“Ho-ly fuck.”

“That’s what I thought.”

The rain pelted down on the roof of the car, and I watched as the fat drops splattered all over the windshield. What a sucky opening day.

“You think he really wants to have a baby with you? That’s major, Jills.”

“Well, I don’t think he was saying it as a joke.”

Stephen looked like he was having fun out there with Chris despite the downpour. He wasn’t going to let a little thing like water get in his way of tailgating. More power to him. I was nice and dry sitting with Perry, and would continue to be for another hour yet.

“I’m not sure how their grill’s not getting waterlogged,” I said. “That little tent doesn’t seem to be covering much.”

“So, what are you going to do?”

“Do? What do you mean, about the tent?” I glanced out the window and only saw dark skies. It was supposed to clear up, but it appeared to be getting worse.

“No, Jills. If they want soggy brats, that sounds like a personal issue. I’m not getting involved. I’m talking about Chase. Are you going to have a baby with him?”

I turned back to her and started laughing. She wasn’t even breaking a smile. “Wait, you’re serious?”

She shrugged. “Why not?”

“Why not? Perry, we’re not talking about adopting a puppy. What the hell’s the matter with you?”

“I know how big of a deal this is.” She rolled her eyes. “But you two were made for each other. If it’s going to be with anyone, it should be with him.”

“Why would it even be with anyone?”

My chest was tightening again. Not as bad as when I was talking to Chase about it, but enough to notice and want to do some deep breathing exercises. No scratch that—it sounded too much like Lamaze.

“You told me before that you always wanted more kids.”

“Yes, before. But that window has closed. If I were Chase’s age? Yes, I’d definitely consider it. Probably more than consider it. But since I’m not Chase’s age, there’s nothing to consider.”

“You’re saying ‘consider’ a lot.”

“So?”

“So, maybe that’s the magic word. Maybe it means you should consider it.”

I shook my head. “That’s ridiculous.”

“And your window might be closing, but it’s definitely not closed. Many women have babies way older than you.”

“Not way older.”

She sighed. “God, Jills. You’re probably healthier than I am. Your mom was older and had great pregnancies, so I don’t think age would be that much of an issue for you here. This could be your chance to have another child with someone you love more than anything. You’re going to be married someday, anyway. That baby would be so lucky to have the two of you as parents.” She latched onto my arm, squeezing. “Ohmigod!” she squealed. “You guys would have the most beautiful baby together.”

“Stop it, Perry.”

“Holy shit! Do you know what would be incredible? You know that Stephen and I want kids too. We should get pregnant together. How awesome would that be? Then they can grow up the same age and—”

The rap on the window scared the shit out of me, making us both jump. Stephen was holding up a couple burgers under an umbrella, but we shook our heads. I could wait until we got inside where the food was hot and dry.

He sloshed away, and Perry looked back at me. “So, what do you think about my plan?”

“I’m thinking that I really want you to stop talking this way. Please?” I was wondering if I should have even mentioned it to her, but I needed my best friend.

“Okay. I know the middle of the story but not the beginning and end. How did it all come up, anyway?”

“It was all made worse because I was even more horned up from—”

“My Box o’ Porn?”

I smiled. “No, Perry. I was going to say the timing of my cycle.”

She tapped her fingers over her lips. “Oh, yes. Fertility time. Mother Nature’s such a whore.” I nodded. And a sneaky one at that. “But a good whore, Jills. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have so many of those cute bunnies and baby deer running around.”

“And baby turkeys?”

“No, she needs her fucking tubes tied for that shit.”

“Anyway. I was way too worked up, and we ran out of condoms, and that’s how it started. He wanted to talk about what would happen if we didn’t use any.”

“That’s hot.”

I gave her a sideways glance. “Not really.”

“A guy you’re madly in love with, who madly loves you back, wants to make a baby with you and be forever there to help raise it? Pretty damn hot.”

“Forever is never guaranteed. We have our love now, but there’s nothing tying us together. We haven’t even known each other a year yet.”

“Whatever. So, how did it finish?”

“By me saying it wasn’t a conversation I felt we needed to have because there wasn’t anything to discuss. I wasn’t flippant or mean about it whatsoever, just honest.”

