CHAPTER 14

The Ballad of Sam, Gary, and Tiggy

 

 

I LAY on my back looking up at the stars, listening to Gary and Tiggy snore. Gary would adamantly deny this, saying a lady of his stature would never snore, but he was a liar and a fat mouth and his snoring sounded like an orgy involving otters and bears.

The fire was getting low, but the night was warm and the sky was clear and so I wished for things in my secret heart, waiting for sleep to take me away.

“You watch the stars a lot,” Ryan said from somewhere off to my left. He was on first watch but hadn’t spoken in a while.

“I guess,” I said.

“Why?”

“They don’t change,” I said, even though I hadn’t meant to. “Everything else around me can change, but they won’t ever. And it doesn’t matter where I am in the world, I can look up and see the same sky.”

“Everything always changes,” he said quietly. “And you wake up one day and don’t recognize the life you had before you went to sleep.”

I didn’t know quite what to say to that, so I said nothing at all.

Nothing happened for a few moments, but then he was up and moving from the other side of the fire, dragging his bedroll closer to me. I didn’t say anything as he spread it perpendicular to me, his head near mine. He lay back down and I tried to remember how to breathe.

“I can protect you easier if I’m closer,” he said.

“Because I need you to protect me. Obviously.” I refused to look over at him and instead looked back up at the night sky.

“I didn’t mean to avoid you.”

I rolled my eyes. “So you admit to the avoiding.”

“Possibly.”

“Were you aware of it?”

“Yes.”

“Then you meant to do it.”

I could hear the scowl in his voice. “Not specifically.”

“So, no specific avoidance, but a vague avoidance.”

“Talking to you is impossible sometimes.”

“I’m a wizard.”

“You say that a lot.”

“It’s a fact.”

“It sounds like an excuse sometimes.”

“Says the Knight Commander.”

Gary chose at that moment to snort in his sleep quite loudly, shooting a puff of green and lavender sparkles out his nose. He resumed snoring annoyingly like the princess unicorn he was. Tiggy tugged him tighter against his chest in his sleep.

“How did you meet them?” Ryan asked. “There are at least thirty different versions of the story.”

“What?”

He shrugged. The fire popped. An owl called out from the Dark Woods. “People talk about you.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re you.”

“That’s… succinct. And frightening.”

“It’s a reason,” he said. “Trust me on that.”

“Okay, then.”

“So?”

I sighed. “Gary tells it better. Certainly with more… flair. He calls it the ‘Ballad of Sam, Gary, and Tiggy.’ There’s singing involved. And rhyming. Possibly a choreographed dance, depending on his mood. It’s really quite the production. And now that I think about it, that’s probably why there are thirty different versions of the story. He tends to change things up upon repeat performances. Doesn’t want to let down his fans.” Gods, I loved that fucking unicorn.

“I’d rather hear the Sam version,” Ryan said and I couldn’t take it anymore. I looked over at him and found him watching me, head turned back at an almost awkward angle. The firelight danced across his face and I thought I’d never seen anything more beautiful. My magic felt so settled in my skin that I thought that I could do anything.

So I said, “Okay. Okay. There was once a strange and somewhat lonely boy….”

 

 

THERE WAS once a strange and somewhat lonely boy. He had wished upon the stars above and found them listening because one day, a man came to the slums and took him away to a castle. His parents came too, and they were amazed and awed at what life would be like for them.

And he worked. The strange and somewhat lonely boy worked as hard as he could, because Morgan expected great things from him. The boy wanted nothing more than to make Morgan happy and make his parents proud.

That left little time for anything else. Between schooling and magic and lessons in proper etiquette, the boy wasn’t able to make many friends. True, he didn’t have friends in the slums to begin with (because he was odd and mouthy and fiery and that combination made him an outcast), but he’d hoped things would be different.

There was a prince for whom he would one day serve, and while he was only a few years older, the Prince had little time for the peculiarity from the slums.

And the boy was okay with that. Mostly.

He was fourteen when the wizard Morgan of Shadows came to him with a great task.

He said, “You must go into the wilds of the Dark Woods and within three days bring back something unexpected.”

“Unexpected?” the boy asked with wide eyes. “Is this a test?”

And the great wizard said with a smile, “Yes, little one. It is a test. And I have great faith in you.”

That made the little boy feel warm and more than a little happy, because not many people had had faith in him. His parents, yes, but who else? He had no friends to miss him in the slums, no people to mourn his departure. But here! Here he had a man who was almost a legend telling him about faith, and the boy thought that if it were possible, he would bring the man the sun and the moon just to show how much his words meant.

