Marcus
“You were tired when you came home last night.” Eric squirmed in closer, pressing his face against my chest, trying to hide the fact that he’d been starting to wake up. “Should you have stayed over at your aunt’s house?”
He’d arrived at the house yawning and cuddly, clearly ready for bed. He’d said he hadn’t been too tired to drive, but it’d worried me. Eric’s head shifted back and forth in a lazy denial. He must have known that wasn’t going to be enough for me because he spoke up, his words coming out broken and sleepy. “Not too tired. Never stay. Missed you.”
Tucking himself even closer, he was nearly underneath me by the time he settled down. Running my hands through his hair and down his back, I smiled as he grunted and squirmed. He hadn’t worked crazy hours last week, and I didn’t think things had been too stressful for him, but I still felt better when I could see he was doing fine.
Left to his own devices, he didn’t seem to get enough sleep or well-balanced meals.
We hadn’t made any plans for the weekend. We were just going to relax and wing it for the most part. He’d had dinner plans with his aunt, but that was the extent of our schedule. I thought dinner out would be fun, but grilling at home and taking it easy was sounding better and better.
My fingers raked through his hair and along his neck. He squirmed and a low laugh caught in his throat. “Daaaddyyy…”
So he wanted to be little this weekend. That worked for me. I liked taking care of my boy. Spending our weekend together, where he didn’t have anything to worry about and I didn’t have anything to focus on but him, was perfect.
“Does my boy want pancakes this morning?” I traced the edge of his ear and brushed his hair back from his face. “Maybe some bacon and strawberries to go with it?”
He stopped squirming and peeked up at me. “Bacon?” He smiled when I nodded, then glanced down at my chest shyly as he spoke again. “And my cup too?”
“Of course, Baby. We’re going to get you a bath first because you just fell into bed last night, then we’re going to have breakfast.” I kissed the top of his head. “And later you can play with toys or watch some cartoons.”
He started tracing circles on my chest and I had to fight the urge to roll us over and take the morning in a different direction. Our sexual compatibility wasn’t an issue, though. He needed more time to come to terms with what he wanted when he was little.
In the small amounts of time we’d had in our roles during the past week, he’d taken to coloring at the table well and hadn’t seemed embarrassed when I’d dressed him in his pajamas several times. He needed to be able to explore what other parts of age play appealed to him, and he couldn’t do that by hiding it away in his own mind.
“So you’re going to be Daddy all day?” His question came out quiet but not forced.
“I think that would be a good idea.” I let my hands go back to playing with his hair and caressing down his back. “We could even see how it felt to stay little the whole weekend.”
His fingers stopped moving. I could almost hear the wheels turning in his head. I just waited to see what he was processing and held him while he thought it through. When his fingers started moving again, I knew he’d figured it out, or at least found a way to bring it up.
His voice wasn’t timid, but I could hear it was hard for him. “How little this weekend?”
It was a topic we’d danced around before, but now I wasn’t so sure I should back off. “I think we should start off like we talked about with bath time, new pajamas, and breakfast; then we’ll see how it feels.”
It was time to decide if I was pushing or not. There was a big part of me that wanted to wrap him up in my arms and tell him that he didn’t have to do anything that made him uncomfortable. I wasn’t sure that’s what he wanted or needed from me, though.
“I think we should try out the diaper when you lay down for a nap this afternoon. You don’t have to use it, but I want you to see how it feels. I think it’s something you’ve thought about, and you need to be able to figure out if you like wearing them. We can take it one step at a time. You can try it on today and then in the future, you might want to use it.” He was so quiet I wanted to look down and see if he was still awake, but I knew he just needed time to think through what I’d said.
Maybe a lot of time.
Eric stayed quiet and cuddled close for several long minutes as I kept touching him and holding him tight. Eventually, I felt his head nod. The movement was so small I would have probably missed it if it weren’t for the way his body relaxed once he’d made the decision.
I was taking his agreement to mean that he was going to wear his diaper at nap time. Anything else, I wanted to play by ear. We’d see how just wearing the diaper felt for him first. “I’m proud of you.”
He twitched, then his fingers started wandering over my chest, so I kept going. “Not for agreeing to try the diapers, but for doing it even though it makes you nervous.”
