It’s over a week later before Charlie is able to fly home to our local hospital for recovery and physiotherapy. We got to speak with him two days after the operation. He seemed okay, but I could tell by the sound of his voice that he wasn’t the same Charlie.
Since hearing the news of Ben, Devon has been acting strange around me. Sure, he’s there whenever I need him, comforting me when I get upset about my brother, but there’s definitely an underlying emotion stewing just under the surface. I know he’ll get it off his chest eventually, but he knows right now isn’t the time.
“Are you okay?” I ask Charlie, holding his hand.
He smiles. “For the hundredth time, Andi, I’m fine. Stop fussing.”
Just as I smile, a group of men nosily trudge into the room. One of them shouts, “Charlie, my man. Trust you to get fucking legless in Afghanistan.”
I gasp, thinking how inappropriate a comment that is, but I turn to see Charlie laughing.
“Fuck off, Darren.”
He looks at me, acting appalled. “I hope you don’t kiss your sister with that mouth.”
“No, but I’ll kiss your mother.” They all laugh. I seriously can’t believe my ears.
Darren’s still looking at me, smiling. “You look like you’re in shock. We’re not all that bad.” He places his leg on top of Charlie’s bed and lifts his cream-colored khaki trousers, revealing a prosthetic. He taps it, looking at me. “Lost it to an IED. Same as Charlie, but I was in Kuwait when it happened.” He puts his leg down. “I’m just telling him the same joke one of my mates told me.”
I look around the room at the six men, all smiling. “Do you all have prosthetics?”
Darren points to a man who looks to be in his late forties with black hair and thick eyebrows. “Apart from me, there’s Frank here.”
Frank steps up, showing me both legs are gone. “My sergeant stepped on a mine. Unfortunately, I was nearby when it happened.”
“How long ago?” I ask, feeling enamoured by them. They all seem so sure of themselves. So confident. It gives me hope for Charlie’s recovery.
“Mine was five years ago,” Darren says.
“Mine seven,” Frank adds. “Darren and I help other soldiers who are dealing with the same things we did.”
I frown, confused. “So you don’t really know Charlie that well.”
“Sure we do,” Darren replies.
“Unfortunately,” Frank says with a grin. “We trained together in Pirbright.” He points around the room to all of the other men. “We all did.”
They start talking about when they first joined the army. In the midst of it, I somehow feel like I’m eavesdropping on a conversation I shouldn’t be privy to, so I excuse myself, asking if anyone needs a coffee. They all politely decline.
Coffee in hand, I sit outside my brother’s room and pull my phone out, seeing a text from Devon. He’s at work, allowing me time off. In the meantime, Mandy is filling in until I can come back.
Mandy’s doing my head in! I need you! How are things with Charlie? Is he ok?
I chuckle.
I’ll be back before you know it. Maybe I could show my boss just how much he needs me later. ;) Charlie’s ok. A bit too ok. He’s taking everything so well at the moment, I don’t know whether to worry or not.
Definitely on showing me how much I need you later. I look forward to it. As far as Charlie’s concerned, let him deal with it in his own way. I’m sure he’ll want to talk at some point, so don’t worry about it too much right now.
I smile.
I knew there was a reason I loved you.
Not as much as I love you.
I put my phone away and blow on my coffee before taking a sip. As I do, Charlie’s door opens, Darren sticking his head out.
“What are you doing out here all by yourself? Why aren’t you in here with us?”
I shrug. “I guess I just felt you all needed some privacy without Charlie’s little sister spoiling the party. Plus, I needed a breather.”
He doesn’t say anything as he walks out of the room and sits down next to me. “I guess you’re wondering why Charlie isn’t shouting, screaming, or crying.”
I look at him. “I guess. He just seems to be taking it so well.”
He manoeuvres himself a little to face me more. “When I got back, no one could help me. I didn’t eat, didn’t speak for a week. I was a mess. I had lost my leg, but I felt like I had lost a close relative. I went through all the stages. I wondered why me. Eventually, I asked myself why not me? What makes my life so much more special than another’s? At first, my family didn’t know how to deal with it. They worried about me. I had come back a completely different person.”
“And now?” I ask.
