He stayed in the shower, letting the full force of the massaging jets blast him with hot water. He hadn’t realized how bad the water pressure on the ship was until that moment. He heard Brian moving around in the room. He heard his voice as he talked to someone, probably room service. It was quiet for a moment, then music floated into the room. Not loud, he could barely make it out and it came in waves. Brian must have opened the balcony doors. They’d kept the balcony doors open on the ship pretty much the entire time they were in the room. Brian seemed to crave the outside. Even as humid and warm as it was here in the islands, he still had the doors open.

The water felt good on his skin. He felt the sunburns that were fading, but they still stung somewhat. His muscles ached from use. He wasn’t an inactive person. Far from it. But he wasn’t as active as Brian. His arms still hurt from ziplining the other day. Now his legs and back ached from scuba diving and walking everywhere. It felt good. He was going into a high-stress field, and he wasn’t as active as he should be. And he’d never had a goddamned panic attack before in his life.

Zero to heart attack in point one second. And he still didn’t know why.

Because he was in love with Brian.

Or because Brian was in love with him.

Or both.

God, sex. Oh god, they’d… he’d… oh god, the sex was so good. So much better than he’d ever imagined. Watching Brian’s face as he took Zack… and his orgasm from Zack’s… oh god. Hand and blow jobs just wouldn’t cut it now. Not after that. Not completely.

He smelled the rose scented oils and soaps from their bath and his dick got hard. Just from a scent that reminded him of fucking Brian. He grabbed the bottle of body gel that was on the shower ledge. It was a clean scent, it didn’t smell like anything but soap. He dumped half the bottle into his hands and scrubbed himself from head to toe until he couldn’t smell roses anymore. He rinsed and did it again using most of the bottle to try to wash away the… guilt. Brian was right. He was wallowing in guilt.

Because Brian should be Ronnie? Or because it was Brian and it should have always been Brian? Or because he was… gay. He closed his eyes and raised his face to let the water wash over him. Was he gay? Was that the problem? Was this self-loathing or… denial… or… he wasn’t bisexual. He’d never had sex with a woman. He’d never once pressed Ronnie for sex. Never. He told himself it was because she’d wanted to wait. He couldn’t remember her ever actually saying that she was waiting for marriage. He lost his hard-on just from thinking about the woman he was supposed to marry. He’d never thought about a woman sexually, not even his fiancée. Of course, he’d never thought about another man either. He’d never looked at his classmates and wondered what they’d be like in the sack. Male or female. Or… he was Brian sexual.

He heard voices in the outer room and wondered who Brian was talking to. Room service, most likely. Had he been in the shower long enough for food to be delivered?

The voices stopped and the music got louder. Zack shut off the water and grabbed a towel. He dried his hair and body and dropped it on the floor swapping it for one of the two luxury robes that hung on the nearby rack.

Brian wasn’t in the room when he ventured out. Neither was the tray of food. He followed the music out onto the balcony, not caring that he wasn’t dressed. They were secluded. No one could see them and no one would know he was naked underneath the robe. Not even Brian if he didn’t want him to know. His knees went weak thinking about being naked on the balcony with Brian. Or making love under the stars.

He found the dinner tray on the table outside. Brian leaned over the railing, watching the party on the beach. They could be down there having fun like young people. Because they were young. Twenty-seven was still young. Wasn’t it?

Brian didn’t hear him come out. Zack leaned against the doorjamb, watching him for a long moment. His heart seemed to pound harder in his chest. A fluttery, tingly sensation started in his gut. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. Just like earlier when the enormity of everything caught up with him. Brian. It was always Brian. Brian with his wide, strong shoulders, his long, lean body, his beautiful face, his ready smile, the humor sparkling in incredible green eyes. The fluttering sensation only grew stronger as he stood there.

He recognized the song wafting up from the steel drums. Don’t Worry, Be Happy. He’d heard it a million times and never thought about the message. He’d freaked out because his perfectly planned life had lost a wheel and spun out of control. He’d never had control. Never. He knew that now. He didn’t know how to just live. He had to plan. He’d worked so hard to take care of the future that he forgot to just be. Brian didn’t move, he didn’t tap his feet or clap or sing along with the music but Zack could feel his joy. Brian was always in the now. And he loved that about him.

Zack stepped out onto the balcony, and walked past the food. He wasn’t hungry anymore. Moving up behind Brian he slid one hand down his arm to rest his hand on the rail beside Brian’s hand. He wrapped the other one around Brian’s waist and leaned against him, burying his nose in his neck. He smelled like roses and sweat and Brian and sex.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered when Brian leaned against him. Brian reached behind Zack and wrapped his long fingers around the back of Zack’s head. Zack heard him sigh, his whole body relaxed, letting Zack hold him.

“I know, Zack. It’s okay. I’m just glad you’re okay. You scared me.”

Zack nodded against his neck, letting the music lull him enough to sway with Brian in time to the song. “Scared myself.”

Brian turned in his arms and skimmed his hands inside Zack’s robe, causing the belt to fall free. He grinned and pulled Zack to him sliding his arms around Zack’s waist. “You smell good,” he said, looking up that half-inch distance into Zack’s eyes. Zack could see Brian’s heart shimmering in his eyes in the flickering gaslight. Zack didn’t dare breathe when their lips touched. He didn’t dare think. He let the wild fluttering in his belly move into his heart as Brian slowly walked him away from the railing and into the shadows. “Dinner is going to get cold.”

