Chapter 7
Arthur
I pulled up to the school, relieved that it was Thursday and nothing had happened all day. “Maybe Leo will pull through this,” I said to my reflection. He only had one more day to keep it together, and without the other kid triggering him, he was doing a lot better.
He even seemed happy when he got into the car. I handed him his favorite, all-natural energy drink and he smiled. “Thanks, Dad.”
“Dad again?” I teased. “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”
“I’m almost done with this stupid crap, and then I don’t have to wake up so early.”
“I hope you’re also taking this as your fresh start. You can go to school Monday with a good attitude and really start to apply yourself. You’re a smart young man, Leo. I know you can do this.”
“Whatever,” he said, throwing back his head and draining the drink in two gulps. “Are we going to the shop?”
“No.”
He looked at me. “I told you, I don’t want to go to a therapist. If that’s where we’re going, drop me off here.”
“It’s not therapy. I put an ad out last night, and I already hired someone to take the afternoon shift. So now, I get off right before you get out of school and I’m done for the day.”
“You’re just going to let some pothead close the store and hope they don’t sample the product?”
“That’s the beauty of it; he’s not a pothead. He’s just a guy who needs a job.”
“Yeah,” Leo snorted. “And I’m just a kid who needs a hug. You’re so gullible. I hope he doesn’t rob you blind.”
I sighed. “If he needs to steal from me, then he has more problems than I do, and the universe will deal with him.”
“You are such a dork,” Leo said. “So where are we going?”
“Just home. I thought you might like it if we spent more time together every day. I know I’m not the coolest, but I have been practicing the video game, and I think I’ve got it down well enough that I won’t get you killed.”
“You were on my console? Have you ever heard of privacy?”
“I didn’t look through your personal things. I even created a new player so I didn’t mess your progress up."
Leo looked like he was actually impressed. “Thank you. Most dads wouldn’t realize that was important.” He shrugged. “I guess you can play with me, but can we order a pizza? I need fuel if you want to battle it out.”
“I already ordered. It’ll be there in a few minutes." I pulled into the driveway and we went inside, and I took a deep breath before going on.
“I know I’ve been distracted with Stems and Seeds, and thinking about opening a second location, but I’ve had a revelation, and I’m going to pour all my energy into you and making sure that you feel one hundred percent supported.”
Leo looked at me like I’d grown a second head, then he laughed. “Have you been reading some bullshit e-book about raising kids again? You remember how the last one worked out, right? I mean, we have fun and all, but you don’t have to be like other dads, you know?"
He ducked his head and turned away, almost as if he felt embarrassed by what he was about to say. “You can just be yourself. You’re a pretty good dad just the way you are.” He looked up and smiled at me, then rolled his eyes. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to get all mushy. What book was it this time?”
“No e-book. You know that guy I’ve been dating?"
Leo froze and spun around. He looked angry, but I pressed on. “He’s an expert in teen development, and he made me realize that I’ve been spending too much time at work, and that you needed me.
“After I talked to him, I realized that he was right. I’m not opening another shop, and I’m going to try to find two trustworthy workers so I can take weekends off, too.”
“You talked to a stranger about my personal business?”
“He’s not a stranger.”
“Oh, you guys slept together already?”
“What? No! It’s nothing like that. I told you, he’s an expert.”
“I can’t believe you would violate my trust like that. What the hell is wrong with you?”
“Leo, I’m only trying to support you and help you find yourself in all this. I know you’re hurting, and it hurts me when you’re hurting.”
“So you decided that talking about my pain would be a good idea? What about my rights? What about my privacy?
“You’re such an idiot. Don’t you know he’s only trying to use me to get close to you? Play the sympathy card so you’ll sleep with him.”
“He has a son your age.”
“That’s what he said, but you don’t know that. And like I want someone’s loser son to know about my stuff." He slammed his fist onto the counter, rage in his eyes. “I can’t believe you did that.”
“I’m sorry that you’re hurt, but I’m only trying to help.”
“If I needed your help I would ask for it, Arthur." His words dripped with contempt, and it was hard not to grab him and hold him until he let out all the pain and the anger.
“If you don’t let it out, the anger and the pain will eat you whole. Trust me on this.”
“How can I trust you if you blab my business to your latest booty call?" The doorbell rang and he held up his hand. “I’ll get it. I wouldn’t want you to tell the pizza guy my business.”
He grabbed the pizza money off the counter and stormed out of the kitchen, headed for the front door. I stood there for a long time, shell-shocked by the outpouring of rage and wondering if I’d really messed up.
The doorbell rang again, then another time. Then whoever was there began to push it incessantly. I hurried to the door, thinking that something was wrong with Leo.
The pizza delivery man was standing there, looking flustered and holding an empty bag. “He didn’t pay me,” he said.
“Where did he go?" I stuck my head out and looked around.
“He hopped on a longboard with both pizzas and went that way. Someone needs to pay me.”
I looked at him, trying to make sense of what he was saying. “He just left?”
“Are you high?” the man asked.
“No, and I’m tired of people asking me that." I shook my head. “Sorry, this isn’t your fault." I handed him two twenty-dollar bills. “Keep the change. Sorry about that.”
