I lie on my side in the hospital bed, staring out the window. It’s dark out, and all the lights of New York shine bright. The door to my room opens but I don’t even try to see who it is—I’m too broken and hurt. How do you even begin to describe how it feels when you lose a baby? All I know is I feel empty, and it’s as if part of me is missing. I know this baby was conceived at a time I wasn’t ready for it, but God was I going to try and be the best mother it deserved. Now I lie here with no baby, and seemingly no future. Nothing else seems to matter anymore, other than the fact my baby is gone.
He or she will never see the light of day, and it’s all because of Blake. When I saw him start the SUV, never would I have imagined he’d turn and aim for me. I know he hit me on purpose, it was in his crazed look. Well, if he wanted me dead, then I guess he’ll be disappointed, but maybe it would have been better if I did die, because the way I’m feeling now has gotta be worse than that.
“Hey, hon.” I hear the voice coming from the side of my bed. I don’t respond; I know the voice, it’s Hazel, my best friend. Who were we kidding? How did we ever think we could get away from Blake? He did what he promised to do—he found me, and he hurt me.
Hazel walks around the bed so she’s facing me. Tears I’d been holding on to begin to fall.
“Oh, honey, I heard the news. I’m so sorry,” she whispers, running her hand down my hair. I don’t respond, just continue to stare out the window. Hazel crouches down then, making sure our eyes connect. “You’re going to be okay, Charity. I promise.”
More tears leave my eyes, and anger fills me this time. “It’s not okay, Hazel. None of this is okay. My baby is gone, and no one can say or do anything to bring it back. I just want to be left alone.”
“But, Charity, you just need time.”
“Leave!” I blurt out, and begin to sob.
Hazel’s eyes widen, I’ve never screamed or yelled at her before, but I don’t know how else to get her to leave. I just want to be alone right now.
“Okay,” she whispers, “I’ll leave, but please call me if you need me. I’ll let you get some rest and come and see you tomorrow.”
I don’t reply, just look out the window once again, feeling dazed and confused and so damn tired.
She leans in and kisses me on my head, and I don’t miss the tears that are falling from her eyes. “Bye, Charity.”
With the sound of the door closing, I inhale and close my eyes, letting sleep claim me.
I wake up to sunlight cascading through my window. I’m a little disorientated and have to think for a moment to remember where I am—hospital, run over… lost baby. A hollow feeling sinks in, and my stomach contracts in pain. I move to a fetal position, bringing my knees up to my chest.
The door opens, and a nurse comes in. “Here, honey, I brought you some painkillers.” She must have read my mind.
“Thank you,” I manage to say, and instantly take the tablets and swallow them with some water. Another lady walks in with a tray of food. I’m not hungry but my stomach growls, announcing it’s feeling a little empty.
“Here you go. Sit up for me, dear.” I sit up and rub my eyes when the woman places the tray on the table in front of me. There’s bacon, eggs, and toast, but I can’t seem to want to stomach anything. “Here, have some toast. You need to eat.”
I look up at the nurse and smile. Taking the plastic knife out of its packet, I spread butter on the lukewarm toast, and take a small bite before throwing it back onto the plate.
“Here, maybe some tea will help.” She holds a mug out to me.
Nothing will help.
I take the cup of tea out of her hand and take a few sips. I have to admit, it does make me feel a little better. “Now, are you up for any visitors?” the nurse says, writing some information down on my chart. “There’s a handsome biker out there waiting to see you. He won’t leave. Stayed the whole night.”
Kane.
I’m not in the mood to see anybody right now, and that includes Kane. “Please tell him I’m not up for visitors.”
The nurse purses her lips and frowns. “Honey, I’m a little scared to go tell that boy out there that he can’t see you. He’s been giving us a hard time this morning.”
I sigh, totally getting where she’s coming from. Well, I guess I better get it over and done with. “Okay, fine, let him in.”
She smiles and squeezes my shoulder gently. “Thank you, dear.”
Thank you? Is he really that scary? She leaves the room, and I take another bite of the toast, forcing myself to swallow it down. I take another sip of tea, and it’s not long till Kane comes rushing in through the door. My eyes widen when I take him in—dried blood is on his face, and his left eye is puffy and bruised. One of his cheeks has a cut on it, and he looks as if he hasn’t slept all night.
He looks relieved when he takes me in, and rushes to my side. Leaning down, he kisses me on my cheek, and I wince a little despite the fact it was whisper soft. I don’t know why I’m feeling like I am, he doesn’t deserve to be treated like this. I look up at him, seeing hurt evident in his eyes, but he continues. “How are you feeling, babe?”
