“Then what did you do?”

“What did I do? I got the fuck out of there as fast as my legs would carry me. Nothing in the world would have kept me there to let him do…that … to me.” I watch as Grant visibly shudders and I laugh even harder. He's been telling me a story about a hook-up gone wrong, and I am laughing so hard that tears are running down my cheeks.

“But he only wanted to stick it …”Grant’s hand over my mouth stops my sentence and he glares at me, or at least I think that’s what it’s meant to be. The sparkle of humour in his eye kind of ruins the effect.

“I know, and I don’t need you to say it. Can we change the subject, please? Or how about we talk about some of your less than perfect encounters?”

Grant’s words hit me like a brick to the chest, and my laughter instantly dies. His eyes widen and he sits up, leaning forward until he's right in front of me. There’s no way for him to know that his question is opening up a can of worms, but going by the look of horror on his face, he knows he's said something wrong.

“I'm sorry. I don’t know what I said, but I'm sorry.”

I take a deep breath and sit forward, mirroring Grant’s pose. The position puts me far too close to him but neither of us moves. My voice is soft as I speak, and I hope that Grant can hear me because I won’t be able to repeat myself. “I spent a lot of time with people who weren’t right for me. Niko got me out of a bad situation, and I love him for that. He saved me.”

Grant’s hand lands on my knee, and he squeezes it tenderly. The touch is soothing, and I try to ignore the tingle it causes over my skin. I don’t want to admit that I’m attracted to Grant, but I am. From the minute he stared intensely into my eyes at the bottom of the ditch, I can’t seem to stop thinking about him. This is why I don’t want him to leave, even though I'm aware of how selfish and wrong it is. Nothing will happen with him because I love Niko, but there’s just something about Grant that makes me tingle. Fuck, I really need Niko to come home because being around Grant is going to give me a severe case of blue balls.

“Sounds like he was just what you needed. You're lucky that you’ve found that. Most people spend their lives looking for that connection but never find it.”

We stare at each other like we are both trying to say something important without saying words. Noise from the trees breaks our gaze, and we both look out into the darkening night to see a deer walking out of the trees. We moved out to the small decking area at the back of the cabin to eat our dinner and we are still sitting outside since the night is still so warm. Putting distance between Grant and me, I lean back in my chair and watch the animal stalk slowly through the clearing.

“Do you think it’s coming back to finish the job?”

I snort unexpectedly, biting my lip to stop the noise as the deer startles and runs. I turn to look at Grant who has a wide grin on his face. His eyes twinkle in the twilight, and it actually takes my breath away. Does he know how fucking gorgeous he is? “I think you're safe up here. I wouldn’t go out there though.” His smile grows larger, and I get hard. I turn away so I can get myself under control, my focus fully on the deer as I take some deep breaths.

“It’s peaceful here. Is that why you chose it?”

“We lived somewhere else before, but it wasn’t right for us. It’s different here. I could see us living here forever.” I want to tell him about everything, and that shocks me a little. The secrets I share with Niko are ours and ours alone, but all I can think is it would be nice to talk to Grant about it all. Niko tries so hard to protect me that I can’t tell him how I really feel. It would add to the already too much pressure he puts on himself. “I just hope that we’re able to stay.”

“Why wouldn’t you be able to stay?”

The sun is dropping behind the trees and it’s making the night darker which I'm thankful for it because it means I can’t see Grant staring at me. I can still feel his eyes on me though, and I know I shouldn’t say anything, a voice in my head screaming at me that it’s dangerous, but I can’t seem to get my mouth to stay closed. “We had no choice but to move last time. We’d planned to stay there for a few years, but someone from our past caught up with us.”

Grant sits silently, and I know I've fucked up. I should listen to Niko and kept it to myself. If I needed to talk to someone to decompress I could have called Drake, but I know I never would. I don’t want them to know how pitiful I'm being. Ryden gave up everything to be with Drake. He risked his life to make sure the man he loved was safe and then gave Niko and me the chance to get away. Then Niko didn’t think twice before he changed his life to be with me, and here I am, feeling lonely because he’s still working to keep me safe. I am fucking pathetic.

“Are you safe now?”

Out of everything that I thought he might do or ask, this wasn’t on the list. I actually thought he would thank me for my hospitality and leave. I mean, who wouldn’t want to get the hell out of here when I’ve told him that there is something in my past that I'm running from. “Yeah, we think so. We’ve been here for about three months and so far no one’s turned up.” It’s not a lie. I know that Niko has been getting emails, but I'm convinced that it’s because they don’t know where we live.

