It was late when I pulled into the driveway. Tae and I planned tomorrow right down to the fine details; researched where we would set up and got the perfect spots from high ground. Their clubhouse was in the middle of rural land, with lots of trees and hills.

So we had plenty of great spots to pick from.

Tae’s men were already camping out and setting up. We were wiping them out as soon as their yard was filled with members and their party was in full swing.

I knew there would be children there; and women, but sometimes you have to weigh the odds which was something I needed to do now with Troy’s help.

I opened the front door, hearing them from outside.

The boys had set up in the lounge, and were watching football. They glanced at me, but their attention was on the football.

“Jax has been tied up with something at the club,” Adam said, his eyes on the television. “He would have called you, but he can’t. He said he will be back here tonight.”

“Right.” My eyes were on Troy as he reached for his beer. “Troy, I need to speak to you.” And all eyes snapped to me. They knew I always turned to Troy if I was in serious trouble or needed serious advice.

“What have you done?” Cole’s eyes were off the television and on me.

“Nothing. I just need to speak to Troy.”

“Well, go on then, he is listening,” Cole said smugly, knowing very well I wanted to talk to Troy in private. He was going to make me say it, wasn’t he?

“I need to speak to him in private”, I said, being forced to. I rarely turned to Troy in my adult life. When they had left, so had my ability to rely on him.

But when I was younger and he was around; when things got serious, when things got hard, when I got in trouble - I turned to Troy.

And that was what I was finding myself doing now.

Troy got up and told the boys to stop bickering. I followed him out of the lounge and up the stairs.

“Guessing you don’t want to be overheard?” he said over his shoulder.

“You’re right.”

He cracked open his bedroom door and then held it open for me.

“They wouldn’t dare come up here if they want to keep breathing,” Troy said, and gestured for me to head in.

So, how do I go about this? How could I say that one very large underworld figure wanted to go into a partnership with me? That he wanted to share his business with me? His men? His money? Everything? He basically was offering me everything he had.

As if we were entering into marriage.

Troy sat down on the edge of the bed next to me, and I suddenly felt more nervous.

“Ok Amber, you have my attention. Tell me what’s wrong,” he said calmly, like he had all the answers to my problems.

Ok… time to explain my situation.

***

Troy stayed quiet as I told him everything. Every detail. Starting with who Tae was and then everything else just tumbled out somehow.

I had just finished telling him about the partnership, and I was waiting for his words of wisdom. God, I needed him to say something! Not just prompt me to keep going and explaining.

“So, Jax knows?” Troy finally said something!

“He knew I was working for Tae, yes.”

“Explains our gun deal and why he was so firm on it.” Troy dragged his hands down his face and sighed. “Well, have you told him about the partnership?”

“Tae said I could tell my brothers. When it comes to Tae, a detail like that is important.”

“So, you aren’t going to tell him?”

Why was he so focused on whether I told Jax or not? “Why does it matter if he knows?”

“Because he loves you,” Troy said matter of factly. “More than I thought he was capable of.”

I swallowed hard. Hearing Troy say he thought Jax really loved me, well that had my head spinning for a second. “Still doesn’t impact the decision.” I tied my hair up.

“Tae is basically offering you marriage, Amber.”

“It’s a partnership, not marriage.”

“You told him you didn’t do relationships?” Troy said, arching an eyebrow at me.

“Yes.”

“This is Tae’s way of getting you to be his wife, without being his wife. This is his way of locking you down on his terms.”

I didn’t think of it like that. “He said it was just business.”

He scoffed. “It isn’t business and a man like him doesn’t just offer a deal like that. Unless...”

“Unless what?”

Troy looked me in the eye. “Unless he is in love with you.” He groaned. “Why do you attract bad men!”

“I really don’t know.” I was dumbfounded. I had no idea why I seemed to always fall in love with men that had the power to hurt me, but I didn’t love Tae, did I?

I respected him. I admired everything he had done. I looked up to him, but had our closeness turned into something more? Was Troy right when he said this was Tae’s way of locking me down to be his?

