Marcus
The house was always too quiet when I came home. It’d probably been that way for years, but it wasn’t until recently that it started eating away at me. Maybe the odd hours I’d worked for so long masked some of it, but now that I was on a more normal schedule, it felt wrong.
I should at least get a dog.
That just wasn’t what I pictured coming to greet me when I came home at night. No, what I wanted was a sweet boy who needed Daddy. Part of me wasn’t sure how I’d gotten to forty-two without settling down, but the bigger piece already knew.
I’d done this to myself.
It hadn’t been intentional. When I’d first discovered BDSM and age play, I’d known right away what I was drawn to, but I hadn’t been willing to put myself out there. Playing when I traveled or at the clubs seemed safer for my job security, but it wasn’t the way to meet someone special. Working long shifts that never aligned with other people’s schedules hadn’t helped, either.
Now that retirement was in sight and I had to figure out what to do next, I needed someone to share it with. Whatever it turned out to be. Tossing my keys on the counter, I walked back to the bedroom to put my gear away before wandering out to the kitchen again.
Poking through the fridge, looking for dinner, I wished I was making a meal for my boy, but that wasn’t going to happen. At least, not until I found someone I wanted to do more than have a drink or scene with. Thinking about the club, my mind wandered back to Saturday.
I still wasn’t sure how I felt.
It hadn’t turned out like I’d expected. I couldn’t figure out if that was a good thing or not, though. No scene, no real date…hell, the boy hadn’t even said much, but something about him kept pulling at me. He’d been trying so hard to be blank and unobtrusive, but everything he’d thought showed in his eyes and the way he held himself.
Someone had hurt the boy badly, but the need was so strong it hadn’t chased him away.
Even after I’d made sure he knew what I was into and about Ben’s relationship, he hadn’t shared what he wanted. But when his entire body tensed as I talked about the nursery, it had given me a clue about what he needed.
“Food first, analyze later.” Deciding on leftover chicken and rice, I closed the door and moved over to the table.
Eric clearly hadn’t been ready to talk about himself. The closed-off way he held his body, arms crossed tightly over his chest, and the automatic censoring of his responses made that plain. But at least he’d attempted to put himself out there. He was obviously curious.
Did he even know what he was searching for?
For some people, submission was enough. But for others, they were looking for something else and just weren’t sure what it was. Was Eric still in the confused searching phase, or did he understand his desires? Maybe I was only seeing what I wanted to.
With his cute boyish looks and quiet demeanor, which I could easily see translating to sweet blushes for Daddy, I wanted him to know what he needed. The fact that I hadn’t even managed to get his number made that almost impossible. He’d said he might come back to the club, though. He’d even asked Ben for information on memberships.
That made me more excited than I had any reason to be.
Ben and I had kept talking long after he would have normally wandered away to greet other people. We’d both intuitively understood that once he walked off, so would Eric. Ben was probably concerned about him on a more basic level. Either making sure he hadn’t regretted going to the club or making sure that as a submissive, he was taken care of.
For me, it hadn’t been that simple.
The quiet, reserved way he held himself made me want to see what he would look like when he let go. Was the cool exterior a thin veneer like I thought, or did it go deeper? I knew there was a profound level of hurt welling up inside of him, but that was all I could tell. As a cop, I’d always had good instincts, and when I looked at him, they started going crazy.
My mind kept going back to the way the evening had ended. Ben couldn’t hang out with us forever, and sure enough, once he made his apologies, Eric had as well. He was polite but distant. Thanking us for helping to make his night better, but not promising anything.
When Ben had asked if Eric wanted more information on becoming a full member and he’d nodded, he’d surprised us all, including himself by the look on his face. There’d been a little flare between us when I stepped closer and shook his hand as he turned to go. It hadn’t been one-sided, either. His eyes had widened, and for just a moment, his guard seemed to slip, letting me see a hunger inside him.
However, just because he was interested enough to come back didn’t mean that the curiosity extended to getting to know me. Just because he wanted to know about age play didn’t mean I was the type of daddy he’d be drawn to. Just because I was feeling a little self-conscious that I was older than he was didn’t mean I needed to talk myself out of it.
There was something there, and I wasn’t the only one who could feel it.
He’d still been reacting to whatever that ass had said when I’d first gone over, so it’d been impossible to tell what his first impression of me was. I cleaned up pretty well and because of my work, I knew I was in better shape than most guys my age. Still, I was considerably older than he was, and that could either work for or against me.
Listening to myself, it sounded like I was already halfway gone on the boy.
“You are an idiot who needs a hobby.”
I was saved from the insanity of talking to myself when the phone beeped. Seeing Ben’s name was a surprise. “Hey, how are things going?”
We rarely talked outside of the club. In fact, I couldn’t even remember why I’d gotten his number to begin with. That was another reason I was still alone. Being surprised when someone I thought of as a friend called wasn’t a good sign.
“It was quiet this morning, but getting more interesting as the day goes on.” His voice was teasing, and he sounded like a little kid with a secret. Sometimes I wondered if he really was a Dom, but then I’d remember that Conner was even worse, so they were probably a perfect match.
“That’s good.” I didn’t play games. If he had something to tell me, I wouldn’t drag it out of him. He couldn’t resist telling me, anyway.
