Chapter Twenty-One
Adrian had a plan. It was such a good plan that he’d run it by both Meena and Emily while Noah walked the dogs. However, what he lacked was timing, or more precisely, opportunity. One did not simply spring grand ideas on Noah. He knew that by now. He needed the right moment. All that, however, went out the window when he found Noah perusing job listings on his phone.
“What’s that?” Adrian asked as he set Noah’s tea next to him on the night stand. The room smelled like pancakes and sex. Fitting, because they hadn’t really left the room other than to prepare food and take care of the dogs. It was the perfect, lazy New Year’s Day.
“This?” Noah held up his phone. “I’m just taking a quick look at job listings on The Chronicle.”
“Like professor job openings, you mean?”
“Yes.” Noah’s eyes slid away from Adrian’s. “There’s zero chance of finding something for winter term, even adjunct, but places are already taking applications for the fall.”
“Find any openings around here?” Adrian tried to keep his voice casual.
Noah groaned. “There’s one full-time opening in the whole country so far, and it’s in West Virginia. Handful of adjunct positions in other places, but nothing West Coast, unfortunately.”
“Noah?” Adrian sat next to him on the bed, sticking his coffee cup on the other night stand. “Do you want to stay close by me? I don’t want to presume here—”
“I said I want to make this work, and I meant it.” Noah patted Adrian’s hand which didn’t really reassure him at all. “I know your job is based here. I’m going to do my best to try to find something close. And I’ve got savings to make it the next few months while I hunt.”
“But in the fall, you could be gone?” Adrian pushed.
Noah said nothing but his expression looked like he was sitting on a chisel.
“What if there was a way for you to stay close to me, but it didn’t involve teaching?”
Noah’s face shifted from pained to sour. “The options for a liberal arts PhD aren’t exactly numerous. God, I don’t like thinking about this.” He rubbed his temples. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have opened my phone. I didn’t mean to unload all my work angst on you.”
Adrian moved to sit behind Noah and rubbed his shoulders. “That’s what I’m here for. I want you to tell me your worries. You don’t have to pretend to be happy when you’re not.”
“I don’t like feeling like my whole life’s unraveling.” Noah leaned into Adrian’s touch. “Other than you, of course. It feels like you’re the only thing I know for sure, though, and that makes me all agitated. Sorry. I’m not much fun—”
“Stop apologizing.” Adrian leaned in and bit his neck. “I know you’re stressed. And that’s why I’ve had an idea.”
“Oh?” Noah groaned the word as Adrian worked a knot of muscle with his thumb.
“Come work for Space Villager. Be our staff geoarchaeologist. We could use one.”
“Really?” Noah sounded less than convinced.
“Sure. You keep telling me what we’re getting wrong with the rocks and the conditions of artifacts and how cultures would evolve on certain planets. We’re doing our best with the lore, but I think you could help.”
“Giving you advice is a far cry from getting paid for something. I doubt your founder is going to want to spring for another employee just because some of your rock slides aren’t realistic.”
“And that’s where you’re wrong. Our whole game is about being as realistic as possible, right down to the bolts used to hold structures together, how they interact with weather and weapons—we’re all about realism. And as for adding employees, that’s what stretch goals are for. Rob’s all for out-of-the-box stretch goals.”
“Staff archaeologist would definitely qualify as out there. But if you put it to the donors, I doubt they’d be interested.”
“Wrong. They all worship at the cult of Rob and Space Villager. He got the backers to fund an actual lawyer to mediate in-game disputes—that funded in less than thirty-six hours. The motion to add a movie-quality score funded in less than a day. We’re the number one crowd-funded project for a reason. Our fans are crazypants. Which keeps me employed and could get you employed too.”
“So what? You tell Rob, ‘hey I need a job for my unemployed boyfriend?’ and he makes it happen?” Noah’s voice held even more tension than his muscles. “I don’t want you asking for charity for me.”
