Chapter 2
Stars can’t shine without darkness.
-Unknown
My eyes part and it looks like I’m stuck with another day in this fucked up world. I’m so glad the dreams didn’t come last night. I can only handle seeing their dead bodies so many times before I lose my shit and make the brothers think I need to be locked in a hospital or some other fucking institution. I’d like to think they wouldn’t, but who can blame them when I can’t stop the screaming at night or the voices in my head.
As if losing my wife and baby girl wasn’t bad enough, I’m forced to wake up and deal with it every goddamn day of my life. I tried to end it a few years ago, running my car into an old tree, but I lived through that shit too. Then I had my mom in my hospital room crying her eyes out making me swear to never attempt to take my life again, and preaching about how I have something goin’ on in my mind called TBI or Traumatic Brain Injury. Whatever the fuck that is. I gave in and promised her, but there are plenty of nights I get so fucked up that I hope I don’t wake up.
Speaking of… Leaning over to my nightstand, I open the bottom drawer and grab the little dish with my baggie of coke, rolled up twenty-dollar bill, and razor blade. Nothing like a little pick-me-up when first waking up.
Using the razor blade, my shaky right hand lines up a nice size bump to get my day started. I snort up the white powder of wonder; the feeling of it climbing higher in my nose is completely serene. It’ll help me get through the day till I can start drinking.
The clock says eleven-thirty in the morning, so there should be shit for a sandwich in the fridge, courtesy of the club whores, and I may be able to eat a little. I need somethin’. The only reason I’m holding on any weight at all is from Cain’s protein shit he has me drink—the same shit he uses to build muscle. With Cain being a muscle head, I was fairly surprised to find out he’s not a total shit for brains, but actually pretty smart. Fuckin’ stereotypes are nothing but bullshit! He’s a good fit for the club too.
“Mmm, what are you doing?” Sadie murmurs sleepily, and I shove the small tray back in the drawer, rubbing my hands over my nose to make sure nothing is left behind for her to see. I don’t know what she thinks about coke, and I don’t feel like finding out right now. She brought up her parents’ drug issues briefly last night, but she didn’t go into it, besides they have nothing to do with me anyhow. 2 Piece minds his own when it comes to any of our drug use, but I don’t know if Sadie will be the same way.
“Nuthin’, did I wake you?”
I offered to sleep on the floor while she took the bed, but she declared we should share, and I wasn’t about to argue with her sexy ass. 2 asked me to watch out for her yesterday and I gave him my word. Ever since then, she’s pretty much been glued to my hip—not that I’ve minded. I’ve honestly enjoyed having her around.
“No, I was kind of awake, and then felt you move.”
Turning over to face her, I’m met with sleepy eyes, wild hair and a belly that’s moving crazily. Fuck, she’s gorgeous. God, I wanna slide deep inside her and make her cry out.
“You hungry, Sunshine?” I deflect, and nod to her baby moving around, making her stomach shift. Last night she told me all about how the little bean goes crazy kicking and rolling around when she gets hungry. Been a whole minute since I heard a woman talk so much, she covered all sorts of topics, keeping me entertained.
“Yes, I’m starving. I want some pancakes really bad.”
She stretches her arms above her head, causing the thin wife beater I gave her to crawl up and let the bottom part of her tummy hang out a little. She giggles briefly and pulls it back down, but that small glimpse is enough to make me want to run my tongue across that creamy piece of skin.
I can’t think like that, its 2’s little sister for fuck’s sake. Try to picture her as a kid. She’s like eight years younger than me or some shit; I know it’s a lot.
“I’m sure there’s somethin’. If you don’t want it, I’ll take you for some cakes, yeah?”
“Sounds good.” She smiles, and it seems to light up the entire room.
Pulling on a pair of jeans, my boots and cut, I quickly brush my teeth, grab some deodorant and my Axe body spray. I run a big tooth comb through my short beard and then my hair. That’s as good as it gets.
She’s dressed when I get out of the bathroom; in fact, she’s got on some tiny, tight black yoga shorts and a light blue tank top.
“Sweet heart, you gettin’ dressed?”
“I already did. Is something wrong with my clothes?”
“You can’t be dressin’ like that ‘round here. You’re in a biker club surrounded by horny men.”
“I’m in regular clothes though.”
“There ain’t nothin’ regular ‘bout how they fit you, darlin’. You got a nice little ass and some good size tits; people thinkin’ you a club whore is the last thing I want for you.”
