“Water, water, everywhere… and I’m going batshit crazy staring at it,” Brian sang. He would finish with not a drop to drink, but he had something better than water, he had tequila. The frozen kind. He propped his bare foot on the railing overlooking blue-green water as far as the eye could see. And his eye could see pretty far. “There are no dolphins out there. Just water and sun.”

“I thought you loved the outdoors?” Zack said from the chair next to him. His bare foot almost touching Brian’s on the railing. Almost. They weren’t on their private balcony. They were in public. And Zack didn’t touch in public. Hell, he barely touched in private.

Brian had awakened in the early morning wrapped up in Zack’s arms and legs like… lovers. He couldn’t remember getting there. Maybe he could. He was starving and the sun was coming up and it had been way too many hours since those tacos in Mexico. Zack was staring at him with a strange look in his eyes. As if he was terrified of moving and alerting Brian to his presence. As if they were doing something wrong. They’d been awkward all morning. Brian managed to get him up and dressed for an early buffet breakfast. He’d skipped his run to spend time with Zack, but after they’d eaten, he didn’t want to go back to the room. There was nothing to do in the room, but sleep… or fuck. And after last night Brian knew without a doubt that Zack was nowhere near ready to go that far. He probably never would be.

“I love being outside. This is not outside. There are no trees or dirt or roads for biking. This is like sitting on the top of a building in a city with nothing but concrete all around. And I can’t leave. It’s like I can touch freedom… but I’m not free.” Brian heard the whine in his voice. He’d started singing to stop himself from saying something stupid like, ‘let’s go to the room and fuck’. Because he couldn’t stop thinking about fucking Zack now that the potential was there. The tequila wasn’t helping him to stop thinking fucking thoughts about fucking. If anything, the tequila was making the thoughts about fucking much more vivid than they’d be if he was sober.

“There’s a rock climbing thing somewhere on this ship,” Zack suggested with a laugh. Brian tipped his sunglasses down to peer over them at his friend. There was a smile on his lips, his eyes were covered by a pair of Maui Jim aviators that Brian would kill to own, and revealed nothing of what Zack was thinking. He looked good. Relaxed. The rum in his drink and the sun on his skin doing him a world of good.

“I have real rocks to climb back home. And I’ve decided that the pool is full of kid piss. So, no thank you.” Brian complained because it made Zack smile. “I’ll wait until tomorrow for a real beach. Make sure you pack your trunks and… maybe you should think about motion sickness pills or something for our hang gliding appointment.”

The smile faded quickly. Even though he couldn’t see Zack’s eyes through the lenses, Brian could tell he went too far. “I’m not hang gliding.”

Brian sighed and took a long sip of his margarita. He cocked an eyebrow and grinned. “Oh, wait, tomorrow we swim with sharks and go ziplining through the canopy. Oh, look dolphins.” He pointed off in the distance where the sun glinted off the backs of three or four humps that could only be dolphins coming up for air.

“I’m still not hang gliding,” Zack said, his fingers lightly grazed Brian’s hand on the narrow table between them. He didn’t pull back quickly so Brian slid his hand back until their palms met, and linked their fingers together.

“Okay, no hang gliding. I swear.” Brian didn’t dare breathe too deeply for fear Zack would realize they were holding hands.

They sat like that for a moment, watching the same sparkling water as before.

“Seriously, there are children present, have some respect.” Brian heard the words from nearby, he just didn’t realize they were aimed at them until Zack pulled his hand away.

Brian glanced up at Zack, his lips were pulled into a thin line and the color had drained from his face. So much for relaxing. Brian looked around at the people sitting in the bar area with them. He didn’t see a single kid. There was one baby, but no kids and really what the hell was wrong with people? He caught the eye of some old biddy sitting near the woman with the baby. She was giving him the evil eye. He was going to get up and tell her off, but the slight shake of Zack’s head stopped him.