“Actually...I mentioned the staff archaeologist idea in passing in December.” Adrian wasn’t sure if that would make things better or worse. Even then Adrian had been in way too deep for Noah. “He thought it was interesting. As for the boyfriend part, the whole place is a mess of nepotism. We don’t even list job openings. It’s all who has a friend-of-a-cousin-twice-removed. Rob has half his family on payroll.”
Noah made the sitting-on-a-sharp-instrument face again. “I’d feel like I was mooching. Taking advantage of you. I can’t let you just get me a job. I need to earn one.”
“Noah.” Adrian kissed his neck, right below the ear. “I want to help you. You helped me, remember? You drove me hundreds of miles. You took me in when you could have sent me packing. Can’t I help you a little?”
* * *
Adrian’s hands were firm and his lips were soft, but it wasn’t Adrian’s voice in Noah’s ear. Instead, he kept hearing his dad.
A real man earns his keep.
Man doesn’t need his wife to work. A man can take care of his family.
A real man gets a job and keeps it, son. You remember that. There’s pride in working for the same employer your whole life.
A real man doesn’t take charity or handouts.
His dad had been a 1950s throwback trapped in the 80s and 90s, unhappy with a changing economy and workforce. And Noah got that his dad was a relic, he really did. But it didn’t diminish the volume of his voice.
“I’m a professor,” he said weakly, unable to articulate all the noise in his head. “I’m not going to fit in with the gamer culture.”
“So you can be our professor,” Adrian said. “And in case you haven’t figured it out, we’re pretty casual. I bring my freaking dog to work. Rex goes around in slippers. Josiah works weird hours. There’s nothing to fit into. Why don’t you come to work with me tomorrow? You can meet everyone, and I’ll talk to Rob.”
“That’s kind of what I mean. I’m used to...structure.”
“I think we can handle you working nine to five and wearing tweed or whatever. What’s really holding you back?”
“I don’t want to be...kept.” It was funny. He had no issues letting Adrian run the show in bed, letting Adrian into his body and his heart. They’d made love early that morning, and welcoming Adrian inside without a condom was...well, profound sounded hokey, but that was exactly what it was. Profound and beautiful and he rejoiced in giving Adrian control. He trusted Adrian to take care of him. But extending that outside of the sacred space of bed felt wrong.
“Oh, baby.” Adrian leaned in, giving Noah an awkward kiss. “You think it makes you less of a man to take help finding a job? You think being a professor is the only way to prove your worth?”
“When you put it like that, it sounds silly. And actually, my being a professor made my dad really unhappy. I feel like I fought a lot to get to this point. Feels like admitting failure to give up on academia. Which I know is stupid, because I’m the one walking away. I’m the one who decided not to fight Landview.”
“Hey now. You are not a failure. And no one is saying you have to give up teaching forever. What if you try this for a while? Rob will probably ask you for a year’s consulting contract—that’s what he did with the lawyer who’s setting up the gamer dispute program, but if you hate it, you can always start job hunting again. And I’ll support you no matter what.”
“Giving us a month worked out pretty well in the end,” Noah said. “I’m glad I gave us that extra time.”
“So give us more time. You won’t know unless you try.”
“I guess it would be better to work this spring rather than sit around and job hunt.” Noah could do this. He could give them a real shot. He could test out a new career path. “But I’m keeping my RV. I’ll find a better RV park for me and Ulysses, but I don’t want to become totally dependent on you.”
“You won’t.” Adrian kissed him again. “And that’s reasonable. And I want you to have professional satisfaction, I really do. If you hate the job, I’m still going to love you, okay?”
“I love you too.” It was getting easier to say the words he already meant with his whole heart. And it would get easier to forge this new path too. He’d push aside the voices of his past because he’d already chosen his future. He’d chosen Adrian.
Adrian covered him with kisses. “That was a yes, right?”
“That was a yes.” Circumstances had thrown them together, but right here, right now, they got to choose each other. And Noah was going to believe in that. Believe in them.