“So, what do I do?” Right now I needed to be told what to do. “Tae said I can go back with him and lead, or stay here. I think he knows it nearly killed me, being away from you lot.”

“Would he stay if you did?”

“I don’t know. I think he would travel back here more if I was here.” I spoke the truth of what I thought of the situation. I could see Tae’s business trips here increasing if I was here. I don’t know why I thought that… I just did.

“Well, he is the first man to put you as equal. You should factor that in before you make a decision.”

I nodded my head.

“And tell Jax, Amber.”

My eyes snapped up. I couldn’t do that. If I looked at mine and Jax’s relationship logically, considering our history and how he’d behaved; well, with no emotion, it made sense for me to take this opportunity with Tae and wipe Jax out completely.

“It makes more sense to leave with Tae than it does to stay.” I found myself speaking my thoughts out loud. It did make more sense to leave if I put how I felt about Jax aside. If I could think clearly; make a logical decision.

“You never do what makes sense.” Troy gave me a pointed look. “Talk to Jax. I think he will help you make a decision.”

“I really didn’t want to rely on him,” I sighed and almost groaned. “He will just yell at me.”

“Nah, I don’t think he will Amber. If anything, he will be begging.”

“Begging?”

“For you to not marry Tae.”

I couldn’t stop my eyes from rolling. “I’m not marrying him.”

“You are. What he is offering is marriage. Maybe even more serious than marriage, considering his position.” Troy’s hand landed on my knee. “Sorry I couldn’t help you.”

My lips twitched into a smile. If there was one thing Troy always did, it was help. “You did help.”

“If it makes any difference, I never wanted you to have this lifestyle.”

“I was dragged into it.” I shrugged. “And now it is all I know.”

And that was the cold hard truth. I wasn’t the girl who flinched at blood. I wasn’t the girl that had the captain of the football team following her around. Instead, I had one man who was considered the King of the underworld saying he loved me, and, on the other hand, I had a man whose name struck fear in people, offering me a life with him.

So, who would I pick?

Tae or Jax.

Or should I do the cop out and take Tae’s business offer and stay here and keep a relationship with Jax?

But, for some reason, that felt like I was betraying Tae.

God! Why could I never just have a normal problem! Like should I wear my hair curly or straight? Or should I wear makeup today or not?

I groaned and fell back on Troy’s bed. “Why does life have to be so hard?”

I heard him laugh but I knew, as much as I wanted Troy to fix the problem, to tell me which choice to make Tae or Jax, he couldn’t. It was a decision I was going to have to make on my own.

Jax

All fucking day. All fucking day I was dealing with bickering bikers about money! All complaining that they hadn’t got their share as soon as the deal had been settled. Then when I finally sorted that out, a fight broke out about why I wasn’t telling them whom we’d sold to.

I didn’t have to give them answers.

Still, that caused an almighty argument and fight. Troy got pissed off and left, leaving me to deal with the backlash of the other President’s shit.

I think it was his way of paying me back for forcing him to do my work, as well as his, for the last month.

I walked up the hall. All I wanted to do was be with Amber. Cole passed on her new number, but I literally hadn’t even had a minute spare to call her.

I frowned, seeing light under her door. It was after five in the morning. Why would she be up?

I opened the door and I had been so quiet, she hadn’t even realized. Her eyes were glued to a map in front of her, which, by the looks of it, was covered in maths.

“You’re up late?”

Her head snapped up; she looked slightly shocked.

“What has your attention?” I walked towards the bed that she had covered in figures.

“Um, nothing of importance.”

“It looks important.” Then my eyes hardened as I watched her pick up her work. “Why are you doing maths?”

I knew why she was. I knew why she had taken such a liking to it; because she needed it for making good headshots.

I pointed a finger at her. “I told you, no more killing.” It wasn’t happening, not on my watch. Her days of taking people out were over. I was going to make sure of it. If she really had a problem with someone, I’d handle it.

