Oh. My. Head. I think my eyes are swollen shut. As I try to shift, strong arms tighten around me.

“Pee … I need to pee,” I whisper. Before I can say another word, I’m being carried to the bathroom. “I can walk.” I squint up at Trick through the slit beneath my puffy eyelids as he sets me on my feet. He crosses his arms over his chest. Sure, like I want him to stand here and watch me pee. “I could use a drink of water.”

“Tamsen, Darby needs some water!”

I sigh. “I need my purse too.”

“Grab her purse too!”

“Okay, if you must know I don’t need water or my purse. I need thirty seconds by myself to tinkle without you watching me.”

Trick smirks. “We’re married.”

“And I’d like to keep it that way. So let’s not make a point of watching each other shit and piss, okay?”

He chuckles. “Suit yourself.” Just as Tamsen turns the corner to the bathroom, he signals for her to leave and follows her out.

After washing my hands and splashing cold water on my face, I get ready to turn the corner to what I know will be three very sad faces looking at me.

“Hey, sunshine. I’ve got pancakes and eggs, but I could do toast and jelly for you instead,” Grady calls from the stove.

“Pancakes are great, thanks.”

Tamsen hands me a glass of orange juice, giving me her genuine smile, not the one everyone was giving me yesterday.

“Thank you.”

“Come.” Trick pats the barstool next to him.

It’s the word I want to hear. I was worried when he felt the need to carry me to the bathroom. Coddling is not my thing. Last night was my breakdown; now it’s passed. I’m sensitive and compassionate, and in spite of what some mean, catty bitches have thought over the years, that doesn’t equate to weak. I had a weak moment, but I am not a weak person.

“When do you want to go get your nana?”

I scoot up on the stool. “Just as soon as we’re done eating. She’ll be itching to leave. Besides, I feel awful for abandoning her last night when I told her I would stay.”

“No need, honey. I talked with the nurses on her floor and told them you weren’t feeling well and to tell your nana when she woke that you’d pick her up in the morning.” Grady winks at me, setting a stack of three pancakes on my plate, two more than I’m going to be able to eat this morning.

“You’re the best.”

Grady gives Trick an I-told-you-so look.

Trick rests his hand on my leg, giving it a gentle squeeze. I expect him to make some snide comment to Grady, putting him in his place the way they both seem to do, but he doesn’t. It makes me wonder if Trick shares my gratitude for what our friends, our family, have done.

We arrive at the hospital, greeted by anxious Nana dressed and sitting in a guest chair looking more like a visitor than a patient. The doctor discharged her a half an hour ago.

“There’s my dear girl.” She stands holding open her arms.

“Good morning, Nana. Sorry we would have been here earlier, but I overslept and then Grady made breakfast.”

“No worries, dear. As long as we stop for some real coffee on the way home, I’ll be happy.”

Trick lets me drive and Nana sits in the front seat. Once again, allowing me to be strong, not over-coddling me, and allowing Nana to have her favorite spot in the vehicle.

“So … how are you today, dear?” Nana breaks the silence, giving a quick glance back to Trick.

“She knows.” He gives her a sad smile then meets my gaze in the rearview mirror.

“Well in that case I’ll break more bad news to you. Rachel came by the hospital this morning before you arrived, and now she’s planning on meeting us at my place around noon to discuss funeral arrangements.”

“I’m sure he has it all specified in his will. What’s to discuss?”

“Day, time … I don’t know.”

We pull up in front of Nana’s and Trick gets out to open her door.

“Thank you, handsome.” She winks and he grins.

“You can stay if you’d like or you can pick me up later.” I wrap my arms around him.

“I’ll give you two some time alone.” He kisses me.

“Thank you … for everything,” I whisper against his lips.

“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for my wife … my life.”

I smile. “I’ll call you later.” I hand him the keys and take Nana’s real coffee so she doesn’t have to maneuver the stairs with it in her hand.

After I get her settled on the couch with her feet up, a blanket over her lap, and her coffee, I curl up on the love seat across from her. “I never asked. Was Rachel in the car too?”