It was also the first time he would be going out on his own. It showed that the wizard had trust in his apprentice, trust that he could perform the task set before him. Was he scared? Sure. He was fourteen years old. He was scrawny. His voice still tended to crack. He was confused why sometimes a handsome boy smiling meant something more than a pretty girl.

But he was more than his fears. He was an apprentice, and one day, he would be the King’s Wizard, and people would remember his name and they would be happy to see him, happy to be his friend.

And so the boy packed a bag, hugged his parents (who were only the tiniest bit teary, especially the father), and walked out of the castle, out of the City, and into the Dark Woods.

And promptly got lost.

He didn’t mean for it to happen.

One minute he was marching determinedly into the Dark Woods, and the next (after being distracted by this and that), he was in unfamiliar territory, unsure of where to go next. He knew magic, of course, but Morgan had warned him to use it sparingly so as to not attract unwanted attention. Especially if he was traveling by himself. He could protect himself, if it came down to it (which were among the first lessons Morgan had taught him: defensive spells and wards and counterattacks), but he often had trouble with the little things, like directions and staying on point. It wasn’t his fault, not completely. His brain worked a little differently and it was easier for him to become sidetracked. His mother said it was a quirk. His father said it was a talent. Morgan said it was an issue to be worked through.

But none of them were with him in the Dark Woods and he was, and now he was lost and still needed to find something unexpected.

There was a large spider with a web six feet across.

It was unexpected, sure. But it was also gross.

There was the skull of a large elk, sixteen points upon its head.

It was unexpected, definitely. But it had died in the forest it had lived in, and the boy knew that’s where it should stay.

There was a flower that blossomed only when touched by human hands.

It was unexpected, no doubt about it. But it smelled awful and caused the boy to sneeze.

That first night he huddled up against a tree. The canopy overhead was thick, but if he angled his head just right, he could see the stars.

Now, this boy had done his fair share of wishing upon these stars. Sometimes, the wishes came true. Most of the time, they did not. It never stopped him, though. Because the stars were always there, no matter where he was.

And so, like most nights, aside from that stretch of time when he first moved into the castle, he looked up at the sky and found the Fox and the Dragon and the Old Fish, friends that never left him, and on the outside of his vision, he saw the green of his magic. It was there, like the stars, his constant.

I wish to find the unexpected, he thought. So that I may show Morgan that he was right to place his faith in me.

He slept, then. Under the tree. Under the stars. In the Dark Woods.

When he opened his eyes again, the sun was barely rising and he heard a deep, choked sob that came from deeper in the woods.

Whoever it was sounded so sad and hurt that it clawed at the boy’s heart, even as it made him wary. He knew there were tricksters in the forest, shape-shifters and fairies and selkies who could lure even the most hardened of men with promises of sex or love or the need for comfort until they were too close to see the flash of claws, the snarl of teeth.

He was a kind boy, a loving boy. But he was not a stupid boy.

He remembered words that Morgan had taught him, words that could cause rocks to float and be hurled. His was an earthy magic, with words like ris and thri and par. They were weaker words, but they would do in a pinch if he needed them.

He hoped he wouldn’t need them.

He took light steps through the woods, avoiding the leaves that scattered the forest floor. Most knew him by his mouth, the never-ending babble that would pour out talking about anything and everything. They didn’t know that this strange and somewhat lonely boy could be as silent as shadow when called upon to do so. That he could close his mouth and narrow his mind with a razor-sharp focus. He could move with the softest of steps, like he was not there at all.

The sounds of sadness grew louder and he almost hoped it was a trap, because the sobs were filled with such pain that it caused the boy’s heart to shatter. A trap meant that nothing bad had happened to whomever was crying like their soul had been torn in two.

There was a clearing ahead.

He moved among the trees.

He heard a quiet murmur moving in tandem with the sobs.

He took a breath and peered around an old tree, the bark rubbing against his hands.

In the clearing sat a giant of a man, head bowed, face in hands, shoulders shaking as he cried. He had long black hair that hung around large fingers. He wore only trousers, torn and dirty. Across the long expanse of his back, scars stretched in sharp, white relief from the tanned skin. It took the boy a moment to see them for what they were.

Whip marks. The giant of a man had been whipped. Repeatedly.

Some of the scars were old. Some looked newer.

He moved his hand from his face, and his chin wobbled, and he let out another sound of anguish, his dark eyes welling and spilling over onto his already wet and reddened cheeks. He looked so young.

“It’s okay,” another voice said. “We’ve got away. We won’t have to go back, I promise. We’ll find somewhere to go and I’ll build you a house and we can live there and have food and beds and good dreams and nothing will hurt us ever again.”

