My brothers were dad’s secret weapon. I threw a book across my bedroom in frustration. Why I had a book in my bedroom to begin with was a mystery to me.

I slid down my bedroom door, glancing at my reflection in the long mirrors across the room. I was such a mess. I had always told myself that I was a strong, confident woman, but, right now, I looked like a punching bag; an old punching bag.

I ran my hand through my hair. Taking a deep breath, I pulled myself up off the floor and walked towards the bathroom. I scooped up my surround sound controller from the floor and hit play.

A song started playing that summed up mine and Blake’s relationship well; I smiled disbelievingly. Of all the random songs lined up, this was the one that played. As I walked towards the bathroom door, I stopped, my eyes landing on a photo of Blake and myself. We looked so happy. So innocent.

The gang had ruined us. My eyes stared at the picture, burning a hole into the happy couple. Tears began to roll down my cheeks, and then my eyes landed on the women in the mirror again.

Bruised, bloody and batted.

I ripped my top off, unbuttoned my jeans, and walked into the bathroom.

I entered the shower and closed my eyes, feeling the water run down my body, but I already knew. The water couldn’t wash away my fears, worries or mistakes. It could only wash away the physical evidence of the night before.

“Anywhere But Here” by Sick Puppies filled the room. I placed my head against the cold tiles, as the water washed down my back, and lost myself in the lyrics.

How could life get so complicated, so early?

I put on my bathrobe and walked over to my dresser. My fingers inadvertently reached for the picture of my brothers, tracing their faces.  They were in their older teens in the picture, now faded. This is how I remembered them. This is what came to my mind when I thought of them. I didn’t think of them as the soulless beasts they had become.

***

I heard them before I saw them. The sound of crushing gravel drifted through my window. They were here, and my fear spiked.

My brothers.

My reasons for fearing them weren’t the same as for others. I couldn’t exactly claim

I loved them, although I had an independent equation with each of them, but, from the day they’d left, I could safely say there was no love lost.

After all, they’d left me here… with dad.

Not that dad was mean or abusive, but, after they left, he went cold, and, as a result, threw himself into work, and, without supervision, I ended up the train wreck I was today.

I listened closely as the car came to a stop. I wondered if it felt strange for them being back here, after so many years of avoiding the place and the people who lived here. I closed my eyes and took a steady breath; and I listened for the car door.

One car door slammed.

Silence.

I could deal with one brother. I bet it was Troy, he was the eldest.

I then heard the second car door, quickly followed by a third. Before I could let out my breath, I heard the fourth door slam.

I fell back onto my bed. All four were here. ALL FOUR WERE HERE! I shouted louder in my head.

The slamming of the front door brought my attention back to reality. How would my brothers change me? They couldn’t, and they wouldn’t. I started to give myself a pep talk to calm down the nerves stirring in my stomach.

They wouldn’t change me because, for one, I would have to let them, and, two, I would have to listen to them. Neither of these two was going to happen.

Dad must’ve been out of his mind, thinking my brothers could fix this situation. If anything, they could only make everything worse.

There was only one good thing that would come out of them being here; dad might actually make an effort to be home at a reasonable hour.

“Amber!” My father’s voice rang up the stairs.

I stood in the upstairs hallway, trying to put off having to go down and face them, but, just like taxes, I couldn’t put it off forever, so I turned the corner and descended the large staircase.

I pulled my eyes from the carpet, and looked up as I entered the dining room.

My eyes were met by ten pairs of eyes.

I instantly directed all my attention to my father, not dropping my gaze or meeting my brothers’.

My father had a smirk on his face, like his master plan was about to unfold. I frowned, because, no matter how I looked at it, the truth was that my father held all the trump cards in this situation.

“Amber…” a dark voice called for my attention.  

I finally came to terms with the fact I would have to face my brothers, and, by face them, I meant look them in the eye and try not to let the hatred I was filled with show.

I turned my head sharply, and faced Troy.

He had changed. His long shaggy black hair was gone and, instead, he had a number two haircut. He had become larger; I could see the defined muscles under his black t-shirt. His hand was rubbing his clenched jaw, and I could almost see the wheels in his head churning, planning his next move.

I raised my eyebrow.

A slow sigh left his lips.

His eyes gave me a once over, inspecting me.

I was sick of being treated like a darn science experiment gone wrong. “What?” I insisted.

His jaw clenched again and his hand dropped to the table. “You certainly have grown up,” he finally stated.