The waiter stepped in between him and the woman. “Doctor and Mister Sorensen, how are you enjoying your honeymoon so far?” The woman spoke louder than she should have as she set down fresh drinks.

“It’s fine,” Brian said, trying to figure out what was going on. “We didn’t order these.”

“Compliments of the staff.” She beamed a smile his way and winked before turning around and moving across the deck. “Ladies, we have a wonderful show starting on the deck below. It’s in the shade and very child-friendly. We can move you down there and deliver complimentary refreshments.”

The older lady cast Brian one last look that spoke volumes. The younger woman covered the sleeping baby with a blanket and had the grace to look embarrassed. "Let's go see the show, Mama. While Emily is sleeping. All this sun is making me lightheaded."

"Only if they comp our drinks too. Imagine, two men honeymooning like it's natural. Shoving our faces..."

Brian didn't hear the rest of the woman's tirade. Two more wait staff came to help move the ladies to the level below. The daughter walked away quickly while the older woman hesitated briefly before following.

Zack picked up his new fruity concoction and drank in silence. His jaw remained rigid for a long while after the bar deck fell silent. The only other people were on the other side of the bar and likely hadn't heard a word. Brian couldn't relax either. He tried. He wanted relaxed Zack back. He wanted the casual touching and... and... he didn't know what he wanted.

"Does that happen to you often?" Zack stunned him by asking. "I mean. I know it was meant for both of us. But... how often does that happen to you?" He sounded upset, maybe even angry.

Brian took his own refreshed drink and chugged it back. Regretting the action immediately. "Oh god, brain freeze."

Zack's lips twitched into a slight smile. He didn't reach out for Brian's hand again, but he seemed less upset. "Is that why you never told anyone?"

Leaning back in the seat until he was staring up at the deck overhead, Brian dragged in a deep breath. "That's the first time. I don't... I am not in the closet at home." He stopped to think about that last admission. "I mean in California. Not, home, home. I'm not ever going to... shit." He didn't know how to say what he meant.

Zack nodded, his lips turned down in a frown before he schooled his features. He sighed. "I get it. Okay. I guess it took me until now. Your home is in California. You found yourself there."

There was no denying that. "I'm not planning to move back to Atlanta. Not ever. I have my family there. I have you. That's all I have there. I found my life, Zack. I am where I want to be. It's not because I'm gay. I can be gay at home, in Atlanta, if I wanted. I just... I don't fit in there. I never did. I barely fit in, in my own family. I guess my mother understands me to an extent. My sisters don't, that's for damned sure. But that's the first time I've had something like that happen. It's... not pleasant."

"Can't say that I enjoyed it, no." Cool Zack was back. Which meant distant Zack wasn't far behind. Or repressed Zack. Sometimes Brian wondered why they'd ever become friends. They were nothing alike. "Why does everyone on this ship know our names and think we're married? Have you noticed that?"

"Every damned time I leave the room. Perks of a first-class honeymoon suite I guess. They think you want first class treatment. Not sure how I feel about it. However, I did appreciate the immediate interference they just ran." Brian picked up his rapidly melting margarita and stared at it. It was too early in the day to have this much tequila in his system. "I need to do something to work off all this liquor. I need to go for a run or something. I didn't mean to spend the afternoon day drinking. We should get food."

"Ugh, what is it with you and the constant need to eat? I'm still feeling breakfast." Zack groaned loudly and set his own drink down on the table. "I think I've had too much sun. I'm going back to the room for a couple of hours. I have some reading to do. And I think I'm going to order room service in later tonight. That buffet is going to kill me."

Brian didn't expect Zack to jump up and down at the prospect of running on the upper deck with him. He just didn't expect to feel so let down either. "Yeah, sure, I'm going to bum around for a bit, then go find the gym. I'll see you later."

Zack hesitated for a moment before dragging his long legs off the railing and sticking his feet into his newly purchased flip flops. "Okay... sure... but be careful. It's hot out today and you've had too much to drink. Don't overdo it." He stood up and looked back at Brian as if he had something he wanted to say. He took the sunglasses off and blinked in the sun. And Brian really wished he'd just say the words. Whatever the words were. "Uh... don't fall overboard."

