One Year Later.

Amber

I always knew my past would haunt me. I always knew my mistakes would frame my life. Hell, my dad had told me that on repeat.

He always said, “what you do now will frame your life.” And then he would give me that cold, chiseled look of his.

And right now, his words were repeating in my head.

My mistakes. My past. They were haunting my future. Hell, I didn’t even have a future now because how could I have a future without Jax?  

I walked into the prison. It was my fault he was in here. My stupid charges! I could have faced them; I didn’t need him jumping on the grenade life had thrown my way.

All the shit I had done with the TNS had caught up with me. It was my grenade. It was my fault Jax had organized that gun deal with them, and that same gun deal had been watched. TNS got caught with the guns, and who was in charge of the whole thing. Me.

So people talked which led the police to me. I had a lawyer. I was ready to plead guilty and what does my stupid idiotic fiancé do? Hand’s himself in for being the supplier, on the condition that my charges were wiped.

What was worse was that he did it behind my back. He organized the whole thing, between lawyers! Even my brothers didn’t know he had done it. No-one did.

One night I went to sleep beside him, ready to face my charges in the morning, and the next day I woke up alone, with missed calls from my lawyer.

I had never been, nor will ever be as furious as I was when I’d found out. Nearly as furious as I was now, going to visit him.

Three months. That’s how long it had been since I’d woken up in that bed alone with questions - all of which were answered when I picked up one phone call from my lawyer. He was lucky he was already getting moved to a prison because I could have killed him.

I should have known he was up to something; the way he was acting. Taking me going to prison way too calmly. I should have picked up on it, especially the way we had sex that night, I should have picked up on it. I scoffed while waiting at the prison door. I was left with another reminder of that night.

I was pregnant. Three months, and I couldn’t hide it much longer. Maybe another month, but then people would know.

I wouldn’t have to tell them.

So, right now, as the guard swiped open the door to the private visiting room, where I knew Jax was waiting, I was nervous.

The guard held the door open for me. Right, I was meant to walk in now, and say what? How do you tell someone you love, that they were about to waste six years of their life because of you?

Because that’s how long he got. Six years. SIX FUCKING YEARS! And that was them going easy on him.

I was facing three. Three! I could have done the time! I would have done it. Instead, I was going to have to watch him waste six years of his life, all because of me!

How the hell was that fair?

How the hell was I going to live with that? Why would he do that to me? He wasn’t saving me. And if he thought that was what he had done, he was wrong.

I walked into the room, and there he was.

I knew what he was going to do, so I was going to do him the favor.

“So, have you come up with hurtful comments?” I said as the door closed, and I looked him in the eyes. “I at least thought you would have Mai here, you know, to really drive the message home to me.”

He was surprised at first. Well, he could wipe that surprised look off his face. I knew what he was up to. He was pushing me away. I knew he was going to do it, as soon as I heard how long he got. I also knew he had set up this meeting to break up with me.

I just hoped he got creative. “I’m not going to thank you for what you did for me. They were my charges. I was facing them. Not you!”

He smiled and then his eyes hardened, and I was ready.

“My guns. My problem. Now you know why you are here?” He stood up.

I wished they had cuffed him to the bloody table. If he thought for a second about coming near me, I’d be responsible for another murder.

“I’m guessing to be dumped. I’m just hoping you are creative about it.” I crossed my arms, and took a step back towards the wall. If he touched my stomach, he would know I’m pregnant, and if he was about to do what I knew he was going to do, well, I never wanted him near this baby.

He knew I couldn’t take the heartbreak of losing him again. Just because he was in prison didn’t mean we had to break it off; but I knew Jax. I knew him so well, that I knew he was going to push me away. Hell, he was going to scare me away.

“You always knew the deal, Amber. If I went away, you and I were finished,” he said calmly, and walked around the table.

“That was on the condition that you got caught for your own crimes!” My arm shot out. I couldn’t have him touch me.

“They were my crimes.”

I scoffed. I would not have this argument with him. “Fine. Let’s just cut to it. Are you going to push me away? Just because we will be apart for six years doesn’t mean we should be for the rest of our lives.”

Didn’t he see how immature it was to end us? Six years we could face. I would face them beside him, but I knew by his expression I wasn’t getting a choice.

“Don’t make me hurt you.” His expression was still hard, but I saw a split second of pain. “Just do what you’re told.”

Being told to move on from someone? How the hell do you force your heart to let go? I just glared at him, and when he took a step closer to me, I pushed him as hard as I could.

“How about you do what you’re told? You want us finished? Fine, we are finished.” I pulled the ring off my finger, angry tears running down my face. How many times had I said to myself I wouldn’t cry? “When you get out, don’t come looking for me.” I pushed him back again as he made an attempt to touch me.

The guards saw it, and I knew I only had half a minute to tell him the rest.

“Hear me Jax, don’t come looking for me. We are finished.” I threw the ring at him. “I’ve already cut my brothers off, and when I walk out this door, I will do everything possible so you never find me again.” The guards came in, automatically grabbing Jax. “I won’t let you ever hurt me again, or him.”

Yes, I said him because I was positive I was having a boy. I was so furious and hurt at Jax, it just came out. I would protect my child from him. My child would never experience what it is like for his father to break his heart.

“What do you mean him?” Jax shouted at me, but the guard was already pushing me out. “AMBER!”

The door shut.  I saw the panic on Jax’s face but I knew he hadn’t understood what I’d said. He had no idea he was going to be a father so I hadn’t blown my secret. The guard started dragging me down the hall, away from Jax.

I didn’t need to be dragged; I would leave willingly so I pulled my arm from his grasp and walked off, more determined.

I knew in order for Jax to never enter my life again, I had to cut my brothers off. I had already relocated. The last load of my stuff was in my car. This was my last stop on the train wreck called my old life.

My hands landed on the door to the exit, and I paused. Was I ready to face a world without him? I swallowed sharply and my hands went to my stomach. It didn’t matter anymore. I had to.

I pushed open the door, and took a deep breath in; fresh air. As I walked away from the prison, I made a promise to myself. Never would I let Jackson Johnston near my child. Or my life. Ever again.

Because he had just pushed me and his unborn child away. My child would never experience what it was like to have a Jackson shaped hole in his heart.

I was going to have to live with this hole as it was, but my child wouldn’t.