I gave him a deadpan look, and then rolled my eyes. Was he serious right now? After staring at me for that long, that’s what he had to say? Looks like the drugs were finally affecting his mind.

I gave my other three brothers a once over.

Adam. Tyler. Cole.

They all looked older and scarier, if that was even possible.  

They all sat at the table, looking at me as if they had just been forced to witness a scene from a horror movie.

They all looked disappointed. Disapproving.

What the hell was the problem? Did they honestly expect to come back to find me still dancing around in my ballet flats? In a pink tutu?

In the silence, you could almost hear the tension brewing in the room.

Minutes passed.

I had to ask myself, why did I even fear them in the first place?

I turned to walk out of the room, not wanting to waste another minute of my life in pointless silence.

I took three steps towards the entrance before another voice stopped me.

“Where are you going?”

I turned my head over my shoulder and stared at Cole.

Maybe they hadn’t lost their voices altogether after all.

I raised my eyebrow. 

“Was there a point to your silence?” I questioned. “Or am I just to stand here all day, to be stared at by a bunch of strangers?”

Cole rolled his eyes

“Well!?” I asked “Are you guys going to start the threats soon? So your obligation is completed?” I asked openly.

A low rumble of laughter filled the room. All four brothers were smirking at each other, as if sharing a secret joke.

“And we thought this was going to be easy,” Adam stated to the other three brothers.

“Look, Amber, dad informed us that you’ve been acting out? I guess that’s what you call it?” Adam explained.

“Acting out?” I questioned.

I was sure that ‘acting out’ was a clear understatement of my behavior.

“Bad grades, a little too much drinking, and fighting with your boyfriend or something,” Cole added. With a bored expression on his face, I might add.

I rolled my eyes. Looks like dad underplayed everything. Thank God!

Not to mention he left out the sleeping around, drugs, parties, fighting, stealing and being a member of Blake’s gang. Although to be fair, dad didn’t know all that.  

I smiled.

“Ok, I will try harder with my school grades, and I broke up with my boyfriend,” I said innocently. Suddenly, I was seeing a way out and, like a guilty man, I was taking it.

“And the drinking?” Tyler questioned.

“Thing of the past,” I quickly added, waving my hand dismissively.

God, this was easy! Pulling the wool over my brothers’ eyes is as about as easy as sneaking out of this house!

Fortunately, my brothers couldn’t actually believe that their little sister would do anything that wasn’t PG rated.

After all, I couldn’t be like them.

They really didn’t know me.

“Can I go now?” I asked.

A bottle of vodka had my name on it tonight, and I’d had my last drug run tonight, then I had to say goodbye to Blake.

It was going to be hard to walk away from Blake and his gang.

“Don’t you want to catch up with us?” Adam asked hurt audible in his tone.

I tried hard not to roll my eyes.

Cole wasn’t saying that a few months ago, but that was a different story. A longer one, a darker one and one I wasn’t ready to share with anyone but Blake. So, even now, as he looked at me, I couldn’t bring myself to telling the story - maybe one day I would, but today wasn’t that day.

“Not much to talk about,” I said blankly.

Because they couldn’t, no, let’s rephrase that, they wouldn’t tell me the truth about them and what was going on in their lives.

“Do you have somewhere you need to be?” Tyler asked quietly.

Why did he sound disappointed too?

“Yeah, assignments to complete, you know,” I brushed off easily.

“Good. We have more important things to deal with anyway,” Cole stated and rose from his chair.

“No, you boys said you would stay the night!” My dad piped in.

Annoyance flickered across Cole’s face, but Troy quickly interrupted.

“We did, and we are.” Troy ended the conversation, giving Cole a pointed look.

Hah, sucks to be him.

“Have a good night studying Amber,” Troy softly said to me. A smile appearing on the corners of his lips.

“I knew dad was overdoing it, saying you had gone completely off the rails.” Tyler added.

“Yeah, all you needed were some wise words from your brothers,” Adam quietly added, with a smile.

Geez, how stupid could they be!

I almost felt bad for lying so bluntly to their faces.

I smiled and quickly turned my back to them, as I curled my nose in disgust!

Wise words from my brothers! Hah.

What a joke.

I took the stairs two at a time.

Now to get changed and go take care of business.

Then, after business was taken care of, I was going to get seriously smashed. I didn’t know what was worse, knowing I had lied to them so easily, or that I didn’t feel the tiniest bit guilty.