“Shit,” I gasped as I woke up. I remembered the night before. I fucked Pytor. He wasn’t awful. It was fast, and I could tell he enjoyed it. He was impressed, for all intents and purposes. Afterwards, I showered so long and in water so hot my skin was still flaming red and slightly crinkled. I tried to wrap the cold sheets around my body to cool my skin, but it didn’t work. I put on a pair of shorts and a tank top. Anatoli had thrown some clothes girls left at his house at me. Classy.

I walked into the kitchen where Anatoli was eating beef jerky and reading over some paperwork, like an average fucking joe. I knew he wasn’t.

I walked right in without saying a word to him and went straight for the fridge. I grabbed some cold pizza and a beer. When I opened the can Anatoli’s eyes flicked up to me then down to the beer.

“You can’t drink. You’re not legal,” he said coldly.

I laughed. “Well neither is rape.”

“I didn’t fucking rape you Alex.”

I shrugged. “Guess not, but Pytor did and you didn’t leave me much of a choice.”

“I tried to warn you,” he said, his eyes darkening.

“Well that makes it better. I must have forgotten.”

I took a large sip from my beer. His presence was dampening my mood. I picked up my pizza and beer and headed back to my room.

“Alex,” Anatoli called before I walked out. His eyes softened a bit. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I’ve had a dick inside me before.”

“Yeah and apparently, you’ve been choked, tortured and starved as well.”

I shrugged. “This is nothing I can’t handle.”

“You didn’t seem like you ‘could handle it’ yesterday when I started removing your pants Alex.”             

“That’s a low fucking blow Rex.”

Then I froze. Completely froze. Rex. I knew pain, but I had never known heartache until that moment. Rex. Why did I call this guy Rex?

“Alex, Alex,” I sort of heard my name in the background, but I couldn’t process it. A glass of cold water was dumped over my head. I leaped back. “Who the fuck is Rex?”

“He’s… “I felt pressure building in my eyes. I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t cry.

I sprinted to my room and shut the door. I turned to lock the door, but realized the lock was on the fucking outside. Fuck. Me!

“Shit!” I yelled as I repeatedly kicked my foot into the door. “Fucking shit, fuck!”

I reeled my foot back again and then the door came flying open. I stopped just in time before kicking Anatoli.

“You done?” he asked coolly.

“No!” I paced around the room looking for anything to destroy, but there was nothing. Nothing I could break, but me. I reeled my foot back again, but this time Anatoli grabbed me and pulled me back.

“You’re gonna break your foot Alex. Pytor won’t like that.”

“Fuck Pytor. Fuck him. Fuck you all. Just…”

Anatoli narrowed his eyes at me.

“Tell me about yourself.”

I immediately stopped. “What?”

“Yeah, what the fuck did your dad do to make you run? Who the hell is Rex? If you don’t talk you’re going to destroy yourself… or get yourself killed. One of the two.”

“I appreciate the vote of confidence. My dad was a low life. Rex is an asshole. That’s it.”

“You love Rex?”

“ME? Hell no! Rex was a… friend of sorts.”

Anatoli scoffed. “You need ali’s in this life маленький.”

“I don’t need anyone.”

“Fine, suit yourself. Pytor is on his way with a special friend. He’s your second audition. Don’t fuck it up.”

With that Anatoli walked out and shut and locked the door behind him. I stayed in the locked room like a bomb waiting to go off.

Just like before it took hours for them to come back and when they did I didn’t fight. I could feel both Tobias’s and Anatoli’s eyes on me the whole time, watching me, making sure I wouldn’t hurt their precious leader. I was done with that, hopefully. I didn’t want to be held down as I did anything. That was incentive enough for me to behave.

So, I fucked him. I fucked him good. So good Pytor joined in and I fucked him too. Something inside me broke a lot time ago I just had to channel that. I had allowed myself to live in a false illusion where things would be okay after I left home. I was wrong. The moment I accepted what was the moment I could let myself break again inside. None of this was that bad when you were already broken.

As I was fucking both men I looked up at Tobias and, admittedly, mainly Anatoli. He became a safe face for me. The only person in the room I was fairly certain wouldn’t actually hurt me too much. When I met his gaze, he looked away. He looked uncomfortable. Good. He was the one who wouldn’t let me leave.

When they were both done with me the other man zipped his pants, told me ‘what a good fuck I was’ and left. Tobias walked out with him.

“Great job girl,” Pytor began. “You are in. Anatoli will go over all the details today. Clean up.”

I winced at the words clean up, remembering the day I left and the context in which my dad said it to me. I shook my head and got out of bed, completely ignoring Anatoli standing in the corner of the room. He’d just seen me fuck two guys. He could see me fully nude.

I walked in the restroom and turned on the shower, jumping in quickly. I turned the dial up as hot as it could go until I burned my skin. As I stood under the spray, waiting for the water to heat up, Anatoli walked in. I looked at him through the sliding glass door.

“Can I help you?”

He sighed and stayed silent for a second as the steam started to fill the bathroom.

“Holy fuck Alex. How hot is that water?” He threw the door open and winced when the water hit his hand. “Shit.”

He yanked me out of the shower and threw a towel at me. I was too stunned to say anything, so I just stood there as he adjusted the dials on the shower and turned it off.

“What the hell Anatoli?” I snapped when I came back to my senses.

“What the hell to me?”

“You yanked me out the shower!”

“Your water was boiling hot. You were going to get more burns! I saw the one on your stomach.”

