One week later

Johnny opened the front door to the sound of music and chatter coming from the living room. He’d done a late shift at work today and it was nearly nine already. Starving on his way home, he’d stopped to buy some chips and had started eating while he walked. Thirsty from the salt, he went into the kitchen to get himself a drink. He finished his chips standing leaning against the kitchen counter and washed them down with a can of cider. Once he was done, he threw away the greasy paper, licked his fingers clean, and opened a second can.

Drink in hand, he hesitated in the hallway. He’d been really antisocial for the last week or so. Since his talk with Sid and Ben, he hadn’t been out anywhere and had barely spoken to anyone outside work. Hooking up held no appeal at the moment. Even in the house he’d mostly stayed in his room, binge-watching anime, and feeling miserable. Hanging out with his housemates made him feel lonelier, because they were all part of happy couples and that bothered Johnny in a way it never had before.

He couldn’t hide away forever though. It was Friday night. He had the day off tomorrow, and the first drink he’d chugged was already sending alcohol buzzing through his veins, making his spirits lift a little, if only temporarily.

Decision made, he pasted on a smile and walked in.

“Hey, guys.”

The room was unusually crowded today. Every one of his housemates was present, along with Ewan who was sprawled in an armchair with Dev on his lap. Jez and Mac were on one sofa, and Shawn and Jude on the other. They all had drinks in their hands.

“Hey, Johnny. How are you?” Jez asked, while the others greeted him with assorted hi’s, nods, and hand waves.

“Not bad thanks.” Johnny took a seat on Jez and Mac’s sofa. “You?”

“Good. Glad it’s Friday.”

“Wooooo!” Ewan waved his bottle of beer in the air. “And I finished my exams today. Thank fuck!” His speech was a little slurred. He’d obviously been celebrating for a while already.

“Oh cool. Bet you’re glad they’re over. How did they go?” Johnny took another sip of cider.

Ewan focused on Johnny as if he’d only just noticed he was there, brow furrowing a little. “Okay I think. I’ll find out in July. Oh. That reminds me.” He looked around at everyone. “Party at our place tomorrow night! We’ve all finished our exams now, so we’re celebrating. You guys should come and party with us. It’s gonna be awesome.” He gestured with his bottle again, sloshing beer out onto Dev’s knee.

“Careful, babe.” Dev took the bottle and put it on the coffee table.

Johnny’s stomach flipped at the thought of being at a party with Ryan again. That was how this whole mess had started. He couldn’t imagine Ryan would be happy to see him. It was probably best if Johnny stayed away, but he was desperate to even catch a glimpse of him. He hadn’t seen Ryan since they’d met in the street before his exams, and he wondered how he was doing. Did he miss Johnny at all?

“Do you know how Ryan’s exams went?” he asked.

“What’s it to you?” Ewan replied curtly.

Johnny stiffened at the belligerence in his voice. The atmosphere in the room was suddenly electric. The music playing was the only sound as the others turned as one to look at Johnny. He felt the weight of their stares like a heavy net, trapping him. “I just wondered. There’s no need to be a dick about it.”

“Yeah. Well if he did okay in his exams it’s no thanks to you.” Ewan glared at Johnny, his usually friendly face hostile and cold.

“Ewan, don’t,” Dev said, concerned. “Stay out of it.”

“Yeah. Fuck you, man. Listen to your boyfriend. Because you obviously don’t know what the hell you’re talking about,” Johnny snapped.

“You’re not still seeing Ryan then?” Jez asked. “I thought maybe he hadn’t been round because of the exams.”

“No. They broke up, right before the exams started,” Ewan said coldly. “Perfect timing huh?”

“Yes, but Ryan was the one who finished it!” Johnny’s voice rose in outrage. Everyone was staring at him like he was shit on a shoe and it was totally unjustified. “He broke it off because I was too much of a distraction, apparently.” He spat the words out like bitter liquid. “It wasn’t my choice!”

“He broke it off because he had feelings for you, and he wanted more than just sex, and you didn’t feel the same,” Ewan said. Anger had chased away the slur in his speech. Lucid and full of righteous indignation, his eyes were bright in his flushed face. “It messed him up, and he’s been miserable ever since.”

“What the hell?” Johnny gaped at Ewan. “That’s not what happened at all. Seriously. If he had feelings for me he never fucking told me, and he certainly never asked me what I thought about it! And I’m pretty bloody miserable about it myself, so stop giving me a hard time when you don’t know the facts.”

There was a long pause while Johnny and Ewan locked gazes.

“Well if you’re telling the truth then Ryan’s an idiot,” Ewan finally said, his face softening. “And maybe you’re an idiot too for letting him go without being honest.”

“I wanted to tell him. But he broke it off before I got the chance. There didn’t seem any point telling him how I felt after that.” Johnny’s heart beat faster. “Are you sure he wanted more?”

Ewan nodded. “Yeah. I’m positive.”