Brian tilted his own sunglasses down to the tip of his nose and puckered up sending Zack an air kiss. "Love you too, Boo."

"Jackass," Zack said, but he smiled and maybe he blushed. Brian couldn't tell with the slight sunburn kissing his skin. He hesitated again, for a long moment, his hand twitching, almost as if he wanted to reach out to... do what?

God, Brian wished Zack would reach out and touch him. He would settle for halfway. Brian held his hand up for a high-five slap... something... anything. He just wanted to feel Zack's skin on his.

Zack didn't high-five him. He slid his hand over Brian's, his palm hot against Brian's. Their fingers clasped for a moment. And then it was over. Zack went over to the bar and after a moment the waiter who'd brought them out their drinks was smiling and chatting him up. She handed him something to sign and her smile became broader. Brian guessed Zack added something to the tip. When he was gone the woman brought Brian a tall glass of a clear liquid on ice with a lemon wedge as garnish. "Doctor Zack said to keep you hydrated."

Brian took the glass and sipped the new drink. He wrinkled up his nose and she laughed. "Water. He's so considerate." Brian had to smile too. It was funny. He'd expected vodka or gin or something, but he needed water. Especially if he was going to ever make it to the gym. "And it's Doctor Zack now, is it?"

"He's such a nice man, I'm so happy to see two people who love each other as much as the two of you. Anyway, Mister Sorensen, let me know if I can get you anything."

She left him sipping his water in stunned silence.

They were just friends. That's all they'd ever been. This whole charade needed to be stopped. They weren't married. They would never be married. And this wasn't Brian's honeymoon. This was his stupid sister's honeymoon. He was lusting after the only man he'd ever truly loved and wishing this was indeed his and Zack's honeymoon.

The shock of that realization hit him hard.

He wanted Zack for his own. He wanted Zack for a husband. He'd never even thought about marriage and... and... it could only be with Zack. If he ever married at all.

Wouldn’t work.

Their lives were in two different places. Zack reminded Brian of that only a few short minutes ago. Zack was facing several years of residency, most likely in one of the big hospitals in the city where they grew up. And Brian was all the way on the other side of the country with no intention of ever moving back.

He set the water down and picked up Zack's abandoned Daiquiri. Damned if he was going to face the rest of this fucking trip feeling sorry for himself... or sober.

* * * * *

He wasn't in the mood for delving deeper into the copy of an old Patterson book that he'd brought along to keep him occupied. He tossed it aside in favor of the new SW Simpson thriller he picked up at the airport. At least he thought it was new. He'd read this one. A couple of times. He tried to pull up the library on his tablet but it was dead. He hadn't charged it since coming aboard. He plugged it in and paced the room. Everything was neat and tidy. The daily towel buddy sat at the foot of the bed. The bed was made and turned down on both sides for the night, even though it wasn't dark yet.

Zack couldn't look at the bed without thinking about waking up with Brian wrapped in his arms... and legs. Somehow, they'd managed to sleep all twisted together like that. Zack couldn't remember ever sleeping that well. At least not since his parents had passed away. He didn't sleep well at all.

He'd skipped lunch. He'd foraged in their mini-fridge for the snacks Brian kept buying. He thought Brian would come back to the room after he'd sweated out whatever it was that was making him antsy. That had been hours ago.

It wasn't like it was getting late. It wasn't like Brian was a grown man with free will. One whom owed Zack no allegiance. None. But Zack paced and wondered where he'd gone. Without Zack.

Maybe that was the problem. Maybe he was off doing something or... someone.

He was jealous.

The realization hit him hard. He was goddamned jealous.

Just because the man had blown him yesterday didn't make them... what? Lovers? Boyfriends? What the hell had they been since they were horny teenagers anyway?