“That’s good. There’s nothing worse than something you thought you’d left behind coming back to haunt you.” That’s all he says as he relaxes his head back against the chair. His eyes close and I want to look away, but I don’t. He seems relaxed, and it’s leaving me a little surprised.

“That’s it? I've just told you that someone could turn up here and you go to sleep? Aren’t you worried at all?”

Grant rolls his head towards me, his eyes opening and his focus entirely on me. “Do I need to worry?”

I shake my head in response.

“Then we’re all good. But just so you know for future reference, I'm not a stranger to trouble. I can handle myself if I need to.”

Now it’s my turn to worry. What he's saying is making me realise how little I know about the man sitting across from me. Did I invite a criminal into my house? “Should I be worried?”

He gives a little chuckle but shakes his head. “Nah, I'm perfectly safe. There’s no criminal record in my past. My job wouldn’t have allowed it.”

“What do you do?” I've never thought about what he did before he got here. I just accepted his story about travelling after losing a friend.

“Nothing now. I left my job but I was in security.” He looks away as he speaks and his eyes flicker to the back garden. I know that look. He might be telling part of the truth, but there’s something there that he's lying about. I have become an expert at lying, and it makes it easy to spot when someone else is doing it.

“Will you go back to it?”

“I don’t know. I'm searching for something, and when I find it I'm not sure what will happen. Things are just kinda up in the air just now.”

At least I know we have that in common. I thought being in the compound was difficult, but at least I knew what was happening. There was a routine there, a purpose to everything, and it made me feel secure. “I'm sure things will work out. At least age is on your side.”

This gets me the response I want, and Grant starts to laugh. Things are getting a bit intense, and if I'm going to bed soon I need to lighten the mood, or I’ll never sleep.

“Are you trying to call me old, Corey?”

“Me, would I?” I put my hand over my chest in mock horror. “Just how old are you anyway?” I've wanted to ask him since I met him, but I couldn’t think of a polite way to bring it up. He looks older than me, not really in a physical way, but there’s something in his eyes that say he’s older than you would think. It’s the same with Niko. He’s thirty-one but doesn’t look much older than mid-twenties. It’s only his eyes that tell of his real age. You can tell that both men have seen a lot in their time on Earth. I look like I’m barely out of my teens even though I'm nearly twenty-five, and I can’t stand it. My past says I should look old and used up, but I've managed to keep looking younger than my year's thanks to some good genes.

“God, that’s a shitty question.”

“That bad?”

“Not really, but I’m getting close to a big birthday, and I suppose it just makes you think a little. I'm twenty-eight for another three months. Then I have one more year until it’s all downhill.” His voice is full of fake pain, and I wonder if that’s how I’ll feel when I get closer to thirty. I always thought I’d be happy to reach that age because when I was on the streets before Blue Diamond, I wasn’t convinced I would get close to it. Anything is a blessing when you don’t think you have a future.

“Wow, that’s really old.”

Grant picks up the used paper napkin that’s sitting on the small table next to him, scrunches it up and throws it at me. It hits me square in the forehead before disappearing under my chair.

“Fuck you. It’s not my fault you’re like fifteen.”

I roll my eyes at him, knowing that he's just trying to get a reaction from me. I've spent my life hearing how young I look, but when I started to work for Ryden, it worked to my advantage. I became the twink that all the clients wanted, and even though I was nowhere near as young as they thought, most of them lived the fantasy of being with a teenager. There are some sick fucks out there, but I lived happily with the knowledge that if they were living out their paedophilic fantasies with me, then the vulnerable young boys in the real world would be safe. “Not quite that young. My youthful good looks have you fooled.”

“Come on then, tell me how old you are.”

“Twenty-four. I know, it’s still young. Trust me, I hear it all the time how young I am.”

“Can I ask how old Niko is? I feel like we talk about him a lot, but I don’t know anything about him.”

I smile when he brings up Niko, just the thought of him making my heart skip a beat. “He's thirty-one. And before you say anything, I like my men older than me.”

He puts his hand to his chest as a shocked expression passes over his face. “I wasn’t going to say a word about the age difference. If you find someone to love, then that shit doesn’t matter. You can’t help who you fall for.”

My mobile ringing interrupts our conversation, and I lean over to grab it. I see Niko’s name on the screen, and I know that I need to take it. “It’s Niko. I'm going to take it in my room. See you in the morning?”

“Goodnight, Corey.”

I smile as I press the connect button and walk to my bedroom.

