The arrival/departure board changed. Again. The plastic-backed chair dug into my spine, so I leaned forward, tapping my fingers on my chin. He should have just flown into O’Hare. I would’ve happily driven the hour to Chicago to pick him up, but he hopped on the little puddle jumper to make the short flight to Milwaukee. And there was a twenty-minute delay.
Relax, Jillian. It’s twenty frickin’ minutes. It’s not like the flight was canceled.
I got up and paced around. The place was practically empty, which was expected for a Sunday night. I walked over to Starbucks to pass some time, considered what I wanted to order, then turned back around. I didn’t need anything sloshing around in my stomach.
I was jittery as hell. I was also over-the-moon excited, and that’s all I should’ve been feeling, but yeah… knowing that Daniel and Chase were going to meet in about an hour freaked me the fuck out.
I did laps around the airport, waiting for the clock to tick down. It was planned that I’d come alone to pick up Daniel, then bring him back to Mom’s where Chase would be one of the people waiting. I second-guessed myself a dozen times and still didn’t know if I was making the correct decision. Was it too soon to introduce them? Should I wait for a time when we could do it without others around? I discussed it with Chase and my mom, and in the end I decided to just go with it. I wanted Chase with the rest of the family when Daniel and I walked through that door, and hopefully, it’d work out well.
Peachy-keen jelly bean. I checked flight 3031 on the board, and it appeared the latest time was sticking. I made my way to Gate D and went as far as I could get before security stopped me. I saw some life down at the end of the aisle and pulled at the fabric strangling my throat. Why had I worn a turtleneck? It was choking me.
Two flight attendants wheeled their bags up, chatting amongst themselves. Okay, that’s a good sign. This was the only flight coming in at that time from that gate. Pretty soon the passengers would be walking up as well. Pretty soon I’d be able to give my son a big ole hug.
I watched as more and more people straggled closer to me, but still no Daniel. I tugged at my bottom lip. Probably half the plane had exited, and I was getting antsy. Antsier. No, neurotic. When a group filed by, I started to think I’d messed up the itinerary. Maybe it wasn’t flight 3031, but 1303. I’d never been dyslexic before, but was there a later-age onset version? I’d gone through all the info with him and quadruple-checked it on the site, but we’d only talked in text to cut down on costs and maybe—
“Mom?”
Holy shit. “Daniel!” It was just like those times when he was a little boy, and he’d sneak up behind me and think it was so funny when I jumped, until the day I was holding his birthday cake and I threw it into the air. He didn’t think it was so funny then, and… holy shit!
I ran over and gave him that hug I’d been dying to give him for the past year and a half. He was like that little boy all over again, yet he wasn’t. Not even close. I gave him a kiss on both cheeks, then pulled back to take a good look.
His smile was gorgeous. “Hi, Mom.”
I squeezed him again. “God, I missed you so much.”
I knew I was biased, but come on; the guy was tall and handsome and smart and considerate and everything I’d ever want for him. And yes, he was technically my stepson, but anyone who thought that meant anything less to me deserved their teeth kicked in.
I couldn’t stop staring at him. Even physically he could pass for my biological child. His hair was sandy blond, his eyes gray-blue. He even had that one slightly crooked eyetooth just like mine, but on the opposite side. Crazy.
“Hey, Mom? If you want to hang out in the airport a while I’m cool with that, but we should probably go get my suitcase.”
“Oh, right!” I’d have plenty of time to stare at him later.
We hopped on the escalator down to baggage claim, and that’s when I noticed how exhausted he looked.
“When was the last time you slept?”
“Not sure.” He rubbed his face. “I was up most of the night before, thinking I’d be able to get some sleep on the Milan flight, but it was too noisy.”
“You should have just let me pick you up in Chicago. It would have been earlier, and you could have taken a nap in the car.”
“Naw, it’s fine. I didn’t want to take the chance of snow and make you drive that far.”
See? Considerate.
We easily found the terminal since it was the only one actively being used. “Daniel, if you’re not up for it, we can skip the family dinner tonight. Get some rest and we’ll reschedule.”
His dark green bag came down the conveyer belt, and he hauled it off. “I can make it, Mom. I’d like to see everyone.”
“Your dad’s still planning on coming around nine. That’s probably way too late.”
“I can rest tomorrow. I don’t have an interview until Tuesday.”
“Already?”
“I told you I lined up a few. I’m not planning on living in my old room forever.” I opened my mouth, and he gave me a quick peck on the cheek. “Come on, I’m ready.”
“You only have the one?” I thought he would’ve accumulated a lot more stuff.
“I didn’t need much at school. And Dad’s gonna give me some of his old suits until I can get my own.”
Already? “Where’s the interview?”
“Oak Creek.”
We took an elevator back up and crossed over to the parking structure. I eyed his lightweight jacket. “What was the temperature when you left Milan?” Their climate wasn’t that different from ours. It wasn’t like he left Tahiti.
He shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe two degrees.”
“Two!”
“Oh, sorry, that’s Celsius. More like thirty-five.”