Sadie’s eyebrows raise in shock, and I can tell she wants to give me a smartass retort, but thankfully decides to take it easy on me and pulls on a pair of capris pants instead. She does the shit right in front of me too, giving me a nice view of her hot pink cheeky style panties and muscular thighs. She’s got just the right amount of meat on them to make me imagine gripping them while she rides my lap.
This is going to be absolute torture.
She leaves the tank top on and as much as it drives me nuts, I keep my mouth shut. Her swollen tits perk out of the low neckline on the tank, and fuck if it isn’t gonna be hard to not be starin’ all day. At least she’s smart enough to wear a bra. I swear if I saw a nipple, I’d bug the fuck out.
Bad enough I’m gonna wanna hit every fuckin’ brother in the clubhouse. I shouldn’t feel protective over her at all. It’s 2’s sister, goddamn it. Maybe that’s what it is—the brotherly protection coming out.
Nope. Pretty sure it’s ‘cause I wanna fuck her.
“Ready?”
“Uh, yeah, sugar.” Mumbling, I guide her out of my room and to the kitchen, sticking a toothpick in my mouth to keep my mouth busy. The coke makes my mouth feel weird and rather than chewing my lip off, a toothpick usually does the trick.
Sadie searches high and low, finally finding a box of Bisquick mix toward the back of a high shelf.
“Twist?” She calls over her shoulder, distracted. I’m sitting on the kitchen stool just watching her perky ass sway as she reaches for the box every which way she can. Her ass is fuckin’ divine.
“’Sup?”
“Could you hand me this box? Umm, I can’t get it and I’m not supposed to jump or reach a lot.” She turns around and finds me standing directly behind her, causing her to let out a startled squeak of surprise.
“Yeah, babe.” I breathe and gaze at her strawberry colored lips. Not red, but close.
“Th-thanks,” she whispers.
Blinking away, I glance at the box and reach directly above her to get it. My body’s so close to her that I can feel her hot breath against my bare chest. Quickly I place the yellow box on the counter beside her and hurry back to the stool.
Her breath on my skin made me stiff as a fucking board. I should’ve put on a damn shirt under my cut today. Jesus Christ, she’s fully clothed and my dick feels like it could break off, I can only imagine how it’d be if she was naked.
“Hey, Sades,” 2 greets as he saunters into the kitchen and kisses her forehead like she’s a damn child.
“Good morning.” She smiles, happy to see him and sprays cooking spray on the flat top cooker. She must be used to him kissing her like that, ‘cause it doesn’t faze her one bit.
“Morning? You just got up?” He looks over at me suspiciously.
“Yes, I was up late talking to Twist.”
“What could you possibly have in common with Twist?” he grumbles, glowering at me.
The question stings a little, but I get it. I’m fucked up inside, too warped for anyone to expect me to connect with a sweet chick like Sadie. If they only knew the reasons why I became so fucked up they might back off, but last thing I want’s for them to talk to me about it or some shit. I’d probably shoot a motherfucker.
“I was asking him about the club, and he was nice enough to tell me when it was built, about you not having an apartment, and stuff like that—not that it’s your business.”
“It is too. You’re my fuckin’ baby sister. You and Shorty here,” he nods to a quiet Avery, “are both my business, twenty-four-seven.”
“I wish you would have thought of that when I called you instead of me driving all the way out here.”
“Fuck! I know, and I’m sorry; really truly sorry, Sades. You’re here now though, so let’s make the best of it, yeah?”
She doesn’t acknowledge his apology, which I find hilarious because it means she’s going to make him wallow for a bit before giving in. The way he’s flown through women the past few years, he deserves to be a little uncomfortable. Now he’s layin’ claim to Avery, he’s gonna have double shit to go through. He has no idea what it means to have a fuckin’ woman by his side and actually appreciate her. I’d do anything to have a chance to treat Marissa like a queen, and 2 was going through them like they were pieces of fuckin’ candy or something.
“Do you want some pancakes, Avery?” Sadie asks and measures out the milk for the mix.
“No, we just had lunch; but thanks.”
Sadie nods and smiles, then pours heaping spoonfuls of batter onto the hot surface.
“We have to go run some errands. You good, Sadie?” 2 interrupts.
“Yeah, I’m fine. You guys go have fun.”
“Shitty you gotta’ be stuck takin’ it easy.”
“I know, but I have to take special care of this baby.”
2 walks over, pulling her into a bear hug and whispers loudly, “So proud of the woman you’ve become. We’ll figure this all out, okay?”
Sadie sniffles for a moment, then mumbles, “Okay.”
“We’ll catch ya in a few.” 2 grins, grabbing Avery’s hand to pull her along behind him. They’re gone before we can even mutter a good-bye.