The boy looked away from the giant and saw another wonder that took his breath away.

A beautiful white horse, tall and elegant and… talking.

The horse was talking.

It wasn’t until the horse looked off into the trees that the boy saw the nub of bone on the horse’s forehead that he realized it wasn’t a horse at all.

It was a unicorn.

“So awesome,” the boy breathed.

Quite loudly.

The unicorn immediately looked over at where the boy was hiding behind the tree. It glared, eyes flashing brightly and only then could the boy feel its magic, reaching out for his own. It wasn’t as strong as a unicorn’s should be, but its horn was gone so the boy didn’t expect it to be.

He heard the giant of a man rumble loudly as he pulled himself to his feet and the boy thought briefly how he couldn’t be a full giant, as they were twenty feet tall, but that his mother must have been a giantess, and his father a man. He had so many questions to ask but he first needed to make sure they weren’t going to rip him limb from limb.

“Who’s there?” the unicorn shouted.

“I smash,” the half-giant growled.

“Tiggy will smash you,” the unicorn agreed.

“Very hard,” the half-giant said.

The boy most certainly didn’t want to be smashed, but he needed them to know he wasn’t a threat. A unicorn couldn’t be evil, because their hearts were too pure, and if it was traveling with a half-giant, then the half-giant couldn’t be all bad either. And they sounded scared and sad and all the boy wanted to do was make them smile and laugh and be happy.

This strange and somewhat lonely boy knew he had found something unexpected.

So he took a breath and pulled his shoulders back and held himself high as he stepped away from the tree and into the clearing.

The unicorn and half-giant stared at him.

The boy stuck out his chest proudly.

The unicorn snorted. It came out pink. “Well,” it said. “That’s not quite what I expected. Who knew the forest was infested with twinks.”

The boy furrowed his brow. “What’s a twink?”

“You’ll learn one day, chicken,” the unicorn said. “Around the time your cherry gets popped. Now go away. We’re busy.”

The boy gaped at him. “You can’t speak to me that way! I’m a wizard.”

“Sure, kid. And I’m the Queen of Verania.”

“Smashing?” the half-giant asked.

“No, Tiggy,” the unicorn said. “No smashing. We don’t smash little twinks. We let them grow up so they can provide a valuable service by having sex with mens.”

“Tiggy,” the boy said.

They both looked over

“I like your name,” the boy said. “And I haven’t decided if I want to have sex with men or women yet. I’m only fourteen. I still have time to decide.”

“Honey bear,” the unicorn said. “You are the gayest thing I’ve seen since I last saw my own reflection.”

“Oh,” the boy said. “That’s… eye-opening.”

“I like your face, tiny human,” Tiggy said as he took a step toward the boy.

The boy looked up at him in awe. “So tall,” he whispered.

“Tiggy,” the unicorn said in warning.

“His face,” Tiggy insisted as he took another step and another. The boy felt the ground shake beneath.

“It’s not a bad face,” the unicorn said. Then he narrowed his eyes. “Who sent you here? Why are you by yourself? What do you want?”

“I’m on a quest,” the boy said proudly, puffing out his chest again. “I must find something unexpected and bring it back to my mentor.”

“Uh-huh,” the unicorn said. “Fascinating. Super fun. Are you here to capture us and take us back to Koklanaris?”

The boy scrunched up his face. “Kokla what?”

“His face,” Tiggy said again. His eyes were red rimmed, but the tears had stopped falling. He stood above the boy and leaned down until they were eye level.

“Whoa,” the boy said. “Your eyes are huge, dude. Like as big as my hand.”

“Dude,” Tiggy rumbled. “Huge dude.”

The boy smiled widely. “Dude.”

And then he squawked loudly as the giant picked him up and held him against his chest before turning back to the unicorn.

“I keep him,” Tiggy said. “He’s mine.”

“You can’t keep him,” the unicorn said. “He’s a human. Do you know how much upkeep they require? They eat and poop all the time.”

“Not all the time,” the boy said. “I feel I eat and poop the regular amount of time. Maybe even a little less.”

“He’s mine,” Tiggy said again. “I call him Steve.”

“Uhhh,” the boy said.

“Steve,” the unicorn said flatly. “That’s… okay. He looks like a Steve. I guess.”

“I’m not a Steve,” the boy said. “I’m a Sam.”

“Steve,” Tiggy said. “You’re Steve. My Steve. I love you, tiny Steve.”

Sam twisted in the half-giant’s arms until he could get level with his face. He reached out and squished Tiggy’s cheeks in his hand, making the half-giant pucker his lips. “Saaaaaam,” the boy said slowly. “Saaaaaaam.”

