marcus had been acting strange all week. I didn’t want to think too much about it, but it was hard not to when we worked together. That and the fact that I couldn’t stop thinking about him, period. I still had it pretty bad, and after the other day when he slipped up and called me princess, I knew he still did too. That shouldn’t have made me happy. It should have upset me because we weren’t together and may never be together again.
I’d been purposefully avoiding Marcus. When I’d see him walk in the front door, I’d be sure to look too engrossed in paperwork to even look up, let alone give him more than a “Good morning.” When I’d be walking through the gym or restocking towels in the locker rooms, I’d be sure to stay as far away from him as possible. It was getting a little ridiculous. I felt like a fourteen-year-old who got dumped.
By Friday, I’d had about enough of my attitude. My sister had actually stepped up a little and kept her kids all week so I didn’t have the distraction I was hoping for when I got home after work. Not to mention, my mom’s hovering was driving me nuts. After our talk last week about me needing to be alone for a while and to just live life, she’d been hinting about me finding my own place. I’d moved in with her initially to help her out. I’d never felt like a burden until now.
Drumming my fingers along my desk, my knee bouncing underneath, I kept stealing glances at Marcus through his window. His door was closed, which was unusual. It felt like he was trying to keep people out, like he wanted some privacy. Of course, that would be on the day I decided I wanted to talk to him so we could get past this awkwardness we’d fallen into.
Before I could talk myself out of it, I was out of my chair and walking towards Marcus’ office. I took a deep breath before lightly knocking on the door. I couldn’t hear a response so I went ahead and opened the door. Poking my head in, I could see he was still concentrating hard on something on his computer. Chances are he didn’t even hear me.
“Hey,” I said quietly.
He finally looked up, frowning a little as if he didn’t understand why I was here. “Hey.”
“I knocked, but I didn’t think you heard me. Can I come in?”
He blinked a couple of times and then shook his head like he was confused. “Of course.”
I gave him a small smile and walked in, closing the door behind me. After taking a seat in front of his desk, I crossed my legs for something to do.
He looked over the desk at me, and I relaxed a little when I notice him grinning as he closed out of whatever he was looking at on the computer.
“You don’t have to ask, you know.”
I frowned this time, not understanding what he meant.
“To come in,” he clarified. “You don’t have to ask.”
“Well, you usually don’t have your door closed so I wasn’t sure if you wanted anyone around.”
He nodded.
“Is everything okay?” I asked. It was easier to talk about something that could be work related. I knew I was being a coward, but I didn’t really think it was a good idea to just jump right in. “You seem distracted today.”
He chuckled and leaned back in his chair. “You don’t miss a thing.” He sighed and shook his head. “Viv has cancelled all week. It’s not like her. Guess I’ve been a little worried.”
“Maybe she’s not feeling well. Changes in the weather like this can make anyone sick.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
I bit my lip. With his gaze on me, I could almost pretend we were back to how it was, when there wasn’t this rift in our relationship, when I thought we’d make it.
“So, I’ve been meaning to talk to you…” I trailed off.
“Yeah, I’ve been meaning to talk to you too.” He leaned forward and rested his elbows on the desk.
I hated the “We need to talk” opening so instead of letting him tell me what he wanted to tell me, I jumped into mine before I lost my nerve.
“Look.” I sighed, uncrossing my legs and leaning forward a little myself. “I hate that this has gotten so awkward between us. I’m embarrassed to admit this, but I’ve been avoiding you like the plague.”
My nails were digging into my palms so bad I thought I might draw blood. He didn’t even change his facial expression. I was ready to stand and walk out when he laughed. I was so shocked I just gaped at him. I probably should’ve been mad, but his reaction actually relieved some of the tension.
“I’m sorry.” He shook his head, trying to calm down. “I definitely noticed your avoidance.” He narrowed his eyes playfully and smirked.
“Have you?” I chuckled. “Well, I wanted to apologize. I’ve been acting pretty childish.”
He snorted at me. “Yeah, you have.”
My jaw dropped, and I scoffed, making him laugh again.
“I was kidding. I haven’t been acting the best either.”
“Jerk.” I squinted my eyes at him and sat back in my chair. “Well, I just wanted to tell you that. I think we can both handle this better, don’t you?”
