Chapter Eight
Noah had been kissed before. He’d kissed Sarah enough to steam up the windows of his Focus, enough to make him wonder why his body wasn’t responding, enough to make her pant against his neck, her hands seeking more than he was capable of giving. He’d kissed sloppy and he’d kissed sweet. And he’d never, ever known anything like Adrian’s little whisper of a kiss.
Adrian’s lips hovered above his, warm breath tickling Noah’s beard. It wasn’t even a kiss as much an invitation.
Noah’s brain was foggy with sleep, his limbs warm and heavy from being wrapped around Adrian. Wrapped around Adrian? Oh crap. He came more awake, more aware of the predicament he was in—Adrian’s arm was around him, holding him close, and at some point he’d tossed a leg over Adrian. He should feel mortified—he’d essentially used Adrian as nothing more than a big body pillow.
But he wasn’t mortified. He felt...right. Everything about this moment seemed perfect. Predestined almost. And Noah was nothing if not a sucker for destiny—he’d sold himself on God’s will with college, with Sarah, with Ulysses, with Landview, and now fate had thrown Adrian right in his path. And what was he supposed to do if not accept the invitation?
He parted his lips, tongue sweeping along Adrian’s bottom lip in a move he remembered Sarah doing dozens of time. Adrian made a low, feral noise. That was new.
As was the way Adrian devoured him. Adrian’s lips crashed down on him, erasing every single thing Noah thought he knew about kissing in less than five seconds. Adrian’s lips were a firm, commanding presence against his own. Adrian kissed like he was in charge. Like he expected to be the one in charge. And something inside Noah opened up and said yes. Yes, in a way he’d never been able to before. Yes, with a thousand small exhales. Yes, with his lips parting, welcoming Adrian’s tongue, welcoming Adrian taking over his mouth, taking over his person.
Letting Adrian take charge was possibly the most terrifying and wonderful thing he had ever done. Each moment brought with it new rewards—the rasp of Adrian’s stubble against his cheek, the way Adrian’s lips were soft yet demanding, the way Adrian’s hand tightened against his back. Adrian rolled, pressing Noah into the mattress. Oh yes. Everything about Adrian was hard and masculine and made Noah’s senses sing. Emotion bubbled up in his chest and his eyes felt tight and hot.
This. This was what he’d missed out on. He’d always had a vague notion that kissing a man might be a little different, a little more pleasurable, but he’d told himself it would be a difference of degrees and that he wasn’t really skipping out on much. Maybe he simply wasn’t a person with a high sex drive—pleasant was about as much as he could hope for, regardless of gender. Ha. Five minutes of kissing blew past all those assumptions. It was like going from playing an old Atari game to the all-encompassing realism of a game like Space Villager.
A moan vibrated between them and it took Noah a second to realize that it came from him. Adrian broke away, breathing hard as he looked down at Noah with soft, glassy eyes.
“You want more or should that be good-night?”
What? I’m supposed to choose? No, no, no. Adrian was in charge. Adrian needed to keep going on whatever path they’d been on a second ago. Choice was bad. Choice meant coming out of this awesome fog and having to think.
“That was a good-night kiss?”
“It could be.” Adrian’s tone was noncommittal, but his body was still hard and tense against Noah’s. “But it has to be up to you.”
“Why?” Noah rolled away. The moment was racing away, leaving behind a lot of questions and uncertainty.
“Why?” Adrian touched his shoulder, rubbing softly. “Because I kind of jumped you there, and as much as I’d love to keep going, I need to make sure you’re on board with that.”
“Why kiss me at all?” Noah sat up, shrugging off Adrian’s touch.
“Uh, because you were sleepy and sexy and smelled incredibly good and you looked like you wanted to be kissed and...this part isn’t really that well-done of me, but I just really wanted to be your first gay kiss.”
“Like a bonus score in a game?” A bitter taste filled Noah’s mouth.
“No. Like a memory. I wanted to be the memory of your first kiss and I wanted to make it incredible for you and...never mind. I didn’t mean to push you further than you wanted to go, and that’s why I stopped. I’d love to make some more memories with you, but I don’t want to be the sort you regret.”
Regret was already swamping Noah because now he had to spend the rest of his life knowing that kissing was not overrated and that it could be a transcendental event. He wasn’t sure his body could handle any more “memories” with Adrian.
“I think we should probably say good-night,” Noah said stiffly.
“Okay.” Adrian stood, leaning over him and brushing his lips with another little whisper kiss, this one sad and wistful. “Thank you.”
