After a spellbinding half-hour “board meeting,” I reluctantly say goodbye to Devon. Afterward, I stay at the office to catch up on some work before taking Devon’s offer of full use of his driver, Ian, while he’s away. Devon wanted me to stay at his apartment so I would feel closer to him, and I didn’t say no. Plus, he has the most comfortable bed. Having a great night’s sleep does wonders for the soul.
Once I receive a message from Ian letting me know he’s waiting, I lock everything up, say goodbye to Mandy, and head to the lift. As the doors open on the ground floor, I find Beth standing by the front door. I frown, wondering why she’s there, but when she locks her eyes on mine, she starts moving toward me.
As she and I approach each other, I try to gauge her reaction, but she gives nothing away. I have no idea why she’s here, but I figure it’s not going to be good.
“Andi?” she asks. When I nod, she looks me up and down. “A little young for my Devon.”
I inhale a sharp breath, the bitch radar on full alert. I have to remind myself that she’s been through a loss, so I need to be the better woman. It still pisses me off that she’s speaking to me like this right off the bat, though.
“From my understanding, he’s no longer your Devon. Not after what you did to him.” She smirks. When she does, I notice how unattractive she looks from the inside. What did Devon ever see in her?
“It was an oversight on my part. Things were different back then. We were both so young.”
I frown. “I don’t understand why you’re here. You and Devon happened fourteen years ago. You’ve both moved on.”
“What did he tell you about me?”
“Enough,” I simply answer.
“Then you should understand why I’m here.”
I scrutinise her, wondering where this is heading. She’s giving nothing away. A part of me thinks she would make an excellent poker player. “But what are you hoping to achieve?”
Beth crosses her arms in front of her, sighing. “Devon and I share something no one can take away from us. You wouldn’t understand.”
I nod. “No, I wouldn’t, and hope to never understand your pain. What you both went through was horrendous. I’m truly sorry about that.” I see the shocked look in her eyes. She certainly wasn’t expecting me to be so kind.
“Th- Thank you.”
I sigh before pointing toward the exit. “Listen, I don’t know why you’re here, but I have to go. I have a driver waiting for me. I just need you to know that Devon and I are together now. I trust that what we have is solid and nothing you attempt to say will ever make me think otherwise. I’m not trying to be nasty by saying this, but I’m not going to get into some bidding war over Devon. I know I’ve already won.” Feeling proud of myself, I smile softly before moving away. As I do, I hear her voice.
“I wasn’t expecting you to be like this.”
I stop and turn around. “Like what?”
She smiles a little, shrugging. “I don’t know. So … sensible, I suppose. I expected some sort of fight from you. I certainly didn’t expect your kindness.”
I laugh softly. “Well, at least you’re being honest.” I bite my lip, pointing toward the door. “I’m sorry, but I really need to go. I don’t want to keep him waiting.”
She nods. “Yes, of course. Sorry.” I start to move again, her next words halting me. “Can I just offer you a word of advice?”
Turning back to her, I nod. I’m waiting for the bitchy comment to come. One that tells me I’m in way over my head if I think I can have a man like Devon.
“I don’t want you to take this the wrong way. You seem like a really nice girl, so I feel compelled to say something.” She sighs. “Be careful.” Before I can ask what she means, she walks through the door.
For a moment, I don’t move, wondering what she means. Maybe she’s genuinely looking out for me, or maybe she’s attempting to simply mess with my head. I don’t know, but if it’s the latter, it’s working.
Knowing I can’t stand here all day, I start moving. Once outside, I apologise to Ian for being late and get in. As the door shuts, I receive a message.
Just landed and I already miss you.
I smile as my thumbs hover over the buttons. I contemplate whether to tell Devon about what happened, but know it will probably freak him out. I know I should ignore Beth’s warning to be careful, but it’s playing in my mind.
“I have instructions to take you to Mr Jackson’s residence. Is that okay?”
Looking up, I see Ian’s eyes staring back at me in the rear-view mirror. I nod. “Yes, thank you.”