“Steeeeeeve,” Tiggy said.

“Oh my gods,” the unicorn muttered.

“You can keep me if you call me Sam,” the boy said.

Tiggy pouted.

“Aww,” Sam said. “That face.”

“Sam,” Tiggy said and Sam grinned. Tiggy sat down and held the boy in his lap. “I keep Sam,” he told the unicorn.

The unicorn leaned forward and snuffled along Sam’s face and neck and the boy laughed and laughed. The unicorn finished and stepped back. “You smell like magic,” he said finally.

“I’m a wizard.”

The unicorn waited.

“Okay. Not quite a wizard. An apprentice.”

“To who?”

“Morgan of Shadows,” Sam said proudly.

The unicorn looked suitably impressed. “You’re an apprentice to the King’s Wizard?”

“Yep. What’s your name? How old are you? Do you like cheese? I once ate a whole block of cheese by myself and threw up for six hours.”

The unicorn stared at him. Then, “Gary.”

“Your name is Gary,” Sam said.

“Yes.”

“Ah. That’s… not very unicorn-like.”

Gary scowled. “And what is unicorn-like?”

Sam shrugged. “I don’t know. Like Princess Moon Cloud or Ethereal Tear or Star Shine.”

“You think a normal unicorn name is Princess Moon Cloud or Ethereal Tear or Star Shine.”

“Yes.”

Gary looked up at Tiggy. “Yes. We can keep him.”

Tiggy held him tighter.

They stayed in the clearing and Gary and Tiggy told him how they’d escaped from a traveling carnival where they’d both been held prisoner by a man named Koklanaris. He’d kept them in cages for months, charging humans to come in and gawk at them, calling them unnatural wonders of the mysterious world. One night, not long before they’d met Sam in the clearing, Koklanaris had gotten drunk and hadn’t properly redone the wards and dark charms that kept them in the cages. They’d escaped and run as far as they could until their legs grew tired and they could run no more.

Sam heard this story and felt a heavy weight on his heart. He reached out and touched Gary’s face, running his hands gently along his snout. “Did he take your horn?” he asked quietly.

Gary shuddered and shook his head. “That happened. Before.”

“You’re very pretty,” the boy said. “With or without it, you’re very pretty.”

And the unicorn said, “Thank you, little twink,” pressing his face against the boy’s.

They stayed the night in the clearing and the boy shared his food. They slept curled around each other until there came an angry snarl from the woods.

They woke instantly and the unicorn and the half-giant began to tremble.

Men stood in the clearing. Four of them, holding ropes and chains. There was one who seemed to lead the others. He stood in front of them, eyes shrewd and calculating. He was tall and imposing, looking as if he’d been carved cruelly from a mountain. His head was shaved and as Sam watched, he unfurled a whip in his hand.

“Those are my property, boy,” the man said. His voice was like gravel and it grated on the boy’s ears.

The boy shook his head. “They’re no one’s property. You can’t own what belongs to the world.”

Koklanaris (for there was no doubt in the boy’s mind who he was) said, “Is that so? And who are you to stand in my way?”

“Sam,” the boy said. “And these are my friends.”

“Monsters don’t have friends,” Koklanaris said. “They exist to make me money and nothing more. Step aside and let the adults handle this.”

“I am the apprentice to the King’s Wizard,” Sam said, standing tall. “You answer to the Crown, and I am an extension of that Crown.”

The men laughed. Koklanaris said, “Boy, I don’t give two shits who you are. Step aside before I kill you.” He cracked the whip, and Tiggy whined quietly in fear.

Sam had had enough.

There was an anger in him, then. That the hearts of men could be so dark that they could not see the beauty of the creatures before them. This Sam was not the same Sam who turned the boys to stone in that alley years before. This Sam was practiced. This Sam was controlled. This Sam had friends, finally had friends that he would do anything to protect.

This Sam said, “Leave. I’ll give you one chance.”

Koklanaris raised his whip, and Sam raised his hands. Words came to him, words he’d never used before like gre and san and his fingers moved and twitched as the whip came down. Before the leather could crack against his skin, the green of the forest filled Sam’s eyes and instead of pain, Sam felt the flutter of wings.

He opened his eyes and saw the whip had turned into dozens of butterflies, and they fluttered in the moonlight, swirling around Sam and Koklanaris. Tiggy and Gary gasped behind him and the men behind Koklanaris took a step back.

Koklanaris grew angry. He raised his hand back to slap the boy, but the boy said, “I could kill you,” and Koklanaris hesitated.

“I really could,” the boy said pleasantly. “I could kill you with the smallest of thoughts.”

Koklanaris slapped him. The boy’s head rocked back.

