Chapter Twenty-Six
CADEN’S PHONE CALL had breathed new life into Bella. She’d gotten up right after the call and started packing. She’d already packed most of her don’t-ever-throw-out stuff. The items that she would never need again but couldn’t bear to part with—prom dresses, love notes from boys in elementary school, letters from her Seaside friends. She couldn’t help but try on some of the prom dresses and was surprised that she could still fit into a few of them. As she moved around now in one of the light pink frocks and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, she didn’t look anything like the Bella everyone knew and loved, but she felt more like herself than she had in years. She was a woman and she was ready to take charge of her life and roar.
She was startled when her phone rang, and she scrambled to find it among her boxes. Jenna’s name and picture flashed on her screen.
“Don’t kill me for leaving,” Bella said before Jenna could say a word. She heard Jenna say, “She answered. She answered!” Then she heard the telltale empty box sound of the call being put on speakerphone.
“Geez, woman. We would have gone with you. Leanna and Amy are here with me. Are you okay? Please tell me you’re okay. I tried to call you yesterday and you didn’t answer your phone.” Jenna’s voice was full of worry. “I was ready to drive to Connecticut, but Amy wouldn’t let me. She said you needed to sort this out without us. Is that true?”
She heard the hurt in Jenna’s last words. “Yes, it was true. I’m so sorry, Jenna, and thank you, Amy.”
“I’ve got your back, Bells,” Amy said.
“Oh,” Jenna said quietly. “But we love you.”
“I know that. I love you guys, too. I just…I couldn’t deal with it, Jenna. I needed to clear my head, and if you guys were with me, you’d let me cry for as long as I needed to. You’d make me feel better and you’d help me figure it all out.”
“No duh, Sherlock. That’s what girlfriends are for,” Jenna said.
Sarcasm. Bella smiled. “This was something that I needed to figure out on my own. I knew you’d understand.”
“I do, but next time can you just answer your stupid phone and tell me? I cleaned my cottage for three hours, and you know it wasn’t dirty to begin with. I even had Amy mess up my shoes so I could reorganize them.”
Bella laughed. “She’s a good friend to do that for you.”
“Yeah, she is,” Jenna said.
“Bella, it’s Leanna. How are you holding up? Are you okay, or do you want us to come there and be with you?”
“I’m good, Leanna. Caden called, and we talked.”
“And?” Jenna asked.
“And it made me feel better. I know he needed that time with Evan. I finally made a decision. I turned down the job here and signed the papers to sell my house.”
“Bella. You’re doing it after all?” Jenna asked.
“I am. You know, Tony was right. I am the epitome of strength and confidence. But Caden knows me even better than I know myself. He saw right through my public persona.”
“Fate,” Leanna said. “I knew you two were meant to be together.”
“So, what about your plan?” Amy asked.
“You mean my modified plan? I don’t need a man to be whole, and I don’t need a man as a reason to make my decisions. I can want a man without needing him.” Bella knew she’d made the right decision, and she heard little happy noises that weren’t laughs or squeals, but were the types of sounds that came straight from that happy place rooted deep inside her friends. She imagined them holding hands, smiling for her, with her, and waiting with bated breath for the rest of her decision.
“And?” Jenna finally asked.
“And I want Caden.”
THE NEARER BELLA got to Caden’s house, the faster her heart raced. This was it. Her now or never moment. This was her life, and she was going to tell him exactly what she thought of his needing a break. She drove down Route 6 and turned down the side road toward his house. She was breathing so hard she had to pull over for a minute just to take a few deep breaths.
Okay. Okay. Okay. I can do this.
She tugged at the hem of her dress, then pulled at the flimsy ribbons holding up her top. With one last loud exhalation, she drove back onto the road and turned onto his street. His driveway was empty.
Shoot.
She hadn’t even considered that he might not be home. She blamed her error on the sugar rush from eating all the chocolate she possibly could. He could be anywhere—fishing with Evan, or at a beach, at work. This was supposed to be easy. Knock on his door, say her two cents, and either—
Caden’s truck pulled into the driveway behind her.
She couldn’t breathe.
She watched in her side-view mirror as he stepped from the truck in his uniform, looking exactly like he had the first night they’d met. When his eyes caught hers in the mirror, she felt her heart swell. Only this time the sadness in his eyes mirrored how she felt, but she couldn’t let that dissuade her from where she was heading.
His powerful legs carried him one sure step at a time toward her car. Her breathing became shallow, and when he reached for the door handle, she no longer felt like she was a woman who needed to roar.
She just felt like a woman, and that was enough.