“I won’t lie and say it’s a bed of roses. I suffer from PTSD. Any bangers or really loud noises and I’m put straight back to that moment. I go straight back to seeing friends I trained with die in front of me. Doing this with Frank is the only thing that gets me through each day. That, and my wife and kids.”
I smile. “How many kids do you have?”
“Three,” he says, a grin on his face. He pulls out his wallet and shows me a photograph of his wife and three children. One is definitely older than the rest. He points to his wife. “That’s my wife, Susan. We’ve been married for eleven years now.” He points to the older boy. “That’s George. He’s ten. She was pregnant when we got married, but we didn’t know until our honeymoon. She thought missing her period and getting sick was due to all the wedding stress. It was only when we were in Bermuda and she was still getting sick that we came to the conclusion she might be pregnant.”
I laugh. “I bet that was a shock.”
He smiles. “It was, but a nice shock.” He points to what looks like the next eldest. “That’s Lance. He’s four and quite the troublemaker. Our youngest, Terry, is almost three. He’s great. Just sits there for hours watching all the madness around the house. He’s as good as gold.”
“All boys. No chance of trying for a girl?”
He shakes his head. “No. Three is enough for now.” He laughs. “Three is more than enough.”
I smile, then sober. “Is there any advice you can give me?”
“For Charlie?” he asks. When I nod, he takes a deep breath. “Just be there for him. Be there throughout all the shit.” He leans forward with a smile. “And, believe me, there will be shit.” His smile soon disappears. “He may be handling it well now, but it’s all a front. Deep down, he’s suffering. At some point, he’ll let it out. Just be there for him when it happens.”
I don’t know Darren at all, but I feel confident enough around him to take his hand. “Thank you.”
He gives me a cheeky smile and squeezes my hand. “It’s no sweat.” He takes out a card. “Here. This is my number. If you ever need me, don’t be afraid to give a shout.”
I take the card, noting it has Darren’s full name and the title Military Psychologist underneath it. “You’re a psychologist?”
His eyes widen. “Don’t look too shocked.”
I laugh. “I’m not. It’s just … what you said in there—”
“It troubled you. I get it. Believe me, soldiers say a lot worse to one another. It’s how we cope in bad situations. We turn shitty circumstances into comical ones. It’s just how we’re brought up.”
Thinking about it, I smile. “It’s like having a second family.”
“It is,” he agrees. “Definitely like having a second family.”
I nudge him. “Thank you for talking to me.”
He nudges me back, making me laugh. “You’re welcome. Charlie may be the victim of a terrible tragedy, but you’re his family. You suffer along with him. As I said, I’m here to help.”
“I appreciate that.”
My dad appears from down the hall. He looks anxious, just like we all have lately. However, when he spots me sitting next to Darren, smiling, his face lights up.
“Hi, Dad.” As he approaches, I get up and hug him, then turn to Darren. “Dad, this is Darren. Darren, this is my dad, Joe.”
Darren gets up, shaking my father’s hand. “Nice to meet you, Joe.”
“Likewise.”
Darren points to the door. “I’d better go and make sure they’re not getting into trouble in there.”
I smile. “Okay. Thanks, Darren. I’ll see you in a bit.”
When he disappears through the door, my dad turns to me. “One of Charlie’s army buddies?”
I nod. “Yeah. They trained together in Pirbright. Darren lost his leg in Kuwait five years ago. He’s now a psychologist.”
“Good for him. He’s seems like a nice chap.”
“He is. He left me his card if we ever needed anything.”
My dad nods, looking at the door. “How is he?”
“Same as he was yesterday and the day before. Darren told me that I need to let him deal with it. When he needs us, he’ll let us know.”
“Good advice, I suppose.” He sighs, placing his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “And have you managed to get in touch with Ben’s parents about the funeral?”
I had been trying to find out when the funeral was. It took a lot of trouble to track down his parents’ number, but I eventually managed to get it from another soldier and friend of the family. He knows Charlie, so he knew why I was asking.
“I rang this morning. No one was in, so I left a message. Not something you want to do over the phone, but seeing as I don’t know where they live or when the funeral will be, I had no other choice.”
Dad places a hand on my shoulder. “I didn’t realise you knew him.”
I knew him more than Charlie or my dad will ever know. “Yeah. We spent quite a bit of time talking that night at the bar. He then came to the café the next day and had breakfast with Charlie and I. It was there we exchanged numbers and kept in touch.”