Tiggy roared. Gary growled.

And Sam (who was not the boy in the alley anymore) said, “You shouldn’t have done that,” while raising his hands again.

The men in the clearing ran.

Koklanaris said, “You don’t scare me.”

“I do,” Sam said. “You’re sweating.”

“I smash,” Tiggy said in a low voice. “I smash so good.”

And the carnival man’s eyes widened in fear and he too left the clearing. He looked back only once but then he was gone.

They waited until the fleeing men could no longer be heard before they each let out the breaths they’d been holding.

“You okay?” Sam asked his friends.

And Tiggy picked him up again and held him close. He said, “Tiny Sam. Tiny Sam. Tiny Sam.”

They left when morning came.

As they reached the gates to the City of Lockes, people began to stare. They whispered about the boy from the slums who came back to the city from a wizard’s quest with a half-giant and a hornless unicorn.

Morgan waited for him at the castle gates with his mother and father. The King was there too, and he had a small smile on his face as he watched them approach. The Prince was not there, but Sam didn’t think too much on that.

Morgan said, “And what have you brought me?”

“Something unexpected,” Sam said proudly.

“You return from the wilds with a half-giant and a unicorn,” Morgan said. “That is very unexpected.”

But the boy shook his head. “That’s not the unexpected part.”

Morgan, in his infinite wisdom, said, “Oh?”

“I went into the wilds alone, and I returned with friends,” Sam said. “I’ve never had a friend on my own before. And now I have two. Unexpectedly.”

And the great wizard looked away and took a stuttering breath. When he looked back at the boy, his eyes were bright and he said, “I think the most unexpected thing of all is you, little one. Because no one could ever hope to fathom the wilds of your heart. You were sent out on a quest and returned with more than I could have ever believed. I will give you your name now. Because you’ve earned it.”

And the boy smiled so wide that it felt like his face would split. His parents cried, though his father would never admit to it. Even the King wiped away a tear, and Sam would make fun of him for years after because of it.

But he looked up at his mentor and said, “Yes, please. And thank you.”

Morgan of Shadows smiled and said that until the day of the Trials when he would become a full-fledged wizard, Sam Haversford, the strange and somewhat lonely boy from the slums, would be known as Sam of Wilds.

Gary said, “This has been the weirdest twenty-four hours ever.”

 

 

THE FIRE was almost out by the time I’d finished. My voice fell away and I looked over at my friends, still snoring and curled against each other.

“You love them,” Ryan said, the first time he’d spoken since I started the story.

“Very much,” I agreed. “I wouldn’t be who I am without them. We might fight with each other and piss each other off, but I would die for them. And they would die for me.”

“I don’t want you to die at all,” Ryan said quietly.

I looked over at him. He was staring up at the stars. “No one is dying,” I said.

“Sam.”

“What?”

“I….”

I waited.

“I knew you,” he said in a rush. “From before.”

I sat up quickly. “You did? How?”

He pushed himself up too, chewing on the inside of his cheek like he was nervous about something. He shook his head, steeling himself for something, and then did the most ridiculous thing. He covered his chest with his hands and said, “Please don’t make my nipples explode!”

I said, “What?”

He blushed and dropped his hands. He looked away again, then back at me, eyes searching for something. “You ever been turned to stone, Sam? It’s an interesting experience to say the least.”

“No. Fucking. Way,” I breathed. “Nox? You’re Nox?”

He shrugged. “In the flesh. Go by Ryan now, in case you didn’t notice.”

“But… but… you were such a dick,” I said, my voice going high. “What in the name of fuck?”

“I was a dick,” he corrected me. “Things change.”

“Um. No. Sometimes, you’re still a dick.”

He scowled at me. “Thanks.”

“How the hell did I not know this?” I asked. I was pretty sure my world felt completely altered.

“I grew up,” he said. “Worked out. Gained muscle. Joined the King’s Army. Got recruited into the knights. Came to the castle after that.”

“And you didn’t think to tell me?” I asked. “At any point?”

He looked a little hurt. “Would you have even given me a chance if you’d known?”

“A chance for what?”

And that seemed to fluster him. “For… just… oh my gods. Sam. I don’t… friendship, okay? Like… or whatever.”

“Or whatever,” I echoed. “So, instead of telling me that you were the guy that stole Mrs. Kirkpatrick’s cloth, you decided to be dashing and immaculate.”

“Maybe?” he said with a wince.

I just stared at him, too many things running through my head, so many things I wanted to say to him. So, of course, I said the thing that mattered the least. “Why did you steal her cloth?”

He rolled his eyes. “I was a teenage asshole from the slums. I stole everything.”

