“What the heck is this?”

I swiped the DVD from Cole’s hands and hurled it back into the plastic bag, where he got it from.

“Nothing.” I snapped at him before stuffing the bag under the passenger seat and continuing working on the CD player in my car.

“You into chick flicks, Jax?” Cole said smugly, while leaning on the open door, watching me.

“Piss off Cole.” I pulled on the CD player, ripping it out; stupid wiring. Why had I decided to fix this bloody thing tonight?

“Or is it one of those secret movies you keep giving my sister?”

My head snapped up, my face now serious. “Does it matter?” I arched an eyebrow and my grip on the player tightened.

“Guess not.” Cole slammed the door closed. “See you at home.”

I watched him walk out of the shed. He didn’t even pretend to hide his dislike about me being near Amber, but he seemed to be a bit softer about the issue now that I was dating Ella. I hurled the spanner to the floor.

Bloody El was making my life hell. Messaging me, calling me and showing up at the clubhouse. Damn woman couldn’t take a hint.

I had asked her out to piss Amber off, which didn’t really work as she seemed thrilled by the idea; even encouraged it.

Sighing, I leaned back into the car seat, one word and my mind went nuts; Amber.

Groaning, I ran a hand through my hair and messed it up. I didn’t know how to show a female that I cared about her; not that I cared about Amber, I just… Fuck it, I don’t know!

I was just protective of her, and jealous when she was with other men… yeah, I cared about her.

I slammed a fist against the steering wheel. I don’t do girls, and I don’t do feelings for them.

Easy lay, that’s what they were to me.

But Amber was different; she stirred something different inside me. I was angry when she left to stay with Blake; I was hurt that she turned to him instead of us, well, mainly me. And now, I found myself bringing her food, watching movies with her, sitting with her at school. Fuck, I was even leaving her chocolate.

I glanced down at the plastic bag that was half sticking out from under the seat. I can’t believe I had actually signed up for a Blockbuster card. I gritted my teeth; I was getting whipped.

Groaning, I started the car up, leaving the CD player half hanging out. A smile twitched at my lips; I was actually starting to look forward to spending Friday nights with her.

Her sitting there complaining and huffing about nothing, while gulping down the food I would get her. I would sit there, pretend to be bored. Then, when she fell asleep, I would carry her to her bed.

Flying out the garage, I realized I was definitely looking forward to being with her. Even though she didn’t see me the same way… but it wasn’t like she’d told me that. She was semi-nice to me and, every day, she was a little bit better towards me.

That is when she didn’t slip into her depression and self-pity.

***

I pulled a plate from the Shield’s cupboard and began to place the contents from the plastic boxes onto the plate, cursing under my breath as I burnt myself on the hot chicken.

I think Amber actually thought her family left her a meal every night. When, really, every night I would go out and get her tea and put it on a plate; this was an example of me being whipped.

“That smells good.” Tyler walked into the kitchen and I didn’t look up. “Why does Amber get good meals?”

“If you want one, go buy one,” I huffed and then went to the fridge, pulling out a beer for her. “Though that involves doing something, so you won’t.”

Tyler rolled his eyes and I stuffed my school notebook into the plastic bags and threaded it on my arm.

“So, what is with you two?” Tyler asked. I balanced the beer in one hand and the plate on the other.

“Nothing.”

“I thought you were with El?”

“I am.”

Tyler arched an eyebrow at me, but I didn’t say anything else as I walked past him. It wasn’t his business; well, it was, to a degree.

Walking up the stairs, I began to question my own actions. I was entering the boys into a bloody war because of Amber. Sure they were entering our land, stealing from us, dealing on our turf, but it was their attack on Amber that sent me off the wires.

Coming to a stop at her door, I reminded myself that this was why Presidents didn’t get in relationships because the female gets power over them, and their decisions can get blinded or influenced. Like mine was when it came to opening up the war.  

They had hurt her; it was simple… I wanted revenge on them. I wanted to take the life of the man that had cut that scar into her stomach. The money and business they were taking from us didn’t matter. It was them hurting someone I cared about, that was what turned my mind to wanting their blood.

I twisted her bedroom door knob and found her room empty. I worried about her not leaving the house. I think she only came to school because I dragged her out of bed and forced her on the back of my bike.

