The whole fucking universe is coming down around my shoulders, and there is nothing I can do to escape its weight. It’s been three days since Corey was taken and Grant left, and I'm slowly going insane. Clay, Ryden and Drake have started avoiding me, leaving me to storm around in my office like a bull on a rampage. Little do they know that space won’t help improve my mood. I slam the door on the cabinet that houses my printer, and the whole thing shakes, making me freeze in front of it in case it collapses. Maybe it’s time to take a breath and calm the fuck down.

I drop my head and try to centre myself but I can’t. I won’t calm down until I have both of my men back in this house. My biggest problem is I don’t know who to go after first. I don’t know where either one is and both are proving as hard to find as the other. Shit. My focus has to be Corey because he is the one who is in danger. The only threat Grant is in is when I get my hands on him. With my decision made I go back to my desk and try to sign into my email account. I've been trying to work out the password for days now, but it keeps kicking me out. Sam might not want me in there, but fuck him, I’ll just keep trying.

The phone on my desk rings and I jump, cursing myself for being so fucking jumpy. I connect the call and put the phone to my ear. I don’t get a chance to speak before the person on the other end of the line starts shouting.

“Stop trying to get into the fucking email account!”

I'm taken aback by the pissed-off voice. It's not someone I know, and I can’t work out what’s happening. “What?” It’s a pathetic response, but the whole call has thrown me.

“I said stop trying to get into the email. What part of don’t sign in did you not understand? When there is something I want you to see I will let you know. Fuck, all you tough guys are the same. There’s a reason I changed the password. Stay the fuck out.”

I'm left sitting with my mouth open when the person hangs up on me. He never told me who he was, but I’m pretty sure I just had my first conversation with Sam. I wonder if that’s the way he spoke to Clay and if it is I wish I’d been there to witness it. It would explain why Clay was so angry about it. I don’t think there’s anyone in the world who would dare speak to him that way. The thought makes me laugh, and once I start, I can’t seem to stop. I’m laughing more than the situation warrants, and that fact just makes me laugh harder. It doesn’t take long before I have tears running down my cheeks.

The door to my office opens, and Clay pops his head around it. Seeing him makes me laugh even harder, and my hands go to my sides to try and ease the ache in my muscles. Clay’s what the fuck? expression has me closing my eyes to try and get myself under control. I hear the seat across from me scrape on the floor as he takes a seat.

“Do I want to know what has caused this hilarity? Not that I’ll miss the whole bear with a sore head thing.”

I wipe my cheeks and try to calm down enough to speak. “I think I may have just spoken to Sam.”

Clay develops a scowl as soon as I say Sam’s name and it nearly sets me off again. “Little fucker. I swear I’m gonna smack that kid.”

Okay I lied. This is the funniest thing. His words have laughter building up inside me again, and I try to keep it in, I really do, but when he scrunches up his eyes to glare at me, I lose the battle.

“Laugh it up, fucker. Let’s just say that once all this is over and we get your man back, I might go visit that little shit, show him what I think of his demands.”

The laughter dies on my lips at his mention of Corey. My emotions are all over the place, and I need to get a handle on them. One minute I'm angry to the point of wanting to hurt someone and the next I want to sit in a corner and cry. It’s taking more of a toll on my nerves than I thought would be possible.

“We’ll get him back.” Clay sounds so convinced that I allow myself to hope, but memories of my sister kill it before it has time to form fully.

“I just can’t …” My words are cut off when the sound of smashing glass fills the room. I hit the floor behind the desk so fast that my chair rolls across the room away from me. My hand goes to the holster on my ankle where I take out my gun. I wish I had my other one, but it’s sitting on top of the desk. I took it off earlier when I started pacing the floor, thinking that I wouldn’t need it while I was in the office.

“Status?” Clay’s words come out low but steady.

“Not hit. Don’t have visual.”

“Shit. Give me a second.” I hear him moving around, and as tempted as I am to put my head around the edge of the wood, the risk of a bullet in the head isn’t worth it. “Line of sight clear. You're safe to move.”

With my heart in my throat, I move slowly to the side of the desk farthest away from the window. I pop my head around the edge before pulling it back instantly. When no shots are fired I brave another look. The window on the side of the room has been smashed, and there’s glass all over the floor, but there’s no sign of anyone trying to get in. I stay low, keeping my gun up in front of me, as I creep slowly across the floor. When I'm safely past the glass, I press my back against the wall just below the window. I look at Clay who is using the filing cabinet as cover, miming that I'm going to check outside, and he nods before creeping behind the desk, taking the space I just vacated.