“We need to talk,” she said seriously, ignoring my question and pushing her notes aside.

Alarm bells were now going off. Something had happened. Something serious, and she was only about to tell me now.

“Why the hell didn’t you call me if something serious was happening?” I snapped at her, annoyed. If something was going on that involved her calculating headshots, I should’ve bloody well known.

She picked up her cigarette from the ashtray. “I didn’t have your number.”

Oh.

“You could have got it off the boys.”

“You were busy.”

I was positive she was going to make up every excuse possible to justify why she was only now bringing something serious to my attention.

“Well, what’s wrong?” I said, walking towards her.

She crossed her legs, looking all sorts of worried. “Nothing’s wrong. We just need to talk.”

“About last night?” She had to know I’d meant everything I’d said, and I wasn’t taking any of it back. I loved her. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, but if she had questions or doubts, I’d somehow ease them.

“No,” she said firmly. “It’s about Tae.”

“You’re done with him.” I didn’t see how we could have a conversation about something that was over; then I looked at her closer, reading her expression. “Or so I thought.” I crossed my arms, waiting for her to explain.

“Tae is offering me a partnership. He wants me to lead beside him. He is offering me...” she frowned, “a relationship without a relationship. The securities of one, yet no emotion.”

I knew immediately I was in trouble. She had to be kidding herself right now? He wasn’t just offering her a business partnership, he was offering her… him. To be a part of his life. To be equal. To share his responsibilities. There was only one label for that.

“He wants you to be his wife.” The bitterness that spread through me at the thought of her being someone else’s wife consumed me quickly, washing through my blood.

She nodded her head. “Yeah, basically.”

I just stared at her. I was gone a day. ONE DAY! And this is what happens? How many times did I have to tell her I loved her? Clearly, my love for her wasn’t going to be enough. I shoved my hands in my jeans pockets, feeling all types of sick.

“So what are you going to tell him?”

“He is offering me a life with no emotion.”

I scoffed. “You’re joking, right? As soon as you agree to that partnership, you will end up fucking him!”

“I didn’t say no sex. I said no emotion,” she said, clearer. “No worrying if he is going to break my heart in the morning. No worrying if he will change his mind. No emotion Jax. He knows me.”

“I know you! He knows the distant, cold, side of you!” I waved my hand at her; it was what she was doing right now - being cold and distant. Like she didn’t feel a fucking thing.

She met my worried eyes. “He knows what is left of me.”

What do I do? Do I argue with her? Point out all the reasons I am the better man? Why I am right for her. Fuck. I ran my hands through my hair. How many times had she been the one to tell me we were perfect together? I wished I hadn’t screwed up my one shot with her.

I looked back at her. I didn’t need to even hear it. I could see she had made up her mind. She had come to a decision. Her ‘talk’ with me, was to tell me she was leaving me for someone else.

I thought I was going to be sick.

“Jax?” Her voice was softer, closer. Fuck, when did she get up? She was standing in front of me.

I didn’t need to hear it. I knew I had had one shot with her, I had got one chance, and I’d fucked it up. All day I thought I had got her back, and I couldn’t believe my luck but it turned out my luck was the same as it had always been – crap!

“You’ve already made your mind up.” I saw the look on her face. Saw the determination. She wasn’t making a decision; she had made it and I knew it wasn’t me. I was only offering her my heart, he was offering her the world, with no strings. No chances of being hurt.

After what I had done to her, she never wanted to put herself on the line like that again. She would take the no-emotion option but the really sad part was, there would be emotion. She just didn’t realize that yet. Slowly, he would get through her walls. Slowly, she would trust him, and, before she knew it, she would be marrying him, for real.

“Is there anything I can say to change your mind?” I panicked. God, if there was a magic word to say right now to change her mind, I would say it, but I watched her shake her head from side to side.

“No-one can talk me out of it.”

There went all my chances. No way of talking her out of it. Well, I was fucked. I’d struggled to live without her temporarily, how the hell was I going to manage the rest of my life?