Sadie digs through the fridge, coming back with some bacon. I watch as she drops it straight on the cook top, not realizing the grease is going to get her.
She lets out a little yelp as a big grease bubble pops, splashing her arm, and I’m around that counter in a blink of an eye, pulling her away. She needs to watch what she’s doing and be careful.
“Ouch, shit! I forgot to turn the heat down some!” She rubs the red mark on the arm I’m still grasping.
“You, go sit over there. Now!” I bark, sounding meaner than I intended and she stands still, staring me down, and challenging me.
“I’m fine, you sit down.”
She’s so close; I can’t help but start to pant with need. I bring her arm to my mouth. Her eyes dilate as they watch my tongue stick out, lightly brushing over the tender spot where the bacon popped.
Once I lick over it softly, I put it back to her side, and growl, “Sunshine, you get your sexy little ass on over there, and sit like a good girl.”
She draws in a deep breath, standing still and utters, “You think I’m sexy?”
Her dazed irises glance to my mouth, and just that fast, my hand flies to her neck, gripping it lightly as I push her up against the counter. My face in hers, my nose nearly touching hers, just breathing her sweet smell in, and whisper, “So fucking sexy.”
Impatiently, I shove my leg between hers, spreading her thighs I was just admiring and her breasts raise up a little higher, ready for the plucking. It takes every ounce of strength in me to not bury my face in them to suck and bite as I wish.
My other hand runs up over her rib cage, stopping when my thumb presses down over her stiff nipple, rubbing back and forth over the raised peak. I have to touch them in some way to satiate part of my craving. I’ve always been a tit man, and hers are big and full of milk, like a fucking dream come true.
My mouth lowers to Sadie’s, my lips lightly brushing hers. I don’t kiss her, just graze my bottom lip with her top, making her mouth part open further.
Fuck, I can’t do this. It’s not right showing her my brand of crazy. Her eyes close, giving herself to me, and instead of owning her like I want to, I back away, dropping my hands.
Confused, dilated eyes meet mine and I shake my head, taking my seat again. She sighs—dejected--and turns back to finish preparing our food without a word.
What the fuck am I doing? That’s 2’s sister!
Sadie
Holy. Shit. That just happened. And it came out of nowhere.
I must not be the only one who’s feeling an attraction between us. This is definitely not the right time or place for it to be happening either. I’m about to have a baby by another man; it’s not the time to screw around with some biker friend of my brother’s.
I’ve never felt like that when someone’s touched me though. My stomach was doing wild twirls and it wasn’t courtesy of the minion in my belly. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been touched by a man in a really long time. Yeah, that’s it.
God, I wanted him to kiss me so flipping bad. When he touched his lip to mine, I thought I was going to hit the floor. It was such a small move, but it was all so erotic, touching my over-sensitive nipples at the same time. I could have cum if he actually stuck his tongue in my mouth.
What am I thinking? Silas would kill him if he walked in and saw that whole ordeal. I definitely don’t need a dead guy on my conscience.
Why did Twist stop though? He’s the one who pulled away, but what happened? Did he feel my stomach and it freak him out? Surely the prospect of a kid most likely scared him off. These guys around here seem to enjoy their freedom a great deal, so I bet that was it.
Oh well, it’s his loss.
I shouldn’t think of being with a man or having a man in the future right now anyhow. I have way too much going on myself and in my near future to want to add to the equation. Although, something keeps pulling me toward Twist, and we’ve barely met.
Maybe it’s the fantasy of him being the unknown bad boy. I seem to gravitate toward that type.
He’s been nothing but kind to me, but he doesn’t offer the same courtesy to his brothers. Last night before we went back to his room, an older guy called Smiles was asking to rub my baby bump, and Twist freaked out, talking about how no one needed to touch my stomach. I thought he was a sweet older guy, possibly reminiscing about his grandkids or something. Twist didn’t quite see it that way, and I thought Smiles was going to eat the bar top.
Men are strange to me as it is, then throw in these bikers and they’re even more confusing with their own sets of rules. When I met Ghost, he was very forward. I thought he was really good-looking and he was so kind to me when we first met. He came into the office with a pregnant girl who he said was his sister. She was there for an abortion, and he told me that he was waiting to take her home and make sure she was okay. How sweet, right?
He ended up flirting with me at the counter the entire time. After that, I tried to do an online search with his name and the girl’s last name for his phone number. I was going to send him a text to see how she was doing, but I could only find her info. I called and checked in on her but she got super pissed when I asked if her brother was taking good care of her, and she hung up on me. I don’t know what that was about, but it’s none of my business.
