Chapter 13
Jonas
“Dad, can I talk to you about something?” Eddie asked, pushing aside his homework and setting his pencil down.
I turned, still stirring the sauce in the pan, giving him my attention. “Sure, Eddie, of course." I smiled reassuringly. “It’ll be nice to hear your voice instead of the sound of your pencil scratching through your homework at a feverish pace.”
“I want to get it done and out of the way. I’m almost done for the week.”
“Eddie, it’s Tuesday afternoon.”
“I know. I was hoping you would get next week’s assignments for me, but that’s not what I want to talk about." He shifted in his chair.
I nodded, turning the heat down a little and motioning toward the stove. “You stir, and I’ll get the salad ready?”
“Sure,” he said, taking his place by the stove. I started making the salad, watching Eddie as he bit his lip and fought with himself to find a good starting point. It took him a few moments to figure things out.
I knew he was ready when he sighed and looked at me. “Was Leo’s dad really the man you’ve been dating?”
I was surprised that he was asking, but then I remembered the scene Arthur had made in the parking lot of Hopeway House. “You picked up on that, I guess.”
He arched an eyebrow at me, pausing mid-stir to give me a look of incredulity. “You’re not serious, are you? It was super obvious.”
I smiled, heat creeping up my neck at the expression on Eddie’s face. “Well, what did you think?”
“I think you could’ve handled that better,” he said.
I narrowed my eyes. “I meant, what did you think of him? And what do you mean I didn’t handle it well? Handle what well?”
“The argument. I mean, you’re always telling me how to get people to talk so they’ll listen, and how to hear what they’re really saying, and not just their words. And you kept turning your back to him. It was like watching a couple of teenagers, and not in a good way.”
My mouth dropped open. “I think you’re out of line,” I said. “You’re misconstruing the situation.”
“No, I’m not. You’re just too involved to be able to see it objectively. Isn’t that what you’re always telling me when I get upset?
“It’s personal for you, and you just let everything you’ve ever taught fly out the window. You didn’t even try to consider his point of view.”
He was right. And he wasn’t finished with me yet. “And you shut him down every time he tried to communicate with you. I thought you were better than that.”
I cringed. Ouch. “I think that’s enough.”
“Is it? Dad, you always told me that in this family, we talk about our problems. You’ve said so many times that what hurts me, hurts you. Don’t you realize that works both ways? You’ve been so happy since you started dating Arthur.”
“I’m happy.”
He rolled his eyes. “I may be fifteen, but I’m not stupid. You've been miserable since we showed up at Hopeway House and you realized that the boy bullying me was your boyfriend’s kid.”
“Shouldn’t I have been upset?”
“Of course, you can be upset. But you’re not upset about him being a bully.”
I was intrigued. He seemed so sure of himself, and even though his words struck me to the core, a large part of me was impressed and proud of him for being willing to have such a blunt, difficult conversation with his father.
“It’s not about Leo bullying me. I mean, it is, because you worry about me. But that’s not where your anger comes from.
“Leo doesn’t fit your narrative. Not how you expect him to. You gave Arthur a hard time for being a different kind of parent than you are—”
“Because his permissive parenting is what led to Leo’s issues.”
Eddie narrowed his eyes at me. “I don’t recall interrupting you when you were trying to speak.”
A loud, hearty laugh escaped my lips. “Touché,” I said. “I’ll wait my turn.”
“Thank you,” he said coolly.
I couldn’t help but admire this magical child I’d raised. Eddie was so calm and confident, with a little bit of spunk that would surely help him through the rougher times. He was kind, but he was also direct.
He was amazing, and every time I got a little glimpse of the man he would soon become, my chest swelled with such pride that I couldn’t help feeling overwhelmed by him.
Eddie went on, oblivious to my admiration. “Listen, Arthur has a lot going on, and it seems like he’s dealing the best he can, right? And you were totally into this guy before. Nothing changed.”
“I found out that his son was bullying my son,” I countered.
“And?” He shrugged.
“It’s important to me.”
“I get that, but just because Leo is a bully doesn’t mean his dad is a piece of crap.”
