Chapter 12
Arthur
I pulled into the parking lot later that afternoon, hoping to catch Jonas before he went inside, but Jonas’s car was already there. I slammed my hand against the steering wheel, then took several deep, calming breaths, but it wasn’t working.
I’d been trying to find my calm, centered place all day. What the hell, man, I thought. Of all the kids in all the classes, why did my son have to be bullying his? What were the odds?
And Jonas hadn’t been able to look at me. As if this is all my fault. I scoffed at the thought, but there was no one save my reflection in the rearview mirror to hear what I had to say.
I checked the clock in the dash and sighed. It was time to go back in for further mediation before we could leave with the kids. Hurrying inside, I made my way to the little room that we’d started the day in. Even though I was five minutes early, I was the last to sit down.
“Who wants to start?” Mrs. Granger said cheerily.
Leo didn’t bother looking up, but Eddie was all smiles. He wrote something in his book, then looked up at Mrs. Granger. “I’ll go first,” he said.
“Very brave, Eddie. Please do.”
“Yeah, you’re so brave, Eddie,” Leo said, holding his hands together and batting his eyes at the other boy. I nudged him under the table, and he scowled at me.
“I enjoyed volunteering today, and I’ve learned a lot about Leo just watching how he acts towards other people." Eddie took in a deep breath, then looked at Leo.
“My dad always told me that hurt people hurt people. If you weren’t hurting inside, you wouldn’t be bullying other people. Especially not me. We have a lot in common, and I think…”
He trailed off for a moment, then cleared his throat. “I see now that Leo’s behavior isn’t personal; he has a lot going on, and I’m going to do my best not to let his behavior hurt me.”
Leo’s lips curled and I nudged him again. For as long as I could remember, that lip curl had meant Leo was about to fly off the handle, and I didn’t want him to embarrass me more than he already had. He glared at me, but stayed in his seat.
“That is a very mature and enlightened observation,” Mrs. Granger said. “Good job, Eddie.”
Eddie smiled and nodded shyly. Leo cracked his knuckles beside me and made a face at Eddie. Eddie was smart enough to keep his eyes on Mrs. Granger.
I watched as Jonas reached over and patted Eddie’s arm affectionately. Eddie smiled, flicking his eyes in Jonas’s direction, seeking his father’s approval. Leaning over so I could get a good look at Leo without him knowing I was watching him, and still observe Eddie and Jonas, I saw how very different the two of them were.
Leo’s paper was blank, except for a single, 3-D sketch of a cube, drawn so roughly that some of the strokes had ripped the paper. Eddie’s paper was filled with neat handwriting, and he was onto his third page.
A sigh escaped my lips, but everyone was looking at Leo. He scowled. “What are you guys looking at?”
“Did you hear my question?” Mrs. Granger asked, her demeanor the same steady kindness no matter how many buttons Leo pushed. “I can repeat it, if you need me to.”
Leo leaned back and crossed his arms, pushing the chair back and rocking himself on two legs. “Whatever you want,” he said quietly.
“No, Leo. It’s not whatever I want. Things are different here than in school. I’m asking if you need the question repeated. If you don’t, then please answer the question." Her smile didn’t falter.
She waited patiently, then Leo sat up, rolled his eyes and looked down at his hands. “I didn’t learn nothin’ I didn’t already know,” he proclaimed, then smiled at Mrs. Granger, clearly mocking her. “It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to hand out napkins and pick up lunch trays."
He laughed, and the hair stood on my neck. But before I could stop him, he continued. “Obvi, a complete moron could handle it." He gestured at Eddie. “Eddie figured it out.”
I braced myself for blows across the table, but Eddie didn’t respond to Leo’s dig.
Mrs. Granger leaned forward, but she looked at me, completely ignoring Leo. “Is he in therapy?” she asked me.
“He is. He’s been in therapy for quite some time.”
She nodded. “Would you be willing to bring him here again tomorrow?”
“No!” Leo said, but I nodded.
“Of course; I would be happy to. What did you have in mind?”
“It’s apparent what’s happened here, and I think Leo would benefit from a more individualized approach. Eddie and Leo will still come together on weekends, but I’d like to see Leo every day this week. “
“That’s bull!” Leo shot up from his chair, hands balled into fists.
I turned to Leo and put my hand on his shoulder, shoving him back into his seat. “Sit back down and knock it off,” I said, hands shaking, my breath ragged. “You’re being childish, and it’s uncalled for."
I turned my attention to Mrs. Granger. “If you would like to see him every day for the rest of the school year, we’ll do whatever it takes.”