Johnny stared at him, finding it hard to believe what he was hearing. But Ewan wouldn’t lie about something like this. It must be true. “Is Ryan in tonight?”

“No. He went out to the pub with James and Colin.”

“Which pub?”

“The White Horse.”

Johnny stood, hope surging, and adrenaline coursing through his veins. “I’m gonna go and find him.”

“Yesssss!” Jez gave a fist pump.

“Go for it!” Jude said.

Johnny downed his can, needing the extra Dutch courage for what he was about to do. “Right.” He looked around at the other guys, then let his gaze settle on Ewan. “If this goes horribly wrong I’m holding you responsible.”

“I’ll take that risk.” Ewan grinned, then added, “Good luck, man.”

“Thanks.”

As Johnny half-walked, half-ran all the way to The White Horse, he went over and over what he should say to Ryan in his head but it didn’t help. When he arrived, breathless and sweating, his mind was a tangled mess. He was going to have to wing it.

Not giving himself time to chicken out, he burst straight through the doors and stepped into the noisy hustle and bustle of Friday night in a pub. It was very full. All the tables were taken and the bar was lined with people standing. He scanned the room for Ryan but couldn’t see him anywhere. He made his way through the main bar and into the snug where he’d sat with Ryan before. There, he found Colin and James, but there was still no sign of Ryan.

“Is Ryan here?” Johnny demanded.

James and Colin looked up at him in surprise. “Oh. Hi, Johnny,” Colin said.

Johnny didn’t have the patience for social niceties. “Ryan. Where is he?”

“He went for a piss. What’s up?” James frowned.

Johnny didn’t bother replying. He was on a mission and couldn’t be bothered to talk to anyone else. Wheeling around, he hurried back through the main bar to the toilets. Both urinals were occupied with men who weren’t Ryan, but the cubicle door was ajar, and through it Johnny saw a familiar back view: broad shoulders and wavy brown hair that Johnny had felt slide between his fingers enough times to recognise it anywhere.

He slipped into the cubicle and locked the door shut behind him.

* * *

“Hey!” Ryan said indignantly at the sound of some idiot barging into the toilet cubicle behind him. He snapped his head around, expecting to see James pulling some stupid prank, and his eyes widened when he saw Johnny pulling the door shut and locking it.

What the hell? Why was he here?

The splattering sound of his urine hitting the seat instead of the water made him turn his attention back to the job in hand. He lowered his voice as he fixed his aim. “For fuck’s sake, Johnny. I nearly pissed all over the floor.”

“I don’t think you’d be the first one to do that in here tonight.”

He had a point. It wasn’t exactly fresh in here. Ryan finished up, and turned around as he zipped himself up. “What the fuck are you doing here anyway?” His heart beat hard. Johnny looked nervous too, gaze intense as he stared at Ryan.

“I need to talk to you.”

“What? Why? Here?”

“It’s as good a place as any. We’re alone, and nobody will overhear us as long as we’re quiet.”

“Okay.” It might smell of piss, but Ryan sensed that Johnny didn’t want to wait, and Ryan wanted to hear what he had to say. Crazy hope sparked in his chest but he tried to tamp it down, not wanting to be disappointed.

Johnny’s words tumbled out fast. “I saw Ewan tonight and he had a go at me. He seemed to think that you broke up with me because you wanted more, but that I didn’t feel the same. Why did he think that? It’s bollocks and you know it. You never even asked me what I wanted. Why would you lie to Ewan?” He sounded angry and defensive, but that only added strength to the little flame burning in Ryan’s chest.

“I didn’t lie to him. I just assumed—”

“Ewan was right then.”

“About what?”

“That you’re an idiot.” Johnny’s voice rose. “For fuck’s sake, Ryan. Did you really like me? I mean more-than-sex like me, and want more? Because if so, why didn’t you tell me? Because I care about you too, and I was gutted when you broke things off.”

Ryan gaped at him, trying to make sense of his words. Hope rose. Maybe they could fix this. “I was going to tell you,” he admitted. “I’d decided to say something, and was hoping you felt the same. And then I saw loads of Grindr notifications on your phone that night when we fell asleep together. And I know we never said we’d be exclusive… but after that I couldn’t bring myself to tell you how I felt. If you still wanted other people then we didn’t feel the same, because I only wanted you.”

“They were only messages, Ryan! I didn’t meet anyone after that guy you saw me with—not while I was still seeing you. I didn’t even reply to those messages you saw. If you’d asked me, I’d have told you I didn’t want to hook up with other guys anymore. I know I said I didn’t want anything serious at first, but being with you made me want more. I tried to talk to you about it, that day on the Hoe, remember? But you said it was just fucking, and I believed you.”

Ryan winced as he remembered that conversation. He’d been hurt and angry and the lie had tripped out easily. But none of that was important anymore. It was all in the past and the only thing that mattered was the present. “So how do you feel about me now?” Ryan clenched his fists and his shoulders stiffened with tension as he waited.