“I don’t care.” Zack tugged at Brian’s shirt, hiking it up until he found skin. “You’re hot enough.”

Brian laughed softly in his ear and lifted his arms so Zack could pull his shirt off completely. He stepped back once more, his calves bumping into a low seat. The chaise lounge, big enough for two, sitting in the deep recesses of the balcony would do. He let the robe fall away and warm night air washed over his skin. He sank onto the lounge and moved back to recline as Brian tugged at the button on his shorts. He left them on the floor in the puddle of clothes and crawled onto the chaise with him. Just like the last few times, he straddled Zack’s legs, his magnificent dick standing at attention.

Zack reached for him, pulling him flush against his body, he didn’t kiss, he didn’t move, he gazed into Brian’s eyes looking for truth. “Are you in love with me?” He didn’t know why he asked. During sex was never the right time to ask that question. Or so he’d read. They were running out of time. He knew it. Brian knew it. They’d be back in the states the day after tomorrow. They would be off the ship and flying back to their lives in two days. There would never be another night like this one. Never. He could see that in Brian’s eyes.

“Yes,” Brian answered, the truth shining in his eyes.

Zack slid his hands around Brian’s waist, he loved the feel of his skin. So soft over hard muscles. Brian’s eyes fluttered closed, his lips parted on a soft moan. “You’re beautiful,” Zack said in awe, as if he’d just discovered this. He’d always known.

Brian smiled, his eyes stayed closed, he ran his hands over Zack’s shoulders, letting his fingers linger on his biceps. “Don’t stop, okay. Touch me. Anywhere you want to touch me. I want to feel you all over me.”

The fluttering sensation in Zack’s stomach spread to his heart and raced through his veins. He burned with the need to please this man. His man. His… love.

Zack caressed his back, dragging his hands up Brian’s shoulders to his neck, rubbing him until he arched his back and leaned his head back. Zack dragged his fingers over his throat and down to his chest to his belly. He wanted to taste him. All of him. He didn’t want to stop touching him or watching him. He couldn’t do it all. The need to do everything with Brian overwhelmed him. His breathing grew harsh. Brian opened his eyes to stare down at him, his green eyes burning with emerald fire. He leaned over just a fraction and reached past Zack to the table beside them. He grinned, the fire in his eyes burning brighter as he opened the little tube of lube he’d planted there. “You were planning to seduce me?”

“You beat me to it,” Brian replied softly, squeezing the gel into his hand. He stayed exactly where he was but reached between them to palm Zack’s aching cock. He stroked him, hard, bringing Zack to the edge only to release him before he fell over. “Want you, Zack. I’ve always wanted you. Don’t ever forget that.”

He held Zack’s cock in his hand and rose onto his knees until he hovered over Zack, his eyes fluttered closed again, holding Zack’s attention, as he eased Zack into his body, slowly, oh so slowly. Zack watching every emotion play out on his lover’s face. On Brian’s face.

Brian moaned when he came to rest on Zack’s groin, the heat of his body engulfing Zack’s cock, tightly. So fucking tight. The steel drum music changed to something he didn’t recognize, something that would remind him of making love on a tropical night with calypso music playing and the full moon shining so brightly above his lover. “Fuck me, Zack. Hard. Baby. Please.” The words weren’t romantic, but Zack didn’t care. He grabbed a fist full of Brian’s hair and pulled his head back, exposing his long neck. He gripped one of his hips until he fingers ached. Arching his hips upward, he slammed his cock into his lover until Brian’s eyes rolled into the back of his head, he bit his lips to keep from screaming as the music came to a stop. Zack dragged his knees up and planted his feet in the cushion and pushed himself deeper into this man, making him pant and moan, and sweat. God, they sweated. Brian squeezed his shoulders, holding on tight, bruising him, riding him, taking him, whispering his name, cursing him, begging him until he fell silent, his body going rigid, his dick pulsed against Zack’s belly, turning red, then purple. Zack felt Brian’s orgasm start deep inside him, Brian’s body squeezed him tight, pulsing around him as Brian clawed at his arms, and bit his lips to keep from screaming. Cum scorched Zack’s chest, landing on his lips. Zack licked it away, as Brian’s body shook violently. Zack was the one to cry out. He was the one shouting Brian’s name into the tropical air. He could only hope they were too high up to be heard. The music started up, a song from a children’s movie playing as Brian collapsed onto his chest.

Zack held Brian’s sweaty body tight against his until the trembling stopped. “I love you,” he whispered, but his words were lost in the boom of a cannon.

Brian laughed against his chest and slowly dragged himself off Zack’s legs. Zack hissed as his dick slid free of Brian’s asshole. Cum dripping onto him from… oh god. “They could have timed that so much better,” Brian said still laughing, “two minutes earlier and boom, would have been perfect.”

“Yeah, perfect,” Zack agreed as Brian left him to bring the food platter to the lounge. Zack pulled the silver dome off his plate and ate without tasting a damned thing. He couldn’t stop watching Brian as he watched the fireworks out over the ocean. He didn’t want to miss a moment of this night. He wanted to remember this night for the rest of his life.