i groaned when i woke up. My arm was asleep from hanging over the edge of the bed, and my ribs hurt more than they have been lately. I guess I did a little more than I thought last night. Just thinking about the time I spent with Amy brought a huge smile to my face.
The previous night had been amazing. Never in my life had I ever had that much stamina. Sure, I could go a couple of times if I really wanted to, but damn. Amy was different than any girl I’d ever been with, and I knew why. I loved Amy. Making love had an entirely new meaning when you were actually in love with the person you were with.
After our hours of love making, we’d laid in bed, tangled in each other’s arms, and finally talked about what happened. I’d told Amy everything. She hadn’t say much, not even after I told her than Hannah had kissed me and asked if we could give it a try. Her silence had made me nervous at first. She’d warned me not to let Hannah come, and I hadn’t listened. She had been right to assume something else, but she’d trusted me. The worry finally left me when she’d slid back on top of me and kissed me passionately. The talking had been done then.
Turning over, I was careful to not hurt my ribs anymore and went to wrap my arm around her only to find her side of the bed empty. I frowned, lifting onto my elbows. The bathroom door was open, the light off. Looking around the room, I noticed my clothes were the only ones on the floor. She had gotten dressed.
I rolled out of bed, grabbed my glasses and slid on my boxers from the floor before making a quick stop in the bathroom. Running my hands through my messy hair, I walked into the kitchen, grinning when I notice Amy at the kitchen table.
She was looking out the sliding glass door, at what I had no idea. There wasn’t much of a view from there. Her legs were pulled up to her chest, and she had her arms casually wrapped around her knees. She was beautiful. I couldn’t lie. I was a little disappointed she was fully dressed, but I’d get over it.
“Good morning,” I said with a smile.
She finally looked over at me. “Morning,” she said quietly.
I frowned a bit at her lack of expression.
“You okay?” I took a few steps toward her.
After a moment, smiled back at me. “I’m fine.”
“Good.”
She stood before I reached her and walked straight into my arms. I gladly wrapped them around her, and she buried her face into my chest. Leaning down, I kissed her head, letting my lips linger on her hair. I loved the smell of her shampoo. Vanilla.
We stood like that for a few minutes. I rubbed her back, just enjoying having her close to me. I was perfectly content until her arms tightened almost painfully around my waist. It was only then that I heard her quiet sniffling.
“Amy?” I frowned and tried to pull away so I could look at her, but she fought to keep her head where it was on my chest, where I couldn’t see her. “Amy, what’s wrong?”
“Shh.”
That only made my frown deepen. I was about to ask her what was going on again when she spoke softly again.
“Just a little longer. Just hold me a little longer.”
Now, I was really confused.
I didn’t try to push her away again. She’d ask for a moment, and I would give it to her. Obviously, something upset her. I just wanted to comfort her. I wrapped my arms back around her and continued caressing her back, resting my cheek on her head.
Amy finally pulled away from me but kept her head down. I was about to ask her, again, if she was okay, but she looked up at me, and the words got trapped in my throat.
She looked so sad, so broken. I could only imagine what had been going through her head since last night, but I was going to find out for sure. I’d do anything to take her pain away. I cupped her face in my hands and gently brushed away her tears with my thumbs.
“Amy, tell me what’s wrong.”
She took a deep breath and gazed right into my eyes. Her hands came up to cover mine on her face for a moment earlier sliding them down my arms.
“Marcus…” She pulled her lip between her teeth, and I grew more nervous.
She opened her mouth. Instead of saying something, she looked away before taking my hand and leading me to the kitchen table. I blinked when she just sat down and took that as my cue to sit in the chair beside her, only I moved it closer to her as I did.
“Amy, you’re starting to worry me.” I chuckled nervously.
She had her lip between her teeth again.
“Marcus, I…” She took a deep breath and glanced down at her hands in her lap, where she was nervously picking at her nails.
I went to reach for her hand, but she held hers up to stop me.
“Please, don’t. I need to get this out without any… distractions.” She looked right at me as she said this.
I couldn’t stop my heart from speeding up. Something was very wrong, and I was dying in anticipation of finding out what.
“Get what out, Amy?” I honestly wasn’t sure I wanted to know.
Her beautiful brown eyes locked on mine, and her lip trembled. My heart stopped at her words.
“I can’t do this anymore, Marcus.”
Of all the things I could have come up with about what was bothering her, this was not it. How in the world could this be happening after everything we’d been through last night? After all the bad shit. We had the greatest night together, and now she was saying she can’t do this?
“What?” I flinched when she jumped in shock. I hadn’t meant to speak so loudly, and now I almost whispered. “I’m sorry. I just don’t understand.”
“I can’t be with you right now, Marcus.” Her body was shaking, and she was fighting tears. I could see this was hard for her, but it hurt me like hell too. “I’m sorry.”
“What do you mean you can’t with me? I don’t get it.” I kept my voice strong, needing answers. “I thought we were okay.”
“We are, but…”
“But, what, Amy? If we’re okay, then there should be no buts.” Keeping the hurt and anger out of my voice was proving harder than I thought.
“We are okay, Marcus.” She was crying now, and I wanted so badly to hold her and tell her everything was all right, but I held off to give her a chance to explain. “We’re okay for now, but later down the road…”
“Wait, what?” I took a deep breath, hoping to keep my voice even. “You’re breaking up with me over something that might happen? Amy, that doesn’t make sense.”