He whistled for Pixel, then strolled out to the living area, leaving Noah to contemplate exactly what Adrian was thankful for. Thankful for turning my life upside down? Thankful for stealing a kiss—and my sanity? Or thankful because the kiss had been that awe inspiring for him too? That last one was less of a possibility—Adrian had probably kissed dozens of guys and for all Noah knew, all gay kissing felt so good and magical.
Pushing unanswerable questions from his brain, he tried to focus on sleep. It wouldn’t come. His bed felt too big. Too cold. Too drafty. Outside the wind howled, a low, lonely sound as the snow built up in drifts. He got up. Checked the pipes. Checked the hookups. Got back in bed. Still wide awake. His body felt imprinted with the memory of what it had been like to sleep in Adrian’s arms, and no matter which way he tossed or turned, he couldn’t get back to that peaceful place.
* * *
Adrian couldn’t sleep. The kiss kept running through his head, and if he were anywhere other than Noah’s sofa, he would jerk off to try to relieve this awful tension spiraling through him. But masturbating on Noah’s furniture seemed kind of disrespectful. He could go to the bathroom but that tiny space was much too close to where Noah slept.
He flipped over the hundredth time, trying to find a way toward sleep. But he kept remembering the little sounds Noah had made, how he’d tasted like chocolate and sleep and hungry man, and how he’d all but melted in his arms. Adrian had kissed plenty of guys, but no one had ever given himself over to him like that, and the power had been incredible. Everything about it had been...magical. He could have kept kissing Noah for hours.
And he hadn’t stopped because he needed to get off or anything like that—sure, he’d been hard and more turned on than in his entire life, but kissing Noah was its own sort of pleasure, and orgasm hadn’t felt like the destination. No, he’d stopped because he wanted to be more than the guy who overwhelmed Noah. He’d wanted to be the guy Noah chose.
“Ugh.” Eighty pounds of dog landed on his chest, squishing him into the side of the couch. “Dog. What are you doing?”
As an answer, Ulysses sprawled out even more, giving Adrian a whole six inches of space.
“Off. Off.” Adrian tried to banish the dog to the floor, but then Pixel decided to get in on the action and perched on his shoulder to bark. “Both of you. Knock it off.”
“What’s going on?” Noah came down the hallway, pausing in the kitchenette.
“Sorry for waking you. Your dog seems to think he’s part trash compactor and squashing me is his new occupation.”
“Wasn’t asleep. And that’s where he usually sleeps. Sorry.”
“It’s okay.” God, this conversation was so stilted, Adrian almost expected it to come with bullet points.
Outside, the wind whined, a chill whipping through the camper. Noah rubbed his arms. “You cold?” he asked softly.
“What? No. I’ve got a pile of dogs—” Suddenly, it hit him what Noah might be asking. “Yes. I’m freezing. It’s way too cold out here, and I appreciate your hospitality, but this blanket’s kind of thin...” He was laying it on extra thick, but he wasn’t sure exactly how much help Noah needed here. And it was chilly, the camper’s heater nowhere sufficient enough to cope with the burden of the storm.
“You want...” Noah stopped, breathing hard. He chewed on his lip.
Adrian waited. He needed Noah to do the asking. Adrian wasn’t going to sweet-talk him into something Noah would hate him for in the morning.
“You want to let Ulysses have his bed back? You could bring your blanket in...” It was dark, so Adrian couldn’t tell what color Noah’s face was, but he had a feeling it was flaming.
“Yeah. I could.” He sat up, wrapping the blanket around his bare shoulders. Truth was, he wasn’t that cold. He always ran toward hot when sleeping—that was why he never wore a shirt to bed—and he was still sweltering from that earlier kiss.
Apparently giving up on finding words, Noah made a little “follow me” gesture and headed for the bedroom. Adrian didn’t need to be asked twice. He bounded after him, more eager than either of the dogs to get whatever treat Noah had in mind. The air in the hallway was chillier than he’d expected—stinging his bare feet and making his nipples pebble up. He wasn’t play acting when he yelped from the cold and dove under Noah’s covers.
“Come on. Warm me up.”
* * *
Noah stood by the side of his bed, looking down at Adrian, not sure what happened now. Adrian had left his blanket in a heap on the floor when he crawled under Noah’s covers. Noah picked it up and carefully spread it on top of the comforter.
He shivered again and it wasn’t entirely from the frosty air.