* * *

I shuffle into the room, looking behind me to see Niko standing in the hall with his jaw tight. This is always the hardest part of Niko accompanying me to my ‘dates’ with the clients, knowing that he’s out there while I'm here fucking strange men. Neither of us is in denial about what I do with these men, it’s the whole point of me being here, but it’s always difficult to walk away from Niko. I’ve told him before to stop coming with me, but he has a need to make sure I'm safe.

A noise from the bathroom pulls my attention back to the room in front of me, and I close the door, trapping myself inside with Mr Harris, the client I'm here to service. I haven’t met him before, and that always makes me worry. I have regulars, so I know what they expect from me. New dates mean new rules and expectations.

“Good evening, J.”

I drop my eyes to the floor, not looking at Mr Harris until he gives me permission. Most of my clients like to be in control, so acting submissive straight away sets a good tone for the evening. “Good evening, Sir.” I chance a peek through my lashes as I speak and get my first look of the man in front of me. He seems about forty-five years old, and he would be attractive if he didn’t have an evil snarl on his lips. Mr Harris’ eyes glaze over with lust when I call him sir, and I suddenly know that tonight is going to hurt a little.

“Come and stand in front of me, boy.”

I move instantly. Something tells me I don’t want to test this man’s patience. I have three hours to suffer at his hands. Just three hours.

“Knees.”

I take a silent breath and slowly lower myself to my knees, sitting back slightly so I'm in line with his dick. I see it pushing against the front of his trousers, and it looks large. Why do I always get the guys with the huge cocks? I hear the other letters talking about how little the dicks are on some of the men they’re with, and I swear I get jealous. I tend to meet the ones who test my gag reflex to the extremes.

“Look at me.”

I slowly look up while trying to look as innocent as possible. The men that win me are looking for a specific thing, and most of the time, that thing is innocence. They like to act like they’re the first man that’s ever had me, that they are taking a virgin and making him scream in pain. I prepare myself for what I think he is looking for, but what happens next isn’t the blowjob I was expecting.

His fist connects with the side of my head and knocks me completely off balance. I fall to the floor with a thud, and it takes me a few seconds to work out what’s happening. I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling as the pain on the side of my head hits. The shock dulls the pain I should be feeling, but when a foot connects with my ribs, the pain rushes back instantly. The number one thing that is drummed into our head before we come out on a job is the clients aren’t allowed to leave marks on us that could last longer than the night. There can be some slaps and punishment, but anything that makes us bleed is strictly off limits. If we are scared for our safety, we need to shout for our chaperones, and they will put a stop to all activity. I've seen some of the other letters returning with injuries, and they’ve told me that their abuse didn’t last long. The guards are good at their jobs and don’t let anything bad happen once they know something is wrong. I always thought that the process sounded easy, but now that I'm lying here with the wind knocked out of me, I realise how naïve I’ve been.

I try to turn away from the next kick, but all that happens is his foot connects with my back. I keep rolling, and the pain makes me moan. The movement helps me catch my breath, and I know I need to shout out, but I can’t make a loud enough noise while I roll. I hit the end of the bed, and before I can get to my knees, I'm grabbed by my hair and pulled to my feet. A punch to my stomach has the air whooshing out of me again, and that’s when it comes me that he knows what he's doing. He’s making sure I can’t shout for help. Holy shit he's going to kill me. I fight against the hold on my hair, but all I do is create more pain in my scalp.

The next few minutes are nothing but fists, and my body is on fire with no sign of stopping. Mr Harris drags me to the side of the bed and throws me onto the mattress. The look of rage on his face has me trying to scurry back, but I can barely move with my body so battered and bruised.

“Little fucking faggot. My wife left me today, and it’s guys like you that made her. You all fucking tempt me. You make me want you, and she found out. She's going to tell everyone I'm gay, and I'm not. It’s your fault.” His voice is full of fury, but he keeps it low so he doesn’t alert Niko in the hall. I need to get away. I need to get out of this room before he leaves nothing but a bloody corpse.

I shift backwards on the bed again, but the movement starts a chain reaction. Mr Harris jumps on the bed and moves quickly until he's sitting on my stomach. I try my hardest to get away. I kick and scratch, but nothing is enough. When his hands wrap around my neck, I know that I'm in real trouble. The pressure cuts of my air instantly and I scratch at his face, but he doesn’t seem to notice. My arms flail and I feel them hit the unit next to the bed. My vision starts to fade, and tears run from my eyes as I think about the life I'm going to miss. I’ll never leave this place. I won’t ever fall in love. I had dreams of what my life could have been, but I will never know what could have been.

The last thing I hear before I blackout is a crashing noise.