After Ryan left on Sunday night, Johnny showered, and then watched a crappy horror movie on Netflix while he waited to get sleepy. His phone buzzed with a few Grindr notifications but he ignored them at first. Following his experience with Carl and his subsequent guilt, he had no great urge to try and hook up with anyone else at the moment.

A little later, after a few more notifications had flashed up on his screen he gave in to curiosity and opened the app. One message was from Carl, asking if he wanted to meet again. Johnny replied with: no thanks, man. I’m not looking for anything regular.

Carl sent back: no worries, and Johnny deleted the message thread.

He had a few messages from new guys. Mostly the ubiquitous Hey, and a couple that came with bonus dick pics. Johnny deleted them all without replying and closed the app. He let his finger hover over the icon, considering deleting the app itself. But then he remembered Ryan’s insistence that he was fine with things as they were:

It’s not like this is serious.

It’s just fucking.

Those words had stung, even though Johnny should have been relieved to hear them in some ways. It made life easier, nothing needed to change.

Leaving the app as it was, Johnny locked his phone, and set it aside. Maybe he’d be in the mood to find someone else to play with again soon, and if not, that was his problem. He didn’t need to admit to Ryan that he’d temporarily ruined him for other guys. That could be Johnny’s secret, and hopefully he’d get over it when the novelty wore off—or he’d deal with it when Ryan got bored of Johnny and moved on, whichever happened first.

“Hi, how are you?” Johnny asked as he opened the door to Ryan on Tuesday evening.

“Knackered.” Ryan gave a rueful smile. “Too much studying. My brain hurts. How are you?”

Johnny led the way upstairs. “I’m knackered as well. Long day at work. I got called in early to cover for someone who was sick so I was there for eleven hours instead of my usual eight-hour shift.”

“Sounds tiring.”

“Yeah, it was busy today too. I was on the till for hours, and then there was a huge delivery to unpack.”

They were in Johnny’s room now and Ryan closed the door behind them. He yawned loudly then said, “Oh God, sorry. It’s nothing personal. I told you I was knackered.”

Johnny chuckled. “No offence taken. I almost texted to cancel earlier.” It had crossed his mind during his afternoon break. He was already exhausted and irritable and had fleetingly wondered whether he wouldn’t rather just get home and go straight to bed. But then he’d remembered how good being with Ryan made him feel, and he reckoned he’d sleep better after a good shag.

“I’m glad you didn’t,” Ryan said, advancing on him. “I’ve been looking forward to this all day.”

“Yeah?” Johnny gave his wickedest grin, dipping his head flirtatiously, and letting his hair fall over one eye.

“Yeah.” Ryan cupped Johnny’s cheek and kissed his lips, tucking the stray blond strand behind Johnny’s ear.

They kissed for a while. It was slow and gentle tonight rather than their usual zero-to-sixty of sexual arousal, perhaps because they were both so tired. Then Ryan moved his lips to Johnny’s cheek and down to his neck before he sighed, wrapping his arms around Johnny and settling into a hug. Enjoying the rare moment of intimacy that was comforting rather than sexual, Johnny put his arms around Ryan’s waist, holding him close. Ryan slid his hands slowly down Johnny’s back, from his shoulder blades to the curve at the base of his spine. Johnny arched into his touch like a cat. Ryan ran them back up, and then down again with firmer pressure, rubbing over Johnny’s muscles that were tired from him being on his feet all day.

“Mmm,” Johnny hugged him tighter.

“You like that?” Ryan repeated the movement.

“Yeah. It’s good.”

“You got any massage oil?”

“Uh. I don’t think so, but I’ve got cocoa butter lotion in the bathroom.” Johnny used it on dry skin. He liked the sweet scent of it. He lifted his head off Ryan’s shoulder and smiled. “You gonna give me a massage? I’ll do you after if you want.”

“Yeah, that would be awesome.”

Johnny detached himself to get the lotion. When he returned, Ryan had stripped down to his boxer briefs and was sitting on the edge of the bed. “Strip off, and come and lie down.”