CADEN COULDN’T BELIEVE his eyes. Bella was right there, stepping out of her car wearing—holy cow. What was she wearing? Some pink polyester number that hugged her breasts and hips and appeared to be held on by two thin ribbons that tied around her neck. There was a pink satin bow at her waist, and the fabric stopped above her knees in the front and hung to her heels in the back.
“Stop looking at me like that.” She crossed her arms, and her shoulders rounded forward. She drew them back and lifted her chin.
“I’m…Bella…” Come on, say something. “I’m sorry.”
“So am I.” Her eyes narrowed. “I’m going to tell you something,” she said with a serious tone. “And I’m only going to say it once.”
Caden touched her arm.
“I can’t think if you touch me.”
That made him smile, which brought a narrowing of her eyes. He stared at his hand before peeling his fingers from her skin.
“I’m sorry. But you’re here. Even if you’re annoyed with me, I’m happy you’re here.” How could he not smile? He’d missed her so much, and here she was, wearing some ridiculous outfit, angry and crazy adorable. The sound of her voice was like a new heart to a dying man.
“I missed your voice,” he admitted.
“You.” She poked his chest. “Hurt.” Poke. “Me.” Poke.
He grabbed her finger and pressed her palm to his chest. She tried to pull away, but he held on tight.
“Darn it, Caden.” Her voice trembled. “You hurt me. A lot.”
“I’m sorry.” He took a step closer and she peered up at him, then lowered her eyes to her hand, trapped beneath his. “I hurt me, too.”
At that, she lifted her beautiful eyes to his, and he could see her struggling to sound angry when he knew she felt as compelled to fall into his arms as he did to wrap them around her and hold her close.
“You waited too many days before you called me,” she said just above a whisper.
He shook his head. “I didn’t know if I should call.”
Her eyes narrowed again. “You should have.”
“I couldn’t be more sorry.” He wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her, hold her, make both their pains go away, but before he could move, she spoke.
“You’re standing there all handsome and apologetic, and…hot in that stupid sexy uniform, with that look in your eyes like you love me more than life itself, and…”
“I do,” he said.
“You…”
“I do love you more than life itself.”
She clenched her jaw and looked away, and when she turned back, her voice was determined once again. “Oh. Wait. I have…I love you, too, but darn it, I need to finish.”
He smiled. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay.” She bit her lower lip and furrowed her brow, as if she was trying to remember what she was saying. “You let me be strong, but you also make me weak.” She shook her head. “But you don’t really make me weak. You love me in ways that make me feel safe enough to forget I’m strong, and that scares the daylights out of me—even though I love that feeling. I’ve never had that feeling before, but you, Caden Grant…” She fisted her hands in that silly pink getup, and a second later she poked his chest again. “You.” Poke. “Are.” Poke.
He grabbed her hand again and held it tight.
She drew her brows together. “You are the man that I want to be with. I like how you make me feel, and…I’m embracing it. See?” She swatted the skirt of her ridiculous dress. “I like how you take care of me. It makes me want to take care of you and Evan. But I won’t be jerked around. I won’t be treated like I’m expendable. You either take me or leave me, but there is no in between.”
He tightened his grip on her hand. “I don’t have a lot of experience with being in love or taking breaks.” His heart squeezed as her words took root, and he softened his tone. “Or realizing I was the biggest fool on earth.”
“You…” She hooked her finger into the waistband of his pants. “What?”
“I was an idiot. I blamed Evan’s hooking up with the wrong friends on my not giving him enough attention because I was so wrapped up in us that I couldn’t see straight.”
“You made a commitment to Evan, and I respect that.” She stared at his chest. He lifted her chin with his finger.
“I made a commitment to you, too, Bella. To us. I thought I needed to focus solely on Evan, but, babe, I was wrong. We need to focus on Evan. Together. I can’t be a good father when I’m spending my emotional energy missing you. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I can’t do a single thing because I love you, Bella, and without you, seeing straight isn’t even an option.” He paused to let his words sink in. “I made an impulsive suggestion because Evan is…”
“Everything, as he should be,” she said softly. “I overreacted. I was selfish and I’m sorry.”
“No. You’re wrong about Evan being everything. Evan was everything until I met you. He is my son, and I love him. But the space he fills in my heart is the space that only a child can fill.” He cupped her cheeks and took a step closer, so they were thigh to thigh, as they should be. “You’re my soul mate. My lover. My friend. The woman I want to spend my life with, and maybe one day, if you want to, you’ll be the mother of our child. That side of my heart that Evan fills has room for more, but the other side of my heart? Your side? It only has room for you.”
Her eyes dampened. “Caden.”