And it hit me. Why my magic had manifested then. Why I’d been able to turn them to stone when I did. Why I’d done magic so complex without ever having done it before. Ryan had been there from the very first. He was my cornerstone, even then. He was the reason I was able to do what I did.

“Holy fucking shit,” I whispered.

“What?” he asked.

“I… don’t….” I shook my head. “I’m just… surprised. Of all the things you could have said, that’s probably the thing I expected the least.”

“Yeah, I figured as much. I don’t think I’ve ever seen your eyebrows go that high before.”

“It was very shocking,” I assured him. “The most shocking of all. Why now?”

“Why tell you now?”

I nodded.

He looked down at his hands. “I don’t know. You were telling me about Tiggy and Gary and it was personal and sweet, and I just couldn’t take the thought anymore of you not knowing who I was. You said you didn’t have friends before and there were times when we were kids that I wanted you to be my friend, but I didn’t know how to ask.”

“So you were a jerk instead,” I said. “Makes sense.”

“Teenagers usually do,” he said. And then he blurted, “I did it because of you.” He winced. “Ah shit.”

“Did what?”

He groaned. “Gods, forget I said that, okay?”

“Yeah, because when have I ever done that? Remember who you’re talking to here.”

“Sam.”

“Nox.”

“I am never going to hear the end of this, am I?”

“Not ever,” I agreed. “You have decades of this to look forward to. It probably would’ve been in your best interest to not have said anything at all. I will lord this over you until my dying breath, and at no point will I feel badly at doing so.”

For some reason, he didn’t look too upset at the prospect. In fact, his mouth curved gently upward. “Everyone talked about you. Even before the alleyway happened. ‘Little Sam,’ they said. ‘Little Sam who is going to do great things.’ They talked about you like you were this sight to behold, and when I saw you for the first time, I thought there’d been a mistake. I thought that this kid, this tiny little kid whose mouth never closed, couldn’t possibly be who they meant.”

He reached and stoked the fire with a stick I’d used before, the tip blackened and charred. The flame flared briefly, little sparks rising with the smoke. “But then, one day, you knocked me down and took a bag of cloth from my hand. Do you remember what you said to me?”

I shook my head. “I remember you glaring and me thinking I was going to die a painful death. That’s about it.”

He chuckled. “You looked down at me and said, ‘Don’t be a jerk, dude. You don’t have the right to take away something that makes other people happy.’ And then you grinned at me and started running.”

I winced. “Yeah, that sounds like something I would have said. It’s easier to be unabashedly sanctimonious when you’re eleven years old. The cynicism hadn’t quite set in.”

Ryan glanced over at me then back at the fire. “I don’t know. You’re still smug a lot of the time.”

“Ass. I am the definition of humble. But enough about me. Surely you started chasing after me because you wanted to tell me just how right I was and apologize for everything you’d ever done. Be absolved of your sins to lead a righteous life.”

“No,” Ryan said. “I wanted to kick the shit out of you.”

I couldn’t stop the bark of laughter that came out at that. “That’s… I don’t know what that is.”

He shrugged. “The truth. You made me mad.”

“I tend to do that.”

“You turned that corner down the alley and I knew you were caught.”

“I saw the wall and thought I was fucked.”

“That’s because you were,” he said. “And yet you still turned and faced us. You looked me in the eyes and then the next thing I knew, the alley was filled with people and your mom and dad and Morgan were threatening me, and I was positive that Morgan was going to make my nipples explode.”

“Still one of my better rumors.” I grinned up at him. “People still think he can do that. I would say I’m sorry for turning you to stone, but honestly, I’m really not.”

He smiled again. I thought I saw a flash of teeth. “Didn’t think you would be.”

“In fact, I should probably thank you.”

“For?”

“If you hadn’t chased me that day, I’d have never turned you to stone and Morgan wouldn’t have found me. If you think about it, you’re sort of responsible for everything that happened afterward.”

“That’s… one way of looking at it.”

I beamed at him. “Thanks for being a teenage dick bag, Ryan.”

“Exactly what I was aiming for,” he said, dry as dust.

“Then you succeeded admirably.” I laid my head back down on my pack and looked back up at the stars. “What happened then?”

He was quiet for a moment. Then, “You left.”

“To the castle.”

“Yeah. It was all anyone could talk about. ‘Little Sam and his magic.’ ‘Little Sam would be a wizard.’ ‘Little Sam ascended from the slums into Castle Locke.’” It was said without a hint of bitterness. In fact, if I had to put a name to the tone in his voice, I would have thought it was something like pride. “Before then. You’d never done anything like that?”

