Chapter 18
Eddie
“You want another piece of pizza?” I asked, eyeing the last two pieces.
“Naw, I’m good,” Leo said, focused on the video game. “You sure you don’t wanna play?”
I shook my head. “I’m not really into violent video games. I’d rather kill zombies, you know? Besides, we’ve been playing for almost an hour. How about we do something else?”
Leo looked at me and rolled his eyes dramatically. “No wonder you always get bullied. You’re super lame, just like your dad.”
“You’d better get used to it. It looks like they’re in it for the long haul, which means we’re going to be seeing a lot of each other.”
“They won’t last. They never do. My dad will move on to bigger and better things, and your dad will be—”
I cut him off mid-sentence. He blinked, but he didn’t try to stop me. “I’m not going to let you bait me. And I don’t get bullied all the time. I get bullied by you. Now that I understand why you’re insecure, it’s easier to ignore your nonsense.”
His smile disappeared and a scowl replaced it. He glared at me without bothering to pause his game. “You know, lots of people talk about you having a gay dad. It’s not like I’m the one who started it.”
“People talk. That doesn’t mean I have to listen to them.”
“And what if I don’t want people talking about my dad? If they find out about us, they’re going to be even worse.”
“Why do you care? Who cares what they think?”
Leo threw his head back and laughed. “You’re such a loser.”
Then the screen flashed red as Leo’s character crumpled to the ground, and it was my turn to laugh as the screen flashed the word loser in his face. “Looks like I’m in good company.”
Leo tossed the controller at the gaming console, his aim so accurate that it bounced and landed almost exactly where I normally set the controllers when I was done playing. He looked at me, his smile different this time.
“Wanna try something new?" He pulled a vape pen out of his pocket and held it out. “It won’t get you high, it just takes the edge off.”
“Hard pass.”
“Oh, I forgot. The golden boy doesn’t have any stress to worry about. I guess you don’t need it."
He turned it on and took a hit, blowing the gray vapor at me, laughing when I waved my hand in front of my face to block it. “Is it painful to be this lame?”
“I’m not lame. I’m just not into smoking.”
“It’s vaping. Duh." He took another hit. “Just try it. If you don’t like it, I’ll never mention it again. Arthur went extra on this one, so it tastes like chocolate.”
“Chocolate?” I repeated, then sighed. “Fine, just wipe your germs off.”
“Only if you do, too. I don’t wanna catch the lame-o disease.”
He passed me the vape pen, and I took a deep breath and let it out. He grabbed it from me, shaking his head with an angry scowl on his face. “You’re wasting it. You have to do it like this, and hold it in for a few seconds before you let it out.”
He demonstrated, then handed the pen back, and I tried again. “That’s better. I can’t believe how bad you messed that up.”
“I’ve never smoked before,” I said.
“Shocking.”
I took another hit; this time, I could feel the calm begin to settle in. I looked him right in the eye and took one last hit before I handed it back. “You know, you could try not being a jerk. I know that seems impossible, but it really is just as much work to be nice as it is to be an asshole.”
He laughed, vapor spewing out of his nose and mouth like some sort of strung-out dragon, his eyes already lowering as he smiled. “Naw. I like being me. No one messes with me.”
“That’s because no one knows the real you. If you could just act like you do here, you could probably make a friend." I laughed. “Or maybe even two friends.”
“Funny,” he said, blowing vapor in my face again.
“We should put this away. I don’t want my dad catching me when they get home.”
His smile sent a chill down my spine, but it was nothing compared to the fear that gripped me when I heard my dad call out my name as he raced toward my room. “They’re already here,” Leo said, laughing.
“You did that on purpose!” I hissed. He must’ve seen them come back through the window. I frantically tried to figure out how to explain this to my dad. “You’re trying to get me in trouble!”
“Prove it, yo,” he said, then laughed again just as the door swung open. My father tripped over his feet as he skidded to a halt, his eyes landing on the vape pen. He looked up and pointed an accusing finger at Leo. “You brought this into my house? How dare you!”
“Chill, man. It’s not pot, just CBD." Leo rolled his eyes. “You were all about it when my dad was talking to your family. Were you fronting?”
“Was I what?” my dad sputtered; then he turned and gave Arthur a look. “I can’t deal with this right now. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
Arthur nodded. “I understand." Then Arthur waved Leo out of the room, and they were gone.
“I can’t believe this, Eddie. You know better than that.”
“I seriously took one hit, and I didn’t even like it.”
Dad threw his hands up in the air, then kept pacing around my room. “Oh, that makes it so much better,” he said, eyes narrowed and his steps quick.
He’s pissed, I thought, but I stood my ground. “Look, Dad, I just wanted to try it. I’m sorry, but it’s not like I can go to the gym or just take off in my car when I’m stressed. I’m stuck here unless you take me somewhere, and you’ve been so into Arthur that you’ve barely been home.”
“So, you’re saying this is my fault?”
I shook my head angrily. “No. I’m saying that I’m stressed out, I miss being in school, and I don’t have a damn outlet for my anger. I’m trying my best to do everything right, but I’m human, and I can’t be perfect no matter how bad you want it.”