I take a silent breath, holding it to help keep my hands steady as I look around the edge of the window. The night outside is still, the trees not even blowing, and the area around the window is empty. I rise to my feet and lean slightly outside, but I can’t see anyone. When I can confidently say that there’s no one there, I stand and lower the blind behind me. As confident as I am that we’re alone again, I don’t want to risk being in clear view of a sniper either.

“All clear.”

Clay appears from behind the desk, his eyes darting around the room even though there’s no one to find. He finally looks at me, and I can see anger in his eyes. He and I are one of the same, so I can guarantee that he's just as furious as I am that someone got the drop on us. To know that someone walked up to the house twice now is a fucking joke. How can I preach about protecting the people I love when I’ve let them be taken by someone so easily, and now he’s mocking me by getting close any time he likes? I want to tell Clay to fuck his home ground advantage, but I stay quiet. Leaving will change nothing now.

Just as Clay's about to speak his eyes drop to the floor and I follow the direction of his stare until I see the object that must have come through the window. I carefully step closer and grab the offending item, not realising its significance until it’s in my hands. I take in what I’d initially thought to be a rock, but I was wrong, very wrong. I suddenly know what this is all about. It shouldn’t be possible, but the past is repeating itself.

“It’s all my fault.”

Clay appears in front of me and takes the large chunk of coal from my hand. He inspects it as he rotates it in his hand. “What are you talking about?”

I look at him as fear starts to build inside me. The chances of Corey surviving are getting slimmer. “The guy that took Lexi, he kept her in a coal mine. That’s where I found them. That’s where I killed David.” I can see the moment that Clay makes the connection. A few seconds later his eyebrows furrow with confusion.

“But David’s dead so this can’t be him.” The wheels start to turn in his head, and within seconds he's at my desk and typing away on my computer. He murmurs a few times, and I know that he's probably cursing my shitty computer. I haven’t had much use for a high spec machine, so I’ve been making do with the cheap one I got on Gumtree. It does everything I need, but apparently, it’s not good enough for what Clay is trying to do.

As his fingers skim across the keyboard my mobile rings, the sudden noise in the silence sounding loud. “Hello.”

“You got an email. It doesn’t say anything except an address that’s about forty miles west of you. But we have a problem.”

It’s Sam. At least he isn’t shouting at me this time. “What's the problem?”

Clay must find what he's looking for and as I listen to Sam, he turns the computer screen towards me, a picture of a face I will never forget on the screen.

“The problem is that it came from your computer.”

“What?”

“The email. Came from. Your computer.” I don’t know if he thinks saying it slower will help me understand it but that’s the least of my worries at this moment. My eyes are stuck on the picture in front of me.

“Send me the message.” I don’t wait for Sam to respond before hanging up. I lean towards the computer, my heart racing. “How is this possible?” On the screen is a picture of David, a mug shot to be exact, dated last year. I killed him nearly four years ago now, so I'm really fucking confused.

“It’s not David.”

I look closer at the screen, concentrating hard, but I know it’s him. “Um, yeah it is.”

Clay shakes his head at me before bringing up a rap sheet that is filled with crimes from the last few years. I scan it before my eyes lock on the information section at the top. It’s all there, all the information I could find out about David Gallagher, but the name is different. I look up at Clay. “Daniel Gallagher. A twin?”

“Yeah, I didn’t think to look into his family once he was gone.”

Shit. Once I put that knife through his heart, I thought it was done. I hid the body, so no one knew that he was dead, and if anyone suspected anything, there was no evidence linking his death to me. That’s the reason I didn’t look into a family or anyone else who might miss him. Now that oversight has come back, and it’s putting the man I love in danger.

My mobile beeps with a message from an unknown number and inside is an address and time, nothing else. It’s obviously from Sam, but I get a strange rush knowing that I now have contact with Daniel. God, it’s odd having a name for the person that’s been just a shadow the last few months. I might not know for sure that it is Daniel who has Corey, but I would be willing to bet my life on it.

Clay holds his hand out to me, and I pass him my mobile. He reads the text looking at me. “You know this is a trap, right?”

