“Maybe he’s gay.”
The four of us were in Wengo’s for quarter-wing night. We tried to make it every Monday, even if it was just for a couple hours. A couple pitchers of beer, a frou-frou drink for Perry, several baskets of wings, and we were all set.
“He’s not gay, Perry.”
“Are you sure?” She took a bite and started flapping her hand frantically over her mouth. “Dammit, you two.” She pushed the basket towards me and Chase, then downed half her drink. “I took one of yours. Now I’m going to get an ulcer and have it on my wedding day. Thanks a lot.”
I laughed. Chase and I had ordered the inferno wings. “You’ll be fine. If you get an ulcer, it won’t be from that.”
“As I was saying, maybe Cassie is just a cover? Yes, she was all over him at the party, but did you see him initiating anything?”
“No, but he looked happy about it.” Ick.
“I never even saw them kiss.”
I leaned back, Chase’s hand resting on my thigh. The conversation had quickly turned to Daniel, and it appeared to be all two-sided. Chase and Stephen were more interested in stuffing their faces.
“He’s not gay,” I said for the second time. “But it’d be so much easier if he were.” Honestly. I’d much rather deal with other men hanging around than women. Anyone could end up being a jerk, but at least I wouldn’t have to worry about unplanned pregnancies.
“Well, something sneaky’s going on.”
“I agree, but I think it’s on Cassie’s part.”
“Me too, but….”
“But what?”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you told me how easily he accepted Chase. Could he be with Cassie because he knows you don’t like her? Acting all passive-aggressive about it instead of coming right out and saying there’s a problem?”
She shrugged a bit, sucking in her bottom lip. I knew she didn’t like saying anything negative about Daniel. I picked up a wing, and she flinched like she was worried I was going to throw it at her.
I laughed, taking a bite. “It’s okay, Perry. As much as I’d like to think so, I don’t believe Daniel’s perfect, but I’m also not getting that vibe from him. You know how I worried about his reaction to Chase, but I really do think he’s okay with it. And Daniel doesn’t know how I truly feel about Cassie, only that I want him to be careful.”
Perry let out a sigh. “Whew, good. I really didn’t think Daniel was like that either, but what kind of a friend would I be if I didn’t put everything out there? We need to examine this from all angles.”
“Maybe it’s because he had a crush on her in school, but I feel like she can manipulate him too easily. And I just don’t get it, Perry. He’s way too intelligent to not see through it.”
“Yes, but he’s also a guy. You can’t forget that, Jills.”
She whacked Stephen on the arm and beer sloshed out of his glass. “Hey, what the hell was that for?” He grabbed a napkin and sopped up his shirt.
“Because you’re not contributing here. You and Chase have barely said two words. All you’re doing is drinking and eating.”
“What’re we supposed to say? I think you two have it covered.”
Perry rolled her eyes. “It’d be nice to have a man’s opinion. How should we handle this situation?”
“Why do you think it needs to be handled at all? So he likes a girl. Big deal.” Her mouth dropped and she slugged him again, but that time his glass was safely on the table. “Will you fucking stop that?”
“And will you stop thinking like a man for a second?”
“Didn’t you just say you wanted a man’s opinion?”
Our waitress stopped by, delivering a basket of fries. “Extra order. On the house.” She winked and walked away. Stephen grabbed one, stuffing it into his mouth. I didn’t see Amanda, the petite perky-as-shit waitress, but she didn’t always work Mondays. And even when she did, she mostly ignored us now. Chase’s ex-hookup was barely a blip on my radar anymore.
“Men,” Perry said, shaking her head. “You think that just because a woman is pretty, she can’t be evil.”
“I don’t know her. I’m not saying anything.” He sucked down another fry. “And you both need to take a break from this shit and stop worrying about it so much.”
“Chase, you’re the one who knows her the best. What do you have to say?”
I turned to face him. Yeah, I kinda wanted to hear this too. It’d only been two days since the big reveal, but he hadn’t said a whole lot about what he thought.
He glanced at me. “I’m with Stephen here.” Perry groaned. “You’re going to make yourself crazy over something you have no control over. Maybe they’re good together, maybe not, but if you keep trying to push them apart, it could just bring them more together.”
Him and his damned logic. I knew the psychology of wanting something more when you couldn’t have it, but I couldn’t just do nothing.
“That’s why we can’t be obvious about it. God, Jills. He thinks we’re amateurs or something.” Chase laughed, and she narrowed her eyes. “And you never commented on her evilness.”
“We’re coworkers, and I don’t know her much beyond that, but I don’t think she’s evil, Perry. If she were, don’t you think I’d have a problem with her being around kids?”
Perry sighed very dramatically. “You know how she acted with Jills.”