“No. She had a holiday fashion show rehearsal. That’s why I invited your father to dinner. It was…” she forces a sad smile “…your mom’s birthday. We were on our way to her favorite restaurant—the place is still open after all these years. I bet you never knew we did this every year, just the two of us. It’s the only day of the year that I see a glimpse of the man he used to be with Lucy. But this year, for the first time since she died, he tried to skip out. Said he had too much to do with the election just around the corner.”

Nana shakes her head, an intent gaze focused at the lid on her cup. “I insisted he come, just for an hour or two. I wouldn’t take no for an answer.” She draws in a slow, controlled breath. “Nobody saw it coming.”

“What happened to the drivers?”

“The driver of the vehicle that hit us died. She wasn’t wearing her seatbelt, at least that’s what Mary said. Our driver suffered a broken arm but he’s fine.” Nana’s pained face meets my gaze. “Now, dear, how are you handling this?”

I feel the emotions sting my eyes as I chuckle. “Not so good last night. That’s why I didn’t stay with you. But now I just don’t know. I’m sad, hurt, and angry. Whether he deserved it or not, l loved him. I think a child is programmed to love their parents and it makes me sick to think of how long I waited for him to show me love.” I roll my eyes to the ceiling and swallow. “I mean … it goes both ways, right? Parents should be programmed to love their children, no matter what.” I wipe a single tear from my cheek. “You’ve always told me that he loved my mom, so I kept thinking that eventually he’d let go of her loss and embrace me like I was the only precious part of her he had left.”

“My sweet girl, he loved you even if he didn’t know how to show it.”

I shrug. “Well, it’s too late now.” There’s a part of me that wants to tell her about the times he hit me, but I think Nana needs to believe something good about my father. She needs it to make sense of his relationship with my mom. “That’s what hit me the hardest. It wasn’t the loss of the man that he was; it was the loss of the man I’d hoped one day he’d be.”

The door buzzes. I hold up my hand to Nana. “I got it.”

“Darby.” Rachel says with a slight huff as she brushes past me. Her eyes don’t look the least bit puffy and her usual bitch mask is firmly in place. I’m sure when she heard the news of my father she probably popped a few Xanax and continued on with her day after putting a reminder in her phone to stop by the hospital to pick up his personal belongings.

“Let’s hurry up and get through this. I’m way behind on work, not to mention I have to be back in New York by Saturday.” Rachel slips her gloves into her handbag and shrugs off her full-length coat.

Nana and I share the same expression. What the fuck? Okay, Nana’s might be “Who the hell does she think she is?” but mine is definitely “What the fuck?”

“By all means, Rachel, we’d hate to dawdle too long over something as trifling as my father’s death.”

Rachel could freeze fire with her scowl and medusa eyes, but lucky for me, I’m immune to her evil glare.

“Life goes on for the living.”

Nana purses her lips, but I can see the smirk she’s trying to hide. This might be very inappropriate timing, but I can’t blame her. If we don’t laugh at Rachel, we’ll end up strangling her.

“That it does. So what do you need from us?” Nana sips her coffee.

“As I’m sure you both already know, Cal left detailed instructions with regards to his funeral. However, one of his wishes was to have a closed casket.”

Nana and I share another look, this one says: Who really gives a shit? Okay, that may be mine, but Nana’s is at least “get on with it, bitch, you’re wasting our time.”

Rachel stands looking at us with her hands on her hips like she’s waiting for us to what? Gasp? Scream in protest?

“Christ! Would you get to the point?” Nana sighs in exasperation.

I cough to hide my amusement. Nana’s just too funny.

Rachel’s Botox lips make a sorry attempt to pull into a firm line. “My point is I’m coming out with a men’s line of formal wear in less than a month and it would be absurd to not have Cal wearing one of my designs!”

“So dress him in your suit. You don’t need our permission for that.” I roll my eyes, even if it is disrespectful and rude.

“That’s my point!” She grinds out the words, but no matter how growly she sounds, her point is still out of my radar of comprehension. “I’m not going to have him wear my new design if nobody’s going to see him!”

My stomach and chest ache from holding in the impending laughter dying to escape. Nana’s right, Rachel is batshit crazy.

“Well … dear … then leave the lid up,” Nana says with admirable control as I bite my lips together.

“I can’t, not without consent from both of you. Changes can only be made if there’s unanimous agreement among the three of us.”

“You have our blessing.” Nana has donned her kid gloves to talk motherese with Rachel and it’s laugh-out-loud hysterical.