“That won’t be necessary. But if you’ll bring him by at seven in the morning, he’ll be done around one.”
Leo twitched. I squeezed his shoulder and nodded. “That sounds perfect.”
“It sounds like bullshit,” Leo muttered.
“I think we’ve made all the headway we can today,” Mrs. Granger said, clapping her hands together and standing up. “It’s been a pleasure getting to know all of you. Eddie and Jonas, I’ll see you next week." She looked Leo straight in the eye. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Doubt it,” Leo said. He stood and headed for the door, leaving the rest of us to follow.
I held the door for Eddie and Jonas, giving them what I hoped was an apologetic, hopeful, and friendly smile all rolled into one.
Eddie went through the door first. He turned back to look at Jonas as he walked. “Can I have the keys, please?” he asked.
Jonas tossed them to him through the doorway, then he looked at me. “Are you going to stand there and make me go by you?”
“I’m not trying to be an ass; I’m just trying to be courteous.”
“One of you has to be.”
“I’m trying, Jonas. I don’t know how he got so out of hand.”
“Really?” Jonas scoffed, finally walking through the door and into the main building. We walked side by side to the exit, Eddie and Leo already well ahead of us.
“Of course, really,” I shot back. “If I knew how to fix him, I would. He’s broken, Jonas, and he’s unhappy. Even Eddie can see that. Why can’t you?”
Jonas shook his head, still walking. “Even a kid with a rough start should’ve made some progress by now. For goodness’ sake, Arthur, he’s been with you since he was eight, and he’s completely out of control.
“That’s not just the trauma he experienced. He’s disrespectful, angry, and—” he lifted his hand, then let it fall to his side. “Arthur, there’s no way either of you are happy. You have to do something.”
“I am doing something,” I shot back.
“If you think what you’re doing is enough…” Jonas didn’t finish his thought, but the judgment was there, plain as day.
He kept walking, and when he got to the outer door, he pushed it open and held it for me, but he didn’t linger. The sun was blindingly bright, and I could see the boys a few yards ahead, still crossing the parking lot. Jonas’s long legs ate up the ground and widened the distance between us.
“Can we talk about this?” I said, loudly enough for him to hear me across the space.
He froze, and both boys turned to look at us. Jonas spun around and narrowed his eyes at me. “This is not the time, Arthur.”
I saw Eddie perk up and Leo tilt his head, but I pressed on. “Do we even have anything to talk about?”
“You mean about how you just let Leo do whatever the hell he wants, and now my son has gotten swept up in his nonsense? Or should we talk about the fact that you’re enabling him to blame his behavior on his past when he’s been safe and in a loving home for years?”
“I get it,” I said, reaching out to him. I stopped myself when he stiffened. “I know I’m a complete screwup, and maybe this is all my fault. But I’m not talking about Leo right now. I’m talking about us, Jonas.”
Leo and Eddie’s heads snapped to the side. They looked at each other in shock, then back at us.
“You’re really doing this now, Arthur?”
“I have a feeling you’re not going to give me another chance to say what I need to say.”
Jonas ran his fingers through his hair. “You’re right, Arthur. I’m probably not.”
My heart sank, but he was still being so vague. Better to ask point-blank and know where we stand. I stood taller, preparing myself for his answer. “I just want to know … is this it? Are we still dating?”
“I don’t know how things will work out, Arthur. We obviously have wildly differing views on parenthood, and it’s important to me that we are compatible in the ways that count.”
“So, that’s it. You’re just going to give up on me, and Leo, because I don’t do things your way?”
“I’m not asking you to do things my way, but some semblance of the right way would be nice. You don’t have to raise a perfect child; just raise one that won’t beat my kid up.”
“I’m trying.”
“You said that. But I don’t know if it’s good enough. I’m sorry.”
He turned away. My gut wrenched, and my throat tightened. “I didn’t think you were the kind of man who walked away when things got hard. You can’t expect everything to be perfect. That’s not how the world works."
My voice was echoing off the building, and the boys were staring, both open-mouthed in shock, but I didn’t care. “Jonas, please. What kind of example are we setting for the boys, if we just throw away what we have because things are tough?”
Jonas didn’t turn around to face me, but I could see him look up at Eddie and Leo before his shoulders sagged. “I need to think about it,” he said quietly, still not looking at me. “I just — I need to think about it.”
“That’s all I’m asking you.”
He nodded. “I’ll call you.”
“I understand,” I said.
“Please, let me have some space and figure things out." He finally turned to me, his eyes heavy with sadness. “Don’t call me.”
And with that, he walked to his car, and he and Eddie got in and drove away.