Eric shrugged, but he relaxed into me and arched up into my touch. “You’re proud of me?”
“Very. You could have easily given up and tucked it away at the back of your mind and ignored it completely, but you didn’t. You took the chance and trusted me with what you wanted, even though it was hard. I’m very proud of you, Baby.” I kissed the top of his head, giving him a hug before letting him go. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”
Eric sat up and nodded, glancing toward the nursery door. He studied it for a moment before bringing his gaze back to me. Each time he looked at the door it seemed to get easier, like he was slowly coming to grips with who he was and what he needed. It was like seeing something finally coming alive after being dormant for a long time.
He curled into me, blinking up at me with wide, teasing eyes. “Can I have bubbles?”
I gave him a kiss, then tickled his sides to watch him squirm. I loved the way he laughed and giggled. As I relaxed my fingers and squeezed him tight, he sagged into me and sighed. “I think bubbles are a wonderful idea. You have a couple of minutes in the bathroom, then I’ll be in to start running the bath water.”
His cheeks pinked slightly, but he didn’t look away. He simply nodded and pulled away to climb off the bed, with me following close behind. “I’m going to get you some new clothes, then I’ll be right in.”
The nursery got one last glance before he headed across the room to the bathroom. There was such a serious, almost studious look to his expression. One day, I hoped to see excitement and joy at the idea of spending time in his room, but I thought there were still too many things rolling around in his head for him to be ready for that.
Walking into the nursery, I took a second to make sure everything was in place before going to the dresser. It was sturdy enough to substitute as a changing table, but I thought the bed would work best until he got more comfortable. Picking out some pajama pants with red and blue trains on them, I grabbed a red T-shirt to match.
Getting him a few more clothes was moving higher up the to-do list. Marshall had found some cute shirts for Robbie, and I made a mental note to ask him where he’d found them. The cartoon designs and patterns looked like something you’d see in the kid's section of one of the major clothing stores, but the sizes were definitely for adults.
That would be something that would give Eric the feeling of being little without pushing his boundaries too much and making it obvious what they were. Many of the clothes I’d seen online for littles were cute but not something I thought he was ready for yet. I didn’t want to make Eric uncomfortable over something simple, and we both liked the style of clothing he had now.
Grabbing a diaper and the basket that held wipes and lotion, I brought that out to the bedroom as well. We wouldn’t be using it for several hours, but having it out where he could see it might not be a bad idea. It would push his comfort zone, but it would also help him face that fear.
And that’s what it was.
From everything I’d seen and figured out, he wasn’t conflicted about wearing the diaper. He was worried about how I was going to react. It seemed like he’d had enough time to realize that I wouldn’t have a problem with the diapers and that he could trust me.
That’s what it was…a sign of his trust in me and in us.
Trust worked differently on the job. Yes, you had to earn some people’s trust and respect, but a lot of their reactions were very immediate. Trust, or sometimes fear, came automatically for a great many people when facing police of any type. It felt like it was an instinctive response to authority.
This kind of emotion went deeper, though. It wasn’t simply believing I would do my job or that I would be able to react appropriately in a situation. It was about understanding that I wouldn’t hurt him on an emotional level and that he could share his vulnerabilities with me.
It was going to take time for us to move past his fears completely, but just his agreement to wear the diaper at nap time was a huge step for us. He’d been steadily growing more comfortable with letting me past his walls, but now it felt like they were actually coming down.
Setting the diaper and basket on the nightstand, I quickly made the bed and headed into the bathroom. He’d had enough time for anything private, and I wanted to get in there before he started to worry. I gave the door a light knock and reached for the knob.
“I’m ready, Daddy.”
He was sitting on the edge of the tub, the bottle of bubbles in his hand. “I found them.”
“Of course I have bubbles for my boy. Did you see the toys under the sink too?” I’d planned out bath time as thoroughly as I had the nursery and the items in the kitchen.
He shook his head and looked over toward the sink excitedly. “I just saw the bottle.”
“I’ll show you.” The right side of the cabinet had held the bubbles, and on the left was a plastic bucket filled with bathtub toys.