He nodded and leaned back in his chair again. He was visibly relaxing which, was a good sign, but he was still acting a little nervous.
“Of course.” He sighed again and looked into my eyes. “Amy, I think we can be friends. I want us to be friends. I miss you.”
For a moment, I had no idea what to say. I sure as hell missed him, but did I want him to know that? Yes. As messed up as it was, I did.
“I miss you too, Marcus.” I tried to smile but felt more like crying. “I want us to be friends too.”
“Good.” He smiled, and I finally smiled back. This was definitely a step into the right direction. “Can you stop avoiding me now? I’m finding it extremely hard to go out of my way to make you uncomfortable.”
“Shut up,” I snorted, wishing I had something to throw at him.
He just smirked back at me. “Okay, seriously though. Are we okay?” His smirk was gone, and all I could see on his face was genuine concern.
“Yeah, I think we’re okay.”
“I’m glad.”
He stood and came around the desk, and my heart stopped. I had a feeling he was going to hug me, and I wasn’t sure I was okay with that. We might be friends, but the feelings we had for each other were still there.
Marcus sat on the front of his desk in front of me, clasping his hands on his lap. “So, there’s something I need to talk to you about, friend to friend.”
“Okay.” I raised an eyebrow.
“This isn’t easy for me to say.” He took a deep breath, looked down at his hands, and muttered under his breath. “Which could be a problem. It shouldn’t be hard at all…” He cleared his throat before looking back at me, speaking louder this time. “Hannah and I…”
I knew what he was going to say. I knew it. I dreaded it. I shouldn’t have been surprised, but for whatever reason, I was so shocked my breath caught. I wished I hadn’t show any kind of reaction, but it was too late now. Marcus heard it, though he politely pretended not to. My heart hurt. Tears stung my eyes, but I couldn’t let them fall. He’d said he wanted to tell me friend to friend. I needed to be his friend. Besides, isn’t this what I wanted for him anyways?
“You’re together now?” I finished for him, trying to save him a little.
“Yeah.” He started clapping his hands absentmindedly in front of his body. “I’ve been trying to find a way to tell you all week.”
“That’s…great, Marcus.” I gave him a sad smile. “Honestly. That’s really great.”
It hurt. It hurt something fierce. I knew this was exactly what needed to happen. This was exactly what I wanted for him and for Hannah. She and I didn’t get along, but she deserved her chance at happiness as well.
“Amy…” He stood from the desk and took a step towards me.
I held my hand up to stop him. “No, seriously,” I said quietly. I took a deep breath as I stood to face him. “I truly hope you both will be happy together. It’s been a long time coming.” I smiled this time. Though I was hurting on the inside, I really wanted to be happy for them.
He didn’t look happy, and I could only wonder if it was shock. I was handling this better than I thought possible. Why wouldn’t he be shocked that I was okay?
“Amy, I…” He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and took a deep breath before taking my hand. “I don’t want this to be awkward for us.”
I looked down at my hand in his and nodded. I didn’t want this to be uncomfortable for us either, especially because we had just reestablished our friendship, but how in the world would it not be awkward? Sure, Hannah never came to the gym before, but what if she did now? It was hard enough just being here with Marcus, though I was determined to get over that enough for us to actually be friends.
“It’s something we can work on,” I said, squeezing his hand a little before looking back up at him. “Just give me some time.”
He nodded and squeezed my hand in return before letting go.
I smiled and took a step back towards the door. “I should get back to the front desk,” I said, turning and opening his door.
“Hey, Amy?”
I turned back to look at him, surprised to see his big, carefree smile I’d grown to love.
“I’m really glad we talked.”
“Me too.” I smiled back and nodded. “Really glad.”
I walked out and shut his door for him before going and taking my seat behind the front desk. I sat there for a good little bit, pretending to look through some papers while I thought over everything that just happened between Marcus and I. It was a lot to take in. I still couldn’t believe how shocked I was to hear he and Hannah were finally together. Somehow, I’d hoped for a different outcome, no matter what I’d told myself.
Marcus and I were a step closer to being okay. We might never be together again, but I valued his friendship more than he knew. I could get used to the fact that he was with Hannah. Eventually, I could even be okay with it.
At least, I hoped I could.