I placed her tea on her bedside table and pulled my notebook from the bag, sitting it next to the food, along with the DVDs, and then I added her favorite chocolates. Was it too much? I frowned. Where was she anyway?

I heard the tap turn off in the bathroom. Well, one guesses where she is then.

If she was back into her self-pity, I would slap her out of it. I didn’t get why she was so upset about it, unless she cared for him more than she was letting on.

I froze as I thought that over. Maybe she was planning on getting back together with him. She was just not saying it. Maybe she loved him, even after everything he had done. My hand was still locked on the door knob.

I closed my eyes and exhaled slowly. No way. I was stronger than this. Amber might pretend to be a cold hearted bitch, but I knew she thought a bit of me. Well that was what I hoped; maybe she cared for me, even a little.

Thinking the best, I flung the door open. I would pull her out of this, and just keep my feelings suppressed about her until I understood them.

Amber

The water hit me in the face, and I reached for my towel.

This wasn’t how it was meant to happen. We don’t get caught.

Placing the towel on the basin, I looked up at myself in the mirror.

My eyes showed they were bloodshot from a lack of sleep, and the stress was taking a toll on my skin. Turning around, I slid down the basin and sat on the cold tiled floor.

This wasn’t how it was meant to happen; not now, not ever. The bathroom door flung open and my head snapped up. What a surprise.

“What do you want, Jackson?” I pushed my hair out of my face. “Here to annoy me again?” I quipped.

“Get up Amber.” He reached down and clamped a hand around my upper arm, pulling me forcefully to my feet.

“What the heck! Don’t touch me!”

“Oh shut your mouth, alright,” he snapped at me as he pulled me out of the room. “I’m sick of you moping around since he got busted.”

“He didn’t deserve to get caught!” I flung a closed fist into Jax’s back as he pulled me into my room.

“Do the crime, do the time,” he stated. Jax let go of my arm abruptly and I stumbled backwards onto my bed.

“What are you doing in here?” I glared from the bed, pulling myself up on my elbows. “I’m not your problem. You can stop babysitting me.”

“I am sick of watching you mope around over a drug dealer. He got caught. Get over it.”

“Stop watching me then! It’s not like I’m your problem.”

“Were you in love with him?”

“Yes.”

Jax looked taken back at my response, and his jaw tightened as he glared at me.

“He was one of my closest friends. Of course I loved him.” Did I love Blake? Yes. Was I in love with him? No. There is a difference. “You already knew that,” I added.

“If you are going to react like this every time someone you care about gets locked up, you shouldn’t be friends with criminals.”

“Is that what you came here to say?” I arched an eyebrow, “That we shouldn’t be friends?”

“What? No!” Jax crossed his arms. “Don’t put words in my mouth Amber!”

“Whatever. Leave now if you’re done with your speech.”

“Cause you have better things to do?” Jax shifted his weight, still looking at me. He looked uncomfortable. I narrowed my eyes at him. What did he want?

“Yeah, I do. Avoiding you for starters. So… off you go then.” I waved my hand for him to get the point, but yet he remained where he was. “We don’t have to watch movies tonight.”

“Do you hate me or something?” Jax spat out. “You have been shorter with me than usual. You know I had nothing to do with Blake getting arrested.”

“I never said you did!” I pulled myself up on the edge of the bed. “And I haven’t been,” I added.

“You have been snapping at everyone since your boyfriend got locked up.” He raised both eyebrows, “Although I seem to be at the receiving end of most of your bad moods.”

“I’m not in a bad mood, and Blake wasn’t my boyfriend!” I screeched.

“So, stop acting as if he was then!”

“Why don’t you go annoy your girlfriend instead of lecturing me?” 

Frustrated, Jax threw both arms in the air. “Fine, go screw yourself.”

“I was thinking you should do the same thing.”

Jax grunted as he stormed across the room. One hand on the door knob, he was about to pull it open when he turned around to face me.

“I know you aren’t taking this well and I am…”

“I don’t need you to do anything,” I pointed out. “Nor do I need you to understand why I am acting this way. Personally, I don’t want you thinking about me,” I bit back.

“What the fuck did I do to you?” His eyes were narrow. “Why the fuck did you turn into this self-centered bitch? I’ve been bloody doing everything I can think of to cheer you up to get you to like…”

“Maybe I was always like this! Just took you awhile to catch on. You aren’t the sharpest tool in the shed,” I barked.