“Let me finish, please.” He touched his forehead to hers. She sighed, and when he pressed his hands to her cheeks and lifted her face so he could look deeply into her eyes, a warm tear slid over his thumb.
“I love you, Bella. I love your strength, your loud laugh, the way you think of Evan even when you should be thinking about your work. I love the way you love your friends and your hidden adoration of all things pink. I will always love you, Bella, and I want you in our lives.”
He sealed his lips to hers, and all those empty spots that had appeared over the last few days filled with Bella.
With them.
When they drew apart, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper the size and thickness of a business card. “I wanted to give you something to show you that I’m serious about my commitment to you.”
He put the paper in her palm and folded her fingers over it; then he pressed a soft kiss to the back of her hand. Caden kissed her forehead.
“Before you open it, please tell me what you’re wearing.”
Bella looked down at her dress and her cheeks flushed. “It’s a prom dress. I bought it to wear to my high school prom, but that was before I realized that girly girls got taken advantage of.”
“So you didn’t wear it?” He loved her so much his heart ached.
She shook her head. “I wore a black dress. But when I saw it in my closet, I remembered how you saw right through me and how you loved that side of me. And how you said to embrace it.” She lifted one shoulder in a shrug.
He kissed her again, and she melted against him.
“Maybe we should go shopping for something from this decade,” he teased.
“Maybe shopping can wait,” she said against his lips.
The sound of tires on gravel drew their lips apart.
“Bella!” Evan dropped his bike and wrapped his arms around the two of them. “You’re here. Jenna said you were in Connecticut, and I thought…” He hugged her again. “I thought you decided to take that job.”
“I missed you, too, Evan.” She ran her eyes between Evan and Caden. “How could I take a job that was so far from my favorite two men?”
He shot a look at Caden. “You’re back together?”
Caden nodded, and Evan did a fist pump. “Yes! Please take him out of here, Bella. He’s been moping around and driving me crazy.”
“Oh, I think I can handle that,” she said with mischief in her eyes.
“Um.” Evan ran his eyes down Bella’s dress. “You might want to change your clothes first. I’m pretty sure that went out of style in the fifties.”
“Nineties,” Bella corrected him.
“Whatever.” Evan headed for the front door.
Whatever, said with a smile. Music to Caden’s ears.
Evan stopped halfway to the door and returned to Bella’s side with a serious look in his eyes. “Bella, I’m sorry for lying to you about being at the campground that day. I was afraid I’d get in trouble, and…well, I won’t lie again.”
Confusion flashed in her eyes. Caden realized he hadn’t even had a chance to tell her everything that Evan had told him yet.
“That’s okay, Evan. I’m glad you did the right thing in the end.”
“Cool. Thanks.” He headed inside.
“Thank you,” Caden said to Bella. “I have a lot to tell you, but I’m proud of him for apologizing. I never asked him to.”
“He’s an amazing kid, Caden.”
Bella unfurled her hand and read the note on the card. She fisted her hands in Caden’s shirt. “A get-out-of-jail-free card? Did you steal this from a Monopoly game?”
“No, but I copied the idea from the game, sort of.” His chest swelled with love for her.
“Don’t you ever compromise your beliefs for me. I love you for your convictions.”
He kissed her softly. “Oh, sorry. That was meant for me. In case you decide to use your fuzzy handcuffs and forget to respect our safe word.” He arched a brow and she laughed.
“Turn it over,” he whispered.
She looked down at the card.
“Read the other side.” He held his breath as she flipped over the flimsy card. He felt her heart beat harder against his chest. She looked from the card to him, then back again.
“Is…?” Her eyes welled with tears again. “Is this a joke?” She read the words again.
Marry me.
“I’ve never been more serious in my life. I love you, Bella. I knew it the moment you fell into my arms that first night. I want to be your YMCA guy. The guy who does or doesn’t fix your deck, depending on your mood. I want to wake up with you in my arms and I never, ever, want another frigging break from you. Will you marry me, Bella?”
“But…Evan?” Her lower lip trembled.
“I’m not asking you to marry Evan, but if you’re worried that he will be upset, he won’t. He was ready to clobber me for messing things up with you. I have only one stipulation.”
Her eyes widened.
“I don’t ever want to be not-a-husband with you. I want the real deal. You in a white dress, me in a monkey suit. I want you to have the wedding you secretly dreamed of.”
Tears streamed down her cheeks. “How do you know I’ve dreamed of anything like that?”
He touched her dress. “Anyone who kept a dress like this, dreams of a real wedding. Please don’t make me wait any longer for an answer.”
“Yes, Caden. I want to be your real wife, and never, ever be your not-a-wife.”