Chapter Three
Noah
I took one last sip of coffee before turning to look at the organized kitchen and living room. The last boxes were stuffed in the recycle bin outside on the curb, and I was relieved to finally have the clutter gone from my sight. There was no way in hell I would be able to concentrate on anything with my life packed up carelessly in boxes throughout the house.
I still had a few days before the spring semester started to get adjusted to West Coast time, but the dean insisted on meeting this morning to talk about everything. Sleep still clawed at my head, and it was sorely tempting to just go straight back to bed.
Sighing, I poured the rest of my coffee in a travel mug and left the house to embrace the frigid day.
The PHU campus was motionless and blanketed in snow when I found a parking space in the teachers’ parking lot. The Wasatch Range stood behind the campus, mountain peaks covered in snow and gray clouds circling about them. I could feel the presence of another snowfall in the air when I stepped out of my Jeep Wrangler to find the dean already behind me.
“Noah Webber,” Miles Crosby said, excitedly. “A true honor to meet you, sir. I am so excited to have you join us here at PHU.”
He stuck out a meaty hand for me to shake. I shifted uncomfortably on the balls of my feet at the visible excitement. I had no idea why the man seemed so overly happy to see me, but I grasped his hand strongly in return anyway. No reason to fuck things up before I even got started.
“Nice campus,” I said and glanced around, as if visually acknowledging the campus.
Miles grinned in pride. “We sit on 560 acres here. Not like New Zealand, I’m sure. I’ve heard it’s beautiful.”
“Yeah,” I said. “It is.”
He danced around on his feet for a moment to the point I thought he had to piss. I tried hard not to fidget in annoyance under his stare.
Finally, he blurted out, “I’m a huge fan of your rugby days. I watched every single time you played.”
My teeth gritted together to keep myself from showing irritation. I didn’t want to hash out my days at New Zealand, or my rugby days. That chapter of my life was over now, and I wanted to focus my attention elsewhere. I wanted away from that shadow everyone talked about because it damn near suffocated me sometimes. Focusing on the past was just a reminder that I hadn’t made it as far as I wanted to, and yet my best days were likely behind me.
“Thanks,” I said, forcing a fake smile on my face “I appreciate that. I’m just here to teach freshman English, though. Nothing else.”
His face fell ever so slightly. Suspicion ripped through me when a sudden smile spread across his face. Was there something going on that I wasn’t aware of?
“Of course, of course,” he said. “I understand that. Let’s go for a tour. You can get acquainted with the campus, get your office keys, and meet some other professors here.”
The next hour, Miles talked about the campus and various departments of studies they had for students. I admitted inwardly that I was impressed with the entire campus and curriculum. For a college in Utah, their programs were a lot more advanced and studious than the ones I had looked at years ago as an incoming freshman.
Miles led me into a large building on the other side of campus. The smell of old books and paper filled my nose the second we stepped inside the main lobby. Everything was neat and tidy like I had hoped for. Whenever it came to writing, I needed an organized space with no distractions.
“Your office is on the second floor,” Miles explained. “Down the hallway here is the printing room, in case you need to use the printer. We have students who work in here, so they can assist you with anything you need.”
We walked up a flight of stairs that groaned beneath our feet and to the very end of the hall. I pushed the door open slightly to take in the blank white walls and empty shelves. The desk faced wide, arched windows overlooking the entire campus with the mountains looming in the distance.
My office. I loved the sound of it.
“Here’s the key,” Miles continued, handing me a ring of keys. “The others get you into the other buildings late at night if you need to.. We don’t generally like our teachers staying real late except around exam time to help students.”
“Right,” I said, placing the keys in the pocket of my jeans. “Anything else that I need to know about?”
“Nothing that we hadn’t discussed before.” He motioned for me to follow him back out of the English department in the direction of what appeared to be a well-maintained field. My heart dropped with every step closer we got to it, despite how impressed I was with the entire facility in front of me. I knew where this was conversation was going before Miles even said a word.
“This is our rugby facility,” he said, beaming proudly up at it. “Our sports program is top notch, something I take great pride in. Rugby is the gem of my eye, though.” His grin widened at that. “We are currently second in the nation. I could put you in for this season to coach. The boys would love to have a celebrity and well-known athlete coaching them.”
