Marcus
“Are you sure you’re okay? You look a little…uneasy.” Eric looked like he was ready to jump out of his skin, but I didn’t think that was the most tactful way to say it.
We were on our way over to have dinner with Marshall and Robert, and Eric’s nervousness had been steadily rising since I picked him up at his apartment after work. I thought that meeting them during the week when they would be a more traditional couple would make things easier for him.
I was starting to second-guess that decision.
“I’m fine. It’s just…I’ve never met anyone in real life that…” He took a deep breath and continued, “who likes the same things I do. I know he’s not going to be little now, but it’s overwhelming.”
Looking over at me, he must have seen my skepticism because he shook his head. “No, honest. I’m not backing out and I’m not regretting agreeing to it. I’m nervous, that’s all.”
I reached over to take his hand, still not sure it was a good idea. “If it’s too much, we’ll go out to dinner, just the two of us. I’d hoped getting to know other couples in the lifestyle would make you feel better.” I wanted him to feel less alone and less like something was wrong with what he wanted. It was possible, however, that I was pushing things. It had been less than a week since he’d shared with me what had happened.
“It’s a good idea and I want to meet your friends.” Eric seemed earnest, and that was the only reason I hadn’t turned around.
He’d been hesitant but excited when I’d brought up the idea of having dinner with them. He’d been clearly pleased that I’d wanted to introduce him after only seeing each other for a couple of weeks, but it hadn’t taken long for his nerves to come back. Telling me about what he wanted was one thing. Meeting others who were going to know, or at least guess, was another.
Eric squeezed my hand. “I need to do this—even if it makes me uncomfortable.”
Since I agreed, I couldn’t argue with him, but I didn’t like seeing him nervous. “If you change your mind, let me know. They’ll understand. Everyone in the lifestyle has been through the same feelings at some point. It might feel different because you want to be little, but even for the daddies, it’s awkward. Marshall and Robert completely understand, and they’re not going to think anything is odd about what we want.”
“I know. I keep reminding myself that, but I’m not sure it’s helping.” He sighed, frustrated he couldn’t control the anxiety better.
“You need to give yourself a break. You’ve come a long way in a short time. This is just another step in the journey; there’s no race.” I was proud of him and that wouldn’t change, no matter what happened at dinner. He’d confronted his fears and told me about his past. That in itself was a huge accomplishment. If it took him a while longer before he was ready to see other people who knew, that was fine.
After his initial agreement, he’d quickly realized that no matter what we said or didn’t say, they would know about his preferences because we were dating. My desires were well known, and Marshall and Robert were aware that I would only be looking for someone open to the lifestyle, if not already active in it.
So Eric had agreed that I could mention it beforehand, primarily to let them know that he wasn’t comfortable talking about it. I hadn’t wanted there to be any awkward questions or anything that would make him uncomfortable.
I’d kept Eric’s past to myself, but Robert had understood completely. He and Marshall had agreed not to question Eric about anything, although they weren’t going to hide their own lifestyle choices. That was the main reason we’d chosen a weeknight for dinner. There would be less stress for Eric if he didn’t have to worry about how to react when Robert was Robbie.
“I know, but thank you…Daddy.” His cheeks flushed and there was a slight hesitation before he said “Daddy,” but he was much more confident about it. He didn’t say it all the time, but it was becoming more frequent. When we talked on the phone, he might not use the word in our conversation, but at the end when we were saying goodbye he’d tell me goodnight and call me Daddy.
As we pulled up to their house, Eric turned to me. Even though I could see the question on his face, it took him a minute to be able to get the words out. “What do I call you when we’re with them?”
It was such a loaded question, but one I’d been expecting. I was actually surprised it hadn’t come up sooner. “They have very specific times where Robert is Robbie. So most of the time, during the week you won’t hear him call Marshall anything but that. Our situation is different. We’re not talking about having very strict times and I can’t see it being that rigid. I’m going to leave it up to you. Even though I think you’d rather I just make the call.”
He frowned and shrugged one shoulder before turning to look out the window. Yes, I’d guessed that he would want me to decide for him, but that wasn’t something I was going to force. When we’d been together longer, I would make more of those kinds of decisions for him, but he was still too new for me to do that now.