I might have gone a little overboard.
In my defense, there were so many different kinds, and it was too easy to pick up one or two on a shopping trip and not realize how they were starting to add up. Eric didn’t look like he had a problem with the amount of toys. His eyes lit up and he smiled.
“You sit on the floor and look through the toys while I get the water ready.” Setting it on the mat by the tub, I gestured for him to sit down. He just about bounced off the edge and dug into the pile.
Turning on the faucet, I let the tub start filling and poured the bubble bath into the running water. When it was almost ready and I had soap and a washcloth sitting on the edge of the tub, I crouched down beside Eric. “What toys were you going to play with?”
He’d slipped easily into being my boy and excitement radiated from him as he picked up several animals and boats. “These.”
The earlier worries and whirling thoughts were gone, replaced by a simpler happiness. He was embracing his role and finally letting go of some of his natural reluctance. “Perfect. Stand up for me so we can take off your clothes.”
He bounced up again and leaned over to drop the toys into the water. When he looked back at me, his cheeks were rosy but not quite blushing. I reached for his shirt and Eric’s hands went over his head as I pulled it off. When I moved to pull down his pants, he shifted his weight nervously but didn’t say anything.
His half-hard cock, clearly noticeable in his cartoon briefs, seemed to be the issue.
After he stepped out of his pants, I pulled him into my arms and gave him a light kiss on his forehead. “I’m glad you’re excited about your bath.”
The comment wasn’t specific, so I could have been talking about his general happiness, but he seemed to understand what I was trying to say. I didn’t think a full discussion on why it was okay for him to be aroused by what we did when he was little was the best idea. I was hoping the carefully worded comment would do the trick until he was ready for something more in-depth.
He nodded against my chest and took a deep breath. Eric peeked over at the tub. “Thank you for the bubbles, Daddy.”
There was so much more to his statement than just the words. I leaned down and kissed him one more time, then stepped back. “Let’s get you in before the water goes cold.”
I stripped off his briefs and tried to find the balance between acknowledging how sexy he was and ignoring the arousal that was still making him slightly uneasy. When he was finally in the tub, covered by bubbles, he visibly relaxed.
As he started to play and sink back into his role, I stood up and ran my fingers through his hair. “You play while Daddy gets ready for the day.”
A quick nod was all I got before he went back to arranging the boats and trying to find a way for the animals to balance on them without everything tipping over. It was an engineering feat I didn’t think he would master, but he was determined and having fun so I just smiled.
By the time I was cleaned up and dressed, the bubbles were starting to fade and I knew the water had to be getting cool. Kneeling down by the edge of the tub, I picked up the soap and washcloth. Eric gave me a frown and shook his head. “I’m not done yet, Daddy.”
I cocked one eyebrow and gave him a look. “The water is getting cold and you need breakfast.” He perked up at that thought and it was hard not to smile. “Remember the pancakes?”
His attempt at being bratty was short-lived; the promise of a sugary breakfast was too strong. He glanced down at the toys one last time, then sighed and nodded. “I’m sorry.”
“Naughty boys don’t get pancakes.” They might get a spanking and all kinds of other interesting things, but not pancakes.
Eric seemed to understand some of what was going through my head because he started nibbling on his lower lip, and I could see thoughts start to swirl in his head. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”
I did my best to focus on getting him clean and not turning him on, but it was difficult on both of us. By the time he was scrubbed and the bubbles were gone, we were both hard and trying to ignore it. As we put the toys on the side of the tub to dry and he climbed out, I gave him a teasing smile. “We’ll play with other things later.”
He laughed and shook his head. “Daaadddyyy…”
“Breakfast, naked boy. Let’s get you dressed.” I finished drying him off and wrapped the towel around him. “Your clothes are on the bed.”
Heading back out to the bedroom, he smiled and had a bounce in his step that made me smile. He seemed freer now, like there was a lightness to him that hadn’t been there when we’d first met. His smile widened when he saw the trains on the pajamas.
Unwrapping the towel, I tossed it on the bed and reached for his underwear. The briefs had superheroes on the front and a red band around the legs and waist. Putting them on, he couldn’t seem to decide what to look at as I tucked his still half-hard cock into his underwear.