Johnny took off everything apart from his underwear—skimpy powder-blue briefs today, but men’s ones, not women’s. “These too?”

Ryan’s gaze scanned approvingly over them. “They’re sexy, but yes. I don’t want to get lotion on them.”

“Okay.” After slipping them off, Johnny pushed the duvet down, climbed onto the bed, and lay face down, his head pillowed on his arms. He closed his eyes and felt the dip of the bed as Ryan moved to kneel astride him.

The first glide of Ryan’s hands was cool, but the lotion warmed quickly on Johnny’s skin. Ryan started with Johnny’s shoulders, kneading the muscles gently at first. “That okay?” Ryan asked.

“Yeah. But you can go harder if you want.”

Ryan snorted. “Always happy to oblige on that front.”

“Haha,” Johnny said, too relaxed already to come up with a better retort. He hummed a sound of pleasure as Ryan rubbed his muscles more firmly, his thumbs pressing in just right. “Damn that’s good.”

Ryan massaged him in silence, gradually working his way lower down Johnny’s back, kneading out the tension either side of his spine and in the small of his back. The touch of his hands sparked a slow, lazy arousal; delicious, warm syrup in the pit of Johnny’s belly. As Ryan squeezed his arse, Johnny gave a little moan, pressing his erection into the bed.

Ryan chuckled. “Good?”

“Amazing.”

Ryan trailed his thumbs down Johnny’s crack and Johnny couldn’t resist tilting his hips up, wordlessly begging for more. Ryan shifted, kneeing Johnny’s thighs apart so he could fit between them as he massaged the muscles in Johnny’s butt cheeks, deliberately dipping in to graze over his hole with the tip of his thumbs. “Want me to fuck you?” he asked.

Biting back the urge to say yes, Johnny decided against instant gratification. This was too good, and once they both came Ryan would leave and it would be over. “Not yet,” he said instead. “I want to give you a massage first.”

“Now?”

“Yeah, let’s swap.” Johnny knelt up and turned, sliding his arms around Ryan and kissing him. Ryan’s cock was hard in his boxer briefs and Johnny reached down to line his up against it and grind for a moment before pulling away. “Okay, your turn.”

Ryan lay down on his front, and Johnny straddled his hips and squirted some lotion onto Ryan’s back. “It looks like I’ve come all over you,” he said, amused. He smeared the pale streaks, rubbing them into Ryan’s skin. “This rubs in better though. Jizz would be no good as massage oil.” He focused on Ryan’s shoulders, kneading the powerful muscles there, seeking out knots and tension with his thumbs.

Ryan groaned. “God that feels amazing.”

“Yeah?” Johnny carried on, repeating the rhythmic movements, and putting as much power behind it as he could. As he leaned forward to use his bodyweight, his cock rubbed over Ryan’s arse, leaving a smear of precome on his underwear. “Can I take these off?” He pinged the elastic at the waist.

“Sure.” Ryan lifted his hips so Johnny could pull them down and off.

Settling back into his previous position, Johnny carried on working on Ryan’s shoulders. Without Ryan’s underwear in the way Johnny’s dick rested naturally in the groove of Ryan’s arse crack, half-hard and sliding lazily back and forth as he moved his hands in circular movements from Ryan’s shoulder blades up to his shoulders, out, and back around. It felt good, and he got harder again, his cock pressing more insistently against Ryan’s arse.

“You having fun back there?” Ryan asked, craning to look over his shoulder at Johnny.

“A little bit.” Johnny grinned. “Is it okay? I don’t want to freak you out.”

“Well I’m assuming you’re not going to stick it in me with no lube, no condom, and no warning. So yeah, it’s okay.” Ryan settled back down, his face hidden in the crook of his arms, and then added, “It feels pretty hot actually.”

Permission granted, Johnny carried on, precome starting to slick the way as he thrust more deliberately. His imagination took over and a vivid fantasy of spreading Ryan’s cheeks apart and sliding into him filled Johnny’s mind. He remembered how Ryan had lost himself in sensation when Johnny had fingered him, how he’d fallen apart, clenching around Johnny’s fingers. The thought of Ryan doing that on his cock was almost too much. “God, I’d love to fuck you,” he muttered. “I’d love to spread your legs and put my cock inside you.”