There was a fine line between pushing and pushing too much and I didn’t want to cross it.
“So it’s whatever I want? Like, if Daddy comes out you won’t be…embarrassed or something?” His voice was quiet and unsure.
Rubbing his hand gently with my fingers, I tried to soothe his nerves. “I won’t be upset no matter what you choose. If it came out around people I work with, I might have to explain a few things, but I’d never be embarrassed.”
He laughed and some of the tension started to fade. “Yeah, I can see that being weird.”
“Anyone we meet around the club would be fine with whatever you called me, and most of my friends who aren’t in the lifestyle probably wouldn’t be shocked. I don’t talk about my preferences with them, but I can’t see them reacting negatively.” I’d been careful to surround myself with people who I felt were open-minded. I might not have come right out and said anything, but I’d never stay friends with someone who would be offended if it came out.
“Okay.”
I couldn’t tell if he’d figured out what he was going to call me or not, but it didn’t matter to me. Leaning over, I gave him a quick kiss on the forehead. “I’ll be right there with you. If something makes you uncomfortable, just reach over and squeeze my leg. Give me a sign, and I’ll change the subject.”
“It will be fine. I’m sure they’re very nice.” He didn’t seem sure, but it was something he was going to have to see for himself.
“Let’s head in. They’re both very good cooks, so dinner should be great.” Giving him a smile, I released his hand and climbed out of the car. Eric let me walk around and open his car door for him, even though he gave me a grin and shook his head.
He took my hand as we were walking up to the door. I wasn’t sure if it was an unconscious decision or if he needed the comfort, but I was pleased he turned to me. By the time we got to the door, he was hanging on for dear life and breathing so fast I was getting concerned.
I’d hoped that meeting a couple he’d already seen participating in the lifestyle would make him feel more comfortable. Maybe I’d underestimated his fears. Unsure what to do, I leaned close, and right before knocking on the door I whispered, “I know you’re worried about what they’ll think of you, but just remember, you’ve already seen Robbie get spanked and come. Nothing we do tonight will get anywhere near that, so I think you’re going to seem very boring in comparison.”
Then with a grin, I knocked on the door.
Eric was still standing there with his mouth hanging open when Marshall opened the door. I was standing quietly and looking so innocent I could’ve been selling cookies. Marshall didn’t believe it for one minute.
He glanced between Eric and me and shook his head before cocking one eyebrow and frowning at me. “What did you do?”
“Daddy!” Eric finally found his voice, and it was shocked.
I laughed and shook my head. “No idea what you’re talking about. I was just trying to explain to him there was no reason to be stressed about tonight.”
Eric snorted and looked at me like no one would believe it for a second. I was just pleased he’d started to relax. Rubbing his fingers alongside mine, he bumped his shoulder against mine and looked at Marshall. “Thank you for having us over.”
Marshall gave him an understanding smile and reached out a hand. “We’re glad to meet any friend of Marcus’s, especially one who understands the lifestyle. It’s hard finding friends we don’t have to watch ourselves around.”
Eric tensed up slightly, but he did better than I expected. Nodding, he shifted closer to me but didn’t seem too stressed. “I can understand that. No matter how careful you are, little things just come out.”
“Unfortunately. Come on in, Robert is excited to meet you.” Stepping back from the door, Marshall gestured inside.
Following Marshall through the house, I wondered what Eric thought of everything so far. He still had a firm grip on my hand, but he was looking around at their house, seemingly relaxed. I couldn’t tell if he didn’t realize what he’d called me on the porch or if he was okay with it. I was just glad the teasing worked, although it was the truth.
As we got to the dining room, Robert was bringing out something to the table. It smelled delicious. “You’re here.”
“That looks fabulous.” I looked over at Eric and smiled. “See, I told you dinner would be amazing.”
Robert laughed. “Hopefully. Did he tell you about the quiche disaster? I had no idea what went wrong, and it was still gooey in the middle after plenty of time in the oven. It turned out that my stove was going out. It would get hot and then start cooling down again. We ended up ordering pizza.”
Eric glanced over at me, confused, then turned back to Robert. “No, he’s said nothing but wonderful things. I’m sure it’s going to be wonderful, no matter what you cooked.”