That was when he noticed the diaper.
He stiffened for a minute then looked away and relaxed, almost like he was ignoring it. I wasn’t sure if he was just trying to get his head around the idea or if it was a case of pretending it didn’t exist. Either way, he had time before we were going to put it on him.
Once he was dressed, looking cute and sweet in his pajamas, I helped him up on the bed and had him sit tight. “Let me clean up the bathroom and then we’ll go eat.”
“Pancakes!” The excitement was back in his voice, but the obvious way he ignored the nightstand had me fighting not to smile.
He was such a mixture of contradictions. It would take him some time to find his strength and confidence when it came to the diapers, but I knew he’d get there. He’d met every challenge with a quiet strength that made me want to pull him in and tell him how proud I was of him.
****
“But I’m not tired yet, Daddy.” His voice was almost whiny as he slowly walked into the room.
Never mind that sleeping wasn’t really the point; Eric actually was tired. The long day at work yesterday combined with his long drive and late night had him yawning by lunch. Even though Eric wasn’t as exhausted as he sometimes was, it was still enough to justify putting him down.
“Baby, I’m not going to argue with you about nap time.” I let him continue his unhurried, measured steps since he was still moving toward the bed.
He was just moving slowly. Very slowly.
“But—”
“No more buts. You are going to lay down and take a nap. I’m going to stay with you until you fall asleep and I’ll be right here when you wake up.” I thought that might be part of the problem. I was relieved when he nodded and the tight grip on my hand eased.
“You won’t leave?” He cleared his throat and looked at me, obviously trying not to seem so uneasy. “We’re going to do it together, right?”
“Yes.” I squeezed his hand and moved to stand in front of him. “You will never have to do anything by yourself unless you specifically tell me you want to—and even then, I’ll have to think about it first. That’s what Daddies are for. To help their boys…and love them.”
It wasn’t a straight-up confession, but it was as close as either of us had come.
Even though we hadn’t known each other for long, it didn’t seem to matter. Eric blinked up at me, thoughts rolling through his head so fast you could almost see them in his eyes. Finally, I got the tiniest hint of a smile and the tension left his body. I wasn’t going to call him relaxed, but the nervousness and borderline panic were gone.
“Thank you, Daddy.”
His words were tender and thick with emotion, but there was a hint of laughter in them too. Yeah, maybe we were playing chicken with the emotional declarations, but there was so much at stake. “You’re welcome, Baby. Let’s get you up on the bed.”
Teeth popped out and grabbed his bottom lip. Before he could start to worry, I brought my hand up and teased at his mouth with my finger. “We need to get you something else to chew on besides that pretty lip.”
Eric laughed, letting his poor skin have a break from his gnawing. “Like what?”
“Nothing like you’re thinking, naughty boy.”
He gave me a flirty, innocent expression, nearly batting his eyelashes at me. “I didn’t say anything, Daddy.”
Chuckling, I led him over to the bed near the nightstand. “Up you go.”
Eric glanced over at the diaper and basket. It was a little bit like he expected it to get up and start moving. Like he was watching a bug to make sure it didn’t squirm before he could get a shoe. “It’s not going to bite you, Baby.”
He barked out a laugh. “Considering where it’s going, I should hope not.”
There was no way to keep a straight face.
“Eric!” I tried, but it didn’t work.
He hopped up on the bed and gave me a grin. “Yes, Daddy?”
“Little brat.” The smile on my face took the sting out of the words. He batted his eyelashes and laid down sweetly.
“I’m a good boy for my daddy.”
I stretched out over him and gave him a quick kiss. “Normally, you’re a very good boy.”
Straightening, I decided not to let him put it off anymore. He was doing a fabulous job at wasting time, but it was time to push through his fears. Easing his pants over his hips, I was pleased when he lifted his lower body off the bed and didn’t seem as afraid anymore.
I laid his pants on the edge of the bed and turned my focus back to my sweet boy. Running my hands up his legs, the muscles felt tense but not like he was ready to run. As I moved my hands up to take off his briefs, his teeth pulled his lip back in.