“Ouch.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that he brings up something pretty life-altering, and you won’t even talk about it? That couldn’t have felt good to him.”

I opened my mouth, and a sickening feeling crawled into my gut. I was so floored by what he suggested that I hadn’t wanted to think about it, much less have a real conversation. The topic of kids had left my mind many years ago and had never crept back in. I was almost forty, for God’s sake. My only son was already an adult. I’d always wanted to experience pregnancy and the whole infant stage, which I’d missed with Daniel, but starting all over… at this period in my life?

I couldn’t even imagine. Didn’t know if I could handle it. And now I was nauseous wondering if I’d hurt Chase over it. I’d been so selfish, never once thinking about him wanting kids someday. He was young enough for a whole gaggle of them. I would never hold him back from that. Maybe forever would end even sooner than I thought.

Perry touched my arm. “You look like you’re going to cry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel like shit about it. I know you didn’t do anything intentionally. You love each other so much. It’ll all work out, okay?”

Yes, I had to believe that. I wasn’t ready to let go yet. The rest of our weekend together had still been wonderful. He made me fajitas as he’d promised, we spent much of the time naked after he’d picked up some condoms, we laughed and talked and I felt close to him just like I always did. I wondered now if I’d missed something subtle, and if it had affected him more than I realized.

“And next time he brings up something you don’t want to talk about, just mention anal.”

I laughed. “What?”

“Nothing says redirect the conversation with no hard feelings than butt sex.”

She winked, and I started laughing harder. It felt really good. She reached over and gave me a hug, then whispered, “It’ll all work out. I promise.” I nodded. “The rain has eased up a bit. Maybe we should make a run for it.”

That was a good idea. The guys were already packing up their stuff, and we had to go sometime. Watching them outside made me miss Chase all the more. He was at school and couldn’t make it this afternoon, and I just really wanted him there all of a sudden.

We took off for the front gates, me holding tight onto my hat so it didn’t blow off. I yanked Perry away at the last second before she crashed into the Hank Aaron statue, but otherwise, we made it without tripping into a puddle. Ugh, it was nasty out. Some years were sunny and beautiful, but others were just like this. At least it’d be ideal inside.

Our tickets were scanned, and we stepped into the crowd. Stephen tapped Perry on the arm and pointed to the gift shop. “Go,” she said. “We’ll wait here.” She brushed a drop of water from her cheek. “He wanted to pick up a new hat before the game.”

“That’s not a bad idea. Maybe I should get another shirt. This one is pretty wet.”

“All right, let’s check it out. We still have some time.”

Perry went off to find Stephen, and I was eyeing up a cute yellow tee with the ball and glove logo that I was seriously considering buying when I noticed Daniel out of the corner of my eye. I set it back on the rack and went over to say hi, making it as far as the jerseys before I spotted a shock of blonde. Fabulous.

“Mom?”

I shifted back to him. “Hi, Daniel.”

“Oh, hello, Mrs.—I mean, Jillian. Nice to see you.” Big, big smile. She wrapped her hands around Daniel’s arm. “You don’t look so good. I don’t mean that in a bad way, of course. Just a little disheveled. I’d hate to think something’s wrong.”

“I’m just wet, Cassie. I’ll dry. We only walked in ten minutes ago.”

“Oh, good.” She gazed at Daniel. “I do hope the rain stops before the game. I wouldn’t want it called off.”

He smiled. “It doesn’t matter. They closed the roof.”

“Yes, that’s right.” She giggled. “I forgot. Silly me. I don’t know a thing about baseball.”

Whatever. “Don’t you have classes?” I asked her.

“Just in the morning today. Lucky me.”

I glanced around, wondering when Perry would spring up. “Wait, Daniel… I thought you were coming here with your dad?”

“Yeah, Dad’s here too. Candace wanted to get to their seats early.”

Another surprise. “She has to make sure she takes care of herself,” Cassie said. “Especially….” She sucked in her lip.

“I know Candace is pregnant,” I said. Mike finally told Daniel a week back, and I guess news traveled fast.

Cassie clenched her hand to her chest. “Whew. I’m so glad I didn’t mess up there.”