“That’s still not very warm.”
“We’re just going to the car. I’ll be fine.”
“Hungry?”
“Starving.”
“Grandpa Frank is cooking, like usual. Although the last thing you probably want to eat is more Italian food….”
He laughed. “Mom, it’s fine.”
Good thing I snagged a close spot since he wasn’t dressed for a Wisconsin winter night. I popped the trunk, and he lifted his bag in. I was standing there shivering in my fur boots, jeans, and pythonneck sweater, and I had a decent coat to cover it all. But Daniel was barely twitching. Men.
Oh, right. Men.
We got inside, and I started the car. “The man I’ve been seeing, Chase. He’ll be there tonight. I want you to meet him. Is that okay? I mean, already?”
He laid his head back on the seat and yawned. “No problem.”
I thrummed my fingers on the steering wheel. Was it really no problem, or was he just too tired to think straight?
I pulled out and made the quick jaunt over to the interstate. It took about thirty minutes to get to Mom’s from there. I glanced over; his eyes were closed. What was I thinking scheduling something his first day back? It was 1:00 a.m. in Milan; he should’ve been sleeping, especially if he didn’t sleep the night before. No, maybe this was better. He had to adjust to the new time zone quickly if he was already starting interviews on Tuesday.
Hmm.
“Daniel?” I whispered.
No answer. It’d be good for him to get some rest. A little nap wouldn’t mess with his jet lag too badly. He’d still sleep later.
I inhaled as slowly as I could, exhaled the same, making a game of it. I didn’t want to turn on the radio, and I was going out of my freaking mind. I did not want to be alone with my thoughts right then.
I’d planned to use this drive to get completely up-to-date on my son’s life. Sure, we talked on the phone once in a while, but usually it was e-mails and texts. I knew about all the courses he took at the university, what his residence hall looked like, the friends and classmates he’d hung out with. He always sent pictures of the places he’d frequented or the weekend trips he took when he wasn’t studying his ass off. The street vendor who made his favorite frittinis. I knew plenty of things, but it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t the same as hearing it all from his mouth.
I wish I could’ve visited, but it had never worked out. He’d transferred from UWM into the international program around the time Mike and I were finalizing our divorce, and then I threw myself back into my recruiting business. Later when Daniel and I tried syncing our schedules, they’d never lined up, unfortunately.
Tiny flakes began to hit the windshield, and I turned on my wipers. It’d give me something to concentrate on for the rest of the drive. I wondered what Chase was doing at that moment, if my mom was fawning all over him like she tended to do. God, was he as nervous as me? This was a big deal. A. Big. Fucking. Deal.
My teeth chattered. I was colder than usual lately. Why was it even snowing? It should’ve been too cold to snow. The weather was acting wonky, or maybe that was me. The heat was blasting on my face, dethawing me but giving me a headache. I couldn’t wait to get out of the car.
Check that: I was scared to get out of the car.
I glanced over at Daniel—still crashed out hard. I moved the vent down so it was blowing on my legs, making my cheeks instantly freeze, my nose probably resembling a cherry Ring Pop. I watched as the flakes grew bigger. I needed to focus. I needed to stop shivering; I had to be steadier at the wheel.
If Chase were here, he’d heat me up. He’d cover me with his body and make me so hot I’d—Do not get fucking turned on in this car with your adult son sleeping in the passenger seat. What the fuck is wrong with you, Jillian?
Argh.
The rest of the drive was uneventful. I somehow kept it together long enough to get us there safely. But when my tires crunched over their driveway, I felt so wound up I was considering jumping out and shoveling right then just to release some energy.
I turned off the car and sat for a second, even though my muscles were screaming at me to unwind them. I let my shoulders drop, hoping the rest of me would follow suit. I needed to relax. Calm and steady wins the race. Channel your inner turtle, Jillian.
“Daniel.” I rubbed his arm. “Daniel,” I said a bit louder. “We’re here.”
His lids peeked open and he yawned again, scrubbing his hands up his face and through his hair.
“Okay.” He stretched out his arms in front of him. “Wow, I was out cold, wasn’t I?”
“Yes, you were. I guess you needed it. Ready?”
“Yeah. I just need to grab something out of the trunk.”
I popped it open and grabbed my purse, slinging it over my shoulder. Then I opened the door to a face full of wet. I glanced at the front door, wondering if they were watching us. They would have heard us drive up, would have noticed the headlights as they sliced through the house.
Daniel pulled a smaller bag out of his suitcase, then slammed the trunk closed.
“What’s that?”
“Gifts. I missed Christmas.”
“That wasn’t necessary, Daniel.” Did I mention he was considerate? “And how’d you fit that in there with everything else?”
“I told you I don’t need much.”
“Hmm. I hope you have a warmer coat in there.”
“I do, Mom.”
“Good.”
We walked up the front path, the door becoming increasingly closer. The love of my life was behind it. The rest of my heart beside me.
My past and my future were about to collide in that present moment, and I fucking prayed I’d walk away in one piece.