Chapter Twelve
Once Noah recovered the use of his lungs and Adrian shoved his phone into the kid’s hand, the wedding was a lovely celebration of mingling cultures and traditions. A priest, a rabbi, and a minister all gave blessings. Adrian’s sister did not go into labor in the middle of the ceremony, which Noah counted as a huge victory, and she and her groom danced their way back down the aisle to an overblown pop song that most of the chapel seemed to know. Emily blew kisses as she pranced with her adoring new husband.
Adrian’s jaw was hard enough to sharpen knives as they stood for the recessional. Without thinking, Noah touched his wrist. It was the smallest of gestures, but Adrian shifted his attention from the couple to Noah and smiled. He grabbed Noah’s hand. Squeezed tight. A current passed between them and Noah understood on a visceral level why Adrian had tried so hard to be here—and why he’d needed a date.
The couple’s love for each other radiated with every word they spoke, every tender touch, every step, until the whole church was under their spell. Noah didn’t care how mutual the breakup had been, it had to be tough for Adrian to bear witness to such happiness for his ex. Noah’s chest filled, lifted. If he was able to take even a small piece of Adrian’s burden, it was worth the awkwardness of coming.
But at the reception it was harder to see the upside. Noah endured stilted conversation in the Land Rover on the way to the hotel. The Land Rover owner was named Evan, and he was married to Adrian’s sister, Rachel. They had three boys, two of whom shared their mother’s dark hair and light eyes and easy smiles, and a third who was blond like Evan with an equally suspicious glare for Noah. The two older boys claimed the back seat, which left the talkative Ben between Noah and Adrian. His constant stream of questions only made the awkward silences among the adults more pronounced.
The church had held around fifty guests, which while a lot to Noah, was manageable. The reception, however, seemed to triple in size. It was in a historic hotel, a huge brick and masonry affair with a formal ballroom filled with people happy to forget about the weather for a few hours. Most people seemed to know Adrian and there was a constant stream of greetings and the sort of inane small talk Noah detested. Plus there was this strange pause whenever Adrian introduced him. Whomever they were talking to would look from him to Adrian and back again, and depending on the gender, they’d either smile knowingly (the women) or shift around uncomfortably (the men). Noah felt a bit like an exhibit at the liberal zoo. Come meet my token gay relative/friend!
Which might not have been entirely fair, but Noah felt scrutinized and exposed on a level he hadn’t since graduate school and his job search. The reflected light from the huge chandelier in the center of the room might as well have been made of magnifying glasses. They ended up at a huge table with a mix of cousins and people Adrian had gone to high school with, and Noah felt his throat closing up around the chicken cordon bleu. So many conversations and names to keep track of.
“Adrian! Did you see that Mitzy’s here? She’s over at Cassidy’s table.” A pretty young woman with jet-black hair dropped yet more names into the conversation. “You should go say hi.”
Please no. As the dinner service had wound down, people were moving around again, but the last thing Noah wanted was more mingling.
“You mind if I go say a quick hello?” Adrian touched the back of Noah’s chair. “I’ll be back before dancing.”
Dancing. Excellent. Noah’s skull pounded.
“Oh, I just can’t wait to see you two dance.” The same woman who had sent off Adrian to socialize turned to him.
“You guys are sooooo cute,” another chimed in.
“I just want to get a picture of you guys together.”
Please don’t. They were nice women, really. But their avid interest made his stomach turn sour. He wasn’t ready to be on display like this.
“If you’ll excuse me.” He had to get some air. Something to stop the panic attack that had been building for the past few hours.
Despite the weather, the room was packed, and it took him way too long to wind his way to an exit. The hotel had lots of long corridors to pace while he waited for his pulse to calm down. He tried all the relaxation techniques he knew—deep breaths, counting backward from one hundred, doing some stretches to loosen his neck and back.
“What are you doing?” a young voice asked.