“No,” I said. “Not once. Morgan thought it might have been a combination of being close to puberty and a survival instinct. It manifested itself then because I needed it to. You know. Because you were an asshole.”

“You’re welcome,” he said.

I narrowed my eyes. “Why are you dashing and immaculate now?” I demanded. “People like Nox don’t grow up to be people like you. You should be overweight and balding and have no teeth and awful body odor to go with your surly attitude. But no! You’re all muscular and gorgeous and sassy and awesome and holy fucking shit I am not talking right now.” Because what the fuck was I thinking? Why could I never keep my mouth shut?

And his smile was blinding.

“Oh crap. That’s not what I meant to say. At all. Oh, look over there. There’s a tree that looks like a dragon. That’s surely a sign.”

“Right. A sign that you needed a distraction and have failed miserably at finding one.”

“Says you. It was a perfect distraction. We’re talking about it, aren’t we?”

“Uh-huh. Muscular and gorgeous, you say?”

“From a purely clinical standpoint,” I assured him. “Absolutely nothing more.”

“Absolutely nothing more.”

I despised when he repeated my own words back to me and made them sound absolutely ridiculous. “At least some things don’t change. You were a bastard then and you’re a bastard now. Sometimes.”

“Sometimes,” he said, the grin never wavering. “Is that right?”

I scowled at him. “I take it back. All of the time.”

“You really don’t know, do you?”

“Know what?”

“The effect you have on people.”

That… was odd. I had never really thought about it, to be honest. I didn’t go through life wanting to affect other people. I wanted to learn magic and become a wizard. I wanted Morgan to be proud of me and confident in my abilities. I wanted my mom to smile every day and my dad to be able to put his feet up at the end of the day and not worry about what tomorrow would bring. I wanted Gary and Tiggy to never again know the sting of a whip or the confines of a cage. I wanted Ryan. I wanted Ryan to be happy and alive and to smile all the time. I wanted more, but since that couldn’t happen, I would take what I could get.

“The King said you didn’t smile,” I blurted out.

Ryan looked startled. “What?”

“At your ceremony. He said he never sees you smile anymore. And I thought that was weird because I see you smile all the time.”

“Do you?”

“Well, yeah. Like right now.”

“You just… you have no….”

I cocked my head at him. “What?”

He sighed. “After you were taken to the castle, people began to realize the lives they were given in the slums were not always the lives they had to take. They thought if one of their own could grow to be someone so important, that they could change the shape of their destinies too. You inspired them, Sam.”

“I didn’t know that,” I said honestly. “Not really. I go back. To the slums. Every chance I get. It’s not as much as I used to, but I still try.”

“I know. And that’s what makes it all the more important. Your actions. And that’s why I taught myself to read. It’s why I taught myself to write. It’s why I changed my name. It’s why I joined up with the King’s Army. It’s why I kept my head down and worked until my back ached and my fingers bled. It’s why I was recruited into the knights. It’s why I was promoted to Knight Commander.”

I shook my head. “No. That was you. That was only you. I didn’t—”

“But it was because of you that I did it.” He looked down at his hands. “Not directly, but it might as well have been. I thought that if you could change your future, to make it into something more, then maybe I could too. That I could do enough to take my mom out of the slums and give her the life she deserved after putting up with a son like me.” He took a breath and let it out slowly. “I made it, Sam. Mostly. I changed my future. But she died before I could change hers. I made a promise to her. Before. That I would do everything in my power to become greater than what I was born into, be more than what my station allowed. And I… I needed… need to keep that promise to her.”

I felt cold. “I’m sorry,” I said, inadequate as it was. “I didn’t know.” And there were questions that I wanted (needed) to ask: how, when, where, why. But they all stuck in my throat and I said nothing more. I’d never known the loss of a parent. I couldn’t even begin to understand.

“Most don’t,” he murmured. “They don’t know me as Nox. They only know Ryan Foxheart.”

I reached over and took his hand in mine, letting it rest in his lap. Our fingers intertwined, and he stared down at them. I didn’t like it when he hurt, even if my act of comfort hurt me more. “I know you,” I said quietly. “I know how you were. And how you are now.” I hesitated, but pushed through it. “Do the others know? About where you came from?” Meaning did Justin know. And I thought I knew the answer, but I still needed to hear it from him, no matter how crushing it would be.

He shook his head.

