“Alex! Alex! Get up now! Alex!”

Somebody was shaking me awake, and it took me a solid thirty seconds to process what was going on. Then I remembered the day before and felt the tear stains stuck to my face.

“What time is it?”

Anatoli was already rushing around his house, throwing stuff in a bag. He threw a pile of clothes at me.

“Two AM. Put these on. Your clothes reek. I don’t have much that will fit you. This will have to do until you can buy clothes.”

“What’s going on?”

I immediately started changing right there in the living room.

“Pytor’s on his way over. Seething. Fuck, he’ll be here in a minute. We’ll never make it.” Anatoli looked panicked.

“Alex, I have to tell Tobias. He’ll delay him.”

“Fuck fucking no! Are you shitting me? Tobias! He’ll make sure Pytor kills me.”

“No. He won’t. Tobias is loyal. If I ask him to do this. He will. Tobias isn’t the devil he makes himself out to be.”

“We don’t have a choice, do we?”

Anatoli looked pained. “No Alex. We don’t.”

I put my hand over my stomach. I didn’t like how vulnerable I felt with this baby in me. I couldn’t just make choices for me anymore.

“Call him.”

Anatoli nodded and pulled out his phone.

“Put it on speaker,” I demanded. “If this goes south. I need to know. I don’t trust him and, yes, I trust you to some extent, but I don’t trust anyone one hundred percent.”

Anatoli sized me up as the phone rang and then hit the speaker button.

“Anatoli,” Tobias’s firm voice rang out over the phone.

“Tobias, I need you to step away for a minute. I need you alone.” Anatoli’s voice was the firmest and coldest I’d ever heard it. It sent chills down my spine and I thanked fuck I was on his good side. There was some shuffling on the other end of the phone, then Tobias’s voice came back on over the speaker.

“Done.”

“You are with no one? Not Pytor. His men. Solitary?”

“Yes. What is going on? I don’t have much time away from Pytor. You know this.”

“Alex is pregnant.” My mouth fell open.

“Way to just lay it out there,” I mumbled. Anatoli shot me a stern look, so I shut up.

“What? How is that possible?”

“I’m helping her escape.”

“Fuck Anatoli! Fuck, what the fuck. A, if he finds out he’ll kill you.”

Tobias’s voice was soft. This stunned me. He did have a soft side. Who the hell was this guy?

“I know, but I can’t… “Anatoli sighed. “I have to do this T. She has a kid. Fuck, she is a kid. I need you to delay Pytor. Pretend you see a threat. Pretend you see Alex. Something. For me. I’ve never called in a favor from you, but I need this.”

“Shit Anatoli. Yeah, yeah I’ll do it.” I felt my body slump in relief. “But hurry. Okay? I don’t really want to die under Pytor’s hand. Understand?”

“Yes, thank you.”

“Is she okay?” Tobias sounded annoyed with himself for asking, but, fuck, he asked. Some part of him cared.

Anatoli put his hand over the phone and whispered to me.

“He doesn’t know you can hear this and he will turn on us out of humiliation if you hear him give a shit. So, keep your trap shut.”

Then he removed his hand and went back on the line.

“She’s panicked. She really cares about this kid though T. Wants a life for it outside of this. She cried. Like tears.”

“The bitch cried? Well fucking shit. She has a heart.”

“I told you she did.”

“Okay well, you know this, but don’t tell her I’m involved.”

His voice was cold, back to normal.

“Never dream of it T. I won’t let anyone know you have a heart somewhere in there.”

“Fuck off.”

“Bye T.”

The phone went dead, and Anatoli turned to me with a cocked eyebrow. “See. He’s not all rage and thunder. He may be the only person who has a bigger wall up than you.”

“But he trusts you…?”

Anatoli’s eyes flickered with pure deadly rage. The promise of revenge, of murder. His jaw was tight, and I was actually afraid for the person it was directed towards.

“I was the one who found him.”