“Are you going to throw up?” another added. Noah had wandered into a service corridor off the ballroom, but Evan and Rachel’s older two boys seemed to have gotten there first. They had a laptop balanced between them on the floor and two plates of food.
“Jacob thought he might,” the kid next to Noah said, indicating the darker-haired boy on the laptop. “He hates crowds.”
“Me too,” Noah said, crouching down to their level. “Can’t stand them.”
“Uncle Adrian’s like Ben,” Jacob said sadly. “Everyone loves him. And he loves all the lights and noise.”
Noah peeked in the doorway to the ballroom. Sure enough, the youngest brother was leading a conga line of kids around the outer edges of the room. Adrian was in the center of a group of women around his age, hugging the bride while everyone laughed.
“Hey. Not everyone has to like parties.” Noah wished someone had told his younger self that. “What are you guys playing?”
“Jacob got a new game from his mom for his birthday,” the dark-haired boy said. “Archaeo Quest. It’s not as cool as the game Uncle Adrian’s making, but we get to dig for stuff.”
“It’s way too educational for you, Braden. We’re not even to the digging yet and you keep wanting to give up.”
“I sent that game to my nephews last year. I thought they’d like pretending to do research like me.”
“Like you? You’re an archaeologist?” Jacob’s eyes got wide. “Like Indiana Jones?”
“Not quite.”
“But you could probably help us get to the next level, right?” Braden asked with big eyes that Noah couldn’t refuse.
Beats being in the reception. At least out here, he only had to impress two tweens with his problem-solving abilities. This he could manage.
* * *
Where is he? Panic rose in Adrian’s throat as he searched the hallways of the reception place. He didn’t think Noah would attempt walking back by himself, but he’d known Noah was getting uncomfortable and he’d still let the girls pull him away. Bad boyfriend, bad. Except he wasn’t, not really. He wanted to be Noah’s boyfriend, more so with each passing hour, but tomorrow morning Noah would be heading back, Adrian would be researching exactly what body part he’d have to mortgage to get a flight back to LA, and all this...magic would be over.
He heard childish laughter coming from a corridor. He rounded the corner to discover Noah wedged between his nephews, all three heads bent together over a laptop.
“No! There’s a jewel that way!”
“We need supplies more than another jewel.”
“You always need more jewels.”
“And that attitude is what gets you killed,” Noah said patiently. “Jacob’s right. If you want to defeat this level, you need supplies.”
Adrian’s internal motherboard officially overclocked with cute. Noah might not be able to tolerate the whole clan but here he was, bonding with the boys. Adrian crept away, snagged three regular pieces of cake and a gluten-free one for himself. Carefully balancing the plates, he returned to the corridor.
“Is this where all the cool kids are hanging out now?”
“Uncle Addie!” Braden leaped up and hugged his waist.
“Careful! I’ve got cake.” He handed a plate to him. Man, Braden was tall. In Adrian’s head he was still a toddler, but he’d be nine in the spring. Jacob would be eleven—he was from Evan’s first marriage, but he lived mainly with Evan and Rachel. Adrian had watched both guys grow up in near daily pictures on social media, but here in person, he was reminded of how much he missed by living on the West Coast.
“Cake!” Jacob grabbed a slice, which left Adrian with his and Noah’s. Noah watched him with quiet eyes. Adrian took advantage of the boys jostling over who had the bigger piece to slide in next to Noah.
“Brought you some too.”
“Thanks.” Their hands touched as Noah took the cake. God, when Noah had touched him during the service—a thousand public kisses from other guys wouldn’t mean as much as that one tentative touch.
“I’ve got something else for you too.”
“Oh?” Noah said warily.
“Yeah. It’s in my pants.” Adrian couldn’t help teasing Noah a bit.
“Adrian.”
“Pocket. Pants pocket. I lifted a Xanax from my mom’s purse. Do you need one?” He rubbed Noah’s neck.
“You stole medicine from your mother because you thought I might need it?” Noah sounded both outraged and impressed.