Was it just experimenting on Brian's part?

Yeah, that thought hit harder than a sledgehammer upside the head.

Brian was gay. He and Brian had shared more showers and hand jobs than... Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Brian.

It was always Brian. The only person who knew him. The one person he'd missed the most when he'd moved away. The person who made him feel... right.

The words that woman had spoken earlier came back to him. Brian was gay. And that woman... that woman had put fear in his eyes. There was nothing that frightened Brian. He climbed mountains and dove out of planes for fun. Yet it was there when he'd taken his glasses off. So much fear.

Because Zack had wanted to touch him. Just for a moment. To know that he was real and sitting beside him. Because Brian needed the touch to calm him. Because... touching Brian had always been something Zack... craved… he wasn't ready to admit that he needed to touch Brian. He wasn't ready to admit any damned thing.

Touching had turned to hand holding. If only for that moment. Before that woman had made him feel... less than.

Zack stopped pacing.

He'd never felt less than before.

He didn't know what that felt like.

He was shy. He wasn't a doormat. He'd never been bullied. He had more than his fair share of intelligence. He might not be stunningly gorgeous like Brian, but he wasn't so bad that he couldn't stand to look at himself in the mirror. And he was rich. Not filthy rich. He'd been left well taken care of by both of his parents and one set of grandparents. He'd spent most of his money to pay for school. He'd survive a few years if he didn't work. But that was about all. He was privileged in a way. He knew this. Losing his family... he'd trade the money for a family.

He'd trade his money for Brian's family.

Ronnie had been his bridge into that family.

And he'd used her to get there.

Brian was never going to move back. On some level, he'd known that for years. Brian was happy. Brian was doing what he wanted to do with his life.

Marrying Ronnie would have been a disaster.

Just one more bad decision in a long history of bad decision-making.

Fuck!

He grabbed his wallet and his door key and walked out of his room. He'd forgotten his shoes and was turning around to go back for them when one of the floor attendants greeted him.

"Good evening, Doctor Sorensen."

Yeah, that was really starting to bug him. He scowled. It wasn't her fault he was in a foul mood. "Good evening."

She smiled and kept walking.

"Oh, sorry, excuse me?" He called after her. His shoes forgotten. She stopped and turned back with the same patient smile on her face that the waiter from the bar had worn earlier. "I’m sorry, I don't mean to keep you, but is there a bookstore or something on board. I can't seem to access my Kindle library."

"Not a problem, Doctor Sorensen. That's what I'm here for," she said with that same patient smile. "We have a gift shop on the Promenade deck that carries books and magazines. The selection is a bit limited if you want the truth. And there is a library and study on the Lobby deck near the computer terminals."

There were computer terminals on-board? That was news to him. "Oh, okay, great. I'll go check that out. Thank you."

"Not a problem. Enjoy your evening." She started on her way down the corridor again when another thought occurred to Zack.

"Oh, sorry, one more question," he called out taking another step away from the door.

She stopped and turned with that same smile on her face. He had to wonder how she did that. "Our cell phones don't work... is there a way to find another passenger on board? I... damn... I need to find my... Brian. I don't know where we're meeting for dinner."

He felt like a complete fool for asking. He felt like an even bigger fool because he was lying so he could stalk his best friend.

"Oh, well, no, not really." The smile cracked for the first time and she almost seemed uncomfortable. "But the LGBT meetup is in Glitteratti on the Promenade deck. You could start there."

Oh! Zack tried to keep his own face from showing any emotion. It shouldn't be an issue. It shouldn't feel like he'd been sucker-punched. Like the first night when he'd stumbled in the first evening's meetup and found Brian flirting with a guy wearing a banana hammock. "We're not married. You know that, right? He would have been my brother-in-law if his sister had married me. She left me at the altar. He... he came along because he didn't want me to be alone." Why the fuck was he explaining any of this? None of this was her business.

"My condolences, Doctor Sorensen. I'm sure Mister O'Daly will be along shortly. It's early still." She was already turning away. She seemed as uncomfortable as Zack felt.

