Chapter Twenty
Iris
Attn: Ms. Iris Paige and Ms. Bailey Houser,
We would like to inform you that fumigating in Apartment B building is now over. It is now safe to return. Thank you for your time and patience. We apologize for any inconvenience this might have had.
Sincerely,
Management
“Inconvenience?” I repeated out loud, scoffing down at the email. “Inconvenience doesn’t even begin to cover it. Better late than never.”
I closed my computer with a relieved sigh. I could pack up – finally – and get back to the apartment and have some normalcy. Bailey’s flight didn’t come back until late Sunday night, so I would have a few days of utter peace to think and do homework.
The early afternoon sunlight illuminated my mom’s house when I stepped out of my old bedroom with my bags in hand. I set them down next to the front door before double checking that there was fresh food in the fridge and pantry. As usual, I took my mother’s car keys and hid them up on the top shelf out of sight.
I knocked twice gently before opening the door to find her passed out in the middle of the bed. Grabbing the half-empty bottle of vodka, I poured it down the bathroom sink before sitting down on the edge of her bed.
The afternoon light brought out the rich golden hues of her hair. In sleep, she looked relaxed and beautiful, how I liked to remember her from when I was a child. We used to spend hours fixing each other’s hair up and putting on ridiculous shades of red lipstick on. There weren’t any lines around her sparkling blue eyes back then. Her skin had been tanned and healthy compared to her sunken and pale features now.
The divorce had hit her harder than I ever imagined.
I reached up to gently trail my fingers through the tendrils of hair that was splayed out on the pillow. If heartbreak meant endlessly trying to drown yourself in a bottle, then I never wanted to truly be in love.
I understood the situation better than my mom ever would know. Hearing that my father had another life with another woman had stung deeper than I cared to admit. What was so wrong with us that he couldn’t love us back?
“It’s his loss,” I whispered, curling the tendrils of hair around my finger. “It’s not our loss. It’s his loss. Why can’t you see that?”
She stirred awake at the sound of my voice. Blinking sleepily, she looked up at me in confusion.
“What is it? Why did you wake me?”
“I got an email from the management for my apartment building,” I said. “They said that we can go back now that they are done fumigating.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “And you’re going to go now?”
I hated it when she acted like this. It made leaving hard, and I always walked away with guilt brewing in my stomach.
“I have to,” I said. “I need to get some homework done before classes start on Monday again.”
Her hand reached forward, and for a wild moment, I thought she intended to grab my hand. A frown tugged at her dry lips.
“Where’s my vodka?” she asked.
Ignoring the pang in my chest, I stood from the side of her bed. “It’s gone. I poured it out. I have to get going.”
She rose from the bed with surprising stability, considering how much alcohol she had consumed since eight o’clock this morning. I tensed when she came toward me with an angry frown, but she breezed by me to open her bedroom door. I followed her down the hallway and stairs with a headache pounding in my temples. I found her in the kitchen rummaging through her liquor cabinet.
“Mom,” I started.
“You can’t throw my alcohol out like that,” she said, not bothering to turn around. “Money is tight around here, Iris. You know that. You threw out twenty-two-dollars’ worth of alcohol.”
My fingers curled up as anger burned the center of my chest.
“We’d have money if you didn’t spend it all on boozing your sorrows away,” I said through gritted teeth. “I’m leaving now, Mom. I’ll see you in a couple weeks once I’m done with school.”
She turned sharply on the heels of her bare feet to glare at me. “You can’t just throw my alcohol out without offering to buy me another bottle.”
“What makes you think I have the money to buy it?” I snapped out. “If I had any money, I would’ve rented out a cheap hotel for a week, rather than coming here for my spring break.”
The second those words slipped out, I wished I could take them back. They hit my mother hard, in the heart, where I’d intended. She burst into tears and buried her face into her hands while sinking down to the ground.
“Everyone always hates me,” she moaned, rocking back and forth. “Everyone always leaves me. First my husband and then my daughter.”
I bit the inside of my cheek to keep my temper in check. Why did it always have to turn into this when I left? Fed up with the tears, I pressed a kiss to her a temple before taking a step back.
