I heard the door creak open and leaped up from my office chair. It was nearly noon and I’d already been up for six hours, first shoveling my driveway and front steps, then starting on my allotted calls to the FAs on my list. Fortunately, I wasn’t in the middle of one now.

“Daniel?”

“Morning, Mom.”

I came into one end of the kitchen as he was slogging into the other. He stretched his arms up, then rubbed his face.

“Feeling better?”

“Yeah, I just need a few more minutes to wake up.”

He opened the cabinet and pulled out a glass, filling it from the water cooler. I hadn’t stayed at my mom’s for more than an hour after he’d left, but when I got home he was already in his room with the door shut, Mike’s old Chevy in the driveway. It was already decided that he’d use Mike’s car to get around until he got his own again. He’d sold his right before leaving overseas.

“You didn’t stay out too long last night,” I said.

He chugged the water before getting a refill. “I was just too wiped out, so I dropped Dad off and came right home. I’m seeing him today instead.”

“You drove by yourself when you were that tired?”

“It wasn’t that bad. I kept the windows rolled down the whole time.”

Fucking ex. And I’m the irresponsible one? He shouldn’t have let him drive.

He put his glass in the dishwasher and stretched again. “I’m just gonna go jump in the shower.”

“Wait a sec. I was thinking about having a small get-together this weekend. Kinda like a coming home party, but hopefully you’ll be more awake for this one.” I smiled. “Will you be around?”

He rubbed his jaw. “Yeah, that’ll work. I have my interview with Lydell & Barnes Friday, and then I planned to meet up with Jason. He’s at Northwestern. But I’ll be back later that night.”

“Great.” He turned to leave. “Wait.” He paused, swiveling around. “Um, I just wanted to ask you something real quick.” I leaned back on the counter, wishing for a glass of wine. No, a bottle of tequila. “I know you were a little out of it yesterday, and you seemed okay with it, but how do you really feel about me seeing Chase? I realize you haven’t gotten a chance to get to know him yet, but now that it’s just the two of us here, you can be open with me and—”

He held up his hand. “Mom, it’s okay. It’s fine.”

“Really? I want you to be honest. Because you know….” I stopped before bringing up the age thing because I wasn’t talking to a blind man.

“I am being honest. If you’re happy, I’m fine with it.”

“Oh, okay. Great.” I gave him a hug. “That’s all, then. I won’t keep you any longer from your shower.”

He trudged off down the hall, and I was left shaking my head. Why couldn’t I just accept that things were going well and leave it at that? Was there something frickin’ wrong with easy?

My phone pinged and I returned to my office, grabbing it off the desk.

Is it safe for me to stop over?

Why wouldn’t it be? I texted Perry back.

I wasn’t sure if you’d be having a nooner with Chase. I know you need to get creative with your time now.

I laughed. See you soon, Perry.

We often had lunch together since she worked at the Lakeshore Jewelers nearby. Ironic, considering she really didn’t care for jewelry all that much. Maybe it was a similar situation to that time I worked at the ice cream parlor as a teen. By the time August rolled around, the thought of looking at another cone, much less eating it, made me want to gag. And I even liked sweets back then. Not Perry-sweet but—

I caught movement out the window from the corner of my eye, and I turned to notice her coming up the steps. Wow, that was quick. She must’ve been right down the block when she texted. I gestured for her to go around to the front and I went to meet her.

I opened the door and she stepped inside, kicking off her boots. “What’s that boneheaded buttfuck doing here?” She thumbed towards the driveway.

“What?”

“Isn’t that his car?”

“Oh, Mike. Daniel’s using it for a while. What did you call him?”

“Boneheaded buttfuck.” She tossed her hat to the ground, her long, inky hair still perfect. “It’s fun to say, but I don’t get to use it too often. Fortunately, your ex gives me a reason. At least he has one purpose.”

“All right, Perry, that’s enough. He’s still Daniel’s father. What if he can hear you?”

“He can’t. I can hear the shower running. And if it were Mike here instead, I wouldn’t care if he heard me. I saw how you were last night after he left, even if you were trying to hide it. What’d the asshole say to you?”

I kept one ear on the bathroom. She was right; as long as the water was on, it’d be impossible to hear anything other than my loud-ass doorbell.

“Yeah, he was kind of a dick, Perry.”

“Kinda?”

“The short version: As long as I’m with Chase, I’m a bad mom.”

“That is so fucked-up, Jills. You’re not letting any of that shit get into your head, right?”

I shrugged. “I’m trying not to, but you know how I worry about it anyway.”