“I’m still dirty though.”

Just like that all the air left the room. Anatoli ran a hand over his face.

“Fuck, Alex.”

“Doesn’t matter. I’m a product. So, move the fuck out of my way. I won’t leave any permanent marks on my body. I’ve done this loads of times.”

“I will repeat that I already saw the burn on your body, and you are not just a product Alex.”

“Yeah whatever, and that burn wasn’t from a fucking shower. That’s stupid.”

I rolled my eyes, but Anatoli stiffened.

“The fuck?”

I shrugged. Anatoli sighed and moved from the shower. Thank God. I needed to feel clean. 

 He left, and I did my thing and reveled in it. I reveled in the burn on my skin. I knew I wasn’t the only one who’d done this. I had heard of other girls doing the same thing when they needed an escape. I’m not crazy, but I felt crazy in that moment. I couldn’t understand why this job was not easier for me. I let my hopes get way too high when I left home. I was desperately homesick for Rex and his family. I hadn’t realized how much less alone they made me feel.             

I got out of the shower, got dressed and headed to the leather clad living room. It was time for me to learn about my future.

I sighed. I had to be okay with it, because I was now one hundred percent sure Pytor would kill me if I wasn’t. His friendly demeanor was all an act. He was a stone-cold killer. That is what Anatoli had been trying to warn me about since day one. I didn’t know how many girls died under him, but I was committed to not being one of them. With all the confidence I could muster I walked in the living room and took a seat on the couch. My skin was still flaming red and sore.

“So, what’s the plan going forward?”

Anatoli leaned forward to put his elbows on his knees. His muscles bulged through his shirt. The guy was huge. Why he didn’t just kill Pytor I didn’t know. This confirmed the fact that, despite Anatoli’s occasional kindness, he was no good guy. He was a criminal through and through. He worked for Pytor for a reason. With that knowledge I was able to put my guard. The one that I had admittedly, stupidly let slip a bit around him.

“Are you going to lose your shit?”

“I’m stable,” was all I said. He nodded.

“So Pytor and his associates, who you will fuck as well so they can get a feel for you,” he winced at the pun, “picks the clients for his girls. You will get money to get your own place once we can trust you, and you will fuck there or at Pytor’s ‘business’ house.”

“Whore house.”

Anatoli’s mouth slid into a smile. “Yes.”

“No thanks. I’m not big on other girls. I’ll fuck in my house.”

“You will have to use the whore house until we can trust you not to run away.”

“No!”

“Earn your trust.”

“God please. Anatoli. I’ll lose it.”

“Sorry маленький, that’s the final word on that. You will have your own room in that house, if that helps at all.”

“I damn well better!”

He laughed. “For someone with absolutely nothing and resorting to fucking for a living you sure have a lot of spunk.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “This is temporary. I’ll be better than this. I am better than this. I got fucked over in life and am doing what I have to get passed it. I’ve earned every ounce of that spunk. I’m alive.”

All traces of amusement and mocking vanished from Anatoli’s face.

“I’m sorry маленький. You are right.”

That’s all he said before he left. The fire I was used to feeling came back, but I pushed it aside and grabbed a bottle of vodka from Anatoli’s cabinet. I poured myself as much as my body could handle. Then spent the rest of the night throwing up. It was just what I needed. I knew Anatoli heard me, but he didn’t even try and stop me. I was about to earn my right to drink myself sick. I fell asleep on the bathroom floor. When I woke up I was back in bed.

I slowly peeled myself out from under the covers and went to the restroom to clean up. I still felt like total shit, but I reveled in the feeling. Feeling shitty on the outside distracted me from how truly shitty I felt on the inside. When I was finally clean and out of the restroom Anatoli was leaning against the door frame.

“You can’t drink like that if you have gig. Understand?”

“Yes.”

“You look resigned to your fate.”

“You mean dead inside?” I asked with a shrug. Anatoli cocked his head in acknowledgement.

“Yeah I was dead inside long before I got here. I just got my hopes up. I had to come back to terms with reality. I’m better now. Sorry about the trouble.”

Anatoli’s eyebrows furrowed, but he pulled back his emotions fast.

“We are going to town.”

“Why?”

“One of your conditions was a haircut.”

I immediately perked up.

“Yes! It was. Fuck yes!”

Anatoli let out a half smile. “I’ve never seen you so happy.”

“Well you’ve only seen me trapped in a fuck house.”

“This is my home Alex.” Anatoli’s tone held warning. 

“Not mine.”

“Touché. You ready then?”

“Yes!” I shook out my hair and popped back up.

“No crazy colors Alex. Okay? Sorry. Pytor’s rules. If it is not a natural color you have to consult me on what you are doing. Again, Pytor’s rules.”                           

“No. I know what I am doing already.”

“Can I ask? I’m nervous. Don’t go emo.”

I smirked and sprinted to the door. Anatoli shook his head and followed me. When he reached me, he put his hand on the alarm.

“Alex, don’t run please. I don’t feel like hurting or punishing you, but I will. Understand? I’m warning you. Most people don’t get this many warnings and you are running out of them.”

“I won’t run. You have my word. I have a haircut that’s already paid for. That’s the way to my heart.”

Anatoli threw his head back and laughed as his fingers hit the buttons on the alarm.

“You are such a little shit.”

“Hey, you guys wanted me to stay. Forced me actually.”

“I didn’t,” he whispered.

I climbed in the car beside Anatoli. He responded so quietly to himself he didn’t think I heard him, but I did.