I ended up running into Ghost a few days later at a sandwich shop I always went to on my lunch break. It’s a few doors down from the office, so it was easy and convenient to take a short walk to get my food. It was crazy because I had never seen Ghost in there before or around in general, but after that, it seemed like he was popping up everywhere I went. I considered it to be fate, so I gave in to his request to take me out.
You know, like when you never notice a certain type of car and then you buy one and suddenly it’s like they’re everywhere? That’s exactly how it was with Ghost.
He was sweet and funny at first. I loved how he was so different from me. I wanted to get to know him and learn everything I could.
I grew up with my brother chasing guys off, and for once, I didn’t have to worry about a guy not being good enough. I went on some dates when my brother was still living with me, but Silas drilled it in to the guys’ heads that they better not make me uncomfortable and pressure me. It was nice with him looking out for me, but once he moved I was kind of scared to go out with guys. I didn’t have that person there watching my back anymore, and he’d always been there for me.
I tried to be careful, meeting gentle, polite guys for lunch occasionally, and I even dated a few for a couple of months. By the time I met Ghost, I was fed up with the boring, nice guys. I wanted a man that would make me actually feel some type of passion and excitement.
Ghost was a little unconventional with stuff sometimes, but I figured it was just because we were so different. I got upset he never introduced me to his friends after we’d been seeing each other for awhile, so he started to bring Blaze around occasionally. He was a nice guy, but I always caught him staring at me like he wanted to pounce, and it made me extremely nervous to be alone with him.
Ghost would come and go as he pleased, never with a set schedule, and sometimes not talking to me for a week or two at a time. I chalked it up to him being a ‘free’ biker wanting to hang out with his friends. That was fine, considering I worked forty to fifty hours a week, and sometimes I’d take an extra Saturday shift.
Then I got pregnant, and I thought he’d be excited, wanting to spend more time with me, but it didn’t quite happen that way. In fact, it was horrible. I wish I could go back and change the day I told him about it.
He looked at me like he’d never seen me before—angry and accusing me of cheating on him. I had never cheated though. I was too busy thinking how I was falling for him and with us being together more. I would easily fall in love with him by the time the bean came along.
I’ll never forget the day he hit me, and Blaze laughed like it was the most entertaining thing he’d ever seen. I wanted to puke so badly with my nerves going crazy. I wished over and over my brother would pull up at that moment to help me, but I also knew if that happened he would probably get seriously hurt, not to mention be disappointed in me also. I could only handle so much negativity at that point in my life, so I never told my brother about it.
I had learned not too much before then, that Ghost and Blaze weren’t caring, nice guys like I had believed. It was about two weeks or so prior that I had to pick up Ghost out in the middle of nowhere.
When I arrived, he and Blaze were kicking this man over and over. Ghost’s boots and pant legs were splashed with blood, and I was scared the guy on the ground was dead. I had never seen anyone look like that in real life.
Blaze took off, and Ghost explained that the guy had raped his sister, so he deserved it. I kept my mouth shut, because I couldn’t possibly imagine the pain that his poor sister must have been in. I wondered if that’s how she was pregnant and why she wanted to get an abortion.
When I asked about it, he just chuckled and said I was gullible, that the girl I had met before wasn’t really his sister, but just a friend. He was always doing that though, changing stories or making me feel like I was remembering different than how they really were.
Now that my head’s less foggy from being away from him, I’m thinking that I was seeing things pretty clearly and he was just making me feel crazy. Now here I am lusting over yet another biker. The first time didn’t damage me enough I guess.
Huffing out a chuckle, I place a plate full of pancakes and bacon in front of Twist,
“Thanks, Sunshine.”
“No problem,” I mumble and get my own plate, overfilling it and dump a shit ton of syrup over the steaming mound. My ass will definitely get bigger after the way I’ve been eating, but I’ll be back to running after this bambino joins the world.
“That can’t happen again,” he grumbles, as my first bite of pancake hits my tongue. Why’d he have to ruin the first taste like that?
“Right,” I reply around my food. “Yeah, I agree.”
“Good, glad you seein’ shit the same way,” he finishes, and digs into his food.
I can only nod, because suddenly I feel like crying. Damn hormones. It’s not like I was dumped, but why do I feel that way? I need to start thinking of him as a friend, my brother’s friend. I had crushes on Silas’ friends growing up and fought off my urges with them, so this dude should be a piece of cake.
Yumm, him and cake.
I’m so screwed.