Robert looked pleased. “Thank you. Hopefully, you weren’t dragged over here under false pretenses. The roast looks perfect but then, so did that quiche.”
Marshall went over and gave Robert a kiss as he put down the pan. “They’re not here for the food.”
Robert shrugged but seemed appeased. He gave everyone a smile. “Everything’s almost ready. Give me one more minute.” He started heading back toward the kitchen.
Eric piped up, “Is there anything I can do to help?”
Hollering back, Robert called out from the kitchen, “Not now, but I’m going to take you up on that offer another time.”
Eric didn’t even blink at the idea of another meal with them. Was he starting to relax or was it just a good front?
****
“That was wonderful. I’m stuffed.” Leaning back in my seat, I looked over the table. I’d eaten entirely too much food, but it had been worth it. “I’m going to have to work out twice as hard tomorrow to make up for it.”
Eric nodded, pushing the last bites of food around on his plate. “It was great. Thank you.”
Marshall snorted. “You’re coming up on retirement anyway, aren’t you? I’m not sure you need to worry about it.”
I groaned, shaking my head. “Don’t say that word.”
“You can always come rent a place in my building.” Eric smirked. “You’d fit right in.”
Robert frowned, not getting the reference. I gave Eric a stern look, and he just grinned. Turning to Robert, I gestured toward Eric. “This funny man lives in an apartment surrounded by old people. He’s the only person under eighty in the entire building.”
“Well, you are talking about retirement and that gray up there is getting a bit more pronounced, I think.” Robert laughed as Marshall reached over and cuffed him gently on the head.
“Hey, watch the old man jokes.”
They were in great shape, but Marshall had a few years on Robert. A tiny amount of premature graying around the temples left him looking a little older than he actually was, but it looked good on him.
“You aren’t getting older. You are like a fine wine, getting better every year.” Robert leaned over and gave Marshall a kiss, clearly hoping his smooth talk had gotten him out of the hot seat.
“Good try, but I think I’m going to have to show you later just what this old man can do,” Marshall growled, biting down on Robert’s lip and pulling a moan out of his lover.
I peeked over at Eric. Other than a little color tinting his cheeks, he was smiling and shaking his head, enjoying their antics. “I don’t think I have anything to worry about.”
Eric glanced at me and shook his head, grinning. “No. You don’t.” His expression was relaxed and happy, but his eyes had a hint of something hotter as they raked over me in a quick scan. “Nope. You’re good.”
Robert pulled back from Marshall and snickered, “Someone’s trying to get on his daddy’s good side.” Then he winced. “Oh, sorry.”
Eric laughed, the blush on his face starting to grow more pronounced. “No, it’s fine.”
“Behave.” Marshall gave Robert a firm look that made Robert shiver.
Robert nodded absentmindedly, clearly distracted by the implied threat in Marshall’s expression that had the room heating up several degrees. I had to chuckle. “You two.”
Clearing his throat, Robert gave Marshall one last look, then glanced over to us. “What?”
Laughter bubbled through the room, breaking the tension. Marshall must have thought they needed a more neutral topic because he cleared his throat and brought it back around to something I would have rather avoided. “So you still don’t know what you want to do about your possible retirement?”
I shook my head, reaching for Eric’s hand. “No, it’s not like they’re going to make me retire, but I know I’m ready for a new challenge. Maybe I’d feel different if I hadn’t taken the opening at the high school, but lately, it’s like life has been pulling me away from the force.”
I’d been lucky in my career and my position now was relatively safe—I had a lot of good kids at the school—but with the way Eric and I were moving, I didn’t want to go back out on the streets and risk something happening. As much as I’d loved my job, my priorities were starting to change.
“The last time we looked at your investments, everything was doing well. Between those and your pension, you can take your time figuring out what you want to do.” Robert’s posture changed subtly and I could see he was switching over to work mode.
“I know, but I think I’d go crazy being home all the time.” My eyes flickered to Eric. “Even with other things to focus on.”
“Yeah, I can understand that.” Robert relaxed a little. “What kinds of things have you thought about?”
“There are some openings for typical things like security in different companies around town, but nothing that sounds interesting.”