“Yes, I know she has a deceptive side, but as far as I can tell, she hasn’t used it again.” He put his hand on mine, stroking his thumb over my skin. I felt instantly warm. “She’s never crossed the line with me, Jillian. Not even close. She knows how much I love you, and she keeps her distance unless it’s school-related. You know that, right?”
I nodded. I had zero concerns when it came to Cassie and Chase. I didn’t look forward to seeing her when I came to school, but she kept her distance from me as well.
But all of that was so not the issue here.
“I know I have nothing to worry about with you. But I don’t want Daniel with her either.”
“Jillian, let him grow up already. If he wants a girlfriend, let him have a girlfriend,” Stephen said, and Perry snatched away his fries.
“That is not what this is about.”
I hoped she was right. Sometimes I wondered myself. I knew I was of the mindset that most girls weren’t good enough to lick the bottom of his shoes, but I really didn’t think that was the reason here. No, that was definitely not the reason.
“I don’t trust her,” I said. “Something’s not right, even if I don’t know exactly what that is yet.”
Chase pulled me in for a kiss, and I tasted hot spice. “My whole point in telling you about Cassie was to show you that maybe she’s different now. Maybe she really wanted to connect with Daniel again, and maybe she’s not as bad for him as you think.”
“Or maybe she’s worse,” Perry said.
“Stop fucking encouraging her.” Stephen reached over and took back his basket after she’d already managed to eat most of them.
“Well, I guess it’s just up to us now, Jills.”
“Dammit, Perry—” She put her arm across Stephen’s mouth.
“No, she’s the drama teacher, right?” Chase nodded. “And what do drama teachers do? They act. And if they’re good at their job, they act well. She knows how to play a role, and she could be fooling you right now, Chase. She could even be fooling the entire school.”
Chase didn’t say anything, just chuckled and then drained his glass. Stephen probably gave him one of those man codes, empathizing with him.
“Don’t even bother, man. Haven’t won one yet when she’s like this.”
“Yep, keeping my mouth shut.”
“Well, I do know she was behaving differently around Daniel, but I’m not sure why. I wouldn’t think he’d go for the blonde bimbo type.”
But then, how the hell did I know what my son liked? I didn’t even want to think of him as having a type.
“Hmm….” Perry tapped her fingers on her chin. “Yeah, I agree. Daniel’s laces are stick-straight. He doesn’t drink, never even heard him swear. How the hell did he get into this family?”
I laughed. Well, my mom would definitely appreciate the nonswearing trait. There was no one else besides her. Even Frank let out the occasional F-bomb once in a great while.
“But he did get your workaholic tendencies, Jills.”
“Hey, I’ve toned it down quite a bit.”
“Thanks to Chase.” He squeezed my thigh, and I smiled. “All right, you two. No groping under the table.” Stephen shook his head and waved the waitress over. “But I meant Daniel’s driven like you. He’d have to be to graduate early with honors, plus complete an internship. And hasn’t he gone on three interviews already?”
“Yes, the last one was just today.” I hadn’t had a chance to ask him about that one yet. Crossing my fingers since it was right downtown.
“Right. And he’s only been home barely a week. I’m exhausted just talking about him.”
He seemed like such the typical twenty-one-year old to me sometimes, but yet he didn’t. I knew that I had it together at his age, but that was because of him. It’s impossible to say how I would’ve been otherwise.
Our waitress set down another pitcher and a lime-colored drink for Perry.
“So, the question remains,” Perry said. “How does Cassie fit into all of this? Yes, he’s a guy, and she’s a slut, but—”
“Fucking tone it down, okay?” Stephen glared at her.
“Oh, I can’t say ‘slut,’ but you can say ‘fucking’?”
“You don’t even know her. Do you think Daniel would want to hear you say that shit?”
“Yeah, if he’s hoping she’s a slut, he’d very much want to hear it.”
“All right, enough,” I said.
To anyone else listening, they’d think Perry and Stephen should run far, far away from each other and never look back. Not even close; they couldn’t be more suited for one another. I was positive their bickering was a form of foreplay, but I didn’t want to think about that too hard. But there was something infinitely worse I didn’t want floating around in my head.
“Can you please not forget we’re talking about my son here? I don’t want to think of him having a sex life, much less hear about it, okay? He’s not out trolling for easy women, and that can’t be the only reason he’s interested in Cassie.”
I fucking hoped not. Perry wasn’t saying anything I hadn’t thought before, but it sounded so much more awful out loud.
“Okay, we’ll regroup.” Perry drummed her fingers on the table. “Daniel’s not having sex until he’s fifty and married. Is that acceptable, Jills?”
“Yes.”