I sighed and withdrew my hand. I was disappointed, though I didn’t know if it was my place to be. It was none of my business what he told people about himself. I needed to remember that. Just because I was proud of where I’d come from didn’t mean that others would feel the same. The slums were awful, sure, but they’d been my home for the first half of my life, and I knew happiness there. I didn’t see the need to hide where I’d come from because others might look down upon it. Granted, most already knew I was from the slums. But, if anything, that just made the hurt a bit worse, that Ryan could see how most didn’t give a shit about me, yet he still chose to hide it about himself. And maybe, for the briefest of moments, I entertained a dark thought: Just how easy would it be to let it slip to Justin that his fiancé was born in the slums? Would Justin still be as keen to marry Ryan? It would be so easy. Then Ryan would be free and I could—

No.

No. That’s not who I was. That’s not who I am. I could never do that to him, no matter how I felt about him. It wasn’t my secret to tell.

“It’s not like that,” he said, and he almost sounded like he was pleading. “I’m not ashamed about being from the slums. It’s just… I can’t….”

“I didn’t say you were,” I said, trying to put him out of his misery. “You have to do what you have to do, you know? You don’t need to justify yourself. Especially to me. I’m proud of how far you’ve come. And flattered that you think that I helped in whatever way I did, though I don’t think I deserve that. I promise your secret is safe with me.”

“It’s not meant to be a secret,” he said. “You have to believe me about that.”

“I do,” I said, even though it felt like a lie.

“Can we just—?”

“It’s late,” I said, because I could see this brewing into something more damning. “I should get some sleep. You good for the first watch still?”

He nodded. He opened his mouth to say something else, but closed it a moment later. Maybe he understood that it was time we stopped before we couldn’t stop anymore.

“Give me a couple of hours and I’ll take over,” I told him.

He looked away.

I turned over on my side away from him and tried to take calm, even breaths. To shut my mind down so I could at least sleep for a little while.

Of course it wasn’t that easy. It never had been and all I could think of now was RyanRyanRyan and NoxNoxNox. About how I could be so stupid to think I could get to know him better without there being consequences. Without allowing him to get even further under my skin. That was proving to be difficult.

After what felt like ages, he said, “Sam?”

I thought about ignoring him. Feigning sleep. Instead, I said, “Yeah.” My voice was rough.

“What happened to him?”

“Who?”

“Koklanaris.”

I smiled, though he couldn’t see it. Most never thought to ask that question, so of course he did. “The day after I brought Tiggy and Gary to the castle, he was arrested and charged with abuse and cruelty to magical creatures. They’re protected, you know. As long as they haven’t hurt anyone else, they’re protected by law. His entire carnival was dismantled, and he’s in a jail in the desert. He’ll be there for a very long time.”

“Because of you,” he said.

“I couldn’t let him get away with what he did. It wasn’t fair, and I wouldn’t allow that to happen to anyone else.” I thought to stop there, but truth for a truth, right? That’s how the game is played. “I almost killed him in that clearing. It was very close. I sent him to jail so I would never have to. If he’s lucky, that’s where he’ll stay. Because if I ever see him again, he won’t be walking away.”

He said, “Sam” like I had achieved something wonderful. Like I had revealed to him a great secret that only he and I would ever know.

And I suppose I did.

So I slept and dreamed of running through the streets of the slums, my heart beating rapidly, my lungs burning. And I laughed because even though I was chased into a blind alley, my cornerstone was there and he’d never let anything hurt me. Because only he could do that, and there, in a world that did not exist, he never would.

 

 

RYAN WOKE me a couple of hours before dawn.

He crawled under his blanket as I sat up.

His head was near my knee. Just inches away, really.

He looked up at me. I looked down at him.

Eventually, he closed his eyes.

I wondered at this complex man, this knight from the slums who wanted nothing more than to become something more. I thought it possible that he looked up at the stars and had wished for the same things I did. How funny that our paths crossed as they had. Then and now. And how every time was not the right time, no matter how much I could wish it to be so.

And I told myself we needed to find Justin soon, because I couldn’t have him like this. I couldn’t have him within reach. Not when I would just have to let him go once we got the Prince back. He was in love. And I was not the type of man to ever try and come between something like that. We would get Justin back and they would go back to Castle Lockes and I would go north. There would be a wedding, and I’d send my condolences at missing the ceremony and my congratulations at such a joyous union. I would learn what I needed to learn under Randall. I would come back to the City of Lockes under control and everything would be fine. Everything would be wonderful. Ryan would be happy, and I would be happy for him. This silly crush I’d fostered would be nothing more than a distant memory, and one day I’d find another person meant to be my cornerstone, and any time I passed Ryan in the halls or stood near him in the throne room, I’d smile and he’d smile back. We’d think fleetingly on this little adventure we’d had back in the early days.

And then we’d move on.

Because that is the only thing we could do.

Still.

I had to stop myself from running my fingers through his hair.

I knew now why Morgan had said he feared for my heart.

I did too.