“Oh,” I mumbled. “Do you just work to find people with the shittiest pasts and bitchiest personalities?”

Anatoli laughed. “Seems like it,” he mumbled. “Now let’s get moving.”

Anatoli already had my bag ready and I was changed. Anatoli threw the bag on the couch.

“I called a taxi quite a while ago. I just got a message on my private cell that he’s outside. Take this bag with you. The zipper is sturdy. It’s a bag I used in rough terrain back in the day. I put quite a bit of cash in there, T-shirts, basketball shorts you can tie or shit, who the fuck knows. Buy pants fast. I put some basic bathroom stuff, a water bottle you can refill and some non-perishable food.” Anatoli sighed. “That’s all Alex. That’s all I can do, that’s all I have to give.”

“Anatoli. Thank you. Fucking thank you.”

He nodded firmly, clearly emotional. I let it slide without giving him shit. Mainly because I felt emotional too.             

“Good luck Alex. I don’t know what sort of shit you’ve been through. Do right by your kid. For what it’s worth… I’m sorry you don’t who the father is.”

Aka, he’s sorry I got stuck screwing so many men you have no idea who the father is.

“Me too, but you’ve made up for it Anatoli. More than.”

I was halfway out the door with my hand on the edge of the frame, looking back.

“Time to go маленький. You once told me you were better than all of this. Go prove it.”             

I shot him a confident smile. “I already did. When I came here for my kid.”

I winked and walked out the door. The last image I had of him was him shaking his head at me and smiling. Proud.

It was the perfect goodbye. I was getting good at goodbyes.

I threw the bag in the backseat and told the driver to take me to the airport. The driver nodded, and I looked through the window at Anatoli’s house. I’d miss it. It was a safe place for me for a lot of years. As the driver started to pull away I pulled my attention forward. I didn’t mind looking at what was right beside me, but I refused to look back. I down right fucking refused. I put my hand on my belly. I couldn’t feel anything, but I knew there was a life in there.

“It’s okay baby. I’m gonna get you out of here. Somewhere safe. I promise.”

“You pregnant?” the driver asked.

“Yes.” I held my belly proudly.

“Little young, don’t ya think?”
His judgement pissed me off. “I’m gonna be a damn good mother sir. Shut your mouth about things you know nothing about.”

The driver shut up after that. We rode in silence all the way to the airport. When he dropped me off he didn’t say two words to me. I just about shit my pants when I opened my bag to pay him and saw how much money Anatoli left me.

“Fuck,” I whispered when I saw the loads of cash in the bag. I handed the guy the bare minimum for being an asshole and headed into the airport. I bought a walk on ticket to a flight to Nashville. I was nervous about security but got through fairly easily. Once I passed security I realized Pytor would probably have men hanging around the airport in case I tried to leave. I hid in the women’s restroom, and just to be sure decided to wait in a stall in case he had women on his side. I could never be too sure. It was uncomfortable, but I just hung my bag on the door and sat criss cross on the toilet as I held my stomach. When it was five minutes till boarding time I made a full-on sprint for my gate. I was out of breath when I got to the gate. The lady raised an eyebrow at me, but I shot her a desperate look and she hurriedly let me on the plane. I didn’t relax until I was in my seat. Then I slouched and took a deep breath.  I still stayed as hidden as possible, but I felt a lot better knowing I was flying away from this mess, and the girl I was in it. I landed in Nashville several hours later. I got out and headed down the streets of Nashville with the utmost confidence. No one would make me a victim in this town. I wouldn’t let myself be seen as weak again. That’s how Pytor trapped me. I was hungry and weak, and he knew it. Never again.

After wandering around for an hour I found an apartment that looked relatively safe and affordable. I paid the guy my security deposit, first and last month's rent and was good to go. He had extra rooms. I used Anatoli’s skill to get approved without having credit. He showed me how to hack some shit and faked some paperwork for me. I slept on the floor for the six weeks. I tried desperately to get a job, but no one would hire me. I had no experience, no friends, no connections. I was a young pregnant screw up. Even the lowest class jobs wouldn’t hire me. It wasn’t some fairytale. I couldn’t even get someone to take pity on me.