I clenched my fingers into fists to maintain control over my quickly flaring temper. How many times did I have to repeat it to people? I was done with that life. My body couldn’t handle it anymore no matter how much I trained to keep up.
“Impressive,” I said, tightly. “I don’t think I’d offer much help, though. I’ve retired from the sport.”
“I heard about the ACL injuries, but that’s hardly a career ender.”
“It was for me,” I said, flatly. This guy just wasn’t going to get the hint.
Miles arched an eyebrow. “There were other reasons then?” Curiosity filled his voice.
I looked across the neatly-kept field, a pang of nostalgia filling me when I thought of how it had felt to be out there. Nothing gave me greater relief, outside of sex, than to be out there with my blood pumping through my veins.
That was, until the cameras started to follow me around too much. No one could prepare for what stardom would bring. I sure as hell didn’t know what the fuck to do with it. The fans were the bright light behind all of the flashing cameras, and there were other perks, too. Women loved the thought of chaining someone like me down for themselves.
And when I let them believe that, the cameras and reporters were there to document that part, too. There was nothing more aggravating than having your entire life spread out across the tabloids for complete strangers to pick you apart. Especially the critics who cited other reasons why I had left…and those were the right ones.
I turned away to look across the campus pointedly. “Just got to be too much,” I replied, coolly. “My body is getting older, like everyone else who went down before me. I’m not here to talk about that any more, though, with all due respect.”
“I guess I can understand that,” Miles said and slapped at his pudgy gut with a chuckle. “No matter what I do, this stays here. My wife tells me to watch my diet, to walk a mile a day, but it stays put.”
“Age will do that to you,” I said, forcing a tight smile. I barely knew him, yet I didn’t like him. Hopefully the rest of my introductions wouldn’t be so damn stiff and uncomfortable.
We walked back across campus with Miles talking my ear off about the previous championship games. I reminded myself that I needed this job over all his bullshit of trying to get me to coach the rugby team. I never felt so relieved to reach my car when I finally spotted it.
“Thank you,” I said, cutting in over his spiel about the coaching staff needing some help this year to get players into shape. “I look forward to teaching here. Should I send you my syllabus for class in the next few days?”
He nodded eagerly. “Yes, of course. That would be great. You still don’t want anything to do with the rugby team?”
“No,” I forced out, pulling out my car keys. “Not at the moment, but I’ll keep it in mind, if that helps anything.”
“It does,” he said, grin widening. “I will tell the boys that you are considering it. I already sent out an email blast that you were teaching here. Don’t be surprised if you have fans that stop by. I just couldn’t help myself. You understand, of course.”
“Yeah, I get it. I’ll reach out if I need anything. Thanks again,” I said. I shook his hand briefly. “I’ll see you in a week, then.”
I let out a haggard breath when I finally pulled out of the parking lot. “Fuck,” I swore, hitting the steering wheel out of frustration. “Of all the people to be dean of a fucking college, this one has to act like fan drooling over some boy band.”
I ran a hand through my hair and tried to force down the anger burning in my belly. Nothing sparked my temper like reminiscing on what could have been.
No matter who you were, you could never outrun your past – especially if you were even slightly famous. You couldn’t stop one life and start another one without the past wanting to interfere. That much I knew, but I was determined to get away from it.
I wanted nothing more than to teach, write, and maybe find some single ladies around the Provo area. I couldn’t touch any of the females on campus, and even it was tempting, I needed this job to launch other areas of my life.
I had other ways of release in the meantime.
Traffic was a bitch on the drive home, but by the time I reached my house in the middle of suburbia again, I had come up with a plan to avoid the rugby team as much as I possibly could. I also planned on staying away from Miles, too. I was just here in Provo to teach. Nothing more.
I repeated that mantra in my head over and over again: that I didn’t need rugby. I didn’t need a whole lot of friends because I had Hunter. I didn’t need women, either, but that was a futile hope on my part. I only needed what I had. I was content. Happy. Free.
Somewhere in the chanting of lies, I realized how badly I wanted one thing: the soft touch of a woman. It was deadly to even consider, seeing that I had a million other things to worry about. I forced the desire back down deep inside of me.
I had to focus on my job, not get distracted. I didn’t want to, but I had to.