“I’ve borrowed one to fly in the past. She won’t care. I’m glad you’re here, but I don’t want you making yourself sick over it.”
“I’m having a pretty good time now with my new friends here.” Noah gestured at Jacob and Braden. “In there’s a bit overwhelming.”
“You can stay here then. You need anything else? Champagne? A drink? There’s a full bar.”
“I don’t really drink. But you can if you want—not like either of has to drive.”
“Yeah?” Adrian lowered his voice a bit. “You gonna make me bunk with these guys or can I stay with you? I might need a drink to drown out Ben’s snoring.” Not to mention to push the memory of you from my mind.
“I’m going to head out early to get a good start ahead of the weather, but...” Noah’s voice was feather soft and his eyes flittered around the hallway, looking everywhere but at him.
“I want—”
“Hey, Uncle Addie can you show us what’s new with the game?”
“Is there Wi-Fi here?” He accepted the laptop from Jacob. It was just as well. He wasn’t sure he had words to express everything that was in his heart. Instead, he showed off the latest Space Villager developments. The noise from the ballroom shifted from happy toasts and people talking to dancing music. He should probably feel bad about missing his mom dancing with Deron and all the other scripted first dances, but he was exactly where he wanted to be, right here with Noah and the boys.
“So you’ll be able to race the rovers?” Braden asked as he took the laptop back from Adrian.
“Yeah. We’re releasing the racing module in time for Christmas. I’ll get you guys the hookup.”
“Me too.” Noah bumped his hip. Adrian’s gut warmed. Noah loosening up was more potent than fine whiskey, each little touch fire in Adrian’s veins.
Careful. You’ll get burned.
Adrian told his voice of reason to kindly go fuck itself. This was his last night with Noah, and if he wanted to pretend this was real, he would.
The opening riff of a familiar song wafted in from the ballroom.
“Hey it’s our song.” He leaped up, held a hand out for Noah.
“We have a song?” Noah looked at Adrian’s hand cautiously.
“Sure we do.” Adrian hauled him up. “This song was in your playlist the first day in the RV. And then it was in my playlist Thanksgiving. And I’m hereby declaring it our song.”
“Does that mean we have to dance?” Noah’s skin took on a green pallor as he eyed the double doors to the ballroom.
“Yeah, but we can do it right here.” He took Noah in his arms.
“Ewwwwwwww. Tell me you guys aren’t going to kiss?” Braden made a disgusted sound.
Noah stiffened in his embrace, but Adrian just laughed and kissed Noah on the cheek.
“Ewwwww. You guys are as gross as when Mom and Dad do that kissy-face stuff. I’m getting more cake. Jacob?”
“Fine. But I want to come back after.” With that the two boys darted into the ballroom, leaving Adrian and Noah alone in the dim corridor.
“Dance with me.” Adrian started swaying.
“Adrian?” Noah asked against his neck. “What are we doing here?”
“Well, I am dancing. You are doing your best impression of the Rockies.”
Noah loosened up a bit, let Adrian move him to the music. “That’s not entirely what I meant.”
“We’re making memories,” Adrian said hoarsely. “Let’s make some good ones. I’m going to think of you whenever I hear this song from now on. And I’m going to remember driving in the snow and Thanksgiving picnics and this. Dancing...” He had to trail off because he could no longer trust his voice.
“Last time I danced, I’m pretty sure it was my sister’s wedding. It wasn’t near as nice as this.” Noah settled against Adrian’s shoulder, let Adrian lead without tussling over it. So sweet.
“Did you call her for Thanksgiving?” Adrian asked. Did you tell her about me?
“I texted.” Noah’s eyes seemed far away, and he felt lighter in Adrian’s embrace, like he might be about to float away. “It’s so, so, so hard, Dre.”
“What is, baby?” He nuzzled Noah’s temple, letting the music carry them both away.
“Keeping it all in,” Noah said, shaking his head.