“How is she doing?” I asked Daniel.

“Not the best, I’m afraid,” Cassie answered. “It can take a lot out of you at that age.” I wondered if she knew that Candace was a couple years younger than me, even though I always thought her to be slightly older until recently. “She needs to be extra careful. It’s good that you don’t have to worry about those kinds of things anymore, Jillian.”

How the fuck old does she think I am?

“I need to take off, find Perry.” Before I slapped that damned smile into next week. “Will you be home later, Daniel? Dinner?”

“Yeah, Mom. Sounds great.”

I left, passing by the T-shirts and heading towards the hats. I was already almost dry, anyway; I’d get the shirt next time if I still wanted it. I found Perry in front of the mirror, checking herself out in a pink fitted cap.

“Whatddya think?” she asked, making kissy lips.

“It’s you.”

“Yeah, I think I’ll get it.” I walked with her towards the checkout line. “Find anything?”

“Besides Daniel and Cassie?”

She glanced back, raising an eyebrow. “I thought he was coming with Mike.”

“Oh, Mike’s here too. With Candace.”

“Fun times all around.”

“Oh my God.” I couldn’t believe I forgot to tell her. “Candace is pregnant.”

We took our place in line, and she faced me. “Really?” She peered in my eyes. “How do you feel about that?”

“I’m happy for her.” Perry nodded, and I laughed. She claimed she could always tell if I was lying. I guess I passed the test. “I think Mike’s having a hard time accepting it, but hopefully that’s getting better. And Daniel’s cool about getting a sibling. It’s not going to affect him the same as if he were still a kid.”

“Right.” We stepped to the counter, and she handed the cashier her hat. “So, is her belly as big as her lips yet?”

I laughed, covering my mouth. “Perry, she’s still in her first trimester.”

“So, that’s a no, then. She still has another six months before she looks balanced.”

“Be nice.” Perry grabbed her hat, declining a bag and popping it on instead. “Where’s Stephen and Chris.”

“Already out there waiting for us.”

We exited and met up with them; they were leaning against the wall by the fried donut stand. “Nice hat,” Stephen said.

Perry gave him a kiss. “Thank you, honey. You didn’t get anything?”

“Naw, nothing caught my eye.”

“Except me in this hat?”

“Yes, baby.” He slung his arm around her, pulling her in for another kiss.

We made our way to the sky boxes, and I had that tug in my chest. I really wanted Chase with me, holding my hand or whispering in my ear. I always wanted him with me. When had I gone from Miss Independent to needing him all the damn time?

“You okay, Jills?” she asked when we were checking in at the desk.

“Yeah. Just missing Chase, wishing he were here. Ugh. I feel so needy.”

“It’s called love. You should probably get used to it.”

Perry and I followed Stephen and his buddy down the hall. “Chris isn’t too talkative today,” I said.

“That’s because he was at that Craze place last night. Some old hair band was there. He was screaming too much and lost his voice.”

My eyes widened. “For real?”

She nodded. “That’s what I hear.” We both laughed as we filed into our room. He was a buttoned-down suit from Stephen’s work. Goes to show you don’t really know a person till you know ’em.

There were a few other people already there, but we basically had the room to ourselves. My stomach rumbled so I beelined to the food trays, snatching a mini chicken sandwich. Perry was crouched down, digging in the fridge for something fruity to drink.

“Oooh,” Perry said, “It’s so fancy in here. How much do you think this bottle of champagne goes for?” She passed it to me, and I passed it back.

I laughed. “You say that every time, and I have no idea. Can you grab me one of those waters, please?”

“They even have Grey Goose up there.” She pointed to the counter, handing me back a Fiji.

“No, water’s fine. I’ll eat plenty to make up for it.”

My stomach growled loudly again, despite the sandwich. I was so ready to do nothing but eat and watch baseball for the next three hours.

Wish you were here. Love you.

I typed out the quick text and set my phone down before heaping my plate with salad and egg rolls and mozzie sticks and whatever else I could cram in without it falling off. I didn’t expect a response for a while because he was in class, but as I was grabbing a fork, I heard the ding. I looked down at the screen:

You and me both. Have fun. Love you more, beautiful.