The man was older, with a red tint to his skin and dried patches around his mustache that made my stomach churn. I wanted him to leave, but he wasn’t done yet. “In my day, we dealt with that the old-fashioned way." He slapped the air, as if I was supposed to glean his meaning from that one gesture.
“I’m sure you have a lot of stories about times gone by,” I retorted. “But clearly, the world has evolved. Catch up or don’t, but I don’t need your advice. You have a great evening.”
The man snorted, laughing all the way to the car with his fifteen-dollar tip. I closed the door, then realized that I didn’t have a thing to eat. I thought about calling Leo and demanding that he bring one of the pizzas back, but I couldn’t do it.
“He needs to cool down,” I reminded myself, then rummaged through the freezer until I remembered that I hadn’t eaten my sandwich from the date with Jonas. Excited, I opened the to-go box and discovered not a single bite left, and not even so much as a note from Leo.
He’d eaten it all and left crumbs for me. I gave up on finding the box of cheeses, throwing a frozen pizza in the oven and pretending that I couldn’t taste the freezer burn when I ate it straight off the pizza pan. It was shaping up to be a rough night, and the day had been so promising.
The phone sat on the counter, beckoning. I hurriedly sent a text recapping the situation, letting Jonas know that I wasn’t interested in punishing Leo because it would just make matters worse. But I needed advice, and it seemed like Jonas was the only one who really understood what I was going through.
The phone rang an instant later, and the grainy picture of him I’d snuck in the dark restaurant popped up. My heartbeat quickened. “Hello?”
“I’m sorry if this is too forward, but I thought it would be better to talk on the phone than try to discuss this via text. What happened?”
“I told him that you gave me advice, and he flipped out. I tried to explain that I kept everything vague, but he feels betrayed. I should have realized he was going to feel that way.”
“I wouldn’t be so quick to excuse that behavior. You’re the adult. If you feel like you need the advice of another adult, that’s up to you. He doesn’t get to choose who you turn to for advice.”
“I think it’s because he thinks we’ve been intimate.”
“That’s doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if I’m a stranger on the street. You are allowed to get support. If he doesn’t want people to know about the things he’s doing, he should make better choices.”
“How do I make him see it that way?”
“You can’t,” Jonas said with a sigh. “You have to do your best to show them the world the way you see it, and encourage them to step outside themselves and think about how other people feel.”
“I don’t know if Leo’s going to be able to do that. He’s been through a lot of trauma.”
“So have a lot of other kids. At some point, he’s going to have to decide to be a survivor instead of a victim. No one can choose that for him."
He was quiet for a beat, and then, “I was going to suggest volunteering as a way to give him a different perspective, but I didn’t want to overstep. I know it’s hard when people try to tell you how to parent your child, but I promise, it’s not because I think you’re inept.
“Your son is struggling, and it’s more than a lot of us can handle on our own. I want to be a partner and a sounding board in this, even if our relationship doesn’t work out.”
“Really?”
“You’re a loving father, and you deserve support that isn’t going to insist that single fathers are at a disadvantage. I can’t tell you the number of people who have been surprised that my son is so well-behaved. People already think a single man can’t hold a candle to a single mother, and who better to support a single dad than another single dad?”
“Wow,” I said. “I’m truly humbled by that. I think you’re onto something with the volunteering. I’ll look into a few places and see what I can find.”
“My son and I volunteer at Hopeway House. You could always go there.”
“I think you and your son should have that be your special thing. And I don’t think now is the time to introduce Leo to you. He’s pretty upset about me mentioning anything to you.”
“I understand." Jonas chuckled. “So, he was really mad enough to just storm out, huh?”
“He took the pizza.”
“What?”
“I got delivery, and he walked out like he was going to pay, and he disappeared with my money and my pizza.”
I waited for the judgment, but Jonas’s hearty laugh filled my ears and soothed my aching heart. “What a butt,” he said.
“That’s what I’m thinking. I’m sure he’ll be back, but I was pretty miffed that he just took my pie.”
“I don’t blame you. You want me to order you another one?”
“No; that’s sweet of you, though. I found a frozen one and I’m all set.”
“I can’t say I’ve ever met a frozen pizza that I liked.”
“It did its job. He eats them like crazy.”
“My kid, too. I don’t even know where he’s putting it all. He must have a hollow leg.”
I sighed, imagining Leo with a hollow leg filled with all the food he consumed each day. “It feels good to laugh. Sometimes I feel like I’m failing Leo. Like I should’ve let another family adopt him, and maybe he’d have a better life.
“But I know in my heart that I’m the one he was meant to be raised by. I feel it in my bones, and I love him like he was my own.”
“It’s likely that he would’ve had trauma no matter who adopted him. At least you’re not willing to give up on him. I’ve seen that happen a lot, too.”
“I’ll never give up on him. Not as long as I breathe.”
“Good. That alone will help you get through this.”
“Jonas, thank you for calling. I didn’t know how much I needed to just hear another adult say that I wasn’t ruining his life.”
“You’re not. Someday, he’ll thank you. But for right now, it’s going to be like trying to wrangle a tornado. Take care of yourself, and make sure you have somewhere to shelter your heart. This too shall pass, but it’s going to be a rough one. I’m only a phone call away. Don’t forget that.”
“I won’t,” I promised, then said goodbye one last time and hung up the phone.