He stood there for a few moments, looking at me with narrowed eyes, shaking his head with a disgusted expression on his face.

“Fuck you Amber.” He slammed the door behind him and I flinched at the force.

Well, that went well. I scoffed and threw myself back against the bed. Had he deserved that? Not really, but at the same time, I didn’t care if I’d hurt his feelings. Well, that was a lie. Why was he even bothering with me anyway?

Ever since Blake got locked up, Jax has been making an extra effort with me and it was starting to have an effect on me. He was extending himself, like bringing me tea or pushing a new chick flick under my bedroom door now and then. A few times, he’d even stayed home with me and watched movies, but every time he did something sweet, it only made me start to have feelings for him. Feelings I shouldn’t be having for him.

One, he had a girlfriend, which may I say made me question why he was giving me so much time in the first place and two, he was a criminal.

I couldn’t fall for yet another man that I would have to take the back seat for. The crime always came before the wife. Not that I would be a wife, but still, a girlfriend always came second as well.

I glanced at my bedside table and saw the steaming plate of food. Jax must have placed it there before he pulled me up from the bathroom floor.

I groaned to myself; God, I was mean. My guilt only worsened when I noticed the rented movies to the side of the plate, and resting on them were his notes from school, along with my favorite chocolates. Looks like he had had our Friday night planned.

I deserved his wrath. He was really making an effort with me, trying to be, well, he was trying to be some sort of friend. Why, I had no idea, but he was trying.

I had to admit it. Having someone to watch TV with at night wasn’t half bad. Nor was it that bad having someone leave chocolates and movies in your room. I bit my lip. It was actually really nice having someone to study with; especially considering we had exams coming up and, when it came to school, it was really nice of him to ditch his mates and sit with me.

Nearly as nice as when he brought me lunch from the canteen every day, so I didn’t have to line up.

I groaned again. Who was I kidding? I liked him which was the main reason I was just a complete bitch to him. I was trying to lie to myself.

Trying to stop him from being nice to me, so maybe, just maybe, these feelings would go away but my lust was only replaced by guilt and guilt was a lot harder to sleep with at night.

***

I cracked my bedroom door open and, for the first time since Blake’s arrest, there were no chocolates or movies waiting for me outside.

Damn, I really had hurt him last night. I crept silently to his door and gulped before I brought a closed fist to it, tapping lightly. Maybe he hadn’t left yet; it was still early.

Why hadn’t I just gotten up in the middle of the night to face him? I shook my head, thinking of my sleepless night. Guilt really didn’t sit well with me. I tapped on his door again, but still, no answer.

Slowly, I cracked it open and stuck my head in.

“Jax?”

I pushed the door open a little wider; it was empty. He must have already left. The room was dark, so I ran my hand down the side wall, finding the light and flicking it on.

On his bedside table sat three empty bottles of vodka, next to an ashtray that was full of cigarette butts. Looked like his night wasn’t that bad after all, but as I took in bed that hadn’t been slept in, I reconsidered.

He hadn’t slept last night. The side of his bed was a mess but the blankets weren’t turned back, which either meant he didn’t sleep, or that he had been drinking until he passed out.

“What are you doing in here?”

I spun around, guilt on my face, to face Tyler. He was standing in the door frame, looking rather smug, like he’d just caught me doing something I shouldn’t have been doing.

“Looking for Jax.”

“He isn’t here. Did the empty room not tip you off?” He grinned evilly “Searching his room, were we?”

“No,” I crossed my arms. “Where has he gone?”

“Clubhouse. And lying doesn’t suit you.” He pushed the door fully open and leaned against the frame.

“Are you going there?” I flipped my hair to the side.

“Yep. Why?”

“Can I get a ride?”

“Why?”

“Why do you think?” I arched an eyebrow. “I need to speak to Jax.”

Tyler nodded his head and pushed away from the frame as I walked past him. Time to go eat some humble pie, the only sort of pie I didn’t like.

***

“Tyler, where the FUCK have you been?”

I was standing slightly hidden behind Tyler as Cole barked at him.

“I’m here now,” Tyler snapped back, before stepping away from me.

“Why are you here?” Cole narrowed his eyes at me, finally noticing me. “We have club business to take care of. Don’t have time to babysit you.”