Eventually I bought a guitar. Something most people never knew about me was I was a pretty good guitar player and singer. I just never showed anyone because it was my outlet. Mine. I was getting desperate though, and I knew some nightclubs and coffee shops would hire me to sing and play. I was pretty good. I auditioned at one place and got the gig. As soon it was booked, and I knew I had a paycheck coming, I booked an appointment with the local OBGYN. She was friendly. I was a little late in booking my first appointment, but she didn’t judge me for my age. She didn’t judge me for booking the appointment late. She just listened. She asked me who the father was, and I was honest. I told her I was a halfway trapped into being a high-end prostitute and didn’t know. She marked it down and didn’t say another word about it.

She put this nasty ass goo on my stomach and started rubbing this device all over it. In that moment, with the nasty ass goo all over my stomach, my whole world changed. I saw a little speck and that little speck was my kid. My own kid. It felt like my heart stopped beating. I wanted to give that kid the world. I think I just said wow one hundred times to the doctor. I was in shock. The doctor smiled and told me the baby looked healthy. It was the best thing I’d ever heard. Everything I’d been through was worth in that moment for that little baby.

The next three months were a haze of gigs, doctor’s appointments and overall just laying low. I made my apartment this cute little space. It was a very multicolored bright apartment, but I had the baby nursery painted yellow and blue, something more organized. It was the cutest thing ever. The crib was so tiny. It was the perfect spot for a baby girl. Yep, I was having a girl. Anna. The second I found out my heart burned that I had no one to tell. My mind went to Rex and Mia, and then Anatoli of course. Anna was named after Anatoli for saving us. I just hoped he didn’t get into trouble for it. I prayed he never got caught. He was a good soul.

When I got into town months ago I’d dyed my hair blonde with bright red streaks and cut in heavy bangs. I looked very different. I almost dyed it something ‘normal’ to make a good impression on my child after I found out I was having a girl but decided against it. I was this baby girl’s mom, and I didn’t want my kid to feel like she had to change for the world to feel normal. I may have been a screw up, but I didn’t feel that way anymore. In fact, I felt like the most accomplished person for fighting through everything and getting to where I was. I knew I had a lot I could offer Anna and individuality was one of those things.

My music gigs were really working out. I didn’t make a ton of money or anything, but enough to get by. I sang mostly hits from the top 40’s. People seemed to like that. It wasn’t my scene, but it was fun, and I got a good response from the crowd. It was in that fourth month that my cozy little life fell apart.

I was walking up the stairs to my apartment with a bag of groceries in hand. I noticed a man following me up the stairs, but I thought he was another tenant. The stairs were stone with gaps in the middle. They were on the outside of the apartment complex. He followed me to the top, and I fumbled with the key that allowed me inside the complex itself. It was supposed to be a super safe complex. They had security measures in check. I was in disguise. I did everything right. The man grabbed my shoulders as I tried to put the key in the slot with shaking hands. He pulled me up against him, my back to his front. He put his mouth by my ear.

“This is for Pytor.”

I screamed. I tried to fight, but I was caught off guard. Again, by this motherfucker. There wasn’t enough room for me to fight. He squeezed my shoulders tighter and threw me down the stairs. I stumbled over my front foot and slammed my body all the way down. Step after step, until I heard a crack and realized it was my body hitting the ground. I tried to push myself up when I reached the bottom, but I was too weak. I was desperate to see who did this. I needed to be able to identify him. I looked up. The guy was gone. I was shaking from head to toe. I immediately put my hand over my stomach and started to panic. I didn’t even think about all the blood surrounding me. I could only think of my baby. Then I heard lots of screaming, then… I fainted.

It all went black, and when I woke up it would stay that way.