My heart flip-flopped. I sincerely doubt that. I took a bite of egg roll, then put my plate off to the side.

Aren’t you supposed to be teaching something right now? Because if not, you should be here.

They’re taking a test on scores. I’m being a bad teacher and texting under my desk.

You know what else bad teachers like under their desks?

I waited a minute while I nibbled off my plate. I should not be encouraging him while at work. He was teaching grade school, for God’s sake. I needed to reel it in. Ding.

You’ll be receiving a private detention for that remark, Miss Hudson.

I hope it’s soon.

“Whatcha doing?” Perry stuck her face over my shoulder, and I jumped.

“You don’t have to sneak up on me. I almost dropped my phone.”

“I didn’t sneak up on you. You were just too focused on your sexting to hear me.”

“God, Perry. I wasn’t sexting. He’s in class.” But I guess I was implying it. What was the matter with me?

“Ah, young love. It’s worth losing all judgment for.”

“Young love. Literally.” I heard the giggle behind me. Great. Just fucking great. I turned around to see Daniel looking anywhere but me, probably uncomfortable as hell. Cassie waved her hand. “Oh, I was just teasing. I think it’s so sweet.”

I gave a look to Perry, who was shooting poison darts. I hoped one was stabbing her right between her catty eyes.

“Daniel, I’m surprised to see you here,” I said.

I was. Very surprised. I didn’t expect to see them again during the game. How long had they been standing behind me?

Stephen came over, clamping his hand on Daniel’s shoulder. “I saw them in the shop. Had a couple extra tickets so I said they could stop up, get some food.”

“We’re not staying long. Cassie just really wanted to check it out. She’s never been in a box before.”

She dug her fingers into Daniel’s arm, and her frickin’ leg kicked up. Did she think this was a Hollywood film audition?

“It’s so exciting,” she said.

He smiled, and she lit up. “Can I get you anything?” he asked.

“Hmm… how about a Miller Lite since we’re in Miller Park?” Giggle, giggle.

I turned around before I spewed out what food I did have in me. You don’t even like beer, you cunty bitch. I had to step away for a minute because my head was not in a good place. She was really getting to me, and I couldn’t let that happen.

I slid open the glass door and stepped down to one of the seats. It was already the second inning, and I was missing it. Perry came out and took the spot next to me, handing me my plate.

“Thanks, but I should probably let my stomach settle before attempting more.”

“Yeah, I can understand that.”

“What is she up to, Perry? If she really likes Daniel, why not be herself instead of a freaking dingbat?”

“I don’t know, Jills. Maybe she thinks she’s coming across as more innocent and less intimidating because of you know… the whole ‘virgin’ thing.” She tried mouthing ‘virgin,’ but it came out loud enough for one of Stephen’s coworkers in the first row to turn around and give us a funny look.

I think I was starting to turn green. I did not want to think of her playing one of her roles as a means to get into my son’s pants. How disturbing.

“So that would mean she knows he’s a virgin,” I said, “because they’ve talked about it. Why the hell would they talk about it, Perry?”

“Take a breath, okay?” She leaned in closer. “I don’t know anything. I’m just making guesses here too. And you’re probably not going to like what I have to say next, but you need to hear it. Unless he takes celibacy vows, Daniel will be having sex, so you need to get over that. It’s rare that he made it this far.”

I scrubbed my face. “I’m well aware of all this, but that doesn’t mean I want to think about him having it with that psycho in there.”

“Agreed. That woman needs to go. Before she winds up being your daughter-in-law or something.”

Now I knew my face resembled a bunched-up head of broccoli.

“Oh shit, Jills. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you sick. It’s just… I don’t like her. I don’t trust her. And I sure as hell don’t want her in our family.”

No. I couldn’t even imagine. “You know I feel exactly the same, but really, when it comes down to it, what can I do? I feel kinda powerless here.”

“That’s why you have me to meddle for you.”

“Perry….”

“It worked for you and Chase, didn’t it?” She smiled wide. “If I hadn’t gotten involved, who knows if you two would’ve crossed paths again? I have mad meddling skills, Jills. I’ll figure something out. Daniel deserves so much better, and I want to see him get it.”