“You don’t have to, sweetheart. Not with me.”
“I know...That’s what I l—like about you.”
Love. It was there on the tip of Adrian’s tongue too, so he kissed Noah, put all the emotion neither of them could name into it. He held Noah close, trying to tell him that he could have a safe space with him as long as he needed.
The kiss faded into a quiet embracing, dancing, but barely moving their feet.
“I wish...” Noah sighed against Adrian’s neck, hot air tickling the spot he’d nicked while shaving in Noah’s tiny bathroom.
“What?” Adrian would give him anything. Anything. “You can tell me.”
“I wish I could be you. Just for a day. You’re so...fearless. Like, take your outfit.” He brushed a hand down Adrian’s chest. “Your family wants you in black tie, but you do it on your own terms. And then they still love you. You’re the most popular guy in there.”
“I’m really not. The kids love me, sure, because I’m the crazy uncle and cousin who brings video game presents and builds Legos. But everyone else? They’re just being extra nice because they feel sorry for me. They’re all just waiting to see if I’m going to make a scene over Deron choosing Emily. And see, that’s where you have a talent I don’t—you’re a pro at being on your own.”
“Yeah. Alone as an art form. That’s me.” Noah sounded wistful.
“Look at me. No—I couldn’t even man up to attending my sister’s wedding without a date. I’m not the fearless one, Noah. That’s you. Walking into a strange situation for some guy you barely know? You’re amazing.”
He kissed Noah again, lips soft and gentle. He hated that he’d made Noah sad about his choice to be closeted and closed off from his family, but at the same time, a little spark danced in his chest—hope. Even cracking Noah’s closet door meant hope. There was a lot of life to be lived out in the sun, and Adrian couldn’t regret giving Noah a glimpse of that world.
“The boys will be coming back soon for their game.” Noah didn’t move away from Adrian, and the song switched to a low, bluesy ballad.
“You ready to go? I don’t need to stay for the bouquet toss or anything.” He gave a bitter laugh. Wouldn’t that be ironic?
“The dogs will be thrilled to see us,” Noah hedged, but Adrian could see relief in his eyes.
“I want to stay with you tonight,” Adrian said, keeping his voice firm. Noah reacted best with limited choices. “I know you’re leaving early, and you can just drop me off at Mom’s, or I’ll walk, but I want one more night.”
“I want that too.” Noah studied his brown loafers. “I, uh, made a trip to the store while you were at your Mom’s. Got you some gluten-free waffles. You could have them in the morning.”
“I could.” Adrian smiled slowly. Judging by how pink the tops of Noah’s ears were, he’d bought more than just baked goods. “You buy anything else...interesting?”
“I thought it might be prudent to have certain items on hand.” Noah retreated into professor speak.
Adrian glanced around to make sure the boys weren’t within earshot, then leaned in close. “You want to fuck me, baby? That what you’re getting at?”
Noah mumbled words only the maroon carpeting could hear.
Adrian stroked his back. “Whatever you want tonight. You’ve got it.”
“I want to make love,” Noah whispered. “And I want you to do it to me.”
“Oh, baby, haven’t you figured it out? That’s what we’ve been doing all along. We don’t have to fuck to make love.”
“You don’t want to?” Doubt clouded Noah’s eyes.
“Of course I do. I’m dying to fuck you, but I’m a flexible guy, and it might be easier for you if you top—”
“We’ve only got tonight. I have to leave tomorrow. I want to take this memory with me. I’ve thought it through,” he said earnestly.
If there was one thing Noah was guaranteed to do, it was think things through. Adrian already knew Noah planned meals weeks in advance with a color-coded schedule in the Crock-Pot cookbook. Judging by the amount of L.L. Bean clothes and hardcover books Noah owned, he purchased clothing and books with the same care. No one-click impulses for him. So if Noah said he was ready, Adrian would have to trust him.
After all, he wanted one more memory too. One more first to share with Noah.