What happened now?
He hadn’t had a plan when he invited Adrian back here—all he knew was that he was cold and sleepless and restless and needing something he was pretty sure only Adrian could provide.
“It’s okay.” Adrian patted the side of the bed. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want. We can just cuddle a little and go to sleep.”
Noah lay down next to him, not touching or even looking at him. “I’m not sure I know how to cuddle,” he admitted quietly.
“You were doing a fabulous job when you were asleep earlier.” Adrian tugged him up against his side, his chest a warm wall behind him, his hands encouraging him to relax against him by stroking his sides and stomach. Adrian shifted his arms so he was cradled against his shoulder, and dropped a kiss next to his ear.
“Just like this,” Adrian whispered. “Wouldn’t it be nice to sleep like this?”
“Yes.” When he was a little kid, Noah had liked to stack all the blankets and his sleeping bag on top of him, trying to keep bad dreams at bay in a drafty old farmhouse. He’d liked falling asleep with the heavy weight on him. Even now, he loved his big heavy down comforter. But blankets had nothing on Adrian, couldn’t make him feel nearly as safe as Adrian surrounding him.
“You don’t...need...eh...more?” Noah could feel Adrian’s erection pressing against his backside, but Adrian’s breathing was even and smooth, and the way Adrian nuzzled his head wasn’t exactly insistent.
“More? This is everything.” Adrian’s voice was heavy with sleep. He tossed a leg over Noah’s hip, effectively pinning him in place. “How about we worry about more in the morning? I just want to hold you right now. That okay?”
That was more than okay. “Perfect,” he mumbled and let sleep claim him at last.
* * *
Noah woke up sprawled on Adrian’s chest, snow-dappled sunlight pouring into the room.
“How is it still snowing?” he asked, not lifting his head. Adrian’s warm skin under his cheek, hearing Adrian’s heart beat under his ear, feeling Adrian’s arms around him—it all felt too good.
“I don’t know, and I’m sure I’ll complain later, but this right here is pretty nice. Happy Thanksgiving.” Adrian kissed the top of his head.
“I can’t believe I didn’t wake up in the night,” Noah mused. He was used to waking up in the early dawn hours, letting Ulysses out, trying in vain to get back to sleep, giving up and puttering around the house.
“You were out. I took the dogs out a while ago and you didn’t even stir. I couldn’t resist getting back in bed and cuddling you some more.”
“Mmm.” Noah had never thought of himself as someone who needed or even wanted cuddling. But snuggling with Adrian was rapidly changing his mind. He could get addicted to this.
Danger. Danger, Will Robinson!
He tried to roll away, but Adrian pinned him to the bed in a smooth move.
“I’m not done yet. Pretty sure my feet are still frozen from your dog taking his sweet time.” He ran a not-so-cold bare foot up Adrian’s leg, tugging his flannel pajama pants up his calf. His breath smelled minty and Noah was suddenly acutely aware that this was his first time waking up with another person, and all sorts of awkward questions about his personal hygiene flooded his brain.
As if sensing the direction of his thoughts, Adrian kissed his cheek. “Stop overthinking. Did you sleep good last night?”
“Yeah.”
“And are you enjoying this right now?”
“Yes.” He turned his head so Adrian could nuzzle his neck.
“Then that’s all that matters. Tell your brain to take a little break. You’ll get back to it later.” Adrian rocked against him, waking up more than his brain. Adrian was hard against his hip and his teasing seemed more...purposeful than last night’s sleepy cuddles.
“Mmm.” Noah couldn’t keep his sigh of pleasure in.
“You want that ‘more’ now?” Adrian licked the tendons of Noah’s neck.
Why did Adrian seem so darn intent on making him articulate his wants? All this stuff was so much easier when Adrian led and he tripped along after. Noah made a vague noise as a response.
“Nope. Not good enough.” Adrian nipped at his beard. “No regrets, right? I need you to not leave me in a snowbank later. You can send your brain back offline in a second, but just tell me what you’re comfortable with right now. This good?” He rubbed up against Noah’s side. Noah had read enough explicit stories that he had a feeling what Adrian was aiming for.
“Yeah.” Somehow it was easier to say what he didn’t want. “Not...everything. But this is...acceptable.”
“Acceptable, huh? How about we work on turning that into stupendous? Incredible? Mind-blowing?” Adrian’s lips came over his before Noah could work up a reply.