Johnny stared at Ryan for a few seconds that felt too long, grey eyes wide, the eyeliner smudged around them, making his gaze even more intense. Finally he said, “I’m pissed off with you for being a dick and splitting up with me without talking to me first…. But I still like you. And I want us to give it another chance. A proper chance this time. With honesty on both sides.”

Relief wrapped around Ryan like a warm blanket, his shoulders dropping as the tension began to trickle away. “And you don’t want to see other people?”

“No. I want to be exclusive. So. What do you say—are you in?”

The warmth expanded into a bright rush of happiness. “Yes,” Ryan said simply. Then he leaned forward and took Johnny’s face in his hands, crowding him back up against the toilet door as he kissed him hard and deep and Johnny kissed him back, hands tight around Ryan’s waist.

When they finally separated, they had to wait a few minutes for their erections to subside before they could leave the cubicle without embarrassment.

“I know you’re not out to many people yet,” Johnny said quietly as he leaned into Ryan’s embrace. “And that’s okay. But are you going to tell your housemates about me? Your mates waiting out there might be wondering what’s going on with us.”

“James already knew I’d been hooking up with you,” Ryan said. “And yeah. I’ll tell the rest of them.”

Johnny’s smile was radiant, and he kissed Ryan softly on the lips. “Good.”

They finally emerged a few minutes later, flushed, and smiling like fools. A middle-aged man at the sinks did a double-take as they left the cubicle together, but he didn’t comment. Ryan led the way back through the main bar with Johnny close behind. Every time their eyes met, they started grinning again.

“Hey,” Ryan said as they got back to the table where James and Colin were sitting.

James gave Ryan a knowing grin, but Colin looked confused. “Is everything all right?” He glanced at Johnny warily, and then looked back at Ryan.

“Yeah.” Ryan’s heart surged as he reached for Johnny’s hand and tugged him closer. Then he slipped his arm around Johnny’s waist and smiled nervously. “Everything’s fine now.”

Colin’s mouth dropped open while James’s smile widened.

“For real?” James asked. “You two, you’re a thing now… like properly?”

“Um. Yes. I guess?” Ryan glanced sideways at Johnny. “Are we a thing?”

Johnny laughed. “Yeah. I think we’re a thing.”

“A thing like what?” Colin asked. “Like boyfriends?”

Ryan raised his eyebrows questioningly at Johnny who shrugged and said, “Sounds okay to me.”

“Boyfriends it is then.” Ryan grinned and Johnny grinned back. Damn. Ryan really wanted to kiss him again but not here. Not with an audience. Because he had a feeling that once he started he wouldn’t want to stop this time. “Wanna head back to your place… or mine?”

“Mine. Unless you have lube?”

James snorted and choked on his beer. “Oh my God, too much information.”

Colin was still staring in amazement. “Well fuck.” Ryan had obviously blown his mind.

Ryan picked up his drink. He had half a pint left and didn’t want to waste it. “Want any?” He offered it to Johnny, who shook his head. So Ryan downed it and put the glass back down. “Sorry to ditch you, lads. Have a nice night.”

“You too, you dirty bastard,” James said, offering Ryan a fist to bump. “Take care guys, and congrats. I’m happy for you.”

Out in the street, Ryan took Johnny’s hand again. “This okay?” he asked.

“Yeah. If it’s okay with you.”

It was dark now, and although it felt strange walking along holding another man’s hand, the street was quiet, and Ryan didn’t think they’d attract any unwanted attention. He liked the feeling of Johnny’s hand in his. “Yeah. It’s good.”

“That went well, the conversation with your mates,” Johnny commented as they started to walk.

“I knew they’d be okay. James knew about you anyway, so it wasn’t much of surprise for him. But Colin’s cool too.”

“What about the girls in your house? Are you okay with them knowing about us?”

“Yes. I’m fine with it. Bit anxious I guess, but I want to start telling people.” Ryan couldn’t deny he was nervous about coming out to more people. Not because he was worried about negative reactions from people he knew, but because once he started coming out as bisexual and telling people he was in a relationship with a guy, it would inevitably change people’s perceptions of him. Word had a habit of spreading. His friends might be supportive, but wider acquaintances may be less so. Fuck it. Johnny was worth it. “I guess I’ll need to tell my family too.”

“There’s no rush.” Johnny squeezed his hand. “You can tell people at your own pace. Don’t do it for me. It’s only early days after all.”

“We’ve been seeing each other a few weeks. We’re together now, and I’m committed to giving it a go.” Ryan stopped in his tracks and pulled Johnny to face him. He looked beautiful in the dim orange streetlights, eyes dark, and features chiselled. “You’re my boyfriend. If you were a girlfriend, I’d mention it to my parents. So I want to tell them.”

Johnny’s smile was so sweet Ryan had to kiss him there and then, and Johnny kissed him back, deep and sure.