Chapter Thirty-Five
Noah
“Well, you didn’t break anything or make it worse. That’s a good start.”
I laughed when I looked up at Hunter as he overlooked the engine he had asked me to service. My arms were coated with oil from working in the shop since 7:00 a.m., but I loved every second off it. We rarely got to see one another to catch up besides on the weekends because of our lives and jobs. It was a relief just to have him there to talk to about everything that had happened.
“I have a good teacher,” I said. “I just mainly tried to remember where all the screws went and hoped to God that I put everything back together the right way.”
“That works, too. Good job.” He clapped me on the back while stepping over to his tool box and picked up a rag to clean his hands. “Not your cup of tea, though, judging from the expression on your face.”
“It does relieve stress,” I said, glancing down at the engine. “I’ll give you that. You can’t concentrate on all your problems when you’re trying to remember how to put something back together the right way the first time.” I had barely thought of Iris since arriving to the shop.
“Why do you think I liked to spend my time here when Livvy and I fight?”
We exchanged a grin. Hunter tossed the rag to me to wipe my hands free of the oil I had practically bathed in all day.
“How is Livvy adjusting to pregnancy these days?” I asked, and tossed the rag back to Hunter. “I’ve heard that pregnant women tend to get emotional at times.”
“That part is very true,” he admitted, grimacing. “The other day I came home to her crying because none of her old pants fit her. It’s logical to me. She’s pregnant, so naturally none of her clothes are going to fit after a certain stage. To her, it was the end of the world, and she couldn’t understand why I thought she was being irrational.”
I arched an eyebrow.
“Sounds a little crazy to me,” I said. “Did she make you go get some food afterwards, too?”
“McDonald fries and a chocolate shake.”
Hunter sighed as he closed up his toolbox for the evening. I handed him a couple of the wrenches I had borrowed throughout the workday to take a few engines apart. The warm spring night greeted us both when we stepped outside after locking the doors.
“I have something to tell you,” I said, fumbling through my pockets in search of my car keys. “I love you, man, and I appreciate you giving me a job, but I won’t need it for long. Hell, you don’t even have to pay me.”
“I’ll still pay you for the time you put in,” he replied, watching me with a frown. “Did you find another job that quickly?”
“Over at the University of Utah,” I said and tried to dampen my little stab excitement out of guilt. I had another job to fall back onto while Iris was still expelled from school. “I went to go visit a friend at PHU; he’s got a friend at U of U who is a professor there. He made the call, and I have an interview there in a few weeks for an advising position for graduating seniors.”
“That’s great, man!” Hunter exclaimed, hitting me on the shoulder the same we used to do in rugby to pump each other up. “I’ll keep you here until you start there. No problems with that.” His excitement faded when I didn’t return the gesture of hitting me on the shoulder. “Okay, what’s up with that attitude? You aren’t even a bit excited over it?”
“Of course I am. I just…” I trailed off, rubbing at the back of my neck. “Everything has happened so fast, and I’m already bouncing back from it, you know? I have no idea what has happened to Iris, or what will happen to her.”
Hunter stared down at the ground in contemplation for a moment. The usual sound of traffic echoed in the evening air while we stood in the parking lot, lost in our own thoughts. There was only one place I knew that Iris would’ve gone. She had no money to go anywhere else besides her mother’s house.
“You can’t put all the blame on yourself,” he said, eventually. “I know that sounds bad, and it doesn’t make the situation better, but-”
“It makes the situation worse,” I interrupted defensively. “I was the professor there. I should’ve known better. Iris…” I trailed off with my stomach twisting painfully when I thought of her unsure looks when she reached for me. “It really was my fault, and I shouldn’t even be the one that is getting a second chance.”
“Wow,” Hunter said, shaking his head at me in awe. “I never thought I would see this day with you.”
I frowned at him. “What day are you talking about?”
“The day that Noah Webber actually gives a shit about a woman,” he said. “And I mean, really care for someone else besides himself.”
He laughed when I shoved with him a scowl on my face. I finally found my keys in my pocket and walked toward my car, flipping him the bird the entire time.
“See you Monday,” I said. “Maybe. We’ll see how this weekend goes.”
I didn’t wait to hear what he said in return. I slipped behind the steering wheel and drove back home with his words echoing in the back of my mind. He was right, no matter how much I wanted to fight it. I cared about Iris more than I ever thought I would.
It didn’t matter, though, I reminded myself bitterly. She was gone. She blamed me for everything, and I didn’t blame her for putting it all on me.