“Which just proves you’re not a bad mom. If you didn’t give a fuck, you wouldn’t think twice. You and Chase are perfect together, and anyone who’s around you two for half a second can see that.”

I smiled. Perry was the one on the sidelines, holding the biggest pom-poms. If it weren’t for her, I probably wouldn’t even be with Chase. Her methods usually left something to be desired, but her heart was exactly where it should be.

“Besides, Daniel seemed cool with it last night, right?”

“I think so. I even talked to him about it today, and he said he was fine with everything.”

“Then why do you look like I just ran over your chicken?”

“My chicken?”

Perry went into the kitchen and opened my fridge, poking her head around. “I had a friend who had a pet hen once. I told her not to let that thing strut freely in the driveway.” She shook her head, pulling out my box of leftover pizza. “And well, I’ll spare you the rest.”

“I thought roosters were the ones to strut?” I started up another pot of coffee, debating if I wanted a slice. I wasn’t very hungry yet.

“Whatever, Jills. You know what I mean.”

I turned to face her. “With Daniel, it feels off somehow, like it was almost too easy. And he says ‘fine’ too much. It’s hard to believe that he has absolutely no issues with any of it.”

In Mike’s dickheaded way, could he have been right about Daniel only pretending this didn’t bother him?

Perry ripped off the end of the pizza and stuffed it into her mouth cold. “Fuck, Jills,” she said with a mumbled voice. “Are you worried about things going wrong or things going right? Make up your mind already.”

I blew out a puff of breath. Yeah, if I were lying on a psychiatrist’s couch, I was sure there’d be a disorder for the way I was behaving right now. But I couldn’t stop the suspicion levels from creeping higher the more things were “fine.” ‘Waiting for the other shoe to drop’ syndrome.

“I think Mabel’s coming up to your door. And she’s walking something in pink bubble wrap.”

The bathroom was silent; Daniel would be out soon. I glanced around to the window Perry was staring through, and yes, my neighbor was coming up the front steps with her poodle waddling behind her in a doggie hooded snowsuit and booties. The little girl was pink and bejeweled and looked like she had a serious steroid problem.

“It’s Michelle,” I said. One of these days she’d get it right. “That’s Sasha’s winter gear. She likes to keep her warm on their walks.”

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Perry asked.

“You want to steal Sasha’s outfit?”

“Har har. I’m thinking we shouldn’t answer the door.”

The bell rang as she said it, and I headed for it. “Why?”

“Because you’re in a fragile state of mind right now, and you shouldn’t be subjected to her whacked-out advice. Who knows what kind of effect that’ll have.”

I laughed, opening the door. “Hi, Michelle. What’s up?”

“Hello, Jillian.” She picked up Sasha, brushing off her booties before stepping inside. “Perry, nice to see you again.” Michelle shrugged off her coat, setting the dog down. “I had to stop by to…. Hmm….”

Michelle perked up her head to watch Daniel walk down the hall, fresh from the shower. With his wet hair and casual jeans, he reminded me of his teenaged self. Not some man ready to start his adult life.

“And who do we have here? What happened to—”

“Michelle, you remember Daniel?” I said, cutting her off. Jesus, I wanted to slug her. “I told you he was coming home.”

She squinted, then slapped her forehead. “Of course. Now, I recognize you. Guess that little boy playing with bubbles on the back porch is long gone, huh?” She nudged me.

Yes, Michelle, since he was five.

Daniel gave a little nod. “How’re you doing?”

“Just wonderful.” She waved her hands. “Come here, come here. I need a hug.”

She smothered him as Sasha yipped at her feet. She was probably saying, ‘Get this the fuck off me before I die of embarrassment.’

“All finished with business school now, huh? Heard you graduated early.”

Daniel nodded, settling back against the wall. “Hard but worth it.”

Yep, three years of eighteen-credit semesters and summer school, plus a six-month internship, finishing at the top of his class. See: smart.

“Brains and beauty. I bet you’re beating ’em off with a stick. Got a girlfriend?”

“Nope.”

“Good for you. You should be playing the field at your age.” I saw Perry rolling her eyes behind her, and Daniel held back a smile. “So what do you plan to do now with that fancy degree?”

“I’m keeping my options open. I built up a portfolio in Milan with several prospects I’ll be checking out before I make a decision. But eventually, I’d like to run my own IT firm.”

“Oooh, rich too. I smell trouble brewing.” She winked. “Hey, say something in Italian for me.”

He glanced down at Stay Puft marshmallow dog. “Povera cucciola.”

“Ooh la la. What’s it mean?”

His smile broke free. “I really should get going, Mom.” He gave me a peck on the cheek. “See you later, Aunt Perry. Nice to talk to you, Michelle.”