“Now keep that visual in your head while we figure this out. It’ll make you feel better.” She took a sip of her drink. “Mmm… kiwi. Okay, so maybe Daniel has this hidden bad-boy side and se—I mean kissing is his only outlet. He needs to let loose somewhere, right?”
“That’s really not making me feel better, Perry.”
“Hmm… then how about this theory? He—”
“Seriously?” Stephen leaned over the table. “Did you two ever once stop to think that Cassie is a perfectly nice girl and Daniel is a guy who likes perfectly nice girls, and they’ll be perfectly fucking happy together? Did that ever once cross your mind?”
Perry looked at me and busted out laughing. “Sure, honey.” Stephen lifted his hands like he did a hundred times a day and sat back. “Men.” She shook her head. “No offense, Chase. I know you can’t help it.”
She wrapped her arms around Stephen’s neck. “You know I love you, right?”
“What does that have to do with this?”
“You are so unbelievably smart, but you lack the woman’s intuition gene, and well, that kinda makes you stupid right now.”
He just stared at her. She gave him a quick kiss, then looked at me. “But you know what, Jills? I think we’ve been going about it wrong. We can’t figure out both sides of the equation, not when we can’t think with a man’s brain. Stephen—”
“No.”
“No, what?”
“I’ve already told you what I thought, and you don’t want to hear it.”
“I wasn’t going to ask for another opinion. I was going to suggest taking him out for a little uncle-nephew bonding experience.”
“Perry, if you’re suggesting a strip club….” I said.
“No, silly. It hasn’t come to that yet. Stephen hasn’t had any one-on-one time with him since he’s been back. Wouldn’t it be nice just to get together and hang out for a couple hours?”
Stephen raised an eyebrow. “And do what?”
“I don’t know. Play pool, watch a game, talk business shit, whatever. The point is just to spend time with him and find out where his head’s at regarding Cassie.”
That wasn’t half bad. Daniel had always gotten along well with my brother. It wouldn’t be out of the ordinary to get together.
“I’m not going to see him just to pump him for information.”
“Of course not, but he’s comfortable with you and you’re both men, right?”
“You tell me.”
She whispered something in his ear, and he smiled. I didn’t hear a thing and it was already too much information.
She pulled back, running her fingers over his neck. “So just spend some time together, but it’s got to be only the two of you. I’m sure you would’ve done that at some point anyway. You don’t have to question him, just give him a chance to open up after you casually bring up the woman he was with at the party. Does that work for you, Jills?”
“Yes.”
“And you, sweetie?”
He sighed. “All right.”
“Yay.” She clapped. “You’re the best. I’m so glad I’m marrying you.”
“Yeah, yeah. But only because I want to catch up with my nephew. Beyond that, I can’t promise he’ll talk to me about this, and I’m not going to push it.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it, honey.” She looked at me and winked like it was all going to work out whether he thought so or not.
After that, the subject was dropped for the rest of the night. Wengo’s didn’t have live bands on Mondays, so we just kicked back and listened to an eclectic mix of Depeche Mode and Motley Crue pumping through the speakers while we bullshitted about whatever.
I opened my mouth and almost spilled about Candace’s pregnancy but stopped myself in time. I didn’t want to announce it until Daniel knew. If Mike hadn’t messed up the date, six weeks was still pretty early yet. She had a long way to go, and I wished her a healthy full-term.
It was strange to think that Daniel would have a half-brother or sister before Christmas. How would he feel about that? Would he and Candace grow any closer? He’d never cared much for her, but I imagined a lot would change after they shared a common bond.
“Jillian?” I looked down to Chase stroking my arm, then back up to his eyes. The gold was shining through. “You ready to go?”
“Oh. Yeah, let me just get my purse.” I grabbed it off the chair and slung it over my shoulder.
“Before I forget,” Perry said, “Sam’s been hinting around for something to do with the wedding, and I thought the safest thing would be for her to plan the bachelorette party.”
“Safest?”
“Well, you know my sister. She’s such a prude, and since I’m not looking for anything wild—been there, done that—or really looking for anything at all, she’d be perfect for this. We’ll probably end up having a knitting party or something.” She pinched her bottom lip. “Um, hope you don’t mind? I mean, you’re still doing the shower, and you already have enough things to worry about and—”
I laughed. “Perry, it’s no problem. She’s the head bridesmaid. Of course she should be involved in some way.”
“Whew.” She gave me a hug. “Thanks. I was too scared to let her do anything else.”
Chase clasped my hand, and we followed Perry and Stephen out to the car. They drove separately and parked closer to the building, so we said our goodbyes to them first.
I swung my arm back and forth as we walked to Chase’s Ford. It was a warm night for March. It’d hit a high of fifty-five, and my yard was a swamp that’d turn into an ice rink once it got colder again in a couple days. But for the time being, I was going to enjoy it like we’d just landed someplace tropical.
