ohmigod! Did she try to lure you into her basement?”
“Nooo.” He tilted his head, looking at her and then back to me. “But Stephen did tell me you guys are acting strange. Stranger. He said you freaked out about the girl Daniel’s with?”
“You didn’t see her?”
“No, why?”
“It’s Cassie.”
“Cassie?”
“Yes, Chase. Cassie. The one you work with. What the hell is she doing with my son?”
The more I thought about her coming into my home, the more insane it was. And she was also in my car? She was after my man, and now she’s with my son? I should’ve been calling the cops. It definitely sounded like a stalker situation.
“Jillian, calm down.” Chase held me, with a soothing voice like I needed to be talked down off a ledge. “I don’t know what she’s doing here, okay? I have no idea, but they obviously know each other from somewhere.”
“Yeah, from her stalking him,” Perry said.
I nodded. See, she gets it.
Chase smiled. “Let’s just go back out. You’ll regret it if you spend the whole day in here. You’ve been looking forward to this party, and Daniel’s probably wondering where you are right now.”
He was right. I knew that, but did that mean I wanted that woman around? Hell no. I had a hard enough time dealing with her when it came to Chase. I wasn’t a jealous-by-nature person, but she’d challenged me. She wanted Chase, but once it became clear she couldn’t have him, I’d assumed she’d slumped off. It was bad enough they worked together in that tiny school. Thank fuck that I trusted him a million times over.
But none of that explains why the fuck she’s here with my son.
“He’s right, Jills. I’m never going to be able to interrogate her skanky ass if we stay in your office.”
Chase sighed. “That’s not what I meant.” She headed for the door, trying to take my arm with her. “Perry, I think you need to relax, or it’s going to end up backfiring.”
“I don’t want her here, Chase,” I said.
“But Daniel does,” he replied.
“And that’s why I’m handling it, so Jills doesn’t have to be the bad guy. She can be mature and gracious on the outside and fantasizing about her slow, agonizing death on the inside. Besides, I’m more subtle. Win-win all around.”
I clasped my hand in Chase’s as she tugged us out the door. “So, she never once mentioned to you that she knows Daniel?” I asked him.
“Unless we’re discussing a student, I rarely talk to her, Jillian.”
Perry turned her head back and gave a thumbs-up. “Good answer, Chase.”
The three of us tumbled out of the room and into the kitchen, running into Stephen talking with Sal from down the street.
“Hi, Sal. Glad you could stop by.” I pulled two beers out of the cooler, handing one to Chase. “This is my boyfriend, Chase. Chase—Sal. He used to be Daniel’s Cub Scout leader.” They’d probably seen each other at some point but hadn’t been officially introduced. What I’d just done would’ve given me a panic attack six months ago, and now it barely fazed me.
They shook hands, and I took a long, loooong sip. Stephen eyed Perry and me suspiciously. What, now we were too calm for him?
“Everything good now?” he asked.
“Yep. Seen Daniel?”
Stephen moved his eyes from me and over to Chase for a quick second. I wondered if there was some secret man code going on here.
“Is it safe to have them out in public?”
“Yeah, but I’ll call if I need backup.”
Stephen looked back to me. “Downstairs.”
I smiled. “Thanks.”
Perry grabbed the bottle of chocolate milkshake and a couple glasses. “It worked the first time.” Before I could say “He doesn’t drink,” she was already down the stairs.
Fuck, here it goes.
“What does she mean?” Chase asked.
“When Perry first started seeing Stephen, Daniel was reserved with her. He was only”—I tried doing the grade school math in my head but my brain wasn’t fully functioning—“thirteen, fourteen, I believe. They ended up bonding over milkshakes. It became a contest who could suck down the most in the shortest time. It worked, but I just think he was shy in the beginning because he had a little crush on her.”
By the time I’d taken my short trip down memory lane, we were to the rec room. Perry was already inside, of course. I poked my head in to see her behind the small bar area I rarely used. She was leaning forward over the bar top, staring in the direction of the pool table. Daniel was there, stick in one hand, Cassie in the other. Friends, huh? She saw me and smiled. It appeared genuine. Fuck her.
Tony was at the table, sans Val, taking his shot. I surveyed the room. A couple I vaguely recognized on the love seat—they were friends with Stephen, that much I did know—were chatting with my cousin and his wife who had come up from Lake Geneva.