Any worries Noah had over morning breath and inexperience and regrets and boundaries and the massive tangle of doubts in his brain, all ran away in the face of Adrian’s...enthusiasm. Yes. That was it. Adrian kissed like he did a lot of other stuff—with boundless, joyous enthusiasm.
Adrian rocked against him, a more deliberate motion in time with the thrust of his tongue in Noah’s mouth. Noah’s hands clutched at Adrian’s shoulders. He needed something to ground him against all the feelings ricocheting around his insides.
His own erection pressed into the softness of Adrian’s stomach, and he experimented with rolling his hips.
“Yeah. Like that.” Adrian shifted and then—sweet lord, his erection rubbed against Noah’s, a thick, insistent pressure. And it didn’t matter that there were layers of fabric in between them, electricity sparked up and down his spine with each gentle rock from Adrian, each answering movement from his hips.
“So good.” Adrian sucked on Noah’s earlobe before tugging at the hem of Noah’s long-sleeved T-shirt. Noah stiffened as their naked stomachs met for the first time.
“Okay?” Adrian rucked the shirt up to Noah’s armpits.
“Mmm-hmm.” Noah pulled the offending shirt off before it strangled him.
“Damn. You are so sexy. I love how fuzzy you are.” Adrian ran his hands all over Noah’s chest and stomach. Leaning forward, he grazed Noah’s chest with his much smoother one, wiggling a little.
“Am I your loofah now?” Noah had to laugh.
“Oh man. You. Me. In a shower way bigger than that fish tank you’ve got in the bathroom. Yes, you can rub all over me.” Adrian kissed him again, a half-laughing playful meeting of lips that went straight to Noah’s heart. “You want to be on top? Rub on me?”
Oh God. More with the questions. “Adrian?”
“Yeah?”
“Stop asking me things. Please. Remember that whole brain-on-hiatus thing?”
“Yeah.” Adrian smiled slowly, one hand tangling in Noah’s hair, holding him steady for a blistering assault on every crevice of his mouth. Yes. This was exactly what Noah wanted—no thinking. No questions. Just the hard, heavy press of Adrian’s body and the absolute mastery of his mouth.
Noah moaned, and it seemed like that was the right thing to do because Adrian sped up his motions and got a hand on his hip, pulling him even closer until Noah got the message and wrapped his leg around Adrian.
“Yeah. Just like that, sweetheart.” Adrian’s voice was lower now, rougher.
“Close.” The word came out like a prayer, an acknowledgment of the heady miracle of being so close to another person, sharing something that heretofore had been reserved for furtive middle-of-the-night rustlings and guilty showers. Rich morning light streamed over their bodies as they heaved and strained, and all Noah could do was moan.
“Me too. Need skin.” Adrian broke away for an agonizing second to tug both of their pajama pants down. Noah could sense a question in Adrian’s eyes: “This okay?” But Noah appreciated his decisive movements far more than his consideration.
Adrian settled back on top of him, nothing between them but skin. Noah didn’t have much time to register that he was naked with another person for the first time, because the first silky drag of Adrian’s erection against his own had him right back on that precipice.
He made a desperate, keening sound.
“It’s okay. I’ve got you.” Adrian kissed his neck.
Another thrust and Noah was coming—the sensation of bare skin and hot man was all too much for him—and it felt like his soul was emptying out, discarding worthless assumptions, releasing years of holding back. It all came out in a skull-pounding rush.
Adrian moaned, and Noah came back to his dizzy self in time to see Adrian sit back on his heels, getting a hand between them. He dragged his dick against the damp hair on Noah’s stomach, coating it with Noah’s come before he too shot thick white jets across Noah’s chest. His face was gorgeous as he came—a mixture of tension and ecstasy, deep groans of satisfaction rumbling out of his thrown-back head.
“Holy, holy cow.” Adrian collapsed next to Noah. “Tell me that was better than acceptable.”
“Slightly.” Noah was surprised to discover he still had the power of speech. “I might be inclined to give it a satisfactory.”
“We’re going to work on your stingy use of adjectives.” Adrian bussed a quick kiss across Noah’s lips. “But first let’s get this round cleaned up?”
This round? Noah’s head swam with possibilities. His chest pounded as if he’d just biked every hill on campus. He couldn’t grasp what they’d done, let alone the idea of repeating it.
“I’ll grab a towel. And one of us should probably check the traffic report.” Adrian all but whistled as he walked naked down the hall.
Huh. Apparently while Noah’s life had just detonated, everything was business as usual for Adrian.