He grabbed the keys off the ledge and hightailed it out of there, bounding down the steps to the car. Michelle watched him leave, shaking her head.

“Hmm. He doesn’t look very Italian.”

“That’s because he’s not, Michelle.”

“Even so, you’d better keep an eye on him, Jillian. He’s a hottie. Could be problems.”

“No, he’s handsome, and there’s not going to be any problems.” I went into the kitchen to fill a bowl of water. “Would you like any coffee?” I called out.

She followed me in, along with Perry. I hoped Sasha wasn’t scoping out potential bathroom spots in my family room. “No, thanks. How’s he been getting along with your stud? Now there’s a Latin lover if I ever saw one.”

“Just fine, Michelle.” Fine.

“Good to hear. Just better be prepared for when all those pretty girls start hanging around. They’ll be coming for Daniel, but after they notice your hot-blooded man here, it’ll just give ’em more reason to stick around, flaunt their shit.”

My mouth dropped. That hadn’t even crossed my mind. I trusted Chase without question, but the thought of that scenario weirded me out.

“Seriously, Mabel?” I’d wondered when Perry would speak up. She’d been so quiet since Michelle arrived. She gave me a ‘see, you should’ve listened to me’ look.

“Who’s Mabel?”

“Sasha,” I called out, and the little thing toddled in. I set the water down in front of her and she dove in.

“Jills has nothing to worry about with Chase. Who cares how many hot women camp out on the front lawn or stalk the house? They could run around naked and it wouldn’t matter worth shit. His eyes only look in one direction.” Perry pointed at me.

Um, thanks?

Michelle waved her hand. “Pfft. I’m not saying her beefcake’s going to stray, honey. Just saying she’d better be ready for the flockin’ young chicks.”

I was so done with the subject. “You never mentioned why you stopped by, Michelle.”

“Oh yes.” She dug through her purse and pulled out an aerosol can. “This stuff is incredible. I just had to share.”

“Ah, no thanks.” I was also done with Michelle’s miracle remedies. Between the wrinkle tape that ripped off part of my eyebrow, the DermaIce that made my face resemble dried glue, and the alleged ‘vitamin’ pills that were supposed to give me enough pep to keep up with my younger man, she was oh-for-three. But in her defense, I hadn’t actually tried the pills. They could’ve worked great… or I could’ve ended up in a psych ward. What seemed to be incredible for Michelle had the opposite effect on me.

Perry snatched the can from her hand, and her mouth went sideways. “Boob Blaster?”

Michelle took the can back and handed it to me. “Simply amazing.”

Perry crossed her arms in front of her chest like she was protecting them. “That’s a horrible name. God, why not just call it ‘Tittie Twister’ or ‘Cantaloupe Crusher’?”

“Because those names wouldn’t be accurate. It doesn’t twist or crush—it blasts them into shape. Not permanently, but if you use it enough….”

I started reading the back of the can. Words like ‘tighten’ and ‘lift’ caught my eye.

Perry grabbed it out of my hands and tried shoving it back into Michelle’s purse. “There’s no such thing,” she said.

“Yours are still pointing due north, darlin’. I wouldn’t expect you to understand yet.”

Perry just shook her head, glaring at me. I knew what she was thinking, but I really wanted to pretend that I didn’t. For an eight-months-shy of forty-year-old, my body was behaving well. Except for my boobs. They didn’t get the memo on how to play nicely with others.

Michelle set the can on the counter. “Proof’s in the pudding, ladies.”

“Jills, are you going to listen to this—”

Before I knew what was happening, Michelle had her shirt yanked up, and there was no bra in sight. Why the fuck isn’t she wearing a bra? Holy shit, what the hell is going on here? Perry recoiled, and I was a blindsided deer.

“I did a test run this morning. Just to prove that it works.” She tilted her chin down. “As you can see, Side A on the left is untreated. That thing’s hanging like a mud flap. But Side B… take a good look at that baby. Firmer, perkier. Maybe not centerfold material, but a definite improvement, wouldn’t you agree?”

Holy fuck, I would. I did not want to be there, gawking at my neighbor’s fifty-year-old breasts. I did not even want to be considering that one of her crazy products might actually work. And I definitely didn’t want to seize that bright orange can and lock myself in the bathroom before Perry could knock me upside my head.

But damn… I could not tear my eyes away. I could not ignore the difference between Side A and Side B. But I did smother that little voice trying to warn me of what could go wrong.

Because yeah, I was giddy as hell to get some of that proof on my own pudding.

What could it hurt?