I sucked in a deep breath, and he tilted his head in surprise. “That’s it, isn’t it? You can’t figure out how a good guy could have a son who acts like Leo, so it’s just easier to believe that Arthur isn’t a great guy. Then you can run away from the relationship, like you have every other guy you’ve dated.”
I let the breath out in one quick hiss. “You think it’s that simple?”
“No. I think people are complicated. Especially Arthur. And complicated is messy, and you have never dealt well with messy.”
“Who’s the dad here?” I teased.
He smiled shyly and ducked his head. “I’m just telling you what I see. I want you to be happy, and you’ve never been happier than you are with Arthur.”
“What about Leo?”
He shrugged again. “Leo has a lot of problems, but what he and Arthur are doing now isn’t working. Maybe he needs us.”
I leaned back and regarded my son, flabbergasted. “Are you saying that you want to form a relationship with him?”
“Like date? No.”
I chuckled. “That’s not what I meant. I wouldn’t say you’d be brothers, but you know what I mean. If Arthur and I get serious, you’re going to be spending a lot of time with Leo. Are you all right with that?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know. But you’re the best intervention teacher there is. If you can’t fix him, no one can.”
“This wouldn’t be the same.”
“I know that,” he said quietly. “I just think that maybe what Leo needs is more people who believe in him.
“Isn’t that what you always say? That troubled kids shine when they realize that you believe they can make changes. Why would Leo be any different? Because he’s bullying your kid?”
I shook my head. “When did you get so grown up?”
“I have a good role model.”
***
I woke up early the next day, leaving a note on the counter for Eddie and letting him sleep in. His homework was still on the kitchen table, but at some point after I’d gone to bed, he’d finished it all, then stacked it neatly in a pile with a sticky note on top, asking that I take it to school for him. I grabbed the pile of papers, coffee, and a bagel, then hurried out the door.
A new pile of homework assignments for the next week was waiting for me at the front office when I walked in. “I guess Eddie emailed you,” I said to Principal Moss.
She rolled her eyes. “Four times since Monday morning. I can’t believe how fast he’s blowing through his assignments." She leaned in, looking around the common area in the administrative wing of the building to make sure no one was listening in on our conversation. “How was volunteering?”
I gave a half-hearted shrug. “It went well enough. We made some headway, at least.”
“I’m sorry about that. I don’t like the zero-tolerance rule any more than you do, but my hands were tied. How about Leo; isn’t he just the worst?”
I recoiled internally, but I kept my face passive. Had she really said that to me? I wondered, as I pasted a smile on my face. “He’s something else.”
“Well, good luck with that. I’ve already put in the paperwork to send him your way. If anyone can keep that boy out of juvenile detention, it’s you.”
“But I thought they had until the volunteer program was over before they would be referred to the alternative campus.”
She scoffed. “Eddie is fine. I’m going to pull some strings and see if I can’t get him back next Monday. But Leo is a lost cause, and there’s no use waiting to put the paperwork in. He’s sabotaged every other attempt at intervention. I’m sure he’ll find a way to do the same at Hopeway House.”
I nodded, but I was fuming inside. “I have to go. Lots to do today,” I said, trying to keep my voice light.
“Have a great day,” she said, then left the room, her steps as light as air.
I was still shaking my head when I got into my car and headed toward Stems and Seeds. I caught my reflection in the mirror, and saw the sadness in my eyes that went clear down to my soul.
“Poor Leo,” I said quietly. “If she’s telling me that she doesn’t believe in him, then he feels it." Even if he didn’t realize it.
It was no wonder the boy couldn’t seem to get his act together. If the rest of the staff felt the same as Principal Moss, they were likely projecting those feelings.
The pity I felt for Leo was only overshadowed by the sense of shame that washed through me. I knew kids like Leo; I’d dealt with them five days a week for over a decade. Yet I’d let myself get angry enough at him to lose sight of what I knew.
Maybe Leo had failed to act right, but I’d failed him right out of the gate. I could do better. I needed to do better, if Arthur and I had a shot at working.
My hands were shaking when I pulled into the parking lot of Stems and Seeds. I parked on the side of the building so Arthur wouldn’t see me coming, then strode quickly toward the entrance, eager to get into the store and talk to him. The hard soles of my shoes clicked on the concrete, and the door chimed when I opened it, announcing my presence with its dainty little jingle.