“Oh shut it Cole,” I barked as I swiped his half-drunk beer. “I just need to talk to Jax for a minute.”

“Why did you bring her here?” Cole quickly shot over at Tyler, with two tight fists. “We already spoke about this!”

“Look, I didn’t know she wanted to speak to Jax,” Tyler said, meeting Cole’s glare, and I kept looking between the two of them. Tyler had just lied; he knew I wanted to see Jax.

“And I didn’t want to say no to her,” he added, ”considering she hasn’t left the house in weeks, apart from school.”

Cole grunted and said something under his breath before pointing to an open door behind me. “He’s in there, make it quick.”

Spinning around on my heel, I darted off in the direction of the open door. It was the same room that Blake and them had had their meeting in a while back.

Jax was sitting at the end of the table, studying a piece of paper, a lit cigarette in one hand.

“Jax?”

His head snapped up, and after the shock of seeing me wore off, he glared. “What do you want?” he barked at me.

“Um, just to… well… see you for a sec… like only if you have time… you know...” I trailed off.

“I don’t.” He butted out the cigarette. “Leave.”

Ok, that was blunt. I had at least expected him to give me a minute of his time. He just returned his attention to the piece of paper in his hand.

“Look, I just wanted to say sorr…”

“Accepted, now fuck off.” His voice was low and cold. He didn’t pull his eyes from the paper to even shoot a glare in my direction when he spoke. “Now.”

“Jax look, about last night, I really am…”

“I said fuck off Amber.” He glanced up at me briefly, with anger and disgust, before looking back down at his paper.

“No,” I crossed my arms. “Not until you hear me out.”

Jax didn’t look up and he didn’t reply. Instead, he just sat there with a disgusted look on his face, directed at the piece of paper, but I knew that it was really meant for me.

“I… ”

“Why are you here?” Troy walked in behind me, pulling a chair up at the opposite end of the table. “I thought you didn’t leave the house now?”

“I’m here to see Jax. And I do when I want to,” I snapped, letting out an annoyed sigh.

This was going to be harder now that Troy was in the room. “Could you leave?” I asked.

“No, we have shit to take care of. So, like I said Amber, leave,” Jax piped in, leaning back in the chair. My eyes met his cold murderous look, and a shiver ran down my spine.

“Jax is right. This isn’t the best time. Talk to him tonight when we come home.” Troy pulled himself up the table and reached for an ashtray.

“Are you coming home tonight?” I glanced back at Jax.

“Not your concern.” His voice was cold and my shoulders slumped; I had really hurt him last night.

“Jax, I’m sorry about last night. I was a bitch to you and you didn’t deserve it.” I uncrossed my arms and let them hang loosely by my side. “I don’t say sorry much, so when I do, I mean it. So I’m sorry.”

“Whatever, piss off.”

God he could be a jerk when he wanted to be.

“Fine. Bye.” I turned on my heel and slammed into Cole as he was walking in.

“How are you planning on getting home?” Cole asked as he steadied me. “Tyler has to stay.”

“I have legs. I can walk,” I grunted. “I’m not lazy.”

“No, you’re just a bitch,” Jax said behind me, and I didn’t turn around to address him. I was surprised the boys hadn’t come to my defense though but I guess I had been a bit; well, quite bitchy to them as well lately.

“You can’t go wandering the streets by yourself,” Troy piped in. “We will get a prospect to take you home.”

“I’m not going home,” I snapped, “and your prospects’ names are Matt, Luke and Owen. It wouldn’t kill you to learn them.”

Troy and Cole grunted at the same time, and I shouldered past Cole as I attempted to leave, but he stopped me. What a surprise. Everyone seemed to stop me before I did anything.

“What?” I arched an eyebrow.

“Where are you going? It’s Saturday, you don’t have friends.”

“I have friends,” I said as I pulled my arm from his grasp. “But I’m not going to see them.”

“Just let her go,” Jax snapped. “The sooner she pisses off, the better. She is wasting our time like always.”

“Is that what I am to you Jax, a waste of time?” I turned around to wait for his reaction but he didn’t look up; he just stared down at the table.

“Yes.”

Well, that was all I needed. I stormed away. What a prick! I may have been a bitch to him, but I’d said sorry. It’s not my fault he was too proud to listen! But as angry as I was with him, I couldn’t help but wonder. Did he really mean what he’d said?