“I love you, Mom. I’m not going to buy you alcohol so you can drown yourself. I’ll see you once school is done.”
She didn’t bother responding. I grabbed my bags and stepped out into the warm afternoon. The entire neighborhood was drenched in melting snow with the first signs of spring in the air. I walked to my car with my heart lifting with each step. I hated leaving my mother in a blubbering mess, but I didn’t want to sit around and watch her guzzle down another bottle.
My phone buzzed from where I had shoved it into the front pocket of my hoodie. I pulled it out to find another text message from Noah.
You can’t hide from me forever.
Nerves fluttered in my stomach because I knew he was right. I couldn’t avoid him forever. I had class with him first thing Monday morning, and if I wanted to graduate, I had to go to class.
Like the other times he had texted and called me, I didn’t bother responding. I knew it wasn’t the best way to handle things, but the next few months were on the line for me. I wanted to graduate. I needed to graduate. I couldn’t let Noah and temptation take over me again like it had this spring break.
On the drive back to my apartment, I rolled the window down to allow the fresh spring air to wash over me. The apartment building was completely silent when I parked in my usual spot and started up the metal stairs.
“Thank God,” I said, pushing the front door open with my foot. “I never thought I’d be so happy to be back here.”
Silence greeted me, and I welcomed it happily. I opened the living room curtains and windows to get rid of the chilly air. Not bothering to unpack yet, I sank down in the living room couch with a weary sigh.
I had a few days before Bailey returned to the apartment with undoubtedly a nice tan and stories about her new boy-toy. As tempting as it was to fall asleep wrapped up in a blanket, I grabbed my monetary economics book to get ahead.
Something thumped to the ground. I leaned into the couch pillows to see the volume of English Victorian literature on the floor. You can’t hide from me forever.
The buzz of my phone interrupted the memories of Noah above me. I glanced at the caller ID warily to find the one person calling that I didn’t expect. I held my phone up to my ear gingerly. “Dad?”
“Iris,” he said, a bit too formally. “Your mother called the house here, drunk as usual.”
A ragged breath escaped my lips. Of course, he wasn’t calling to check up on me. He had a new wife and a baby to check up on. I sunk back against the couch pillows.
“And?” I asked. “She’s always drunk and calling people.”
“I realize that. I tried to tell her that she can’t call the house unless it’s an emergency and has to do with you.”
I doubted he’d even answer if it had to do with me.
“Okay,” I said. “What do you want me to do about it, then?”
“I want you tell the damned woman to leave me alone,” he barked out. “I’m tired of her doing this, Iris. She said that you are with her, so I-”
“I’m not with her,” I interrupted. “I left this morning. She probably called you because she was upset that I left.”
“Your mother’s feelings aren’t my responsibility, Iris.”
“One of the perks of getting divorced, it sounds like.”
Silence stretched on. I could see my dad standing there with the phone pressed up against his ear, and a frown tugging at his lips as he tried discern whether or not I was being sarcastic or serious. If I closed my eyes, I could picture him perfectly in his khaki shorts, a striped polo shirt, and a mop of dark hair that he smoothed back to show off the gray. It screamed rich and wealthy and a lifetime of experience to women my age who wanted something like that.
“Are you toying with me?” he finally asked.
“Nope,” I said. “Have to go, Dad. I have a life to live that doesn’t involve you, either.”
“Iris-”
I hung up before he could start the lecture of talking to him with respect. It’s all your fault, Dad. People blame the parents all the time, but it really is your fault. Mom’s drinking. Me. All of it is your fault.
My phone buzzed again. I blinked back tears while I gazed down at the phone screen as Noah’s call went to voicemail. I was being immature by ignoring his calls, but I had no idea how to process any of it.
We were both consenting adults. It wasn’t taboo for us to have a relationship, but I didn’t even know if Noah wanted that. He didn’t strike me as the type of man who settled down from what I’d read on the internet. One thing I knew for sure was that he knew his way around a woman’s body.
I picked up my monetary economics textbook again. There was no doubt in my mind that Monday morning would be awkward no matter what I said or did when I faced Noah for the first time.