Eric chuckled. “I’m not sure you have the temperament to be a rent-a-cop.”
I had to agree. He wasn’t wrong. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”
“Have you thought about starting your own business?” Marshall leaned forward, pushing his plate out of the way to put his elbows on the table. “You got your degree, didn’t you? Business, right?”
Nodding, I let my fingers caress Eric’s. “Yes, when I went back and finished my degree, I took a lot of small business and marketing classes, thinking that I’d start my own business. I just never figured out what that would look like. I kept thinking something would pop up but nothing has jumped out at me, and the idea of doing something like a fast food chain sounds—”
Eric broke in, his face scrunched up like he’d tasted something sour. “Terrible.”
“Boring,” Marshall and Robert said at the same time.
“Yes.” I had to laugh; that was how it felt to me as well.
Eric’s fingers threaded through mine. “I’m sure you’ll figure something out.”
“Maybe I’ll get my insurance license and go work with you.” I laughed when his head fell back dramatically.
He sighed. “Then we’ll both be bored out of our minds.”
Marshall gave him an understanding smile. “You need a career change too?”
Eric shrugged uncertainly and explained about his job at the insurance company he worked for. “Don’t get me wrong, I like talking to people on the phone and I don’t mind insurance. I’m just not that good at the sales part and it doesn’t feel like me. I’m just not sure what else to do.”
“Sounds like you both need something new.” Robert gave us a knowing look and I could see his mind turning the problem over in his head.
“We’ll figure it out. It’s not something that either of us has to figure out right away.” As much as I wanted to make a decision and create a plan of attack for my retirement from the force, I wanted to get it right first and foremost. It wasn’t something I was going to rush into.
Eric and I were still new, but he was quickly becoming a central fixture in my life and I would do my best to make the right decision for both of us. There wasn’t just myself to think of anymore. Taking care of my boy and giving him what he needed wasn’t something that would ever be pushed to the back burner.
Deciding that I’d had enough work talk for the time being, I turned the conversation around to something easier. “So are you two still talking about taking a vacation this fall?”
Robert perked up and Marshall shook his head. “You’ve opened a can of worms now.”
“What?” I thought it should have been an easy question.
“I picked out something perfect.” He gave a careless shrug. “Well, perfect for us.”
Eric’s body went still. I shifted to give him a quick glance. He seemed cautious but wasn’t giving off the same level of nervousness I’d seen on other occasions, so I didn’t step in to change the conversation. When he spoke up, I was surprised but pleased.
“What did you find?”
Robert was so excited he was almost bouncing in his seat. He wasn’t usually that excited unless it was the weekend. “There’s a nudist resort down in the Caribbean that we’ve been looking at, and they’re doing a BDSM and fetish week in November.”
That wasn’t what I’d been expecting.
Neither had Eric, evidently, because he started coughing, managing a weak start of surprise. “Oh.”
Robert was too excited to take in Eric’s reaction so he charged ahead. “Yes, usually nudist resorts keep a tight rein on sexual behavior because that lifestyle doesn’t really have an exhibitionist aspect, but a couple of times a year they open the resort to people in the BDSM world and allow more sexualized behavior. It’s going to be fabulous.”
I was too focused on trying not to laugh to be able to comment, and it seemed like Eric wasn’t sure what to say. He stuttered a bit for a moment, then nodded. “That…Um…That sounds like fun?”
It came out more as a question than statement. Just the fact that he’d pushed through his nerves and tried made me proud. Marshall boomed out a deep laugh. “Robert!”
“What?” He looked around the room, clearly not sure what the problem was.
“Don’t make him—”
Robert jumped in, shaking his head. “But it wasn’t about—”
“No, it’s alright.” Eric shifted uncomfortably as all eyes turned to him. “From what I’ve heard, it sounds like the perfect vacation for you two.”
Robert snorted and gave Marshall a told-you-so look. “See, he’s fine.”
I gave Eric’s hand a squeeze as the conversation flowed away from the vacation. At the very least, he needed a reward for his determination not to let his worry stop him, and I thought I had the perfect treat. He might not think he was ready, but watching him interact with Robert and Marshall, I knew he was more ready than he thought.