I suddenly wanted everyone gone. I was not in the mood to socialize, and I loved throwing parties. As long as they knew someone I knew well, anyone was welcome. The more the merrier, as they say.
Well, fuck that.
Chase squeezed my hand, and I relaxed. To a point. I was taking this harder than I should. Or maybe I wasn’t taking it hard enough. There was nothing in the mother’s manual explaining how to react when the same woman wanted both your boyfriend and your son.
We went over to Perry who was pulling off a cool look. “Hey, guys,” she said as if she hadn’t just seen us thirty seconds before. “Just waiting until my nephew finishes his game so we can catch up. Said it shouldn’t be long.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Cassie watching us. When I looked her straight on, she smiled again. Then she said something to Daniel, and he laughed. I was about to lose my shit.
“Jillian,” Chase said.
I realized I was crushing his hand. “Oh, sorry.” I loosened my grip, then chuckled to myself. Like he’d felt anything stronger than a tickle. At least I’d found some humor in the situation.
He turned me towards him. “I don’t care about that. I care about you. Don’t do this to yourself. You don’t even know what’s going on yet.”
Oh, I knew. Maybe not the scheming details, but I knew that Daniel and Cassie didn’t add up to anything other than one conniving bitch. How could Chase be so blasé about the whole thing? He knew how she was. He should’ve been wanting to tear her off Daniel the same as—
The soft touch of his lips on mine shut everything up. A small kiss, appropriate for the surroundings, but it meant so much. It told me that no matter what, he was there for me. We were in this together. Cassie could go fuck herself. At least that’s how I wanted to perceive it.
“Ow!” I pulled back from Chase, rubbing my arm. “Why’d you pinch me?”
Perry nodded slightly in their direction.
Oh. That’s why.
“Thanks for having the party, Mom. I wanted to say that before but you, uh, left right away.”
More like hauled away as discreetly as possible. Between me guest starring in a flashback Twilight Zone episode and Perry speaking loud and sweary words, it gave Stephen enough cause to take us by the arms and mumble something about the kitchen burning.
“Yes, thank you, Mrs. Hudson.”
Jesus. “It’s Jillian.” I looked at Daniel, putting on my best smile. “You’re very welcome. I hope you’re having a good time.” I was sure that I’d confused the hell out of him earlier, but not Cassie. Nope. She knew exactly why I’d had that reaction, and I was not going to give her any more fucking satisfaction.
“And you remember Chase,” I said, and Daniel nodded.
“Long time no see,” Cassie said to Chase. Cute.
“I wasn’t aware you two knew each other.”
Right after Chase said it, Cassie and Daniel looked at each other. “Oh, we go way back,” Cassie said, smiling big.
“Way back?” What the hell does that mean? If that’s some kind of sexual slang, I’m going to—
“We went to East Shore together,” Daniel said, smiling back at her.
“East Shore… High School?”
“Well, for a little while at least. She transferred in as a senior when I was a sophomore.”
“I….” I was a shit ton of confused, that’s what I was. I sprinted through that time period in my mind, trying to recall if he’d ever mentioned a Cassie. I knew for a fact that I’d never seen her. Despite her claim of going ‘way back,’ she couldn’t have changed that much since then.
Perry slapped her hands on the bar top. “Well, fuck me and rob me blind. Jills, isn’t this something? We should celebrate.” She motioned to Daniel and Cassie. “Have a seat, you two.” They sat on the front stools while the three of us huddled behind it. She opened her bottle of adult milkshake and poured the thick brown sludge into a glass. “I have something special just for you, Daniel.” Perry winked, sliding the glass over as she poured another, I assumed for herself.
Daniel held up the bottle, looking it over. “Sorry, Aunt Perry. I don’t drink.”
She tilted her head. “At all?”
“Well, I will have water occasionally.” He smiled and Cassie clenched onto his arm, laughing like it was fucking hi-lar-i-ous.
“Bongwater?”
She had this blank look on her face, so I elbowed it off. “God, Perry, no. That was a joke.”
“Oh, good.” She took a slurp, not offering one to Cassie. “Because that shit’s disgusting.”
“I’ll just grab another bottle of water,” Daniel said. “What can I get you, Cassie?”
“Um, hard lemonade?”
Daniel looked at me. “Nope, don’t have that,” I said. But I did have a can of PBR that’d been in the bar fridge since we moved in.