“Welcome to Stems and Seeds,” Arthur said without looking up, his attention on the customer he was helping.
I stepped out of his line of sight, perusing the shelves and watching him with a petite older lady as he went over some information with her. He used a lavender highlighter to mark instructions as he explained everything, smiling warmly at her when she repeated everything back to show she understood.
He was relaxed and completely in his element behind the counter. I could see from where I stood that the woman was buying some sort of supplement, and not the medicinal marijuana that was stored behind the case.
He rang her up and bagged her things, and in a few moments, she was heading out the door with her purchases in hand and an expression of calm on her face. She was confident, and looked almost relieved.
Arthur had done that, just by being Arthur.
He finished writing something in a ledger by the cash register, then looked up to see who had come in while he was busy. When our eyes met, he froze.
I stepped forward and gave him what I hoped was a reassuring smile. “This place isn’t at all how I pictured it.”
“That’s good to know,” he said, hesitating. “Jonas, why are you here?”
I cleared my throat nervously. “I guess we’ll get right to it, then. I’m sorry for how I handled things the other day. I was shocked that Leo was the kid who had bullied Eddie, and I wasn’t prepared to see you in that role.”
“I don’t know why,” he muttered, eyes narrowed. “You made it clear that I am a shit parent.”
I took in a deep breath, let it out, and tried again. “I deserved that, but you didn’t deserve what I said to you. Leo is acting out, and while I don’t parent like you do, that doesn’t mean that my parenting is better, or that yours is subpar.
“Leo has been through significant trauma, something I’ve never dealt with when raising Eddie. Who’s to say that my style of parenting would’ve done any better with Leo?”
“What are you saying?”
“That I was wrong. Well, at least, that I was wrong to flip out like that. I should’ve taken the time to get to know Leo before I wrote him off.”
Arthur shook his head. “You’re not the first.”
I stepped forward, reaching out and taking his hand that was resting on the countertop. “Arthur, I’m sorry. I don’t know how to make you understand how sorry I really am."
I squeezed affectionately. “I’ve just seen firsthand how adults who should have been rooting for Leo have assumed he was going to fail.”
“You have?”
I nodded. “Principal Moss being one. I’m sure he picks up on that, and it doesn’t help his situation. Leo needs more people in his corner, and you need a support system, just like anyone else.”
Arthur looked like he was afraid to hope. “And you want to be that support system for me and Leo?”
“Yes.”
“What does Eddie think?”
I chuckled. “Eddie was the one who read me the riot act for writing Leo off so quickly.”
Arthur’s eyebrow shot up. “Really?”
“I was surprised, too. But after we talked for some time, we both agree that Leo might benefit from having someone his age around, and from having two adults to help guide him.”
He let out a little rush of air. “I guess I didn’t think we were that serious already.”
“I’m not suggesting that we move in together. But maybe if we got together once a week, like after volunteering, then the boys could bond, and maybe Leo would start feeling like it’s safe to let some of those walls down.”
“Wow,” Arthur said.
“What?”
“I just can’t believe, after everything Leo has done, that you’re willing to take a chance on him. On us.”
“You sell yourself short, Arthur. You’re a good guy, and I know that. I just let my daddy bear come out and lost sight of what was important.”
“Thank you for saying that.”
“It’s the truth." I brought his hand to my lips and kissed his knuckles. “I’ve missed you these past few days. I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to call.”
“So have I.”
“How are the extra sessions going at Hopeway?”
“Leo seems to be enjoying himself, even though he’ll never tell you that. And he’s been a little more open at home. We still have a long way to go, but there’s been progress.”
“You just take it one day at a time.”
“And what about us? Can we take things one day at a time? No pressure, and no unrealistic expectations?”
Leaning forward, Arthur pressed his mouth to mine in a sweet, almost chaste kiss. He deepened the kiss until his tongue was in my mouth, tasting, exploring, but still tentative and gentle.
When he pulled away, I couldn’t hide the huge grin on my face. “One day at a time?” he asked again, and I nodded.
I didn’t know if we would make it for the long haul, but I was more than willing to give our love a fighting chance.