He stopped abruptly and spun around. I braced myself for his anger, but he looked sad. Almost broken. “You don’t have to be perfect, Eddie. I just want you to make better choices.”
“Dad, I make good choices all the time. I just wanted to see if it really would help me relax a little.”
“Did it?”
I shrugged. “Yes and no. I mean, I don’t feel very calm now, and I only got one good puff in before you came running. Now I just feel like a damn failure.”
“You’re not a failure. It’s Leo. He messes up everything he touches.”
“You can’t say things like that, Dad. Leo’s entire world is changing, and he’s gone through this before. Do you know why Leo’s mom lost her rights to him?”
“No.”
“Well, I do. Leo told me, and Dad, it’s awful. Big changes trigger him, because every time his mother moved them in with a new boyfriend, something bad happened.
“And all the big changes in his life have been things most of us have never experienced. He’s lived in group homes, foster families that were great, and some that were almost as bad as his mother and her boyfriends.
“And then Arthur came along. And even though he chose Leo, and Leo knows that Arthur loves him like his own, Leo still thinks that Arthur is going to wake up one day and realize that Leo is a pain in the ass.”
“He’s afraid he’s going to lose Arthur,” my dad interjected.
“He didn’t say it, but I think that’s what it is. And here we come, with our perfect-looking family, and you’re such a good dad, and I’m such a do-gooder. He feels like he can’t measure up.
“Jeez, Dad. This is what you do for a living. Why can’t you see what I see?”
He sighed. “Because it’s directed at you.” He plopped down on my bed and patted the space beside him. When I sat down, he put his arm around me and squeezed tight. “I can’t be coolheaded about it when it’s my own son.”
“I get it, but you have to change how you talk to Leo. He needs your style of parenting.”
He laughed. “You made it sound like being a perfectionist was bad.”
“It’s annoying, but Arthur is so easygoing that Leo needs someone like you to help balance him out.”
“Now you sound like them.”
“Is that such a bad thing?” I challenged. “Can’t we be a little bit hippie and a little bit yuppie?”
“I don’t know about hippie, but we could stand to tone it down a little bit.”
“And you need to change how you deal with Leo. He’s crying out for attention, and the way you reacted just proved to him that he’s not good enough.”
He opened his mouth like he was going to argue, closed his mouth again, and let out a huge sigh. “I’m not happy about what you did tonight, and I’m a little perturbed about this right here. But a real man admits when he can do better, even if that message is coming from a kid.”
“So you’ll try?”
“I’ll try. But no more pot, okay?”
“It was CBD oil, and I won’t without permission.”
He ruffled my hair and pulled me in for another hug. “I’ll talk to Arthur in the morning. We could both use a little guidance, and I think I know exactly where to go.”
Leo
Arthur was on my ass as soon as we were out of the driveway. “Leo, what were you thinking? Come on, man. You know how Jonas is.”
“Chill, Arthur,” I said, leaning back in my seat and smiling. “It wasn’t even CBD. It was the herbal relax blend with the chocolate flavoring.”
Arthur looked at me, surprise all over his face. “Really? What was the point of that?”
I shrugged. “He’s a total stress case. I was trying to calm him down. It’s good for him.”
“It is; but Leo, that’s a decision for his father to make. You don’t get to say whether someone else’s kid use herbs in a vape pen, no matter what we both think about it.”
“Whatever. Did you have a good time?”
“I was having a great time until we came home and Jonas was sure you were giving his son drugs.”
“Maybe he shouldn’t be unreasonable,” I shot back. “He should ask, instead of just making assumptions.”
Arthur pulled the car over, put it in park and turned in his seat to look at me. I expected him to be the same old Arthur, about to explain to me why the world didn’t get us; but he was angry, and I backed away until I was against my door.
“I need you to listen and understand me very clearly,” he said. “You are a child, we are the adults. Jonas doesn’t need to ask you anything before making assumptions. You need to quit acting out and trying to cause problems.
“Don’t think I’m too stupid to realize that you did that right when we got home on purpose. You were trying to cause a scene, and it’s not going to work.”
“Fine, whatev,” I said, turning to look out the window.
We drove the rest of the way in silence, and as soon as he pulled into our driveway, I got out of the car and ran to my room. I slammed the door behind me and leaned against it.
Closing my eyes against the hot tears that threatened, I slid down the door and sat on the plush carpet. For a moment, I forgot where I was and almost stood up; but then I remembered that I was home, safe, and I would never have to worry about what might be crawling around on the floor, like I had before Arthur had adopted me.
I swiped at my eyes with my sleeve and shook my head. Jonas was not going to take my life away from me. I couldn’t be like Eddie, and there was no way Jonas was ever going to see me as anything other than a total screwup. I had to do something, and it had to be bigger than just a few herbs in a vape pen.
I opened the internet on my phone and an ad popped up. I was about to swipe it away when it hit me. This was it. The answer to my problems, and the only thing that would make sure I had my dad all to myself. I clicked the ad and couldn’t help but smile.
“I’ll make sure Jonas never calls Arthur again.” I laughed, then filled out the online form and put my plan into motion.