“Let’s get your binkie.” I reached over to the nightstand and pulled a binkie out of the drawer. “I think this will help you relax.”
His eyes watched the little toy intently as it got closer to his mouth. Opening up right away, the binkie slid right in and he clamped his lips around it. Eric couldn’t seem to decide if he was happy to have the toy or if he was nervous about how much he wanted it. The warring emotions kept him from relaxing completely.
To my way of thinking, it gave him something else to focus on, so that could only be a good thing. Besides, the soothing rhythm of the sucking would help him calm down quickly. He’d loved it the first time I’d introduced it. “I remember how sweet you looked the first time you had your binkie. I should have made sure you had it more often.”
Going back to running my hands up and down his legs and over his chest, I waited until I thought he was more ready. When I finally reached for his briefs, he was calmer, giving me the impression he was ready to tackle what to him probably felt like a huge mountain.
One day, I hoped the only feelings he had when he looked at the diapers were positive and happy. I didn’t think it was the right time to bring up his past again, but I knew the memories had to be pushing at him. How could they not?
“You know, it wasn’t that long ago that I was starting to doubt I would ever have someone to share moments like this with. It’s a different form of wanting it and thinking that you can’t have it.” I eased the briefs all the way down and set them on the end of the bed while I talked. “I knew what I wanted and could see it so clearly, but waiting for the right person to come into my life was hard.”
Eric’s focus was on me and he blinked up, sucking on the binkie. Assuming he was waiting for me to continue, I kept talking, random ideas coming out. “I wanted to put the nursery together. I could see how it should look so clearly…diapering my boy…giving him a bottle or a binkie…making him breakfast…changing him when he needed it…watching him play. There were so many things I wanted to share with someone special.”
He was slowly nodding, not looking at the diaper in my hand or what I was doing, just listening to me. “When you walked into the club, I knew you were different right away.”
Eric blushed a little and shook his head. Arguing about being special or just a comment about how nervous he’d been? Either way, it didn’t matter. He was still sucking on his binkie and listening, so I kept going. “You were walking around the room, exploring and not letting your nerves stop you from trying to find what you’d been searching for. It didn’t seem to matter how frightening it must have been, you still walked in and took those first steps.”
Carefully easing the diaper under his bottom, I kept his focus on me. “Even when it wasn’t working out like you’d pictured, you didn’t back down. You stood your ground and refused to give in to that ass. And just being receptive when I came over to talk to you took courage.”
Easing the front over his cock, I kept talking as I worked to fasten the tapes. “You listened to me going on and on about the nursery and about what I was looking for in a partner. It must have been so weird, like you’d stumbled down a rabbit hole and ended up in a kinky alternative universe.”
He laughed around the binkie and nodded. When I reached down to grab his pants, he blinked wildly and looked down at his groin before looking back up at me. I just ignored his conflicted emotions and went back to my rambling memories.
“I knew there was something about you. I felt ridiculous for hoping that you might be looking for a daddy. I didn’t think there was any way you could want a serious relationship with someone like me. I figured it was a one in a million shot.” I started working his pants back up his legs as he tried to ignore everything that was going on below his waist. “When I finally realized I’d found a sexy, nice, interesting guy who wanted a daddy and not just a weekend fling, I thought I’d hit the lottery.”
Straightening his pants, smoothing them over his diaper, I started scooting him around on the bed. His body seemed a little disjointed as he moved over to lay his head on the pillows. “I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it didn’t. You weren’t nuts, or hiding a thousand cats in your apartment, or keeping a weird double life from me.”
He made a low, questioning grunt. “Oh yeah, I met some interesting guys before you walked into my life.”
As he laughed, I crawled into the bed beside him, wrapping myself around him. “You were exactly who you seemed to be, and that was a miracle in itself.”
Eric curled himself into my chest and closed his eyes, sucking on his binkie. The only hint that he was even aware of the diaper was the way he shifted and squirmed, only to freeze when he realized he was doing it. I wanted to hear what was going through his head, but giving him the chance to work through it was more important.
I just needed to show him I’d be here for him when he was ready to talk and that I’d also be here to give him a push when he needed the help. I thought he was finally coming to realize that I wasn’t going anywhere and that I would always be there for him.