My dad frowns. “Is that the same boy Charlie punched because he found him about to kiss you?”
My eyes widen in shock. “You know about that?”
He gives me that look. The one that asks me if I think he’s stupid. “Andi, Charlie came back looking like he’d gone a couple rounds with Mike Tyson. He had to tell me something.”
“Yes, but I didn’t think he’d actually tell you the details.”
“I may be an old man, but I still ain’t lost my noggin,” he says, taping his head.
I laugh. “You’re not old, Dad.”
“That’s very nice of you to say. I feel it, though. With your brother punching every guy who looks at you and you dating his best friend, I’m practically eighty.” He starts laughing.
I smile. “I never got a chance to ask you how you felt about all this.”
“I must admit, I suspected it. All those times he would come over for meals and the way you two looked at each other, I knew. I just didn’t like the thought of how Charlie would react when he found out. He’s fiercely protective of his little sister.”
I roll my eyes. “Don’t I know it.”
Dad puts an arm around me. “Ah, kiddo, he just loves you and wants the best for you. We both do.”
I smile. “I know.” It’s then I realise just how lucky I really am. Devon was brought up without a family to love him. Me? I was on the other end of the spectrum.
“Come on,” Dad says, tugging me. “Let’s go see how your brother’s getting on.”
We both go in and spend some time with Charlie and his buddies. They leave around an hour later, but my father and I stay. Devon soon arrives, leaning down to kiss me. Charlie visibly sighs.
“I don’t know if I will ever get used to that.”
I take his hand. “Oh, come on,” I scold. “Isn’t it better to know the person I’m in a relationship with?”
He looks up at Devon, who has a hand on my shoulder. “It’s because I know who he is that bothers me.”
Devon places his other hand on my other shoulder. Charlie watches him as he does. “All those days are over. You knew we would have to settle down one day.”
“Yes, but not with each other.” He sighs. “Just don’t hurt her, okay? The last thing I want is to have to not only comfort a broken heart, but also lose a best friend.”
Devon squeezes my shoulders. “I promise I won’t. Your sister means more to me than the air I breathe.”
“Good.”
I look across at my dad, who has an amused expression on his face. I can’t help but silently chuckle.
We sit and talk for another hour before Devon offers to drive my dad back home. We say goodbye to Charlie, promising to come back tomorrow to visit. We drop my dad off, then drive toward Devon’s apartment. On the way, my phone rings. I look down to see it’s a private number, so I cautiously answer.
“Is this Andi?”
“Yes.”
“It’s Rachel, Ben’s sister. You left a message on my phone. I think you may have gotten the numbers mixed up or something because this is my number, not my parents.’”
“Oh, I’m sorry about that.”
“That’s okay. How can I help you?”
I look across at Devon, who’s frowning. I can tell he’s wondering who it is. Once I speak, I know he’ll find out, not wanting to experience his reaction when he does.
“I’m ringing on behalf of my brother, Charlie. We just want to offer our sincere condolences for your loss.”
I hear her take a deep breath. “Thank you. His funeral’s on Saturday. Your brother is more than welcome to come.”
I smile. “That would be great if he could. Would you mind if I came, too? I met Ben before he went to Afghanistan. I just want to be there to say goodbye.”
I cautiously look across at Devon. His face gives nothing away as he stares out at the road.
“Of course. It’ll be at Putney Vale at eleven o’clock.”
“That’s very kind of you. Thanks. My brother and I will be there.”
“Okay. I look forward to meeting you.”
“Thank you. And us, too.”
Hanging up, I look at Devon. “That was Ben’s sister.”
His jaw ticks a little. “So I heard.”
“You’re okay with me going to the funeral, right?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” He answers so quickly, I know he’s not happy in the least.
“Charlie wants to go, and I want to be there for him.”
He glances at me, smiling, and takes my hand. “Of course you do, and you should.”
I smile back, but I know Devon’s is a little off. I don’t know why I’m worried about it. He and I are together. Apart from the obvious that went on between Ben and me, I liked him as a person. I could see that his heart was in the right place.
I stare at Devon, who’s keeping his eyes on the road. He may be a little annoyed, but he probably realises it would be out of order to speak out. I will say goodbye to Ben and life will go on. I just hope Devon feels the same way.