“Me too. But do you think we can please change the subject now?”

She nodded and we sat in silence for a while longer, my lunch congealing together into unappetizing clumps.

“Hey, Sam picked a place for the bachelorette party,” she said.

“Really? Where?”

“Downtown. I forgot which hotel, but we’re having a murder mystery night. You should be getting the invitation any day now.”

“Oh, that’s different. I’ve never done one of those before.”

“Me neither. But Sam’s excited about it, and she said we can just book a bunch of rooms for afterwards. This is even crazier than I expected from her.”

“Well, I’m sure it’ll be a lot of fun. Did the guys plan anything yet?”

“Nope, but Stephen told Alex he also wants to keep it tame. They’re going to try and do it on the same night.”

I thought about Chase, wishing he were the best man so I could stand up with him, but Alex had been a close friend of Stephen’s for as long as I could remember. They also worked at the same company. I knew Alex’s older brother, Jeff, would be at the wedding, but I hoped he wouldn’t be at the bachelor party. After me making a “nondate” with Jeff right in front of Chase at the engagement party, spurring our breakup last September, I didn’t want Chase to have to deal with him alone.

The rest of the game flew by quickly, and even though the final was 7-2 Brewers, I just wasn’t that into it. I wasn’t sure when Daniel and Cassie left, but they were definitely gone before the seventh inning stretch when I’d gone back inside to grab another water.

It was still raining hard when we went back to the parking lot. Perry left in Stephen’s truck, and I hopped in my car alone and headed for home. All I was thinking about was a hot shower and a comfy change of clothes.

It was almost five when I pulled into the driveway, noting Mike’s car in the garage when I popped the opener. I pulled over and parked on the side. Daniel didn’t usually park in the garage anymore since the car had supposedly been fixed, but it didn’t matter. I was just pleased to see him home already since we planned to do dinner. I could go for an early one; I never was able to get any more food down at the ballpark.

I shut the door and tromped up the stairs, my muscles heavy and my bones feeling damp. I could taste that hot shower already.

Giggle, giggle.

Fuck. Me.

I rounded the corner into the kitchen and spotted the source of the irritating-as-shit squeaking noises sitting at my dining room table. As if I didn’t already know that voice anywhere. When I saw the car home, never once did I think she was here too; he hadn’t brought her here since the party, meeting her elsewhere instead. Fine by me.

I edged closer and saw Daniel by her side, head down in a plate of food. Her back was towards me and… What the fuck is she wearing? Another couple steps and… What the fuck is she eating?

“Oh, hey, Mom.” Daniel looked up, and Cassie whipped her head around and smiled. “Sorry about taking up the garage space, but Cassie was so wet and cold, I didn’t want her to get even more chilled.”

I just bobbed my head up and down slowly. I was too busy surveying what was going on around me in my own house.

“I gave her one of your robes. I hope that’s fine. We left the game early, and I just brought her back here for a while to warm up.”

I clenched my fists, relaxing them before speaking. “Weren’t you having a good time?”

“Oh, yeah. It was a great time, but we left when Dad did. Candace wasn’t feeling well.”

“Right after the sausage races,” Cassie said. “Those were so fun. And I won too. Didn’t I, Daniel?” He nodded. “I picked bratwurst because I know you have German in you, and I just couldn’t go wrong with that sausage.”

Are you fucking kidding me? Daniel seemed oblivious as he shoveled food into his mouth.

I managed a tiny smile. “I see you’re already eating.”

“Just a snack. I figured we wouldn’t do dinner until later, anyway.” He took a big bite off a tortilla. “I’ll be hungry again soon. But they’re really good, Mom. We should have these for dinner sometime.”

“It was a bit too spicy for me so I couldn’t eat them, but Daniel made me something else,” Cassie said. “Thank you for raising such a considerate man, Jillian. I owe you one.”

I peeled my eyes off her barely touched plate of my fajitas and brought them to my favorite soft-as-silk robe that would be going straight into the donation pile. I had absolutely nothing to say, so I pivoted and went down the hall to the shower.

That woman had to go.