“I love you Amber.”

Her face softened. “I know.”

Well, there was nothing more I could say or do. Nothing was going to change her mind. She’d said that herself. I didn’t even realize I was doing it until her fingers brushed a tear from my cheek. Fucking crying. God, I was weak.

“Jax.” She took a step closer to me and her being closer to me was exactly what I didn’t need. She opened her mouth, but I cut her off.

“I don’t need to hear it.” I didn’t need to hear how sorry she was. How she was doing the right thing. For both of us. I didn’t need to hear that I broke her heart. Or what other twisted reason she was using for breaking it off with me completely. I didn’t need to hear it!

Her fingers brushed my cheek again, wiping more tears away. God, why couldn’t I stop crying? “I love you Jax.”

“Yeah, I get it, but you want what he is offering.” I got it. My one shot with her was over. I’d lost her. Losing her, well I wasn’t sure how I was going to live with that.

She shook her head. “I’ve already said no to Tae.” She wiped more tears away.

I frowned immediately. “But you said you’d made up your mind.”

She smiled “Yeah, to be with you.” She said it like it should have been obvious.

“To be with me?” I didn’t believe it. She said she’d made up her mind. I watched her nod her head.

“Is that so hard to believe?”

“He is offering you a hell of a lot more.” Was she even thinking clearly? Had she even had a solid night’s sleep to be in the state of mind to be making this decision?

She arched her eyebrows at me, standing confidently in front of me. “You trying to change my mind?”

“I just don’t understand…” I thought I’d lost her. Now I was just confused.

She smiled and went up on her toes. “I don’t love him.” There was love in her eyes. I never thought she would be looking at me with love. “But I do love you, so how are we going to break it to my brothers that I’m moving out?”

I was stunned. So stunned I wasn’t speaking. So she just stood there smiling. Waiting for it all to sink in. And it did. It took me a minute, and then I grinned and wrapped my arms around her, bringing her to me.

“We need a house first.”

“I’ve already picked one.”

“What?” I pulled her back to look at her face; she was grinning and actually looking happy. “You have?”

“Yeah, Cole may have made a remark about my sex life and I snapped.” She shrugged. “I don’t want anyone, ever, overhearing us, especially not Cole.” She suppressed a smirk, “cause he might kill you.”

I started to back her towards the bed. “Don’t think I can take him?”

“I’m just saying you wouldn’t have it in you to kill someone related to me.”

“Thinking a lot of yourself again.”

Her legs hit the end of the bed and I gripped her hips quickly, spinning her around. Sitting on the bed, I pulled her onto my lap.

“I’m just saying I’m very loveable.” She grinned at me, sitting on me. Like her old self. I loved watching her like this.

I linked my hand with hers. “Yeah, you are.” And I kissed her cheek. “So, you’re still mine?” I was slowly coming to grips with the fact she wasn’t bolting, even when given the perfect opportunity to.

She leaned her forehead against mine. “Always Jax, even when you don’t want me.”

“I’ll always want you.”

Always, for the rest of my life, I would want her. A smirk spread across my lips. I repositioned her on me, so she was straddling me. My hands pushed her skirt up, until it was around her waist.

“Jax, everyone will be getting up soon. We can’t do what you are thinking.”

The smirk was still on my face. “I don’t care if they hear.”

“I DO!”

“I have my personal best to beat.” My hands pushed her t-shirt up.

“I still can’t believe you got to seven.”

“We will aim for eight tonight.”

“It’s morning, and no.” She looked at me like she wasn’t going to let me.

“Do I have to remind you of the rules?” I took her top off.

“But it’s morning, and the rule says every night.”

“I missed last night.”

“God forbid.” She rolled her eyes, and linked her arms around my neck as I fell back on the bed, with her on top of me.

“I know, think I’m hard done by.”

“Yeah, you would. Ok we can, but if one of the boys comes looking for me, we stop.” She was saying that like I would.

I smirked. “Whatever you say sweetheart.”