“Feel like taking a walk before we go home?” I asked. “It’s so nice out.”
Down just a little ways was an outdoor strip mall that was closed for the night. I pointed in that direction. “We could just head over there and walk up and down the sidewalk.”
He nodded and we went hand in hand, the light diminishing the closer we got. “What was bothering you back there?”
“Back where?” I asked, confused.
We stepped from asphalt to concrete and neared the first store, Callie’s Cookie Corner. I could just make out a bouquet of baseball cookies through the window.
He took both my hands. “Back when we were leaving, and I had to get your attention. Something was on your mind.”
“What if I was just zoning out?”
“That wasn’t your zoned-out face.”
I laughed, reaching up and pressing my lips to his. “I love you, Chase Nolan.” He knew me like a stalker, minus the creepy.
“And I love you, Jillian… Hudson.” He pulled me against him. “Did you ever want to change your name?”
“I thought about going back to Davidson but never bothered. I’ve had Hudson almost as long as my maiden name, and it’s Daniel’s last name too, so….” I shrugged. Again, why bother with all the rigamarole?
He nodded and I made a move to start walking again, but he kept me there. “You haven’t told me what’s bothering you.”
I debated a few seconds about mentioning anything. If it was private, he’d respect that, but I figured, why wouldn’t I share everything with him? “Daniel doesn’t know yet, and I don’t want him to know until Mike tells him, but Candace is pregnant.”
“And that upsets you?”
“Upsets me? No, why would it? I’m happy for her. And you’re the only one who knows right now. Mike only told me because he was hoping I’d break the news to Daniel first.”
“It sounds like he’s less than thrilled about it.”
“You could say that.”
“Fool.”
“Well, hopefully I got through to him, made him see this as a good thing.”
He unlocked our hands, trailing his fingers up my back and into my hair. His lips went to my neck. “It is a good thing. How do you feel about Daniel getting a sibling?”
“The only thing I can feel right now are the effects of your kisses.” He chuckled but didn’t stop until my knees were buckling under me. “God, Chase. Everything is so easy with you. When I’m with you, in your arms, it’s like anything less than perfect melts away.”
“It’s always going to be like that, Jillian.”
“I can’t imagine you not being here to help me through all my craziness.”
“I’m always going to be here, Jillian.”
His hands and mouth dissolved doubts. Ones I didn’t own for the present but the future. Things changed; that was the nature of the world we lived in. But I would take all that he offered for now and hope that the day it ended was so far away it hardly existed.
I felt cool, smooth stone against my back and a heated rock against my front. His body covered mine, pressing me to the wall. I almost laughed at all those cookies close to me, separated by a sheet of glass. Sweetness all around me, and by far the most satisfying was on my tongue.
His teeth caught my bottom lip, and his palms blanketed the sides of my face. He was so hard, always so deliciously hard.
“Do you believe me, Wild Horses?” he breathed into me. “Do you believe this is forever?”
His mouth played with mine as I was getting so fucking wet next to a fucking cookie shop.
“Chase….”
I suddenly felt self-conscious, even though the area was closed for the night. What if someone came by, wanting a walk on a warm late winter night just like us?
“Put your head on my chest and close your eyes.”
I did as he said, burying myself in his scent. It instantly relaxed me. I couldn’t see anything around me as his hand slid between us, brushing over my stomach.
“Do you believe me?”
His hand trailed lower, easily sliding past the top of my jeans and fingering the lace of my panties. Did I believe him? Did I believe that I’d always have him, that he’d always be there to comfort and love me? In that very moment I did, and the present was all we fully owned.
I wanted to fall to the ground when his fingers pushed aside the material and dipped into my wetness. He was going to make me come in the open like this, as the night air washed over us and sounds of drunken laughter echoed in the distance. We were in our own little corner of the world, but it wasn’t private. Nothing was enclosing us, and at any second someone could round that corner. I didn’t even have the safety of a car to hide away in.
“Shhh… you’re safe,” he said in response to the slight tense of my muscles. “I want you to come for me, but it will only be for me. I’m paying attention, so you’re free to get lost.”
I trusted him. With my pleasure, my body, my life. I let go, pushing my cheek into the strength of his chest, shifting my head as the intensity built. He strummed over my clit, and I gave him want he wanted. I came all over his fingers, my moans muffled with my mouth pressed hard into his shirt, almost tasting him through the fabric.
With his hand still laying claim between my thighs, he tilted my chin up and kissed me long and deep. When he pulled back, I was breathless and likely sopping wet all over again.
His forehead touched mine.
“This is forever, Jillian.”