“Then anything’s fine, Daniel. I’ll have whatever Jillian’s having.” Yeah, I bet you fucking will.
“Jillian likes beer,” Perry said, bending down behind the bar. It was like she was reading my mind when she pulled the can out of the small fridge. Then she slapped it down in front of her with a smile. “Here you go.”
“You still have that?” Daniel asked as Cassie was making a move to pop the tab.
I snatched the can away. “Ha-ha. Perry’s quite the jokester herself.” I narrowed my eyes at her, and she just shrugged. It was one thing to fantasize about what a sixteen-year-old-plus beer would do to someone’s insides, but I was not going to jail for the woman.
“You should probably get rid of that, Mom, before someone accidently drinks it.”
“Absolutely.” The house was built in the forties, so for all I knew the beer had been around since then. I didn’t even remember why I kept it besides thinking the can was interesting.
Daniel swung his legs over. “I’ll go get you something. Anyone else?”
Chase put up his hand. “No, just stay there. I need to run up anyway.”
Hmm… Chase left the room, and the two lovebirds ogled each other. This was so not a fucking friend situation. I needed some answers, but more importantly, I needed to speak to Daniel alone. I couldn’t wait until we had our time after the party.
Perry topped off her glass and leaned over the counter, staring directly at Cassie. She pulled back a little but kept that sugar-coated expression on her face while Perry’s was all-business. “We know you two lovebirds”—she keeps reading my frickin’ mind—“went to a year of high school together—how sweet, by the way—but you never mentioned how you just happened to meet up again. Or were you in contact this whole time?”
“Oh no,” Cassie said. “It’s the craziest thing.” She gazed at Daniel. “Go on, you tell it.” He opened his mouth. “After all these years….” She covered her mouth, then flicked her hand. “Oh sorry, no, you go ahead.”
“We,” they both said simultaneously, then busted out laughing. Cassie made a zipping motion across her lips.
“I won’t talk anymore. Promise,” she said, fluttering her eyelashes.
Jesus Christ. Just get on with it already. Perry was sticking her finger down her throat, but they were too busy making eyes at each other to notice. Cassie was not a stupid girl. Unfortunately. It would have been much easier if she was. No, she was just pretending to be a ditz, and why the hell my intelligent son was falling for it escaped all comprehension.
“Well,” Daniel said, pausing until she put her hand over her mouth. If she moved it up a little higher, she could silence herself permanently.
“Go on,” Perry said, “I’m dying here.”
“So, we haven’t seen or even talked to each other since school, and then….”
“Yeah, yeah!” Perry waved her hands around like one of those excited monkeys that freaked her out so badly. She was slathering it on just a teensy bit too thick. “And then?”
“I suppose I have you to thank, Mom, for the next part. Or maybe Dad.”
“Or maybe fate,” Cassie said, her eyes widening before she clamped her mouth shut again.
“I’m not following,” I said.
“Yesterday for my interview, when Dad’s car wouldn’t start. I went with you to the school having no idea Cassie taught there too.”
“But….” I glanced at Perry, and she gave me a look that dripped pure sympathy. She was also probably worried about the night turning into a murder-suicide. First Mike, then me. “But when I left to go inside, you were in the car about to leave. I didn’t even see you, Cassie.”
Daniel looked at her and nodded as if to tell her it was okay to burst out of her seams. “Okay,” she said, bouncing around in her chair. “I was there in the parking lot, but I guess you didn’t notice me. I had no classes, but I decided to stop in and take care of a few things. Thankfully I did. It was like it was meant to be.” More eye fluttering. “So, imagine my surprise when I noticed you talking to a cute guy I recognized from all those years ago. Daniel Hudson.”
Perry shook her clenched fists. “Yay!”
“Of course I had to stop over and say hello. And then I found out you were his mom. How crazy is that?”
Pretty goddamned fucking crazy.
I saw Chase nearing the doorway and I rushed over, blocking out the rest of her ‘reunited’ crap. If I were able to kick my own ass, I would’ve been so black and blue right then.
“Jillian, what’s wrong?”
I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. “I’m not sure I can do this, Chase.” At one time, I would’ve been peeing in my pants with excitement to hear about Cassie setting her sights on a different man. Now… Fuck. Me.
He kissed the top of my head. “What took you so long up there?” I asked.
“I was talking to your mom.” I felt guilty. I needed to pay some attention to all the people I was supposed to be hosting.
“What’s Stephen doing?”