My heart skipped when I pulled around the corner to see a familiar car parked in my drive. I pulled up next to it and glanced at the driver sitting behind the wheel nervously while I cut the engine off. Iris’ sandy-blonde hair fluttered prettily around her freckled face in the spring breeze when she stepped out of the car the moment I stepped out of mine.
We stared at each other with my car in between us. Iris fiddled with an errant string in her purple sweater. She never looked more beautiful than right there and then. I would’ve kissed her if it weren’t for the tension floating in the air between us.
I stared at her warily. While a part of me rejoiced at her being here waiting for me, I didn’t want another verbal beating. I was tired and dirty from working with Hunter all day long. The last thing I wanted was to be yelled out again.
“I’m sorry,” Iris said, abruptly. She looked at me with guilt shimmering in her eyes when I arched an eyebrow at her in confusion. “You don’t have to say anything. I know you probably don’t want to talk to me after what happened, but I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry. I was out of line. I shouldn’t have said what I said to you.”
“You were upset,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. “You had every right to be angry about what was happening.”
“I shouldn’t have taken it out on you,” she said, aghast. “You were only trying to help me, and I shoved that back in your face. I’m good a pushing people away because-”
I held up a hand to stop her. “Please, come inside, and we can talk. I have-”
“Just let me get this out,” she insisted, reaching up to run a trembling hand through her hair. “Let me get it out now before I chicken out of saying it.” I nodded reluctantly with hope that my neighbors weren’t feeling too nosey tonight.
“My life has been dysfunctional since day one. My parents hated each other, and a few years ago, my dad divorced my mom to marry another woman and have a family. It just made me wary of people ever since then. When I found out that Bailey had told the dean about us, it felt like the viscous cycle all over again.” Tears filled Iris’ eyes.
“I don’t want to end up like my mother, bitter and drowning my sorrows in a bottle because that’s the only thing I know won’t disappoint me. I had promised my mom that once I graduated, I could help her get help… But everything fell apart, and I feel like I just let everyone down again.”
Deep down, my heart ached to feel the compassion that Iris had for people who didn’t deserve any of her attention. I understood well the bitter feelings divorce left behind. I felt it still to this day with my parent’s divorce, despite their civil faces toward one another.
“Your mother’s drinking isn’t your problem, Iris,” I said, softly. “You know that it isn’t, but I know you love her. It’s hard to look away from your parents.”
She nodded as she wiped at her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater. “I know. I love her so much that I just had thought something good might cheer her out of it. It’s made me one screwed up person.”
I walked around the car to pull her into my arms. To my relief, Iris immediately relaxed into my grasp and rested her head on the center of my chest. I relished in the feeling of her petite frame pushing up against mine.
“I’m the screwed-up person here,” I said, burying my nose in her sweet smelling hair. “For the longest time, I slept with women because I thought it would fill a hole in my life. The more I tried to fill it up, the bigger the hole got, and I acted out in the worst way possible.”
“We’re just two screwed up people then, aren’t we?” She sniffled into my shirt.
“Unfortunately,” I said, tightening my hold on her. I didn’t care then if the neighbors were watching. It just felt good to have Iris in my arms again after everything. “We will work things out, I promise. I have no intention of letting you go. I knew that from day one, like I was some crazed stalker.”
She snorted out a laugh against my chest. She raised her head to look up at me with red-rimmed eyes, still a beautiful evergreen color. I tucked a piece of hair behind her tenderly with a smile.
“I can’t believe you gave up your job for me,” she said, reaching up to cradle my cheeks in her soft palms. At my confused look, she continued. “Jen’s father is the dean at the University of Utah, as you probably know. He told her about you resigning because the dean wouldn’t reinstate me, despite the pay raise and coaching gig you were offered. That came from the staff, who said the dean is not happy with you or the situation.”
I rolled my eyes at the mention of Miles. “I’m sure he isn’t, but I wasn’t going to accept anything he had to offer unless he gave you something in return.”
“Well, either way, thank you for doing that.” She smiled up at me with a tenderness in her eyes that cut right through me in all the best ways. “For the longest time, I never believed in love because of my parents. I never believed that people could truly care for one another until now.”
“I know that feeling well,” I replied, quietly. “I felt the same way for a long time, too – until recently.”
The smile on Iris’ face grew.
“I’m sorry for everything,” she said. “I can’t say it enough, but I’m sorry for pushing you away when I should’ve – mmph!”
Unable to stand it any longer, I pressed my lips against her in a kiss that made my heart pound and blood race through my veins.
This was what I wanted. I wanted Iris, and that was all I needed to feel happy. Now that I had her in my arms again, I had no intention of ever letting go.