I give him a weak smile. “I’m okay, I guess. Just dying to get out of here.” He thrusts his hands into the front pockets of his jeans, looking out of place all of a sudden. “Should I ask how you got the bruises?”
He rubs his jaw and winces when he touches a bruised section. He then reaches out and moves my hair back over my shoulder, his fingers running along my neck. “You can ask me anything, babe.” He sighs, looking around the room, then his gaze returns to mine. “Blake has been taken care of.”
I widen my eyes at his bombshell, and my heartbeat escalates at the mention of Blake’s name. I breathe deeply in and out, struggling to catch my breath.
“Breathe, baby”— Kane cups my cheek—“it’s okay, I promise. Look at me,” he demands, and I comply. “In and out.” I look into his eyes, concentrating on my breathing, and after a few minutes I’ve calmed down, the tight feeling in my chest gone.
“You’re going to be okay, you hear me, Char? I’m going to take care of you,” he promises, holding my face between his palms. Tears begin to flow, and he leans in and kisses them away. “I know you’re frightened, and I’m so goddamn sorry I didn’t stop what he did to you. I’m pissed at myself, and my club—we should have been more prepared.”
I turn to look away, but he forces me to keep looking at him. His face shows sorrow and remorse, and my heart squeezes.
“Did you kill him?” I ask nervously, licking my dry and chapped lips.
“Nah,” he says, shaking his head. “I wanted to but thought better of it.” He smirks then. “But he did get what he deserved, and I promise he won’t be bothering you anymore. Is that what you’re worried about?”
I chew at the inside of my cheek. “No… but I think it’s time I go back home.”
Kane’s jaw tic’s; he’s angry with me. He looks away, out the window nearby, then stands, his hands falling to his sides. Now he looks hurt.
“You’re going to leave me? After everything? You’re just going to forget us and move back home?”
My eyes blur with more unshed tears, and I can’t look at him when I say, “I think it’s for the best, there’s nothing here for me anymore.”
He places his hands on his hips, glaring at me. “What about me, Charity? And I not worth staying for? Baby,” he says softly, getting down on his knees at my side, clutching my hands in his. “I won’t let you leave me, not after I just found you. You have made me feel happiness again, came to me at a time that I needed you most. I’m not letting you leave me.”
“It’s not your choice, Kane. Besides, you don’t need me, you can have any woman. Just click your fingers, and I’m sure there will be a woman right there, willing to satisfy your needs in bed.”
“Is that what you think this is?” he asks, his finger pointing between us. “What we have is just for fun, in bed?”
I look away. I don’t know what to think right now.
“Look at me, Char. I said look at me!” he growls, and I’m forced to listen unless I want nurses and security to come running.
“I…. I love you,” he whispers, his voice filled with emotion.
Shocked and confused, I say, “You’re just saying that! You don’t love me, you just think you do.”
He stands again, running both hands through his hair in frustration. “How the fuck do you know what I feel? Stop putting words in my mouth. I love you, goddammit.”
I’m so sick of crying. “I can’t deal with all this right now, I need time alone.”
“You don’t love me? Is that what you’re saying, Charity? That what we had was just a fling?”
No, it’s not what I’m saying. I love you, you big jerk.
That’s what I should say, desperately want to, but I don’t. “That’s exactly what I’m saying. It was great while it lasted, but what I feel for you is friendship.”
“Friendship?” he repeats, his eyes narrowing. “You’re lying to me, Charity. I don’t know why, maybe it’s because you’re angry and upset right now. But I won’t let you push me away, do you understand that?” He glares down at me, and I can’t but think he’s beautiful, with his gorgeous green eyes, chiseled jaw, and body I know feels so damn good against mine. And the way he makes me feel is something I have never felt before, not even with Blake—but right now I can’t give him what he needs or deserves. I’m broken.
With all the courage I can gather, I look up at him and plant a blank expression on my face, even though my heart is tearing to shreds inside. “I don’t love you, Kane.”
His eyes shine with unshed tears at my harsh words. I’ve hurt him. Good. If the only way I can get him to leave me alone is using cruel words, then so be it. He needs to find a woman who can live the biker life, a woman that will give him all she’s got. I thought I was that woman, but now? I know I’m not.
When he turns and leaves the room, slamming the door behind him, I don’t call him back. I drop my head in my hands and cry my heart out as another piece of me is torn away.