Ryan tensed, buttocks clenching. The exact opposite of what Johnny had in mind. “I’m not ready for that.”

Johnny stilled his hips. “I know, sorry. It was just fantasy. I know you don’t want to do it. That’s okay. I like you fucking me. I love you fucking me. We can stick to that.”

“Maybe one day,” Ryan said. “Just… not yet. But you could use your fingers in me again.”

“Now?” Johnny ran his hands down Ryan’s back to squeeze his glutes.

“If you like?”

“Yeah. Can I blow you while I do it?”

“Not gonna say no to that.” Ryan raised his head, smiling, and relaxed again. “How about we sixty-nine and finger each other?”

“Fuck, yes. Let’s do that.”

They rearranged themselves, Johnny on his back and Ryan kneeling over him, and they started sucking each other off and stroking each other’s holes with lube-slick fingers. Johnny moaned as Ryan slipped one into him, immediately ramping up the pleasure and intensity. He circled Ryan’s hole a few times, assessing how easy it was going to be before gently pressing inside. Ryan was tight, and he groaned as Johnny’s finger slid in. “Okay?” Johnny pulled off to ask.

“Yeah,” Ryan managed breathlessly, and then his mouth was back on Johnny’s cock, sucking enthusiastically.

After that it was a tangled build of mutual arousal, the wet sounds of mouths, dicks, and lubed fingers, punctuated by moans and stifled grunts. Johnny was close, but he wanted to make Ryan come before he let go, so tugged on Ryan’s hip with his free hand, encouraging him to fuck Johnny’s mouth. Ryan obliged, his cock hitting the back of Johnny’s throat as he thrust. Johnny fingerfucked him in time, curling to reach Ryan’s prostate. Please come soon, please come soon. I can’t hold out much longer.

Ryan was groaning now, his sounds getting louder until finally Johnny was rewarded by the throb of Ryan’s cock and the first warm pulse of come. Johnny spiralled into blissful release, sucking and swallowing the rest of Ryan’s load as he started to come too. Ryan choked and pulled off, wrapping a hand around Johnny’s cock instead to stroke, then gave a surprised bark of laughter.

When they were both finished, Johnny let Ryan’s cock slip free from his mouth. “You okay down there?”

“I need to work on my swallowing. I nearly got jizz in my eye.” Ryan turned around and knelt beside Johnny. “Look at the state of me.”

Come painted Ryan’s cheek on one side, from just below his eye down to his jaw.

Johnny chuckled, and Ryan started laughing again too. Johnny found he couldn’t stop, high on orgasm and the sight of Ryan’s amused outrage. The more he laughed, the more Ryan did.

“It’s a good thing you didn’t get it in your eye,” Johnny finally managed, still weak from his laughing fit. “Been there, done that. It stings like a bitch and makes your eye get really red.”

“Seriously?” Ryan reached for a tissue and started to wipe his face clean.

“Yeah. Come here, you missed a bit.”

Ryan lay down beside Johnny, and Johnny wiped the last bit of come from his chin where it was caught in his stubble. “You might be a bit flaky later but that’s the worst of it.” He kissed Ryan on the mouth, lightly at first until Ryan kissed him back, parting his lips, and pulling Johnny into his arms. They made out for a while, sweet and lazy, and Johnny wished he knew what was going through Ryan’s head. This felt so tender, so intimate. Surely these feelings couldn’t be as one-sided as he feared. Ryan touched him as if he was something precious, something that mattered, someone who mattered, not just a casual fuck buddy. He shivered, skin cooling now, and reached to tug the duvet up over them without breaking the kiss. In the warm cocoon of his bed, with Ryan wrapped around him, it was easy to believe this could turn into something. Maybe if they carried on, they’d end up on the same page eventually. Johnny certainly wasn’t ready to give up hope.