"I'm sure. Thank you for your time," he said and went back into his room.

The room was just the same as he'd left it. Four walls with a bed and a small sitting area and a balcony with a small bathroom. Where he'd had sex... almost sex... with his best friend... at least three times in the last three days.

He was losing his goddamned mind. That's what was happening.

He and Brian had a sexual relationship. They'd always had a sexual relationship. A completely consensual, mutually pleasurable, sexual relationship. One Brian had played off as nothing. Because...

Because he was afraid it meant nothing to Zack.

He walked out through the open balcony doors to their little balcony. The sun was setting behind them. The spring evening settling in quickly as they sailed east. It was still very early and he had no idea what time zone he was in.

He had no idea what the fuck he was doing. He leaned over the railing and looked down at the dark waters passing quickly past and felt nothing.

Brian was right. They were trapped in this moving hotel in the middle of the ocean with no way out.

He slipped on shoes and combed his hair and went back out. He had no idea where the Promenade deck was. He hadn't bothered to look at the ship's maps and he hadn't paid attention when they'd explored the ship. He just wanted out.

Maybe he'd go find someone... shit... who the fuck was he kidding? If he'd wanted to find someone he wouldn't have jumped at the chance to marry Ronnie when she asked. If he'd wanted to find a fuck buddy he'd have looked after Brian left instead of waiting for him to come home.

He took the elevator up to the main deck with the intention of finding the library or even the computers. He needed something to keep his brain from wandering off down lonely alleyways that were best left unexplored.

He found himself on the Promenade deck anyway. It was still very early, but people strolled what seemed to be the ship’s main entertainment deck, stopping at all the little coffee shops and bakeries along the way. He passed a different casino than the one they'd played at the second night. He passed a general goods store. And a store with blankets and books and magazines and stuffed animals and sunglasses. Vacation stuff.

He kept walking making a note to stop there when he headed back.

He didn't pass Brian along the way. He couldn't be missed in khaki cargo shorts and the pink tank shirt he wore with a white tropical print shirt over it. Pink flamingoes on a tall, rugged looking redhead would stand out.

His stomach growled at the scents coming from the bistros and cafes he passed. He was starving. Breakfast was way too many hours ago and he'd skipped lunch. He should go find the buffet and get something. Brian was a big boy, he could fend for himself.

Zack stopped in front of a glittering pink doorway. The pink neon flashing inside nearly blinding. The name of the bar flashing in stroke inducing brightness.

Glitterati.

He stood there for a long time blocking traffic. He didn't know why he couldn't go inside. He didn't know what he was afraid of. It was early.

Night had barely fallen.

If anything was going to happen, it would be later.

What was he expecting to happen?

Was he expecting to walk inside and find naked men having an orgy... with Brian?

Did his dick just think that sounded promising?

Jesus fucking Christ on a raft.

Two women with matching pink haircuts smiled and waved to him as they passed, on the way inside.

Oh.

He wouldn't find naked orgies inside. That was silly.

He followed them inside.

If Brian was there he'd ask him what he wanted to do for dinner.

It was just that simple. He was being considerate of his... friend.

Techno music pumped in the air, making his pulse race. The flashing pink neon hurt his eyes, but it wasn't so bad once he was past the entrance. There wasn't a bouncer at the door checking IDs. There weren't that many people inside.

It was still early.

There were people at the bar. And sitting around tables. Men and women. Young and old. Really young. But no one seemed to be doing anything they wouldn't be doing at a high school prom. Okay, maybe they didn't serve frozen alcoholic drinks at prom, but this was certainly nothing like anything he'd gone to in college.

It was... nice.

He needed something to drink. Not alcoholic. He just wanted a soda. The music changed to something a little slower and a familiar laugh caught his attention. He found Brian on the dance floor just as some guy dragged him close for a long slow kiss.

Zack decided he wasn't thirsty after all.