“He’s helping out upstairs. The sandwiches were delivered.” I looked up at him, feeling worse. He smiled. “It’s all good, Jillian. Besides, I think he prefers to stay up there.”
Yeah, my brother was definitely a drama-avoider. How he and Perry were the perfect couple was one of those unexplained mysteries. I shifted my gaze and noticed what he held in his hand.
“I know the bottle of water is for Daniel, but who’s the Spotted Cow for?”
“Jillian….”
“Chase, really? On top of everything else, now she’s going to get my beer?”
He laughed. “Jillian, it’s just a beer.”
“No, it’s a straw. The final one. Haven’t you ever heard the story about the camel?”
He just shook his head. I was probably being a touch on the dramatic side, but come on.
Then I thought of Daniel. And Perry alone with the both of them.
Shit.
“Okay, fine. One beer.”
We went back over to them, trying to get a feel for what happened in my short absence. Chase set the bottles down in front of them.
“Thanks.”
“Thank you, Chase.”
“No problem.”
I leaned back against the wall, tapping my fingers on my thighs as Perry studied me. Now what?
I watched Cassie take a sip and cringe. “What’s the matter?” Daniel asked.
“Oh, nothing.”
“Do you not like it?”
“Well….”
Daniel took the bottle from her. “That’s okay. You don’t have to drink it. I’ll get you something else.”
That wasn’t the final straw. This was the final straw. Perry took the bottle from Daniel before I could break her with it. She set it under the bar and pulled me aside. “We’ll save it. For DNA and prints later,” she whispered.
“If you don’t mind, Mom, we’re going to head upstairs for a while. Cassie hasn’t had a chance to talk much with Grandma.”
Splendid. “Yes, go ahead. I’ll catch up with you later.”
“I need to go too,” Perry said, and I raised my eyebrow. “I want to spend time with my fiancé. Why else would I leave?” She gave me a smile complete with rows of sharp teeth. I was so glad I had her on my side.
She dashed up the stairs after them, and Chase came and pressed his hard body against mine, squashing it to the wall. Normally that’d be a sexual gesture, but now it felt more like a protective one. “It’ll be okay, Jillian. Trust me.”
“How can you be that sure? I….” I didn’t want to focus on this anymore. “How about we change the subject? Tell me how it went over at Michelle’s. It took a while, so you must’ve done more than just sprinkle down salt.”
He brushed strands of my hair with his fingers. “Well, I did the salt. Not just the steps but the front path too. She also asked me to take a look at her porch banister. It was coming loose. And… she asked for some of my sperm.”
“She what?!”
“She told me she had your blessing or else—”
“My blessing? What the fuck does that mean?”
“That’s what I was going to ask you.”
I tried to squirm out from him. “Is she up there right now?”
“No, I didn’t see her. I don’t think she’s here.” He stilled me. “But if she were, do you really think it’d be a good conversation to have right now?”
“Chase, like I wouldn’t pull her into a room away from everyone else.” This was fucked-up hard, even for her. How could I not question her about it? “So, what,” I said, sweltering even though I was flat against ice-cold bricks, “she came onto you?”
“God, Jillian. No. She, uh… asked if she could give me a container so I could take care of myself into it. Kinda like a sample at a clinic.”
Holy fuck. And I knew exactly what she wanted to do with it. I was horrified. And disgusted. And… I started to laugh. It was so far over the top I couldn’t see the ground anymore.
“I can’t even….” I shook my head. “Did she tell you why she wanted it?”
“No, that’s when Stephen came and said I was needed here.”
“Chase, she wanted to put it on her face. She’s convinced it takes away wrinkles.”
He blinked so hard I thought his eyes would pop out. “Seriously? Why not just ask her husband.”
“It needs to be young sperm.”
“I can’t even….” he said, copying my words. “I am never going to be able to look at her again. I hope you know that.”
“Oh, believe me, that won’t be a problem. I’m not going to let her get within ten feet of you again.” I slugged his arm. “And you thought I consented to this?”
“I didn’t think anything. My brain was pretty fried after that. Then I came back to a whole other set of issues. You throw quite the party, Jillian. Can’t wait for the next.”
He was smirking at me, trying to make light of the clusterfucked day. At least the morning was perfect—after the pencil incident—and the night would be perfect once Cassie slithered off. But the day?
All I had to show for it was a fucking broken camel and one less Spotted Cow.