Rachel grabs her coat and marches to the front door. “Fine, then. Duncan will be calling you both for your consent. The funeral is Thursday at eleven.”

She slams the front door and we fall into a fit of laughter. I’ll give Duncan, my father’s attorney, my consent on this deathly important matter, but it won’t be without conflict. I’m stuck in the middle. Part of me wants to piss off my father, wherever he may be, by letting his wife dress his corpse like a mannequin and put it on display against his wishes. Then there’s the other part of me that wants to deny Rachel this, just because it’s so much fun watching her have her little tantrums.

Wednesday evening we spend at the visitation where I try to channel a few of the emotions I had the night we arrived so I can play the part of the grieving daughter. The problem is I already used up my initial shock and now I’m settled into the orphaned child role that I’d become accustomed to over the years.

If anything, my biggest challenge is fighting off an untimely case of the giggles as I have to listen to Rachel describe to everyone how the suit my father’s wearing brings out the natural warm hues of his skin. Maybe it’s my medical background, but I’d always assumed once all the blood was drained from the human body the skin no longer had “warm natural hues.”

“Can I get you anything?” Trick whispers in my ear, pressing his body to my back.

“Aside from out of here?” I say through clenched teeth behind my fake smile that’s just big enough to say thank you for coming but not too big to overshadow my expected grief.

“I love you.” He kisses the top of my head and steps back. I don’t think he’s as immune to Rachel’s icy glare as I am. And for whatever she’s-so-damn-bat-shit-crazy reason, she keeps looking behind us to make sure he’s in the shadows and not lurking too close to her.

“Hey, Darby.”

I look left to a familiar voice and smile when I see Jade and several other ER nurses waiting to pay their respects. For the first time all evening I tear up and it has nothing to do with my father. I’m just beside myself with emotion that they came here for me.

“Hey.” I hug each one of them and wipe my tears … tears they’ll never know are for their kindness.

By the end of the night at least a dozen other nurses, PAs, and doctors come through the line. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I have become so paranoid of judgment in my life that I act preemptively and judge other people first.

Life lesson learned.

There’s a somberness in the air when we arrive home from the visitation. I think the exhaustion of traveling, dealing with the adrenaline of the events at the hospital, and now a long visitation is catching up with us.

“Tamsen and I are going out for a drink.” Grady winks at me and Trick as we get out of the back of his car. “We’ll be back in let’s say … two hours?”

Trick nods to Grady, and Tamsen grins, waving at me through the passenger window.

“Come.” Trick takes my hand, pulling me toward the elevator while Grady and Tamsen back out of the garage.

“Did you tell them to give us time alone? For sex?”

Trick chuckles as we step off the elevator. Then he takes my jacket. “Grady’s itching to go out so he’s using us as his excuse.” He pulls me into his arms. “Don’t worry, we’re not going to have sex.”

I nod once, wrapping my arms around him. We did just get back from my father’s visitation, and I haven’t slept that well. Exhaustion is an understatement, but do I like that Trick’s taking sex off the table? No!

“I’m going to change and brush my teeth.” He releases me and walks toward the bathroom.

I watch him, admiring the way his white dress shirt hugs his shoulders. I slip out of my dress and walk around the corner into the bathroom wearing just my black panties and strapless bra. Trick spits toothpaste into the sink and wipes his mouth as I start brushing my teeth. Glancing up at his reflection in the mirror, I catch his eyes perusing the length of my body as he unbuttons his shirt. When he shrugs it off his shoulders, I make a quick spit before I either choke on it or swallow it down.

Turning, I rest my hands on the edge of the vanity and lean back against them. Trick unfastens his dress pants, letting them fall to the floor before stepping out of them and removing his socks. I wet my lips. My eyes take in the artistic terrain I’ve come to love and crave. It takes a few moments for me to realize he’s standing still. I shift my eyes to his face.

He’s trying not to look cocky, but failing. “You’re staring.”

“I am.” I grin.

“Because?” He moves closer.

I stand straight, resting my hands on his chest. “Because I can.”

His hands slide up my sides and around my back, unclasping my bra. It falls to our feet.

“What are you doing?” I whisper.

“Admiring my beautiful wife…” his lips brush along my jaw to my ear “…because I can.”