She brought her hand to her mouth. Her sobs got worse. Amy was having a hard time with this. I knew that. I just wanted to go back to last night and stay there.
“Amy.” I gently took her other hand, and she let me, keeping her gaze averted. “Amy, talk to me. Where is this coming from?”
I caressed her hand and moved from my chair to kneel in front of her. It was only then that she looked at me again. She brought the hand that had been on her mouth down and ran her fingers through my hair. For a moment, I thought everything was okay. Then she shook her head, and I knew I was wrong.
“She has feelings for you,” she said through her tears. She was no longer sobbing, and for that, I was grateful, but the tears silently kept falling.
“What? Who?” I knew she must have been referring to Hannah, but I didn’t want to believe it. Who else would she be talking about?
“Hannah.”
I blinked, still shocked to hear her say it out loud, and opened my mouth to tell her she was wrong.
But she cut me off. “All this time, you both have had these feelings for each other and neither of you knew.”
“No.” I frowned and blinked again, shaking my head. “No, last night, Hannah was upset. She’s on the rebound, Amy. I was there. I was an easy target.”
She shook her head, and more tears spilled out of her eyes. “No, I know how she feels about you. I’ve always had a hunch, but I found out for sure when you were in the hospital.” Her hand ran down from my hair, and she cupped my cheek, looking lovingly down into my eyes. “How could she not love you?” she added with a soft smile.
I leaned into her hand. I fought for the right words to say, but I had absolutely no idea how to respond to what she said. Not that Amy would lie but she had to be mistaken.
“No, baby. You’re wrong.”
She shook her head more.
“What happened while I was in the hospital to make you think that?” I asked.
“She didn’t want me there, Marcus,” she said softly.
“She was just scared, and she’s not used to sharing—”
“No, Marcus. No more making excuses for her. I know how she feels. Trust me. Everyone knew but you.”
She was wrong. She had to be.
“You’re breaking up with me because Hannah might have feelings for me?” It didn’t make sense.
“No. I’m breaking up with you because it’s only fair.”
I jerked my head to the side and blinked again. Everything she said confused me that much more.
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
She pulled her hand from mine and brought it my face, caressing my cheeks with her thumbs. With a sad smile, she leaned down and brushed her lips against mine softly. I returned her kiss, frowning at the salty taste of her tears.
“You deserve to see where that goes. With Hannah.”
I sat back on my heels, still on my knees in front of her, and her hands fell from my face. I looked down to where mine were now resting on my knees and took a few deep breaths. It was like I was in the twilight zone. My head was all kinds of fucked up right now.
“Marcus.” Her voice brought my head up to look at her. “Your whole life, you’ve been in love with one girl.”
I went to correct her.
She held up her hand to stop me. “All that time, you thought she didn’t feel the same way. Now you know. Now’s your chance.”
“No.” I stood and took a couple of careful steps back. I was breathing heavily, suddenly angry although I wasn’t sure who I was angry at. “No. This is stupid. I want to be with you, Amy! Not Hannah. You. I thought you wanted to be with me, too.”
In a perfect world, nothing would have happened between Hannah and me, and Amy would have no reason to claim she wanted this. In a perfect world, it would be just Amy and me.
But this wasn’t a perfect world. This entire situation scared the hell out of me because Amy was right. I had been in love with Hannah my whole life. I’d dreamed of her telling me she felt the same way so we could be together. I knew we’d work well together. I mean, look how close we were. But Hannah hadn’t felt the same way.
Or so I thought. Maybe I’d been wrong. Part of me was curious as to how that would work out, but the bigger part of me wanted Amy.
“I do want to be with you, Marcus! But this isn’t about me. I’m doing this for you.” She was crying again. She got up to walk to me, but I took another step back.
“No. I know who I want to be with, Amy, and that’s you. Why can’t you see what you mean to me?”
“I do. But, Marcus…” She took a deep breath and stepped toward me.
“Amy…” I couldn’t breathe. Everything about this seemed so surreal that I was sure I would wake up at any moment.
I didn’t.
“You know how you feel right now? That fear deep down inside you? Hold onto that, and just know that it’s that much worse for me.” She sniffed. “I know what you’re afraid of. You’re afraid you’ll choose her over me, and you might. That possibility scares the hell out of me too! But do you know what would be worse? If you just stay with me, I will always wonder if you feel like you’re missing something. I will always worry that I won’t be enough for you. Every time you’ll look at me, I’ll wonder if you’re seeing Hannah. Every time we kiss, every time we make love, Hannah will always be there in the back of your mind. You’ll have questions and concerns that only Hannah can answer. I can’t live like that, Marcus. You can’t ask that of me.”
She was crying harder now, and I wanted nothing more than to hold her and tell her everything would be okay. But I couldn’t move. I was completely frozen. I had never thought of it that way, but that didn’t mean I was willing to let her leave without a fight.
“Amy, I—”
“I love you, Marcus.” She took closed the space between us and reached up to kiss me tenderly.
I wrapped my arms around her waist and held her tight.
“You have to do this,” she whispered against my lips.
This felt like goodbye, and I didn’t want to let go. Before I could say anything, she pulled out of my arms and grabbed her keys off the counter.
Then she was gone.