He made a frustrated sound and sighed into the phone. “You’re no fun, Pops. Turning into an old fuddy-duddy.”
“Don’t call me Pops. There’s mature and then there’s too old for someone to be interested in. You keep trying to push me into the latter group.” I wasn’t ready to be put out to pasture yet.
Ben latched onto the comment right away. “Ah, someone feeling ancient today? Perhaps because of a certain young sub?”
“Ben.” There was no way I would respond to his teasing remarks. It’d just make him worse.
“No fun.” Then he gave a dramatic sigh, terribly overacting, and continued, “I thought I’d see how you were. And if you happened to ask what I was doing this evening, I was going to tell you that I’m reviewing new membership applications.” Playful laughter threaded its way through his voice.
“But I didn’t ask and even if I did, privacy would prevent you from telling me about someone who was under consideration for membership.” My tone was dry, and I was doing my best to sound bored.
“Very true. But you didn’t ask.” He made a “tisk tisk” sound with his tongue.
“No. So you haven’t even bent the rules. Which is good, because regulations are important.”
He snorted. “Yup, there goes the old man voice again, Pops.”
“I hate to break it to you, but you’re only three years younger than I am. What does that make you?”
Laughter came through the phone. “I’m young in spirit. I’ll never be old.”
“I’m not even going to glorify that bullshit with a response.” Even as we were teasing, his words played on repeat in my head. He had a new application. One he thought I would be interested in.
Had Eric decided to become a member?
Filling out the application didn’t mean he would come back. It was a step in the right direction. I wouldn’t pretend to be indifferent, but did he feel the same way about me?
“I was also going to see if you were coming back to the club this weekend.” The I-have-a-secret tone was back.
I didn’t usually go two weeks in a row. Sure, I’d go a couple of times a month, but not that regularly. Was there a reason I needed to go back so soon? “Do I want to?”
“Oh yeah, you want to.” Whatever he’d figured out, Ben was very confident my being there would be beneficial.
“I think that can be arranged.” I tried to keep the curiosity out of my voice, but it was no use. Ben wasn’t fooled at all. “About the same time as last Saturday?”
Laughing, Ben replied, “That sounds perfect.”
“All right, I’ll see you there.”
“You’d better, Pops.”
Hanging up on Ben before I told him not to call me that again, I stared at the phone. Was Eric going to be there on Saturday? Ben seemed to think so, but who knew what they had discussed in their conversation.
Once someone showed a desire to be a member, they had to fill out paperwork online and there was either a phone or in-person interview. The questions varied depending on whether the person was a Dominant or submissive, but it gave Ben a chance to get to know them. He’d obviously learned something interesting in the interview, but what? The teasing, humorous tone indicated something good, but what?
The fact that I couldn’t ask was maddening.
And I couldn’t even ask if Ben thought the boy might be similarly inclined without looking like a lovesick teenager. It would turn into one of those check-yes-or-no-if-you-like-me kind of situations. “I’m too old and too smart to do that.”
Great, now I was sounding like an old man.
“Food. Then you can wander around pretending you’re not a boring old fart.” Dishing out the leftovers, I put them in the microwave and started pacing around the house. Standing there watching the timer count down would just make it easier to think about Saturday.
Walking through the living room, I headed down the hall to my room. It was what sold me on the house when I bought it five years ago. I liked the rest of the place just fine, but when I’d walked into the master bedroom, I’d seen the potential. It was perfect.
It had been built when having a private master sitting area was all the rage. There was a nice-sized space that was the traditional bedroom area, but on the far side of the bed, there was an archway that led to a smaller room. The real estate agent kept talking about home office potential, but all I could see was a nursery.
Because the only way to reach the space was to go through my room, it would be completely private. There wouldn’t be the chance that someone would walk into it looking for a guest room or bathroom. I wouldn’t have to try to hide things if someone needed to stay the night. It could be a permanent space dedicated to the lifestyle.
At first, I’d waited to decorate it. It sat empty for a long time. Having custom doors installed in the archway was the only thing I’d done. It wasn’t until the past six months or so that I’d found myself browsing furniture stores online and looking for specialty sites that catered to the age play lifestyle.
I’d tried to resist. But I’d slowly made little purchases that filled up the room. All that was missing now was a crib. Leaning against the doorframe as I looked at the nursery, I couldn’t help but wonder what Eric would think.
Would he think a whole room was too much?
Would he like the zoo theme I’d picked out?
Was I crazy for worrying about it when I didn’t even know if he was interested? Yes.
The ding from the kitchen helped me to walk away. Shutting the doors, I headed back to eat. Grabbing my tablet off the couch as I walked through the living room, I vowed to bring my lunch tomorrow, or at least something that would resemble it. Between my work as a police officer at the high school and the precinct, I was surrounded by crap all day.
If I wanted to keep in shape, I would have to do better, but the push to stay fit for the job was taking a back seat to figuring out what was going to come next. With only six more months until I could retire, I was feeling the pressure. It was probably another reason I needed a guy in my life. Someone to talk through things with, or at the very least to help distract me.
As quiet and empty as my house was, retirement wouldn’t be something to look forward to without some major changes. I just wasn’t sure what they should look like. The only thing I knew at that point was that I was going to be at the club Saturday, and I was going to do my best to figure out what drew Eric there to begin with.
As far as first steps went, I decided that wasn’t a bad starting place.