He puts the car into gear as I look down at the text. I inhale a deep breath. I’ll ignore Beth’s warning. Maybe it was just a last-ditch effort at throwing a spanner into the works. She would probably love to see Devon and I fail in our relationship now that her own seems to be doomed.
I miss you, too.
I place my phone in my bag, then stare out the window. It’s after rush hour, but the roads are still pretty busy. It’s also busy with shoppers probably attempting to calm their nerves after a hard day at the office.
When the light turns red, we slow to a stop. As we do, I gaze upon a café window and see something that makes me frown. There’s a couple sitting by the window looking very cosy. They’re holding hands, gazing into each other’s eyes. When he leans in to kiss her, I gasp.
Not thinking, I open the car door and start walking toward the loving couple. As I do, I hear Ian shout my name. Tyres screech, someone screams. The man looks up at me, his eyes widening. I feel pain, I’m suddenly airborne, and then…
Nothing.
* * *
I come to, but don’t open my eyes. I don’t remember anything. All I know is everything aches. I’m flat on my back, and something is restricting my hand. I try to wiggle my fingers, but I’m met with resistance. When I try harder, the weight is suddenly off me. I hear a sharp intake of breath.
“Andi? Andi, wake up, baby. Andi, please wake up.” Hearing Devon’s voice, I try to open my eyes, but they feel heavy. I groan in frustration. I feel a hand on my arm. “I’m going to get a doctor. Sit tight.”
When I hear him move, I panic. “No, please stay.” My voice is barely above a whisper. I open my eyes to see Devon standing at the foot of the bed. He looks tired, unshaven, and his shirt is all crinkled like he’s worn it far too long. Slowly, I look around the room. “Where am I?”
Devon rushes back to my side, taking my hand. “You’re at St. Thomas’s. You’ve got a concussion and have been out for two days.”
Two days?!
I swallow and wince. My throat feels like it’s on fire. “Do you want some water?” I nod. Devon fetches me a glass, holding it to my lips with one hand, carefully lifting my head with the other. I take a sip, feeling the sting in my throat as I do, but also welcoming the cool liquid as it slides down my throat.
“Do you remember what happened?” Devon asks, carefully laying my head back down and placing the water by my bedside.
I blink a couple times, trying to think. “I was in your car and Ian was driving me home …”
“Yes,” Devon says, encouraging me.
I frown when I remember the sound of screeching tyres. “Was I in an accident?”
Taking my hand, Devon says, “Yes. Your dad witnessed the whole thing. He’s been simply beside himself. He’s out getting himself and me a sandwich right now, but he’ll be so fucking relieved you’re finally back with us. We’ve both been worried sick. When he called me in Brussels, I was frantic. Never has a flight back home taken so long.” He shakes his head, like the memory pains him.
It then hits me. Immediately, my eyes fill with tears. “He’s moved on already.”
His forehead crinkles in confusion. “What are you talking about, baby?”
I shake my head. “My dad.” I close my eyes. “It’s all coming back to me now.”
“What is?”
I turn to look at Devon. “He was with a woman.”
He smiles. “She could have just been a friend.”
I shake my head. “She wasn’t. They were holding hands, then he leaned over to kiss her. Friends don’t do that with each other.”
Just as Devon opens his mouth, my dad walks in holding a plastic bag. When he sees I’m awake, he comes rushing in.
“Andi, you’re awake. Thank God.”
Devon moves out of the way, allowing my dad to sit down. When he does, he can tell I’m upset. I see the guilt written across his face. Devon points to the door. “I’ll go get the doctor and tell him you’re awake.”
I look at Devon, nodding. The moment he’s out the door, I turn to my dad. “How long?”
My dad smiles. “Andi, shouldn’t we concentrate on you? How are you feeling?”
“Dad, tell me how long.”
Sighing, he looks down at his hands. “About a month. Maybe five weeks. Something like that.”
“And you didn’t think to tell me?” I practically screech, making my head hurt. I groan.
My dad puts his hand on my shoulder. “Shh, Andi. You’re recovering from a head injury. You need rest.”