A humourless laugh bursts from me. “Of course I do. That’s not going to stop me from going through. I need to get Corey back.”

“Then we need reinforcements.” He doesn’t say anything else before getting on his mobile and calling in favours.

* * *

“Do we have a layout of the area?” Ryden is sitting across from me at the breakfast bar talking to Clay. They have been in planning mode for hours with neither of them looking like they are going to give up soon.

Clay spins the computer so Ryden can see the screen. “That’s the only thing I can find, but I can’t guarantee it’s up to date. I feel confident enough to use it to come up with a basic plan, but there may be changes once we get there. It’s gonna be a think-on-your-feet type of mission.”

A knock on the front door pulls me away from planning as I rush down the hall to answer it. Clay told me he had a few men coming to help, so I'm expecting that this will be them. I open the door and come face to face with Porter. He nods before he walks past me into the house, a smaller guy following quickly behind him. I haven’t met the second guy but if Clay trusts him then so do I. I close the door before following them all into the kitchen. The place is a drone of voices, and suddenly all my energy drains from me. I need to get out of here. Too much is happening, and I feel like my head is going to explode. Clay looks above Porters' head when I continue to stand outside the room. I don’t say anything, but then Clay can read me easily. He nods his head, letting me know he understands, and I slip away from the crowd. I will catch up with the plan when I get back, but for now, I need some fresh air.

* * *

I lean back against the tree and feel the wetness of the grass seeping through my jeans where I sit, but I don’t care. The darkness around is quiet except for the noises that I have gotten used to, the gentle rustle of the leaves where the wildlife is walking and some birds hooting overhead. I was planning on going for a walk, but when I got here, I couldn’t go any further. Sitting under the stars suddenly became an excellent idea, so that’s what I did. Now I'm just sitting staring at the dark sky, watching the stars as they twinkle.

Corey loves the stars. We’ve spent many nights lying out here stargazing and making love after talking for hours. Tonight it doesn’t have the same calming effect that I remember. I was hoping that if I sat out here, I would finally be able to take a deep breath because ever since Corey was taken, I've felt like I'm drowning. Every minute that passes I've felt myself sinking deeper and I'm worried that if I go too deep, I won’t be able to survive. I’ve tried to hide my struggle from those around me, but I’m failing. I need Grant here to help me with all this, but I chased him away.

Dropping my head back against the trunk, I stare into the distance and try to make sense of everything. I was the one who brought all this shit to Corey. I'm the reason he's in trouble. God, if Daniel has hurt him in any way, I’ll kill him. I will skin the bastard while he's still alive and make the fucker eat it. The thought of hurting Daniel should have me feeling happier than it does, but all I can think about is what Corey’s going through. Is he scared where he is? Is he suffering at the hands of some maniac who wants revenge for his sick fuck of a brother? He has to be scared, but I know he won’t show it. Corey isn’t the type of guy who would let someone see his fear. He would see it as weakness. No, my man can take a lot and keep moving forward like nothing is wrong.

What will he be like when I find him? Will he still think that the world is full of rainbows and gentle people? I don’t want my darkness to change who he is, but I fear I might be too late. The evil that I tried to outrun has caught up with me, and it’s Corey who is paying the price. When I get him back, I need to show him that the world is still full of kind people. I will take him anywhere that he wants to visit, any place that will make him smile. It’ll be just the two of us, even if that thought makes me sadder than it should. Grant may be gone from the house, but he hasn’t been very far from my mind.

Anger spreads through me as I think about him leaving. I need him here, and he abandoned me, abandoned Corey, but the anger is mainly at myself. When I told him he was a mistake, I didn’t honestly mean it. My anger boiled over, and I took it out on him. Keeping secrets from Corey took him from me, and at that moment I was putting every part of that blame on Grant. Now he’s gone, and I realise what he means to me. I thought that him leaving would remove one of the problems in my life. Instead, it created another one, because now I know one important fact. I need Grant to come home.

Fuck. I need to get him back, but I have to put all my energy into getting Corey. Grant will understand, but it leaves me with a problem. When it comes to finding Grant I have no idea where to look. I can get Drake to tell me everything about Grant, but that will be his past. I know nothing about who he is now or where he might be. He also has a pretty impressive computer geek on his side who will be able to make him disappear. That thought has my chest aching because if Grant doesn’t want to be found, I know that I’ve lost him forever.