“No, Dad. What I need is for you to be honest with me. Mum died only three years ago.” My eyes well with tears again at the thought of him moving on so soon after her death.
He gives me a look, as if to say he understands. When he lightly squeezes my shoulder, he looks down again. “I didn’t want to tell you partly because I don’t know where this is heading, but mainly because I knew you would be upset.”
“Three years, Dad …”
“I know.” He looks up, smiles, then nods. “For you, it doesn’t seem long. She’s your mum and nothing will ever come between that. She will forever be your mum. At one time, I thought she would forever be my wife.” I open my mouth, but he stops me. “Please, let me speak.” When I nod, he closes his eyes. “I know it must pain you to think of me with another woman. I totally understand that you feel I’m somehow betraying the memory of her. Believe me. I have been through exactly the same emotions. I met Lynette three months ago.” Hearing her name fills me with pain. Somehow, knowing it cements her existence. “I tried to fight my attraction to her. I really did. It’s just …” He grips his eyes shut. I can tell he’s finding this difficult. When he opens them back up, he meets my eyes. “I’m so lonely, Andi.” My dad’s eyes well with tears, causing my own to surface again. When he lets out a small sob, pain like no other hits me. Seeing my dad suffer is one of the worst things I’ve ever had to witness.
Knowing I need him to see I’m here for him, I offer him my hand. He takes it, laughing. With his other hand, he starts wiping away his tears. “This is so silly. I keep telling myself every day that I’m the parent. I’m the one who needs to be strong for you and your brother.”
I squeeze his hand. “She wasn’t just my mum. She was your wife. You can’t deal with this all by yourself. You may be a dad, but you’re also Joe Bellingham, a man who met a woman, fell in love, got married, and had children. You’re a human being, as well as a dad. You’re allowed to tell me if you’re in pain … if you’re suffering.”
He sniffles a little, smiling through the tears. “When did you grow into such a mature young lady?”
All the anger over this woman vanishes. I smile. “My mum and dad brought me up right.”
He laughs, picking my hand up and kissing it. He shakes his head. “I must admit to you how guilty I feel. I’ve felt guilty ever since I left your mother that night. Guilty for not being there when she needed me. Guilty for not having her here so she could continue to be a mother to her two children. Extremely guilty for meeting a woman and feeling attraction. All this guilt just tears me up.”
I look into my dad’s eyes and all I feel is love. How can I be angry when he pours his heart out to me like this? I swallow my pride, squeeze my father’s hand, and decide it’s time for me to grow up.
“Can I ask you a question?” I begin.
“Of course,” he answers, sniffling.
“Are you happy?”
For me, this is the most important issue. I understand what he’s trying to tell me. Yes, my mum will always be my mum. But my dad lost a wife he loved dearly three years ago, and now he feels it’s time to love again. As long as he’s happy, how can I begrudge him of that? Charlie and I are living our lives while my dad sits at home … alone. Eventually, I will need to realise I can’t selfishly expect him to sit at home pining for my mother for the rest of his life.
My dad smiles. “Yes. It’s still early on, but I am happy.”
Despite trying to be adult, I still feel the pain for my mother. As the tears come, I swallow hard. “Well, don’t you think Mum would be happy knowing that?”
He smiles, placing my hand on his cheek. “Yes,” he answers, catching another sob in his throat. “I think she would.”
Seeing my father in pain makes it difficult for me to stop my tears. I swallow again, hard, knowing I need to say this to him. “Then I’m sure you would have her blessing.”
When my father lets out a sob, I follow suit. He stands and sits on my bed, carefully pulling me toward him for a hug. For a while, we stay like that, allowing the other to give comfort—allowing each other to share in one another’s grief.
For the first time since my mother died, we both mourn the loss of a great woman. I know my mum will forever remain in my heart, but my dad is a man saying goodbye to his wife, trying to move on with his life, finding room in his heart to love another. At this moment, I know he isn’t crying because he lost her. He isn’t crying because he knows he will never see her again.
He’s crying because he’s finally letting her go.